Protest against cold jokes

I was lucky to find it. Thank you for your adoption!

1. Professor Q: What are the similarities between rotten radish and pregnant women? A student replied: it's all caused by bugs. Only get 60 points. Another student got full marks, and the answer was: it was all because he was late.

4. The white rabbit raped Big Wolf and ran away. The wolf is very angry. Go after it. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the white rabbit that raped the wolf? Wolf shame: I'm KAO, so soon?

5. Q: Who is the most pitiful person in the world? A: Artillery company cookhouse squad soldiers! Q: Why? A: Take the blame for wearing a green hat and watch others have sex.

6. A reporter interviewed 100 penguins and asked them what they do all day. The first one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas, and the second one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas. I have been asking 99 of them. When I asked100th, I said: Eat and sleep. The reporter asked: Why not fight peas? Penguin said: I'm fucking peas, your grandmother.

7. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and gave her a hug. He took a step forward. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home?

8. Turtles drink a lot. One day, they were drunk. A friend asked: How can you get drunk? The tortoise replied, Alas, the octopus's grandson is going to fight me. Damn, he can't see with so many hands. What a terrible loss!

9. When two people work hard, the woman always calls for bed crazily, and the neighbors knock at the door to protest! The man said don't make any noise, and the woman answered yes. Then the woman closed her eyes, gritted her teeth and trembled. The man panicked and asked why. Woman: Nothing to do, I changed the vibration!

10. A recruit is always scolded for falling behind when he gets up, so he buys dye and puts it on his body, which looks like camouflage. He was the first to rush out of the barracks when the bugle sounded in the middle of the night. Very good! Dress neatly, but next time, pay attention to the Grenade hanging in the back.

1 1. A TV hostess was infertile after several years of marriage, anxious and sad, and went to the doctor to complain: "Say I can't, I got pregnant three times before I got married; Say that my husband can't do it, and our Taiwan Province leaders can't?

12. An old lady said with tears after watching the black 100-meter race, how scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children ran in fear, and the rope couldn't stop them!

13. A young woman suggested that her son sleep with his grandfather, but she refused. The young woman threatened, if you don't go, I will! The child still won't go. Grandpa said: Educate children to be honest, set an example and keep your word! Deceiving children can't even deceive old people!

14. Several little boys scraped together a dozen dollars to buy toys, but they were worried: What can a dozen dollars buy? One suggestion: go and buy sanitary napkins. People don't understand. Why? The boy said, I don't know, but TV said that with it, you can climb mountains, water ski, play ball games, skate and be carefree and happy.

15. Two ladies complain that the bus is crowded now, which makes them very miserable. One said, "I'm really unlucky!" I was squeezed in the car. " One said, "I'm unlucky!" The car is so crowded that I'm pregnant. "

16. One day, a monk met a nun and wrote a couplet: the first couplet: nothing during the day, the second couplet: nothing at night, and the horizontal batch: nothing at leisure! The first couplet of nuns: holes in the daytime, the second couplet: empty holes at night, and horizontal criticism: answer and ask (ball).

1、

The men's and women's toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked loudly, "Who?" . The boy next door replied with a deep and powerful voice: "Lei Feng."

2、

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

3、

In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

4、

A person always farts at work, and colleagues can't help but say, can you be quiet? Then I saw him sitting there trembling. Colleagues asked him what he was doing, and he replied, I am tuned to vibration now!

5、

Someone was riding a bicycle when he heard a passerby shouting: go, go, go ... I thought, damn it, I can sing: Ole Ole Oh ... I jumped into the ditch without saying a word. Passers-by scolded: Shit! Let me tell you something, Gou Gou, do you still ride horses? ! You deserve to fall to death!

6、

Carp and tortoise go to get a marriage certificate. The clerk asked how old the tortoise was, and the tortoise said: 100. The clerk said regretfully, I'm sorry, according to your family rules, you are underage and are not allowed to get married.

7、

A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down, made a wish and threw a coin into the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was surprised, then smiled and said to himself, "What a fucking spirit!" "

8、

A couple are fishing by the river. The lady always quarreled, and after a while the fish took the bait. The lady said, this fish is really poor. The husband said, yes, just shut up.

