Humorous greetings

Still worried about not finding a funny greeting? The following are humorous greetings I collected for your reference, hoping to help friends in need!

1, Journey to the West tells us that loyalty kills people. Monsters are too loyal to each other. When they catch the Tang Priest, they always have to wait for the brothers and sisters to come and eat together. As a result, time was delayed, things were not done and trouble was caused.

Do you know how blue the sky is? This is what I drew. Do you know how the money came from? That was printed by me; Do you know how cows fly? That's what I blew; Do you know how the pig died? The text message is angry!

3. It has infinite magic power, which can turn evil into good, weaken the weak and weaken the strong. Guess what this is? Most people answer: the devil. Correct answer: love. -Everyone has forgotten the essence of love.

4. Looking at you, thinking about you, thinking about you, loving you, dreaming about you, holding you, keeping you, getting rid of you, my poor worm tooth, what do you want me to do with you?

5. If memory will lose memory, what can I do to remember you? Your significance in my life should not be condemned by everyone. Only by bravely facing your feelings can I get real sweetness. Baked sweet potato, I must eat you today.

6. Although rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests, old cows like to eat tender grass, and good horses don't eat grass back. There are many fish in the sea, but dear, for your health, for your happiness and for your future life, you'd better eat this grass, my lamb!

7. IQ test: After receiving this message, please press it emotionally with your gentle little hand and look carefully with your affectionate eyes. You will find that short messages contain warm friendship and warmth, greetings and wishes. If you find nothing, I'm sorry! Prove that you are an idiot!

8. After receiving the message, throw your mobile phone and press it again, it will be very angry. Don't blame me for reminding you. If you press it again, it will be too persistent. I advise you not to listen. The message will be pressed to the end. Actually, I'm looking for an idiot. I won't look back until I hit the south wall. Hey, I found another one.

9. I heard that you bought a crock, which is said to belong to the Zhou Dynasty, and experts will make an appraisal. You ask: Is it from the Western Zhou Dynasty? The expert shook his head. Ask again: Is it from the Eastern Zhou Dynasty? The expert shook his head again. Ask again: Is it above the Zhou Dynasty? The expert replied: Last week!

10, on the weekend, I solemnly tell you: sleep when you are sleepy, lean on the sofa when you are tired, smile when you are happy, forget when you are upset, enlighten me when you are depressed, invite me to eat sweet cakes when you miss me, and trip over by ants when you go out!

1 1, dear, if you don't contact me again and apologize to me, then I will deliver the goods! I'm going to pack Xifeng and send it to you. Don't worry, it's guaranteed and not refundable! Remember to check on time. I sent it by express. It will be quick! Enjoy it! Uh-huh, see if you dare to contact me in the future!

12, friend, you lied to me, you know, it deeply hurt my fragile heart, and you bullied such a good person as me. You said you were too bad! Don't you know what's wrong? Think, think again! Oh, your memory is really poor! You said to contact me, why haven't you contacted me yet? Text me back quickly!

13, a businessman and a soldier share a house. One day, they were in a hurry to go to the toilet, but there was only one toilet. The soldier said: it doesn't matter, I am a soldier, you use it first! But we make a rule: come out on the count of three. The merchant uses it first, and comes out on the count of three and says to the soldier, you have to come out quickly! When the soldier went in, he heard: one two one. . .

14, life is like a pancake, which needs enough turning points to mature; Being drunk is not the fault of wine, but a high degree of affection; I hate books less when I use them, but I hate meat too much when I lose it. Jobs passed away, and our Forbes ranking rose by one place!

15, youth is gone forever, I wish it a pleasant journey; The Monkey King is fickle, so she is destined to be single; Otaku will never miss home; Niu B should be like Jobs: swipe my card before death and swipe my screen after death!

16, difficulty is not a problem, distance is not a distance, but friends learn from each other and appreciate each other. Money only needs hard work, and I am willing to help people test their willpower. My weakness is that I am a little short of money. It's up to you

17, your advantages are numerous. You have danced on cow dung. Everyone has done a trick before, climbing mountains and mountains, unwilling to bring shame to yourself, pressing on your back, your ass can still poof, not afraid of stink, and you can still smell it. People send nicknames: spanking!

18, you are different, showing a sexy curve and being firm in the storm. Not everyone can do it. You were punched in the chest and touched your face, and you know it, but you never complained. Honestly, sculpture, you are really beautiful!

