A selection of wonderful jokes

On the Internet, there are countless jokes, many of which are wonderful. I wonder what you have seen that impressed you. The following is a selection of wonderful jokes I have compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

Excerpts from wonderful jokes

1. Once upon a time, a horse walked into a bar, sat down at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The bartender said, why do you have a long face?

2. Listen to this. There is a millionaire. His Audi car broke down, so he bought another BMW. But he didn't know what the license plate number should be, so the boss who bought the license plate recommended a 99544. He bought it as soon as he thought about it, and something happened the next day. When he saw another license plate 44944, he left in frustration.

My cousin is thirty years old and still single. Once I asked him: Cousin, there are so many beautiful women in your company, why haven't you found a girlfriend yet? Cousin said coldly:? Rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests! ? I said:? At this age, are you still? The fox preys farthest from home. Cousin said gloomily. Beauty is a rabbit, and I am grass! ?

My girlfriend was on a business trip and told me that she bought a sexy pajamas. I said I miss you. Send me a recent photo. So my girlfriend asked me:? Wear it for a photo or take it off? I am overjoyed! Busy answer:? Take off your picture! Take off your picture! ? The next day, a photo of sexy pajamas hanging on a stool came in the mailbox?

5. I received WeChat greetings yesterday. I opened it and found it was a MM. MM:? How boring! ? Me:? I'm bored, too! ? I'm looking forward to her asking me out to play. )MM:？ If you are bored, you can fart and chase! ? I deleted her without saying anything.

6. A little fat girl goes to KFC for dinner. Little chubby girl:? I want 4 large cokes, 5 packets of French fries, 8 fried chicken wings, 9 chicken legs and 2 family buckets. ? Attendant:? Do you want a hamburger? Little chubby girl:? No, I am on a diet. ?

I'm going to visit a new client today. I called the other person and asked him where he was. At McDonald's. ? I said a good word to make friends: hey, buddy, what's delicious? I can smell it. ? The other party replied:? Line up in the bathroom! ?

8. mental patient a asks b:? What do you think of my latest novel? B looked at it and answered:? Not bad, not bad. Just a little more characters. ? At this time, the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, You put the phone book back! ?

9. One day, a foreigner who knows a little Chinese visited a factory. Halfway through, the director said, excuse me, I'm going to the toilet. ? Foreigners don't understand this Chinese sentence and ask the translator: What do you mean by convenience? ? The translator said, it is to go to the bathroom. ? Foreigner:? Oh, after the visit, the director enthusiastically said to the foreigner: Let's have dinner together at your convenience next time! ? The foreigner looked unhappy and said in blunt Chinese:? I never eat at my convenience!

10. The beautiful young female math teacher asked the absent-minded Peter:? There are three birds on the wire. You shot one of them with an air gun. How much is there on the wire? Peter:? There's nothing left. ? Female teacher:? Why? Peter:? Because the other two were scared by the gunshots and flew away. ? Female teacher:? There should be two more in mathematics. But I really like your idea. ?

1 1. Peter: Teacher, I have a question for you. Three women bought a popsicle in the park, one licked it, one bit it and one ate it. Which one do you think is married? The female teacher thought for a moment, blushed and muttered: I think it's the one with food. ? Peter said proudly, no, the one with the wedding ring. But I like your idea very much.

12. A female teacher drew an apple on the blackboard and asked her classmates: What is this? As a result, everyone replied:? Ass! ? The female teacher cried for the headmaster, who was very angry and came to the classroom. Why did you make the teacher cry? Look at the blackboard again: Yo, you even drew an ass on the blackboard! ?

13. Wife calls: What are you doing, still working? Me: Work. She: Who is living? Me: the kind that can pay me if you do it. She: Look, I knew you had a problem with your female leader.

14. When I was traveling by car, my son wanted to pee halfway, and there was no toilet nearby, so I asked my son to pee along the car door. Soon, a police car behind me caught up and got closer and closer, so I accelerated, but he caught up with me, and I thought, that's it. I will definitely pay the fine. ? I saw the traffic police roll open the window and say to me: I caught up with you, you, your car leaked oil!