9、

The science teacher asked, "Why is the body cold after death?" No one answered. The teacher asked again, "Nobody knows?" At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said, "That's because it's calm and naturally cold."

10、

Spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. The spider shouted, "Why? Why is this? " The ant said timidly, "My mother said that people who surf the Internet all day are not good people!" " "

1 1、

Xiaoguang is a diligent student. He worked part-time during the winter vacation to earn tuition. Help the butcher cut meat during the day and go to the hospital for internship at night. One night, an old woman had to undergo surgery because of an emergency, and Xiaoguang pushed her into the operating room. The old woman screamed in panic: "My God! You are a pig killer. Where are you pushing me?

12、

When a person just got on the plane and wanted to throw up, the stewardess took an empty bag and went to get it when it was almost full, telling him not to throw up. When I came back, I found it everywhere. I asked why, and replied, "I saw it was almost full, and I took another sip, and everyone around me vomited ..."

A couple divorced for their children, and the wife confidently said, "Everything that comes out of my stomach is mine!" " The husband said, "Joke! This is complete nonsense. Can the money withdrawn from the ATM go to the ATM? It's not who gets the card! "

3. When someone sees the sea for the first time, they sigh: "The sea! Mom! " The words sound just fell and a wave came.

Come on, just hit him in the face, and the man said angrily, "Shit! Tell him he's a stepmother!

The monkey picked up a card and climbed to the branch to see what it was. Unexpectedly, a lightning strike hit it, monkey.

The son cried and said, "It turned out to be an ‘IP' card! ! "

5. The director and the section chief share the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, You farted! The section chief said, I didn't put it there.

Yes Soon, the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: you can't afford to take care of big things. What's the use of asking you

6. In a fashion shop, I saw an impatient young man say to a beautiful girl, "Do you mind?

Can you talk to me? "The girl asked curiously," Why? " "My wife has been in this shop for a long time.

When, but if she sees me talking to you, she will come out at once ... "Before he finished, his wife had already

Quickly walked out of the fashion shop and helped him away.

7. A gentleman urinated in an empty Sprite bottle while driving.

I ran out of the car in the traffic jam and tried to put the bottle in the trash can. A respectful policeman stopped me. What's the sprite left in the bottle?

Then take a sip and show me!

9. Think about your feelings: cooking without salt; Apples should not be too sweet; Smoke less; Forgot to bring money when shopping. Take one's time

Sometimes I miss you. When I have no time, I will take time to miss you. If I really can't spare the time, I will-do nothing but miss you!

10. My son sleeps with his mother every night.

Mom said: When you grow up, marry a daughter-in-law to sleep with your mother?

A: Hmm!

Mom said, what about your wife?

The son said, let her sleep with her father.

Dad said excitedly after listening: this child has been sensible since childhood!

12, a police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and ran fiercely to ask it: I am a police dog.

you

What is this? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes!

13, the symptoms of men having an affair: the company works overtime every day, never touches the housework, turns off the mobile phone when they get home and sends text messages.

Just delete it. I snore loudly in bed and often wear my underwear backwards. By contrast, three cases were suspected and four cases could be diagnosed.

14, panda's birthday. After blowing out the birthday candles, a friend asked him what he wished for. The giant panda replied.

I have two biggest wishes in my life, one is to cure my dark circles, and the other is.

Hmm! I just wish I could take a color photo, too. "

15, a couple in the park, the woman said she had toothache, the man kissed her and said it didn't hurt, then she said her neck hurt, and the man kissed her again, but the woman said it didn't hurt. An old lady next to him said to the boy, it's amazing. Can you treat hemorrhoids?

16, the male butterfly sings to the female butterfly: "You are my lover, a woman like a rose!" "After singing, I flew to pick roses.

Then there was a scream, and Mother Butterfly sang, "Honey, fly slowly, be careful of the thorny rose in front!" " "

17, the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.

On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you!

18, one day, a barber hit a sugar-coated gourd seller and went to the police station to ask the barber: Why did you hit the sugar-coated gourd? The barber said, * * *, I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted "burn it" outside.

