What are some funny words 1

The 15 funniest jokes recognized worldwide

1. Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, so he called the hundred-yuan note:

"Hey ! Your son is here. If you don’t want us to tear up the ticket, you can exchange it for him!”

The hundred-yuan note thought for a while and said:

“Tear it up, you can even get 5 yuan!” All gone!"

2. A man was about to starve to death in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp.

Magic Lamp: "I can only grant you one wish, tell me quickly, I'm in a hurry."

Man: "I want a wife..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "You are almost starving to death and you still covet beauty! How sad!" After that, she disappeared.

Man: "...cake."

3. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton.

< p>The mother earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong.

The father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!"

The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football."

4. The panda man wants to have sex with the panda girl, but the panda girl resists vigorously and refuses to obey.

After the failure, the panda man said angrily: "We are all going extinct!"

5. The tortoise and the hare race...the hare quickly ran to the front ......

The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly... and said to him: Come up, I will carry you...

p>

Then... the snail came up...

After a while... the turtle saw another ant... .. Said to him: Come up too...

So the ants also came up.

After the ant came up... saw the snail above... and said to him: Hello

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...

6. A man and a woman were having dinner

The girl kept Ask that boy: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and continued to eat dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me?

The boy finally said: Love

The girl asked again: How do you prove it?

Suddenly the boy took out thirty yuan from his pocket.

Ask the girl: Do you have ten yuan?

The girl took ten yuan and gave it to the boy...

The boy put forty yuan on the table

After a while... ...

The girl asked the boy angrily: Do you want to prove that you love me?

The boy said: I have proven it! Forty is right in front of you!

7. Visiting the snack street one day

I found a shop selling egg tarts

Every kind looks very delicious, I want to buy one to try

I asked the clerk: Is this sold individually?

Shop clerk: No, this is Japanese.

8. One day, a fire broke out in the house.

The parents escaped, except for one son who was still inside.

My mother shouted nervously outside the house:

"Son...what are you doing...it's already on fire and you still can't come out..." ."

The son replied: "I am wearing socks..."

The mother said again, "Why should I wear socks if there is a fire..."

p>

Five minutes later, the son still hasn’t come out...

The mother shouted nervously again, "Son, what are you doing? Come out quickly~ It's all on fire, still waiting Inside..."

The son said, "I am taking off my socks..."

9. A man went fishing by the river

p>

First he pierced a leaf, but no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed it to a piece of bread, and again no fish took the bait for a long time.

He had no choice but to change it to earthworms, and still no fish took the bait for a long time. ~~

In anger, he took out 100rmb, threw it into the water and cursed:

"*—%#% What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself!!!"

p>

10. A German, a Frenchman, and a Japanese are going to work in a mine.

The boss is an American. He said to the German: You have a good physique and you are responsible for the coolies.

To the French: You said you are an engineer and you are responsible for the mining plan.

To the Japanese, he said: You are very thin. You are responsible for supplies.

Then the next week, they started working.

A few days later, the Germans and French discovered that the Japanese were missing. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work.

When the Germans started working, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:

"Surprise!"

11. "I can't see clearly. Something far away,” the patient told the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside, pointed at the sun in the sky, and asked, "What do you think that is?"

"The sun." the patient answered.

"Then how far do you want to see!"

12. One day the animals smelled a bad smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said: I am too young to fart such a smelly thing, it must be a cow.

The cow said: I eat grass and will not fart so smelly.

Pig said: People who fart will definitely blush.

Suddenly Guan Gong rushed out, beat the pig away and said: How many times have I told you that my blush is natural.

13. A man met God one day...

God suddenly became kind and planned to give that person a wish...

< p>God asked...

Do you have any wish...

The man thought about it...

I heard that cats have 9 lives...

Then please give me 9 lives...

God said. .....

Your wish comes true...

One day, that person was bored...

I want to just die...

I have 9 lives anyway

Just lie on the railroad tracks...

As a result, a train drove past...

The man was still dead...

Why is this?

Because there were 10 carriages in that train...

14. One day, three people were sent to the funeral home. Strangely enough, they all smiled after death. It's ^_^...

The funeral director asked pol.ice very puzzled: Why do their faces after death turn out to be ^_^?

pol.ice said: This... it's a long story... Look at the person on the left... he was having sex with his wife. In the spring night...at the most passionate moment...I couldn't bear it...and died

The administrator replied: Alas... I would like to die under flowers... Even if I am a ghost, I will be romantic... So how did the one in the middle die?

pol.ice: That one in the middle... He... What a tragedy... He was walking on the road... Suddenly he heard He won the jackpot... with a prize of more than 700 million...

When he laughed happily... he was hit by an oncoming car... ....As a result...it died...

The administrator replied: Alas...he is really not blessed to enjoy this glorious and wealthy queen. Half a lifetime... What about the rest of this one?

pol.ice: ...This one's death is a bit pitiful... He was struck to death by lightning while climbing a tree

The administrator replied: ... This is a bit wrong, why is he still laughing after being struck by lightning...

pol.ice said: Because he climbed a tree Later he thought... there was a sudden flash of lightning...

He thought... someone was taking a photo of him...

15. It is said that thousands of years ago, whether they were male or female dogs, they squatted when urinating.

It was not until the Tang Dynasty that things changed...

Everyone has heard of Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty! His old man had a pair of Pekingese dogs. Once, Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty went to Mount Huashan to offer sacrifices to heaven and took this pair with him...

In the middle of the sacrifice, the female dog suddenly felt anxious and ran behind a tree. Solved,

This was a very disrespectful behavior when worshiping the sky, so it angered the Jade Emperor.

The Jade Emperor ordered Thunder God to hit a thunder, which happened to hit the tree and the tree fell. , crushed the female dog to death, and the male dog was very scared after seeing it...

From then on, every time the male dog urinates under the tree, he will stretch out one foot and push against the tree hard,

To prevent the tree from falling on you...