19, the long night is so hard, it seems to fly to you. Appreciate your lovely sleeping face, stroke your soft hair, look at you until you open your eyes in the morning, and then gently say to you, "You wet the bed!" " "

20, o greetings come uninvited and send a happy signal; Cold and loneliness drive away, warmth and warmth; Trouble knots, bad luck drives away the broom; Laugh off your big teeth, there is no antidote to happiness; If you pretend to be serious, I'll throw you a bundle of money!

2 1, oh dear, I drank the water from the washbasin yesterday and kissed the cat's mouth unconsciously, but I still can't find my way home. It is said that I have a cold emergency. Do you know why? I'm waiting for you to send me a hand warmer. It's cold and I'm freezing to death.

There are two things that others can't take away, one is the food you eat in your stomach, and the other is the blessing you hide in your mobile phone. Be a foodie with blessings in your mobile phone, and you will be happy all your life!

23.o Warm reminder: You haven't contacted me for several days. To ensure that your friendship will not depreciate, please choose the following procedure and call me. Send me a text message; Meet Kan Kan!

24. I don't boast about such a dozen bamboo boards. Let's boast that you and my brother have a great friendship. This friendship is great. Where is it? Spend money together, send text messages to each other, keep in touch if anything happens, and laugh happily!

25, flowers are not fragrant, bees have the final say; Whether the cloud is beautiful or not, the sky has the final say; The grass is not green, and the cow has the final say; Whether I miss you depends on my heart. It's up to me whether to send a text message or not!

26. Give you "three pots of soup" in summer and enjoy your life. The first pot of "three fresh" new things, new things and new atmosphere; The second pot of "tomatoes and eggs" is nutritious and healthy; The second pot of "winter melon soup" clears away heat and detoxifies and tastes better.

27. When the wind smiles, red flowers are in full bloom; When water smiles, fish swim; When the cloud smiles, it clears up; When the earth smiles, Yuan Ye is green; Looking back and smiling, I lost my mind; Laugh happily and your troubles will disappear. After reading you _!

28, this news is very yellow! Very violent! Give you a gun and point it at the pressure and say get down! According to the problem, climb! Lock happiness and say: play with me! To capture happiness, just say: with you, I won't shoot!

29. I am very courageous and often scared; I have a big temper. What is the humiliation of my crotch? The personality is very embarrassing, and I haven't found the characteristics yet; I am shallow-skinned, only pestering you; If you smile when you receive a text message, I will frown.

30. In summer, I invited small animals to embark on a journey of love. The wet nurse gave you the problem vaccine, Miss Mosquito gave you a red envelope, and the frog prince croaked for you. SMS blessing received, please reply loudly: received! Got it!

3 1, the most wanted water: salary; Most wanted flower: money to spend. The most capable cow: bragging; The fastest horse: flattery. The most sincere feelings: friendship; The most sincere letter: SMS. Best wishes: Happy!

32. When summer comes, mosquitoes bite and insects chirp. It's really noisy. Never mind, don't worry, send my best wishes and come right away. Happiness is the most important thing, regardless of those small fidgety, sunny days, cool mood when cool!

33. Ask why you should wear a skirt in summer, because it is hot. Why do you want to eat watermelon in summer? Because the watermelon is ripe, I don't know such a simple question. Do you know why I sent you a message? Because I want to wish you a cool summer!

I miss you so much that you can't sleep. Love you so much, love you to death; Without you, my life is meaningless; Looking forward to you, welcome you to my arms with open arms. Would you like to? The cutest RMB!

35. This short message has a purpose, telling you that I am thinking of you, reminding you to take a rest, remembering to keep in touch often, asking when to get together, complaining about trivial things in life, feeling depressed, meeting a big meal, and of course paying the bill!

36. I have always been ashamed to mention my grades in class, and so has Xiaoli. After an exam, I chatted with her. I didn't expect her to ask me about my grades. Judging from her expression, she may not have done well in the exam either. I truthfully reported my total score. Never thought, as soon as the voice fell, she smiled: I am not the last one this time!

37. A lady loves to eat fish heads, and of course she is smart. Once at a banquet, as soon as she served a plate of fish head, she said, I'll try this fish head first, and everyone can eat it in half an hour, so don't hang up. Half an hour later, she didn't hang up. When everyone wanted to eat, they found that the fish head had been tasted by her!

