100 A boy analyzed the reasons why girls can't get married.

1, too beautiful: beauty is easy to get old, and beauty is a disaster. These are all words that men describe beautiful women. They strung together to the effect that if she is beautiful, she will get tired of watching it after a long time. It doesn't matter if she plays a friendly match, but it will bring more trouble to her family, in case she gets a big cuckold.

2, too not beautiful: the ugly wife's family heirloom, but only in other people's homes.

3, too successful: the woman behind the successful man is great, and the man behind the successful woman is very small.

4, too unsuccessful: can not help men succeed, it is likely to drag men down.

5, too learned: the perfect match is a classic, but the perfect match is a joke.

6, too ignorant: vases always appear where they are needed, and no one wants to repair them.

7, too self-reliant: the last achievement of a man is to raise a woman. Rich men don't need you to stand on your own feet, and men without money take raising you as their motivation.

8, too self-reliant: men may be willing to support you, but they are not willing to support you for a lifetime.

9, too tasteful: women have taste, men are commodities, women have too tasteful, and men become secondary.

10, too tasteless: it seems that men have no taste.

1 1, too opinionated: you like making decisions for men, but men don't like being bullied by you.

12, too indecisive: no one wants to be a blind staff officer manipulated by others.

13, too sexy: sexy is the cherry on the cake. Although full of temptation, it can't be a staple food.

14, so not sexy: without cherry embellishment, the cake becomes a cake.

15, too rich: it is better to marry you than to cheat you, and marrying you is also cheating you.

16, too poor: I don't even have the desire to lie to you.

17, too smart: women are too smart and men are insecure.

18, too unintelligent: women are too unintelligent and men have no sense of accomplishment.

19, can't do it: women are too capable and men can't do anything.

2 1, too competitive: women are too competitive and men lose face.

22, too weak: women are too weak, and both of them have no face.

23, feel beautiful: there is no beautiful woman's appearance, only beautiful woman's demeanor, ugly women are more troublesome.

24, self-femininity: I am afraid that people don't know that it is a woman, and I like to use excessive perfume, powder, lipstick and deodorant to disguise femininity.

25. I feel very delicate: I need someone to pick me up at work, someone to help me get on and off the bus, and someone to hug me when I get on and off the bed.

26, feel sexy: the mouth of the blood basin is called charming lips, and the waist of the bucket prefers to show the navel.

27, self-righteous petty bourgeoisie: the heart is very stingy, the surface is very material.

28. I think I am cute: my mouth is wow, my lover Snoopy. Actually, I'm in my thirties. Do you think I look like HELLOKITTY?

29, self-righteous tradition: love me to kiss, marry me to have sex.

30. I think I love him very much: I miss you, I want to haunt you, I love you and I will kill you!

Sister-in-law, you are so ugly that you will never get married. You're smiling.

Introduction: The husband told his wife on the phone: "Just now, the police at the police station said that the door of our house was broken into by thieves." The wife asked urgently, "Have you lost your money and passbook?" The husband said, "I don't think so." The wife said, "Why?" The husband said, "I've been looking for it for ten years, but I can't find it." Can a thief be found in such a short time? "

1, constipation is very severe and painful recently. I just went to the toilet and squatted down, and a buddy next to me was groaning dully. I asked: Constipation? H: mm-hmm A few minutes later, I heard a plop over there. I said, congratulations. Before I finished, I heard a complaint over there: Shit, I dropped my cell phone.

2. A lame professor gave a speech on the stage, arguing whether a fish has only seven seconds' memory, and said, "I hit a fish with a stick, and five minutes later, I came to it. As a result, it jumped on me and bit my leg. " Someone asked, "So have you proved that fish's memory is more than seven seconds?" The professor replied, "No, I proved that crocodiles are not fish."

One day, I was gossiping with a group of stock friends and didn't know how to talk about private money. When everyone was feeling that they would be discovered by each other anyway, an uncle silently said: I am in the bank. They asked, "What about the passbook or card?" Uncle smiled with a simple and honest smile: burn it, and then get your ID card to make it up when necessary.

I took a long-distance bus yesterday. I went to the bathroom before I left. When I came back, I sat next to a girl and put my bag next to her. I said politely, please take my things. My sister asked me directly: Don't sit here! I said: there are many things, I want to sit two. Then take the bag and sit in the back! Sister whispered: then you can sit down! Damn it, I deserve it ...

