Tell jokes automatically

I am going to eat KFC tomorrow. So nervous! Is it expensive? How can you pretend to eat often? Can you cross your legs? Can I smoke? Is there a toilet in it? I'm afraid I'm too nervous. What if I want to go to the bathroom? It won't cost thousands of dollars for two people to eat a meal, will it? Can I pack it if I can't finish eating it? What do you order that looks more dignified? The menu is not in English, is it? I am ashamed if I don't understand. I'm so nervous. Can you help me?

2. The teacher said: The final exam is coming, so don't quarrel with puppy love, so as not to affect your mood. If you don't love, don't confess, lest you be rejected and affect your mood. In fact, it's okay for you to fall in love, but you must be careful and find a responsible person. What's the use of those people who leave their hands when they see the teacher?

3.

There is one of the most ferocious people in China, whose name is Huozai, because we often see or hear: beating people alive, forcing people to die alive, beating people alive; I am anxious to death ... In China, there is a most pitiful person named alive, because we often see or hear: I was killed alive, I was anxious to die alive, I was forced to die alive, and I was angry alive. ...

Do you know why the sea is blue? Answer: Because there are fish. Why are some fish blue? Because fish can spit bubbles! Why is the fish spitting bubbles blue? Because when fish spit bubbles, there is a voice, "blue blue. . .

5. An old man's dog died. He packed and checked the dead dog and prepared to take it back to his hometown for a funeral. But the people at the airport didn't know it was dead when they checked in, and only when they got off the plane did they find it dead, which frightened them. I thought I killed the dog. So I sent someone to the nearby dog market and bought an identical one. Later, the old man opened his luggage and found that the dog was still alive. So the old man was scared to death!

6. Once upon a time, a monk and a butcher were good friends. Monks get up every morning to chant Buddhist scripture, butchers get up every day to kill pigs. They agreed to wake each other up in the morning. Many years later, monks and butchers died one after another. The butcher went to heaven and the monk went to hell. Why? Because the butcher does good deeds every day to ask the monk to get up and chant Buddhist scripture, on the contrary, the monk asks the butcher to get up and kill every day. ...

7. If the shop assistant says contemptuously when buying clothes, don't touch it unless you buy it. If you are not afraid, just answer her and say, it seems that you are rich? If you have money, you will not sell it.

8. A man asked a question, "If you bungee jump halfway and found the rope broken, what would you shout if you could only shout two words?" There were many replies, most of which were "profiteers", "Mama" and "I am Cao", but I was completely shocked to see a reply from my eldest brother! Big brother replied the word "transformation"!

9.

There is one person who is really talkative. He married a wife and asked you to take care of him. He gave birth to a son named Trouble. One day the trouble disappeared! The couple went to report the case. The policeman asked his father, what's your name? Dad said: It's really embarrassing. The policeman was angry, and then he asked his mother's name. Mom said: I want you to take care of it. The policeman was very angry and said, What are you doing? The couple said: nothing to look for!

10.20 1 1 latest thunder language-1. Dreams are used to be shattered; 2. Being mean is wishful thinking; 3. Everything is going up in price, only people are getting cheaper and cheaper; 4. Listening to sweet words can lead to diabetes; 5. Everyone's life is a grandfather pretending to be a grandson; 6. If my life is a movie, you are a pop-up advertisement; 7. There are only two ways to speak in seven days of loneliness, either lying or standing.

1 1. A male college student, living with his girlfriend outside, soon, his girlfriend became pregnant. The male classmate panicked and asked for help at home. The family is so popular that we simply ignore him. On Father's Day, the male classmate thought it was a good opportunity, so he immediately wrote a short message to his father: "Happy Father's Day". In less than five minutes, his father replied with two words: "Le Tong."

12. The deskmate changed the QQ name to "Before your father died" and added our class teacher. So the class teacher's QQ often prompts: Your father asked to add you as a friend before he died. Your father invited you to play in the parking space before he died. Your father gave you a QQ show before he died. Your father stole your food before he died. Your father reported you before he died. Your father forwarded your Weibo before he died. . . The fiercest: Your father left you a message before he died.

13. Mother-in-law tests three sons-in-law. First, I invited my eldest son-in-law to take a walk. When I crossed the bridge, I suddenly jumped down. My eldest son-in-law was rescued by diving, and my mother-in-law gave him a Guangben car. The mother-in-law was also like this, testing the second son-in-law and being rescued. The injured second son-in-law gave an Audi. She tried her third son-in-law, but she couldn't swim and couldn't save her. Her mother-in-law drowned. The next day, my father-in-law gave him a Mercedes!

14. On the plane, a father and daughter. The father is 30 and the daughter is 6 to 7 years old. The stewardess is very beautiful. Father couldn't help looking at her a few more times. Daughter: "What are you looking at? Do you find it interesting? Did you do the same when my mother was away? " Father blushed: "eat quickly and cut the crap, or I won't take you out in the future!" " "Daughter muttered," I don't understand, my daughter is my father's lover in a previous life. How did I like you in my last life? "

16. Tourists enter a temple. Monk: Donate as much money as you want. G: I have no money. Maybe next time. Monk: Nothing. We can swipe our cards here. G: Sorry, I don't have my card either. Monk: We can get a loan with a monthly interest rate of only 3%. G: Sorry, there is nothing to mortgage. Monk: … Then … please fill out this organ donation form …

17. The art teacher asked the students, "Why hand in a blank sheet of paper?" The student said, "I drew it! I painted cows eating grass. " The teacher asked, "What about the grass?" He said, "It was eaten by a cow." The teacher asked, "What about the cow?" He said, "Eat the grass and go."

18. At the door of a house, a salesman kept saying, "I believe there must be something you need, such as brushes, spoons, pencils, kitchen knives, washbasins ..." The housewife was very tired and replied, "No, I have everything." Finally, the salesman took out a small printed card and said, "Well, you must have one at home!" " "The housewife looked at it and said," Don't knock on the door to sell! "

19. Dad put his son to bed and went back to the bedroom to get ready for bed. "Dad!" Cried the son. "May I have a glass of water?" "You just drank it! Go to sleep, I have turned off the lights! " Five minutes later ... "Dad! I'm thirsty, can't you give me a drink? " "I just said! You let me hit you again! " Five minutes passed ... "Dad!" "What's the matter?" "Be sure to bring a glass of water when you come to hit me."

20. I graduated from college and worked as an intern in a hospital. After a minor operation under the guidance of the doctor, I remembered some precautions in the operation and bowed my head and walked out of the operating room. At this time, the family members gathered around to ask about the situation. I didn't know how to smoke at that time. I remembered the scenes that often appeared on TV, so I said, "We have tried our best …" Suddenly, my family cried, and then I was punished.