The high cold you think is just an illusion I created to protect myself.

A friend often tells me, "When I first met you, I thought you were so cold. I shouldn't say hello to you. My face is expressionless, and the whole person is like an iceberg. I've known you for a long time, only to find that your ya was fake before, but it was just a joke ~ "

Whenever this time, I will have no choice but to smile. Yes, now many people who have just met me and even people who have known me for a long time say that I look cold and hard to get close to. In fact, I have long been aware of this. To be exact, this so-called cold image presented to the world was slowly established by myself, and I never intended to change it.

I'm so cold, not just to protect myself.

I have a favorite Korean idol, Jung Soo Jung. She has a nickname "iceberg queen", because every time she appears, she will cool the surrounding air, bring her own cold constitution and be extremely cold. Once watching a variety show, her expression became stiff because of her high popularity and more and more people watching. It is an expression when high cold can't hide and protect inner fragility and fear, just like a besieged deer. Because of the injury, the expression protection device completely collapsed. She once said in an interview that in fact, she was afraid of dense crowds and other people's eyes, so she often didn't know what to do, so she armed herself with what others called "high cold". Perhaps only when she becomes the "cold queen" can she gain a foothold in front of the crowd and protect her fragile and sensitive mind.

In fact, each of us has uneven psychological defense lines and different standards. In the face of different occasions, different people and different things, the state we show is naturally different. And those who are always indifferent, just because of their strong desire for self-protection, are unwilling to show their true side easily without knowing the specific circumstances of the Chu people's affairs, preferring to test with the illusion of high cold rather than expose the bottom line to get hurt.

Of course, we are often hurt by the protective shell we think, and misunderstandings often arise from it.

Last week, the department had a dinner. After dinner, our group went to take the subway together. While waiting for the traffic lights, I asked my colleague who was going to resign, "Well, I heard that you are leaving. Let's have dinner together sometime. " She tugged at the backpack on her shoulder, then leaned back from me and jokingly waved and said, "Oh, no, no, no, I dare not get along with you alone." At that moment, I paused. The smile just now froze on my face, so embarrassed that I wanted to run a red light. Although later she said it was just a joke, let me not mind.

But in fact, we all know how much truth is said through jokes, and naked injury in a playful way is the most thorough and true. Usually used to high cold, but also gradually accustomed to this state mode. Unless you meet familiar family and friends, it is difficult to remove your defensive armor. Over time, people who don't know much will think that this has always been my performance mode, so I gradually alienated.

A person with a cold appearance is actually extremely insecure inside. Because I don't know whether the outside world where I live alone is safe or not, and I don't know what attitude I should take towards others. So try to hide all your emotions, even if you are misunderstood, you don't want to expose your anxiety and fear. In the final analysis, you are not confident. I'm not confident that my smile is sincere enough, that the other person is interested in me enough, and that what I'm going to say next won't be cold, so I keep it cold to cover up my inner inferiority.

But if you ask me, do you think it's neither too hot nor too cold? I will answer: no, not only because I am used to the high cold mode for a long time, but also because of the high cold, I can resolutely refuse many things I don't want to do. People who don't know will think that I am such a person and will take it seriously. This is actually a good thing, isn't it?