19, Husband: What time is it? Wife: Ten o'clock. Husband: Is it sharp? Wife: It's too early. No one else is sleeping! I mean, ten o'clock sharp? Wife: Eleven o'clock sharp.

20. The young couple got into a fight and threw a pillow downstairs. A beggar happened to pass by and was very happy. Then he flew away from the quilt. The beggar was ecstatic and cried upstairs with tears: Eldest brother, please throw that woman down.

2 1, seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project to build a 30-meter chimney. The construction period is two months, and the cost is 300,000, but it still needs funding. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. Shit! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

22. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

24. The patient said to the dentist, "You really make money. It only took you three seconds to earn $3. "

The doctor replied, "If you like, I can pull it out in slow motion."

25. "Narcissism" means that you must be reborn as a woman in your next life and then marry a man like me; "Despair" means that the restaurant ordered two dishes and ate the first one: "Is there anything worse in the world? ! "Eat the second" shit! There really is! " "Silence" means that the judge asks: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money.

26. The Weaver Girl went down to the world to take a bath, met the Cowherd, and performed a love story that made the gods cry. This tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, and she must take a bath outside. .....

27. Xiaoming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher, "There are many ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming. "What did ants say?" Xiao Ming looked blank ... and then said, "The ant didn't say anything ..."

28. Son: "Mom, I failed the math exam today." Mother: "Why, what's the problem?" Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said =6. " Mother: "That's right, and then what?" Son: "The teacher asked me 3*2=?" Mother: "Isn't this the same?" Son: "That's what I said. ..

29. A prisoner was shot. Bullets are produced in a county, and the quality is not good. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... at this time, the prisoner cried, "You strangle me, it's so scary!"

30. The father told his son a story: "Uncle told Xiaoyang to cut wood, but Xiaoyang cut down his uncle's favorite peach tree. Uncle was angry but didn't scold him. Do you know why? " The son replied, "It may be because Xiaoyang still has an axe in his hand, so he dare not scold him."

3 1. Men can't find a girlfriend, so they have to tell their fortune. The fortune teller said: you are doomed to have no women in the first half of your life; Not that person's eyes lit up: then I should have it all my life? The fortune teller said, well, you will get used to living alone for the rest of your life.

32. Friends go climbing together. When they reached the top of the mountain, a girl shouted to the beautiful mountains and rivers: motherland! My mother! A boy who secretly loves her quickly shouted: motherland! My mother-in-law

33. A boy nicknamed a friend of his class "Fat Pig", and a girl cried for a teacher. The teacher promised to criticize the boy. The next day, the teacher said in class, "A boy is too rude to give others nicknames casually. You can't call others what they look like, can you?"

34. The kindergarten girl asked the teacher: Can my grandmother still be pregnant at the age of 80? Teacher: No. What about my 18 year old sister? Teacher: Yes. What about when I was eight? Teacher: No boy next to me: Hey, hey, I said nothing!

35. African black girls travel to Shanghai and stay in hotels. Fire in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly. A fireman was surprised to see it and said, my god, it's all burnt, running so fast! !

36. Wolf cubs have been vegetarian since childhood. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train him to hunt. Finally, one day, Mother Wolf and Father Wolf were happy to see their son chasing a rabbit. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said mercilessly, boy, hand over the carrots.

37. Before the wedding, the groom asked the person in charge: How much does it cost to hold a wedding? The host said: the more beautiful the wife, the more money. The groom is embarrassed to give a dollar. The host was shocked, looked back at the bride and found 50 cents. ...

38. The prisoner was shot. Because of the poor quality of the bullet, the first shot didn't go off ... then the second shot ... the third shot ... This is, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, Brother, you strangle me, which is really fucking scary.

Yesterday, I dreamed that God said that he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said, Let the world be peaceful. He said it was too difficult to change! I took out your photo and said to make this person beautiful. God thought for a moment and said, let's talk about world peace!

40. Women are ugly and can't get married. Hoping to be trafficked. Finally, one day the dream came true. But it didn't sell for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back. She has made up her mind. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

A beggar knocked on the window and said, give me some money.

The gentleman looked at it and said, I'll give you a cigarette.

The beggar said, I don't smoke. Give me some money.