15. I am a young man of literature and art. No matter what I do, I can't forget my style of writing. I went to buy pork today and asked the butcher: I'm from the mountains. How much is lean meat? The butcher said that the spring flowers are still there, 18 yuan Jin! ? As soon as I heard that I was still a fellow traveler, I said: We are both unhappy-at the end of the day, not even a catty 12%! ? The butcher's mouth twitched and said, Wukong redeemed Bajie, how could the price be less than a penny! ? Wukong? Bajie? I was smart, and immediately knew that he was satirizing me as clever as a monkey, so I pointed to the pork and said, this gentleman is your own flesh and blood, so I will leave if I don't sell it! ? Say that finish and leave smartly!

16. The teacher taught the students a lesson: Students, it is not easy to become an expert in a certain field. You need to immerse yourself in it and study hard. For example, to be a writer, you must bury yourself in literature for at least 30 years! ? Hearing this, Xiao Ming said: My grandfather should be a geographer! ? Teacher:? Oh, your grandfather works in geology? Xiaoming:? Where is it! He's only been buried underground for thirty years! ? Teacher:? You get out! ?

17. The fat girl asked me: What do you think of when you see me? I said without hesitation:? Then you must think of four beautiful women! ? Fat sister angry way:? You must want to say that I am as fat as Yang Guifei? I immediately shook my head: of course not! Seeing you reminds me of the story of diusim! ? The fat girl is a little happy: Really? Me:? Yes! You are hairy as a mink and noisy as a cicada! ?

18. After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he went to the door to learn to meow. The wife is not only not afraid, but also speaks softly. Mao Ge, stop screaming. My husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet. ?

19. The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend. You only take my daughter to the movies every day, can't you do something else? The young man was surprised and happy: You mean what else can you do?

20. Grandma exclaimed after watching the Olympic 100-meter race. It's so scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row, one with a gun to shoot. They shot without aiming, and the children scared that one away! The rope can't stop! ?

Wonderful jokes and jokes appreciation

1. A foreign tourist visited the orchard and bragged while walking. In our country, oranges look like football and banana trees look like iron towers. ? He tripped over a pile of watermelons. A fruit grower shouted: Be careful of our grapes! ?

2. Being hungry and doing well is called losing weight; If you pinch well, it is called massage; Being in a daze, doing well is called profound; Lazy.

There is a mother and son in the car. The child is still wearing open-backed pants. The child has been talking. Everyone is looking at him and thinks he is cute. The child suddenly asked his mother:? Why does my sister across the street keep staring at my penis? Then, I heard people around me laughing, and the girl opposite (about 20 years old) blushed. Here comes GC, and his mother says: Sister didn't look at you. People have seen too much. ? Why do you embarrass a little girl and everyone around you is holding back internal injuries?

When walking with my boyfriend, I like to hug his waist and pull his clothes by the way. Walking one day, he suddenly said:? Can you stop pulling my clothes? I was unhappy and said, can't you have a baby when you talk to me? Then he said:? Don't pull my baby clothes, okay? Me:

The family went to the theatre. They bought tickets upstairs, but the little boy kept looking down on the railing, only to hear a staff member come over and say, Take good care of the child and don't let him fall. There are VIP seats downstairs. If you fall, you have to make up the ticket.

The young soldier received a letter from his hometown. When he opened the envelope, he took out a blank sheet of paper. ? What's going on here? The friend asked. ? Here's the thing. The soldier said that when I left my hometown, I had a quarrel with my fiancee. Since then, neither of us has spoken to anyone. ?

7. I went to the school toilet yesterday, which is the kind of pit connected with pit and separated one by one. When I started to take off my pants, I lost a dime. I feel a little distressed and can't continue to take off my pants. Collapse? Lost another piece, heartbroken! Then there came a sentence from the pit behind:? Damn it, you think this is the wishing pool! ?

8. My buddy picked up a big dog on the road and took it home? Dogs want to occupy the territory, always pee at home, and they don't change after repeated education. Finally, the friend couldn't bear it, took off his pants and sprinkled a bubble of urine where the dog had just peed, warning the dog that this was Lao Zi's territory. By the way, dogs don't pee at home anymore.