38. Colleagues are talkative and often praise everyone. Once they had dinner with a female client and praised them as soon as they sat down: "You look so young and beautiful, just how old you are!" " Female client: "I lived in vain this year!" "

39. The mother asked her son: What's the score today? Xiao Tao said: points. Mother took the test paper, looked at it and scolded: Don't you dare say that you scored. Find a cigarette. Xiao Tao cried and said, I told you. Just divide it!

40. Policeman: Why did you escape from prison? Criminals: I found a peach, thinking that heaven hinted that I had escaped. Policeman: Then why are you arrested again? Criminal: I was not careful, I didn't notice that peaches were white.

4 1, that day, I was preparing to go to the zoo to see orangutans, and you came. I told you my arrangement politely, but I didn't expect you to turn your back and shout. Didn't you see I was right in front of you? You should go to the zoo.

42. Do you always look up at the starry sky and miss the vast universe? Are you lonely and unable to find your heart's destination? Do you feel out of place with the world around you? Then please come here and welcome you to the alien shelter.

43, you eat, or don't eat snacks, the big face is there, not sad or happy; Whether you drink coke or not, your waistline is there, whether you come or not; You run, or you don't run, the weight is there, neither increasing nor decreasing; You lose weight, or you don't lose weight, the meat is on you, don't give up; Come to the fat man's arms, or let the fat man live in other people's hearts, silently want to eat, hold back, struggle, tears collapse!

44. You are standing on the street with a happy face, and you are crazy with happiness. When someone asks you what's wrong, you burst into tears and mumble, I'm going to be lucky. I finally stepped in shit.

45. Bajie returned to Gao Laozhuang, and Gao Laotou gave a banquet in honor of his son-in-law. Someone asked, you ugly son-in-law Didn't you bring him back for yourself? Lao Gaoman said that now we have a pig at home and we have become nouveau riche.

46. Several people are chatting together. The smoker said I was a smoker, the swordsman said I was a swordsman, the drunkard said I was an alcoholic, the tourist said I was a tourist, and the gourd seller said, you talk first, I'm leaving!

47. My daughter pestered my father to tell a story, but he couldn't ask: Do you want to hear a long story or a short story? Daughter said it was long. Dad said: Once upon a time, there was a mosquito buzzing. The daughter quickly said, I want to hear a short story. Dad said, Dad was killed.

48. Aliens want to test the IQ of people on Earth before attacking the Earth. So he asked a beggar, "How to carry the earth?" The beggar didn't know, so he lay down. Aliens, look. Ran away despondently.

49. My wife likes fruit. Once my wife and I walked home, and she wanted to buy a few pounds of apples to take home. I said not to buy it. There are still a few Jin of oranges at home. The wife replied, "Can oranges taste like apples?"

50. joke: men can't find a girlfriend, so they have to tell fortune. Fortune teller: You are doomed to have no women in the first half of your life. The man's eyes lit up: What about the rest of his life? Fortune teller: You'll get used to it for the rest of your life.

5 1, people say that whoever sends a text message in the middle of the night will always remember you. I want to know if this is true or not, so I sent it to you. In addition, I also remind you not to forget to go to the toilet!

52. Brain teaser: Why is it that attending a song club and offering flowers to female singers will be called abnormal? It's not that nerds are ugly, it's not that nerds are touching, but that nerds are offering popcorn!

53. The photographer asked Dai Xiao how many seconds it took. Dai Xiao obviously held out three fingers. Why did the photographer press the shutter immediately? Because idiots are sticking out: middle finger, ring finger and little finger, which also means OK!

54. Every time I miss you, there is a breeze blowing in the sky. I think that's how tornadoes form. Every time I miss you, fine sand rises in the breeze. I think this is how sandstorms are formed. Every time I miss you, raindrops float in the haze. I think that's how the Pacific Ocean was formed. Every time I doze off at work, your message appears on my mobile phone, making a confusing sound. I think this is how ghost stories are formed!

The frog is guided by an angel, and a beautiful girl will be very interested in it. You will meet a frog somewhere at some time. The frog asked excitedly, "Where is it?" "In her anatomy class next semester." The angel said.

56. I want to hold you in my hand and serve you with my heart; I want to hold you in my arms and raise you carefully; I will try my best to take care of you: I will turn you into a cute little fat pig.

57. There is a feeling called love at first sight. Since I left you, my mind is full of your figure, and my love for you has already exceeded my expectations. In order to get you, I will continue to work hard. Having you is my purpose: lovely RMB!

58. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. I will always think of you, your smile and your figure from time to time. Today, you are fragrant and full of flowers, attracting bees. I can't believe I can't sting you!