The gentleman said, I have beer in my car. Let me give you a bottle of wine.

The beggar said, I don't drink. Give me some money.

Mr. Wang said: well, I'll take you to the mahjong room, I'll pay, you bet, and the winner is yours.

The beggar said, I don't gamble. Give me some money.

Mr. Wang said: I'll take you to the sauna to enjoy the "one-stop" service, and I'll take it all in.

The beggar said, I don't engage in prostitution. Give me some money.

Mr. Wang said, then get on the bus and I'll take you back to show my wife: one doesn't smoke, drink or gamble.

What can a good man with money and no prostitutes be!

The seven fairies bathed in the lake, but Bajie couldn't see them in a hurry.

Tang priest solemnly shouted to the lake: benefactor, be careful of crocodiles!

Seven fairies ran ashore naked.

Bajie lamented: the IQ of leaders cannot be surpassed.

Four priests Tang went to travel by plane, and the plane crashed on the way, but there were only three parachutes.

So, the Tang Priest said, let's answer the question, and jump if we can't answer it.

Tang Priest: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Priest: Here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many moons are there in the sky?

Friar Sand: One.

Tang Priest: I'll give you one too.

Bajie is having fun, such a simple question.

Tang Priest: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky?

....

Bajie jumped down.

Before long, the four of them flew to travel again. They crashed on the way and there were still only three parachutes.

They went on answering questions.

Tang Priest: Wukong, when was People's Republic of China (PRC) founded?

Wukong: 1949.

Tang Priest: Here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many people died in the Liberation War?

Friar Sand: 2.5 million people.

Tang Priest: I'll give you one too.

Tang Priest: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people?

..... Bajie has to jump again by himself.

The third time, the four of them traveled by plane again and had an accident on the way.

Then Pig said, Master, you don't have to ask. I jump by myself.

Then jump.

Tang Priest put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time.

1. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and roared: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

2. Boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a clear line: animals cross the line. Woke up and found that the man really didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: you are not even as good as an animal!

3. One day, I met a foreign guest. He said, I'm Hong, and the foreign guest said, I'm Fang Qi!

Zaizai was repaired by his father. He went to his mother to complain: "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" Mom: "I want to avenge his son!" " "Aberdeen:" ... "

An old lady can't read, but she likes listening to the radio. The weather forecast must be heard every day. One day at dinner, I asked my family, "I have a question." Do you know where it is? It rains almost every day there. "

6. A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her looked at it and said anxiously, Dad, don't tell it, it's not ours!

7. My friends and I went to the top of Mount Tai to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed to the sky and said, "I see it!" " "I saw it too!" At this time, someone in the distance came out with trousers and scolded: "See it when you see it!" " What are you yelling about? "

8. Ghost: God, the next time I am reborn, I will be as white as an angel and have wings, but I will still suck blood.

God: Then reincarnate as a nurse.

9. A friend sold popsicles in the park for the first time, so he was embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted "sell popsicles ~ ~ ~ sell popsicles ~ ~". Hearing this, my friend shouted happily, "Me too ~ ~ Me too ~ ~".

10. Soon after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " "

1 1. If a boy secretly loves a girl, he has the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she likes.

"Like-minded" girls answered, and even asked several times, it was the same answer.

The boy was very discouraged and said, "Can you have a flat head?" .

12. One day, I caught the last bus out of breath and shouted: Master! Master, wait for me ~

Suddenly a passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me slowly, Wukong, stop chasing.

13. One day I had a physical examination, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at my legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trousers and said, "Guess, guess."

14. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader took the stage to receive her. Then he took her hand and asked her if she was cold and warm. She refused to let go for a long time and asked kindly, what's your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Maragobi Matsumoto".

14. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader took the stage to receive her. Then he took her hand and asked her if she was cold and warm. She refused to let go for a long time and asked kindly, what's your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Maragobi Matsumoto".

15. A man bought a parrot that can only speak two words. One day, when the master was not at home, a ventilator knocked at the door.

Parrot: Who is it?

A: Gas converter.

Parrot: Who is it?

A: Gas converter.

……

There is a man lying in front of his master's house. The master wondered, who is this?

Inside the door: gas converter