9. I dated my girlfriend one day. While waiting for my girlfriend, I bought a yellow plate under the bridge, bargained with the middle-aged man, made a deal and put it in my coat pocket. Go to my girlfriend's house for dinner at night. When I first met my future parents-in-law, I never dared to look up. My girlfriend makes fun of me. What happened? I've never seen you so shy before. ? I whispered: I didn't expect your father to sell CDs! ?

10. Just after talking to my husband, I was silent for a while and said: You don't fucking love me! ? Then I started crying! Husband quickly asked:? Why? Why do you say that? I said:? You used to hug me after making out! Take a rest, you won't hug me for a while! ? Husband's temper has come up:? Wow, on such a hot day, I'm sweating all over. Give you a hug. You are not afraid of prickly heat! ? . I kicked him under the bed and said, no one else is afraid of heat, but you are afraid of heat?

1 1. At night, my husband hugged me and fell asleep. This product said something in my ear that surprised me: this life is really short. ? I'm surprised, really, this? This? I was still wondering why he suddenly said that, and I was still wondering how to comfort him, and then this guy said, I can't even cover my feet. It's cold. ? You idiot! I'm scared, okay?

12. A beautiful female colleague, her husband sent her lunch and left without saying anything. The new male colleague asked: Who was that just now? She replied: take-away delivery. The newcomer asked again: Why didn't you give money? She said: no need to give it, just sleep with him at night. The male colleague was silent. The next day, he brought her a four-course and one-soup lunch, and the whole office burst into laughter?

13. The director is on a business trip and calls his wife at night. After a few words, my wife wanted to hang up: go to bed early! I'm too tired to talk to you today? Secretary:? How to listen to others in the room? Wife:? I was so bored when you were on a business trip. I invited my best friend Yu Qing to accompany me. What happened? Don't believe me yet! Otherwise, I'll talk to Yu Qing! ? Secretary:? No need! Wife! I believe you, go to bed early! ? After putting down the phone, the director looked at the rain around him, smoked all night, and then fell ill? This story tells us that smoking is harmful to health!

14. Wife: Honey, what if someone calls me a beauty in the street? Husband:? Then you have to help him cross the street quickly! ? Wife:? Honey, why is this? Husband:? Because he is blind! ? Wife:? Give you a chance to say it again! ? Husband:? Your beauty blinded his eyes! ? Comment: What a witty statement.

15. It's been ten days since I had a cold war with my wife, and I'm still sleeping on the sofa. Tonight, my wife suddenly came over and I felt very happy. I must apologize mainly, and my wife threw me 200 yuan directly: quarreling is quarreling, and I will give you 200 yuan to fuck my mother! And then you climbed up? After making out, the wife: Young Master, can't I just give you 1,000 yuan a night?

16. Normal version? Husband. Your mother and I fell into the water. Who did you save? An upgraded version? I have a child in dystocia. The doctor asked you whether to stay big or small. If you get any older, I'll never be born again! How did you do that? Ultimate edition? My child is in dystocia. The doctor asked you whether to stay big or small. At this time, your mother jumped into the river and forced you to keep your voice down. What did you do?

17. Friends go to road trip together. They sat for a long time because of the distance. My friend's wife held back a fart, probably because she was shy. The fart was tentatively released intermittently. She thought we didn't hear. At this time, the car was silent. In order to break this situation, her husband kindly said: if you have a fart, let it go generously, and a good fart will make you loose! ?

18. A man came to take a bath and asked the conductor:? Are there many people in the ladies' room? The young lady gave him a white look and ignored him. He thought the young lady didn't hear clearly and asked again. The young lady gave him a hard look and scolded him. Rogue! ? The man listened and said very grievance. I refused, but my wife insisted.

19. Today, I had a stomachache and stayed in the toilet for a long time. My father suspected that I masturbated in it. My sister passed by and told my dad that if he masturbated, it wouldn't take so long.

20. At that time, I was in Grade Two. One day, my mother asked me to go to her bedroom to get something for her. As soon as I pushed the door, I saw three or four /A (river crab) envelopes on the table where the VCD was placed in the bedroom. At that time, I just learned SY, so I got up and pointed at the envelope SY. After about three or four minutes, suddenly my father shouted: What are you doing? ? When I look back, it is a tragedy. My father has been lying on the bed in the bedroom.