59, delicious snacks for you: oranges and pears are indispensable, chocolate cake is delicious, cola Sprite is wonderful, potato chips and chicken wings are in my arms. All kinds of delicious food into your mouth, keep you busy. Now my world is finally free!

60, haha is a happy smile; Hehe is a knowing smile; Hee hee is snickering; Hum is a sneer; Hey hey is a sly smile; Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. Text messages make you laugh, don't you dare to laugh, next time we meet, we will eat, drink and laugh!

6 1, giving you roses is a bit wasteful, and giving you a hug is a bit embarrassing; Invite you for an outing for fear that you are too tired, invite you to dinner, you are losing weight; Sending you a blessing is not expensive, but it is the most affordable for me. You can pay for my meal and smell the fragrance!

A beautiful young woman asked the fireman, "You must have worked hard to save me from danger, didn't you?" "yes! I beat back a fireman and they all rushed to save you! "

63. Husband and wife are at odds. They haven't spoken for several days. They put a lot of peppers in cooking every day, thinking, "If you make me angry all day, you must be spicy." One day, they couldn't help asking her mother, "How is my cooking?" My wife and children said in unison, "It's delicious, and it will be more fragrant if it is hotter!" The husband was speechless.

64. I envy your Chinese face, your bronzed skin, your affectionate eyes, your wild muscles and your hard-working attitude. Anyway, you are so perfect that you can even fart: my pony!

65. This woman and this man have been dating for a long time. The woman forced the man to marry, and the man said, I have to ask my family. Woman: I'll give you three days. Three days later, the man happily said to the woman, dear, my wife and children all agree that we are married!

66. Assembly number: Please pay attention to media friends. In line with the principle of if you are the one, please report to your most sincere friend. This banquet is free, and the whole article is written in gold! The TV stations that sponsor and support the live broadcast include: Hee Hee Tripping TV Station, Sister Country Voice, Peanut Stewed Oil Explosion and other global heavyweight media. Thank you for this!

67. The second generation of officials, the father is the eldest brother in the army, and the elder brother works in a western enterprise. He quarreled with people in the bath city, killed the son of the security guard and the boss, and beat the boss. He was sentenced to death under pressure and soon appeared again. He's Nezha!

68. The latest concept of love: giving a house and a car is more affordable; Buying flowers and enjoying the scenery is more romantic; Really have no money, easy to handle; Be a cow and a horse, and work hard; Dedicate your true feelings and love for life.

69. Recent entertainment programs; Through the drama "Lack of money step by step" and "New Words of Money Institute"; Palace drama "Beauty Money Plan"; Songs "You are poisonous", "You are malicious" and "Come back, my money"; Entertainment "If the money is not that one" and "Let's share the money".

70. Give you a sun for fear of roasting you, give you a river for fear that you can't swim, and give you a full feast of Manchu and Han that you can't digest. Invite you to travel to Egypt for fear that you will get lost, and make you a girlfriend for fear of being accused of human trafficking. I finally decided to send you a message. My information is very special. After reading it, I have a backache, a backache, and I am full of energy when I walk.

7 1, herding sheep, I have been running all my life; Taurus, keep for a lifetime; Gemini, wandering all his life; Cancer, waiting for a lifetime; Lions are in control all their lives; A virgin, who has been preparing all her life; Libra has been weighing all his life; Scorpio is suspicious all his life; Shooter, playing all his life; Capricorn, struggle for a lifetime; Aquarius, dreaming all his life; Pisces, I don't know what I am doing all my life.

72. Some people have a fat heart, but a life that is not fat. Some people have the energy to lose weight, but they have a body that grows meat when drinking boiled water. There is wood! ! !

73. congratulations The latest news, you have been spotted by a talent scout, and you are going to be the first hero. Hurry up and buy some new clothes to dress up. Don't pretend you don't know each other when you become a star! I forgot to tell you the title of the play, Pig with Bright Stars.

74. Young people should not always surf the Internet, just go to the bookstore when dating. The bookstore has classified you. If you want to find someone who loves learning, go to Band 4 or Band 6. If you want to find someone with temperament, go to the music score area; Looking for literature and art, go to the prose tourist area; Want to find a fashionable and beautiful one, go to the beauty magazine area; Want to find a family, go to the menu food area; Want to find a smart one, go to the economic and financial zone; Want to find a young one, go to the teaching consultation area; Even the grades were scored.

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