5. I passed a fortune-telling booth in the morning and heard the stall owner say to a little girl, "Marriage is not hard to find. You only need to spend 1 0,000 yuan to ask for the wedding fee, and I can help you find Prince Charming. " I knew it was a liar as soon as I heard it. Out of kindness, I quickly reminded the little girl: "Don't listen to him! You are so ugly, you will never get married! "

6. I have been crazy about taking selfies recently, and I can't stand all kinds of coquettish pOSS. My boyfriend finally couldn't help asking, "Are you sick?" I pie pie replied, "How many days a month, my chest is big, can't I leave a souvenir ..."

7. On the day of college, my girlfriend sent me a text message: Let's break up! Suddenly I felt black at the moment. Before I could ask why, my girlfriend sent another one: Sorry, I sent it wrong. I sprayed blood.

8. A classmate is a girl. Today, we even said that he was crying. Just when the headmaster saw him, he came over and scolded us: "What are you doing! We are all in the same class, so we can't unite! How many times have I told you not to bully female students! "

9. About a buddy of mine, he studied well in junior high school and was honest. In the final math exam, he sat next to a class countdown+gangster. The gangster took my buddy's paper decisively and forcefully, and copied it all without saying anything. When the results were announced, the gangster was a little taller than my buddy. My buddy was surprised and asked the gangster what happened. People said in an understatement, ah, I changed a few multiple-choice questions casually. Dude praises God, so he can change! Teddy boy replied: Oh, no, I put yours wrong. ...

10, one day, a couple wanted to double suicide, but they had enough money to buy a bottle of pesticide. Suddenly, the man didn't want to die, so he said to the woman, "honey, you go first." I'll find someone to chip in to buy pesticides and accompany you later. " The woman agreed, opened the lid and drank. The woman suddenly got excited and said to the man, dear, thank you for thinking of me. Now we can die together! The woman handed the pesticide lid in her hand to the man, and four characters decided his life and death: another bottle!

1 1. One day, the small animals in the forest were chatting happily about how their teacher scolded them. Then the goose said, "When the teacher is angry, call me a goose son of a bitch." The duckling said, "When the teacher was angry, he called me a son of a bitch." Pony said, "The teacher called me a son of a bitch when he was angry. It's the puppy's turn. The dog said, "I have something to do." You can talk. I'll go first. "

12 One day, Xiaojun asked his father, Dad, what numbers do you like? Dad said, 6 and 8, of course! Smooth and hair. Xiao Ming said: What a coincidence! Fu Xiao showed her report card to her father and said, Look at those figures you like! Dad. . .

13, I asked my daughter, "Did you call my father? Go home for dinner at night? " She said, "I called my father and an aunt answered." My heart sank and I was unhappy. The daughter continued: "Aunt said: The line you dialed is busy, please redial later."

14. Yesterday, my best friend lost a 5s, and the space was dynamic. Today, a dozen friends called to express their condolences to her! She said, "Shit, it's either the charger or the phone case!" "I comforted my best friend and said," It's really a group of scum. Ignore them. Your headphones should still be there. You see, it's useless. . . "

15, a bear caught a big fish and went home. The bear said to the fish, "Choose whether you are alive or dead, and then let me eat you." The fish said, "What are the ways to die?" The bear said, "Do you want me to electrocute you and eat you?" Or should I drown you? Or should I burn you? Choose for yourself. The fish said, "Then drown me." "I feel comfortable."

16. In the physiology class, the teacher asked: When do women talk the least? Xiao Ming: February. Teacher: Why? Xiao Ming: Because February has the fewest days! Teacher: Xiaoming, as usual. Get out of here. ...

17, a: "All my onions are spicy and uncomfortable. Do you have any good ideas? " B: "Yes, it's very simple. If you cut it in water, it won't hurt your eyes. " A few days later, A said to B, "Your method is really clever, but it is trouble. If you cut two knives, you will have to surface for air. "

18, husband: "Wife, where are the shoes under the bed?" Wife: "Those leather shoes were too old, so I threw them away." The husband said anxiously, "where did you throw it?" You can still wear the old ones, and you can live a good life if you can save them! I'll get it back! " Wife: "Don't pick it up, all the money in my shoes is out!" " "

19, female A: Lily's husband died in a car accident yesterday! Woman B: Really? This is a big blow to lily! Woman A: Yes! Woman B: Did she cry badly? Woman A: Lily didn't cry at the scene of the car accident! Woman B: I really can't see how powerful she is inside. Woman A: Not really. Lily told me that she couldn't cry! When you cry, there are many wrinkles on your face, which makes you look old!