Wonderful paragraphs and highlights of paragraphs

1. Nothing to accompany my girlfriend to the movies. There are clips of the protagonist XOO in the film. I looked at XOO and found that there were not many people around me. Everyone was very absorbed in watching movies, so I sent a short message to my girlfriend next to me (afraid to say, afraid of being heard): Do you dare to give me SY here? Girlfriend picked up the phone and looked at it. She asked me doubtfully. What is SY? Although it was not loud, everyone seemed to hear it because it was quiet around. When I counted, my eyes were all condensed on us and I was sweating. I pretended to be calm and asked her: Who is so boring to ask this? Who knows that his girlfriend directly scolded: You are so stupid, you just texted me and forgot! ?

About 90 years ago, when I was ten years old, I was really naive. At that time, in the countryside, after dinner in summer, the whole village basically gathered on the small river beach to chat and kill time. My home is by the river, and my mother has the habit of going to bed early at night, so when she was lying in bed watching TV, she asked me to tell my dad to go home quickly, so I lay on the balcony and shouted, Dad, go home and sleep quickly. My mother has gone to bed. At this moment, the person enjoying the cool air burst out laughing. I didn't know at the time. What are adults laughing at? I understand now.

In other words, one of my buddies just broke up with his girlfriend and was in a bad mood. Walking in the street, I saw two dogs in JP. This guy went up and kicked that bitch. As a result, two dogs chased and bit three blocks. It's stuck in my leg. Pay for the vaccine yourself. Comment: What bad luck ~

A buddy borrowed 5000 from me the other day, so I lent him my private money. Damn it, give me my money back, even for my wife. I'll go to your third aunt and fourth aunt. All my friends are gone.

I had a crush on a girl when I was studying, but I didn't have the courage to confess. She was married when I went back, and her husband and I were classmates. That afternoon, she was nursing with a doll in her arms. I was thinking, I finally saw it. How excited I am. Her husband sat next to me and chatted with me. How depressed I am. Why can't I eat something so perfect as his doll? I wanted to touch it for a long time, so I found a good excuse I walked up to her, put my hand on her chest, and then said to her doll, call uncle, don't shout, don't eat. Comment: I finally succeeded in being beaten and reconciled!

6. When I was a child, when I made a mistake, I was always beaten by my kind mother and asked me: Is it wrong? I was innocent at that time, and I always answered bravely: I was right! As a result, the second round of blasting? In this way, I am so stupid and caught in a tragic cycle? Well, after many times, I get it. Once, after the fight, Mommy asked again: Is it wrong? I immediately replied: Wrong! I didn't expect to die either, okay? Mommy asked again: What's the matter? I didn't react and answered loudly: I don't know? Comment: I seem to have had it when I was a child.

7. Did you visit your friend in the inpatient department of the hospital yesterday? It is said that he was beaten, concussed and fractured his right hand. I also want to ask who hit him and find someone to avenge him or something. As a result, he told me that he got it while playing SM with GF. I'm curious. Didn't you tie her up? Besides, why does SM have a concussion? Dude, you value taste? As a result, I almost laughed when I asked? Grass, I just tied her up and took off my clothes. I was just about to get down to business when her father pushed the door and came in! What is worse? Her mouth is blocked? Her father is a soldier, and he threw up a stool without saying anything! ?

8. I remember once when I was cutting BP, I set up a stage with a doctor who came to study. Tell the patient to take off his pants and lie down to start the operation. Seeing that the doctor's hand holding a needle and tweezers is just the opposite of usual, I casually asked: Hey, are you left-handed? Before the doctor could answer, he heard the following patient shout: Wow, doctor, you are great. You can tell I'm left-handed by looking at my penis.

9. A buddy in the dormitory called home today and found that the washbasin that had been used for more than a month was actually used by my sister to wash PP. I'll go.

10. Grade two, the second floor of the classroom. The English teacher is a beautiful woman. Someone is naughty in class, and the beauty is angry. Beauty pulls A to the platform. Struggling to kick a foot, A dodged, and the beauty's leather shoes flew parabolically out of the classroom and directly flew to the flower bed downstairs. The beauty said, give it back to me, and A said, still kicking? Find the psychological shadow area of the English teacher at this time.

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