Requesting a very funny article! It doesn’t have to be too long, just a little longer is fine! The most important thing is not to be too short, so that it has flavor! whee! That’s it!

Part 1: The Sin of Being Handsome

When I was 16 years old, when a girl said she loved me, I didn’t take it seriously.

Later, in high school, I received at least 87 love letters in one day, but they were not written by 87 girls. Just like the vests in BBS, some girls wrote as many as ten letters a day. I still laughed it off.

Later, I became a soldier. At a get-together between the local people and the stationed officers and soldiers, I sang a song. The TV station recorded it live and broadcast it that night. The next day, our army's gate sentry added a battalion, set up machine guns, and was on full alert to stop the girls who came to pursue me. The superiors issued a red-headed document specifically for this incident, but the girls still had to break through the gate of our unit.

The regiment leader saw that the momentum was not good, so what should he do if he asked his superiors for instructions?

The superior ordered: "Anyone who refuses to listen to dissuasion will be shot!"

For a time, there were as many as 5,000 dead girls lying at the entrance of the army.

After that, I never left the door of the army barracks and was guarded like a prisoner.

After changing jobs, the army leaders finally breathed a sigh of relief. When I got back to my place, I didn’t know who had spread my reputation. The next day, major TV stations reported: "The rat poison, dichlorvos, hemp rope, knives, sleeping pills and other things that can cause death in ** City are all out of stock. I heard that they are all bought by girls. The reason is because of a man named Fang Fang The young man does not accept their love. The young man has not shown up yet. We will continue to do follow-up reports for you. "

The host of the show is a man. I heard that the female host also went to buy twine. .

The next day, the TV station released another news: "Yesterday, all the girls in ** City left suicide notes. The general meaning is that if Comrade Fengfang doesn't come out to see everyone, he will scream. Mass suicide!”

But, I still didn’t show up! -----It's not that I don't want to, it's really for safety's sake.

On the third day, the Provincial Security Office issued a document: "Measures to Handle the Mass Suicide Incident of Girls in ** City"

The content has roughly three points:

1. At any cost, even using the troops, we must get back the hemp ropes, fruit knives and other things in the hands of the girls. Only use the tranquilizer gun when that is not possible. However, be sure to avoid *behavior during anesthesia operations.

Two. I hope that Comrade Fu Fang can come out and express his opinion, give up the girl's desire, and get married quickly. The government has identified China's top ten beauties for Fengfang, and all of them are virgins for Fengfang to choose from. Of course, you can select multiple options.

Three. Government departments at all levels must minimize the harm of this incident. Girls are not allowed to live in buildings above the second floor. (Boys who have nothing to do are not allowed to live in this building - in order to avoid jumping off the building due to low self-esteem.) Moreover, the 50-meter radius below the building is covered with 30-meter-thick sponge. . Rivers, lakes, wells and other places should be surrounded by 300 meters of protective netting.

I allowed such a big thing to happen in ** City, which affected the reputation of ** City, the reputation of the province, China and the world. I am sorry to everyone, I was wrong. All girls, if you really love me, please stop doing this, okay? I kneel down for you!

Under the arrangement of the Provincial Security Office, in order to reduce the impact of this crisis and prevent too many girls from dying, I got married. I selected three world-class virgin beauties. Reluctantly married them.

I swear in the name of Qin Shihuang---I really don't want to get married. If I didn't support the government's decision, and if I didn't want to reduce the number of abnormal deaths for the country, I really wouldn't get married!

The government asked me to choose a new house. I chose the Forbidden City in Beijing. I didn’t want to choose the White House or the Kremlin from foreigners. I don’t like things from foreigners. The result was that because I did not choose the new house prepared for me by their country, it caused a diplomatic turmoil, the Gulf War resumed, Bin Laden crashed into the World Trade Center, etc. I don’t want to say too much about the sad things. I am here to say to people all over the world: "I am sorry."

The country sent an armed police detachment to protect me. Every day, as long as I make a phone call, I will be provided with whatever I want. I've even had fried panna cotta.

No matter how I enjoy it, I want my woman to enjoy it as well. I will not treat my woman badly. I have always been a feminist activist. But within a few days. My second aunt was too dead. In the end, the investigation result was that she was murdered! In fact, I killed her! I confessed to the government: When I got up that morning, my second aunt and I were in the same room. The second aunt was obviously very happy and her face was red. I smiled softly at her. To be honest, this was a forced smile on my part. You know, I have never smiled at anyone since I got married. As a result, she died, and the cause of death determined by the medical examiner was "death from excited tachycardia"!

I really don’t want her to die. To be honest, among these three wives, she is the only one I don't hate a little bit.

The government has woken up, and these political hooligans have understood that they cannot let me live in this world. They have convicted me of murdering others with a smile and taking me to the execution ground three days later.

I don’t want to die, I really don’t want to die. However, if my death can allow more people to live well, I would rather devote myself to it. I know that I am the first person to die from "murdering with a smile".

Looking back at such a long time, I can only think: "Let me die for the rotation of the earth."

The execution will be executed in three days...the execution will be executed in three days...I know! ! !

But I don’t know whether they killed me secretly or in front of many people? I know, they want everyone in the world to know that I am dead, then they will give up...

Why don’t you remember to accept this haha