20. On the bus, a man boasted loudly to his girlfriend how powerful and capable he was. There is nothing he can't do in the world. The more he talked, the more excited he became, dancing and spitting. An old lady looked at him intently. The man said to his girlfriend, Look, the old ladies believe everything I say! The old lady said with tears in her eyes, young man, I believe it! Because my psychotic son said the same thing. ...

2 1. Class teachers often can't remember things. Once he said at the class meeting that he would select beautiful teenagers. When I heard about beautiful teenagers! I signed up as soon as I was happy. The monitor said I wanted some of the most beautiful photos, so I carefully selected some of the best selfies. On the day of voting, I was surprised to find that everyone's photos were all about helping parents massage and picking up garbage. So at the voting site of the Virtue Boys, the whole school saw my selfie.

22. In class, the math teacher asked the students to write questions, and then asked the following students if they were right. The whole class said yes with one voice, and my brain screamed: Wrong! The whole class stared at me, and then the teacher asked me what was wrong. I said calmly: wrong.

23. Girlfriend and boyfriend quarreled. Finally, the girlfriend asked her boyfriend, "What do you think of not seeing me for three days in a row?" The boyfriend replied, "It should be good." The next day, he did not see his girlfriend. On the third day, he didn't see his girlfriend. On the fourth day ... on the eighth day, the swelling disappeared a little, and I could hardly see my girlfriend through the seam in my left eye. ...

24. A female colleague proudly told us that I was in a bad mood yesterday and wanted to find a reason to scold my husband. I looked up and saw that he was cooking and sweeping the floor, so I threw 100 yuan into the vase, trying to frame him for hiding private money. Then throw the vase on the ground. Damn it, I voted 500!

Daughter: Mom, let me buy you a vacuum cleaner, so you don't have to bend over to sweep the floor. Mom: Don't waste money. Daughter: Then I'll buy you a dishwasher to save you the trouble. Mom: Don't waste money. Daughter: What do you want? Mom: Nothing. Your father can do all these jobs.

26. "Come on, let's blow out the candles." "Ok, I'll make a wish after blowing out the candles." "What did you make?" "Next birthday, can you put a cake under the candle?" . . . . . .

27. I went to burn incense with some friends that day. I'm bored, so I'll take out my mobile phone and have a look. Oh! There is WiFi in this temple, but you need a password. The buddy went to ask a monk next to him, "What's your WiFi password?" The monk replied, "I realized it myself."

28. At the party in the evening, someone introduced me to a new friend, saying that he became a millionaire by speculating in stocks. Awesome! Admire! When a bear market meets a cow, it hates each other late. He is either a relative of the merchant or an ancestor of the Zhou family. I moved a little, sat next to him, and quietly asked him to teach me the secret and the inside story: When will that buddy bargain? He said to me with a blank face: "In fact, there is no secret or insider ... I used to be a billionaire. . . . "

29. A buddy has a Hal, which has been kept for three years. On that day, he said, "When I first saw it, I thought it was just youth and ignorance. After half a year, I thought I was just confused and curious about the world. Now I understand that it is an innate temperament. . "

30. A beautiful sister paper accidentally broke my 6p! ! ! She was frightened and told me timidly that she would do anything as long as she didn't pay for my mobile phone! I am waiting for this day! At this time, if you don't seize the opportunity, you are still called a man! I decided to ask her to help me wash my clothes for a month, and I have to wash them by hand! ! !

Editor's note: "Brother, can you lend me100000 tomorrow? Something happened at home, very urgent! " "Yes, I will report a plan today and go to the bank with me tomorrow." The next day in front of the bank, my buddy handed me a silk stocking and asked me, "Do you like to use a knife or a gun?"

Surrounded by a city, I am a person who can't get out.

1, crying can't solve any problems, but the air-dried cheeks will be very painful.

2. Even if I have thousands of things, you won't see them, because you don't have a pair of eyes that love me.

I cry not because I miss you, but because I hate myself. I don't cry not because I don't love you, but because I love you more than myself.

The cat fell in love with the fish in the cup, but broke the cup. The fish died out of water, and the cat finally understood that loving someone doesn't have to be with her.

Everything in imagination is often better than reality. People you miss are a little warmer than reality. Missing something that seems far away, but sometimes it's just a little closer to reality.

6. I practiced sprinting in junior high school. The teacher said, "You run fast, but you are not the fastest. Do you know why? Because when running, you have to turn your head to see how fast the people next to you run, which not only distracts energy and wastes time, but is slow. " Since childhood, we love to compare ourselves, look around, be jealous and angry, and make ourselves worse. He is right: "All you have to do is keep an eye on your own runway. When the gun goes off, just grab it. "

Maybe I like you because you are the only person I know who can't be classified.

8. Sean Xiaohui is a big pit. As long as you accept it, you must find opportunities to return, look forward to the spring rain and pay for the harvest. In fact, it is a simple relationship between seeds and fruits. Don't let innocence hurt you. Remember: life is like a play. Everyone is looking for a balance of interests. Only balanced games can be played.

9. You can start doing what you want at any time. I hope you don't tie yourself down with things like age.

10, as long as you choose to be together, you must be firm. No matter how much pressure and impact you are under, you must be together. Because love is your own, not others', don't let others dominate your love. That's the sentence. Your own love and your own decision are the best.

1 1. Happiness is similar to God and only exists in the hearts of those who believe in it. -Zhou

12, love sometimes seems to be waiting for the bus. Buses you don't want to take stop for you one after another, but you really want to take them, but you can't wait, like a deliberate prank. When the bus finally arrived late, it seemed that two or three buses were coming in a row, which made people wonder what to do. No matter which bus you take, you can't erase the faint disappointment, always worrying about whether missing is the best choice.

13, small heart, small things. If you have a big heart, big things are small. When the heart is tired, the body is tired, the heart is chaotic, and the outside world is chaotic. If the heart does not move, everything is there. This is the power of the mind, which neither grows nor dies, nor is it unclean or diminished.

14. If you miss someone, you don't have to meet each other every day, own or destroy each other. You don't miss him so much, but you always miss him several times a day. When you can't hear his voice, you will worry about him; When a person is away from home, he will miss the time with him.

15, many times, a man will make you feel that he loves you, but he really doesn't; And a woman will make you think that she can't fall in love with you, but she will move her heart.

16, psychology thinks: I see myself in the mirror, a little more beautiful than my real self. The reason is that when you consciously examine yourself, in order to cover up your shortcomings and please yourself, you will show a more flattering expression. It can be seen that the gaze of love is better than all plastic surgeons. Ugliness is not necessarily because of nature, but because it is ignored by the world. A person is beautiful because someone has seen him.

17, like a fish family born in the deep sea, without spontaneous combustion, there is only darkness. -Mingshihai people

18, someone is lucky to help you and learn to be happy and grateful; No one to help you is fate, learn to face and bear it calmly. No one should do anything for you, because life is your own and you are responsible for yourself. The compulsory course of life is to accept impermanence, and the elective course of life is to let go of persistence. When life falls, please remember that you must fall to the bottom you have never experienced before to reach the peak you have never reached. -Jiayang Kemp

19, why do we always have to wait until the middle of our lives, and when we can't retreat, we know that we have given up with our own hands and will never meet again in the days to come. -"To Youth"

20. Love put out the lights and surrounded a city. You took half the script. Love put out the lights and surrounded a city. I am a person who can't get out. -Jane Zhang's song Fortress Besieged

Sweet reasons to say disgusting things to boys

1, it's hot, my heart is in a mess, my mouth is thirsty, and I want to have a bite when I think of you. The ice cream is too cold.

I don't know if loving you is a reason for caring.

I don't know when I started, but I have learned to rely on it.

The earth is still getting heavier, the world is still changeable, and I love you forever.

As for you, it won't change whether it is sunny or rainy.

6. Is it funny? It's weird not having you around. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?

7. Being with you is just that I don't want to give anyone a chance.

8. Send me a message when you miss me. When you have heart failure, let me make a filter to help you filter out the residue. When your heart is cold, let my heart warm you.

9. If you were my last tear, I would never cry because I am afraid of losing you.

10. If we don't love enough in this life, the afterlife will last forever.

I love your heart until the end of the world.

12, I don't want a short tenderness, as long as you accompany me for a lifetime.

13 My world is only understood by you.

14, I want to turn my feelings for you into warm sunshine, hoping that the light will warm your heart.

15, I want to send my thoughts to the scattered stars. I hope that little starlight can shine into your window and sleep well with you.

16, I think I will accompany you to the market every day in the future.

I want to grow old with you.

18, I'm willing to spend 10 million years waiting for you to smile like a warm sun in early spring.