Why do some people tend to become very restrained in public situations?

Feeling restricted and uncomfortable in social situations has a lot to do with shyness. People with extroverted shyness have relatively high expectations for themselves and worry that they are not good enough and will affect their image in the eyes of others. In life, we also hope to chat and laugh quickly with strangers and make many new friends. But at the same time, we may also worry: "Hey, what if the other party ignores me and gets cold feet?" "It would be super embarrassing if the conversation ends after a few words." Because we lack sufficient training and experience, we cannot guarantee that we will handle things completely. Many times we will choose to do nothing or do less. Because once you mess up something, your image in the eyes of others will be greatly reduced, which is a consequence that many people cannot accept.

Feeling restrained and afraid to let go may be because traditional culture lacks sufficient tolerance for self-expression. In Chinese culture, we praise the "gold mean" and "gentleness, respect, thrift and modesty", attack "the first rafters" and "the first birds", and hope that members of the group can restrain their aggression and sharpness, and become peaceful and humble. To be able to be comfortable in public, to a certain extent, is also to show our abilities and confidence in front of everyone. It may touch some people's self-esteem and sense of control, and they will regard it as a provocation and vigorously criticize: "This guy can Ah" "I don't know who to show it to" "Who does he think he is?" When the surrounding environment restricts our space to express ourselves and criticizes and vilifies the display of our style, we are more afraid of deviating from the group's values ??and would rather restrain ourselves, choose to follow the crowd, and keep a low profile.

Feeling anxious about expressing yourself in public is also due to irrational beliefs and cognitive evaluations. When a girl he likes comes to watch him play, a boy may think more: "If she sees me being blocked, she will definitely think that I am a rookie and look down on me." "If other boys steal my limelight, will she?" You won’t pay attention to me anymore.” When we have extremely bad and over-generalized irrational beliefs, maybe a very small event (the girl we like comes to watch us play) will be considered very complicated by us and regarded as affecting the love relationship (extremely bad) and the relationship with him or her. Our overall assessment (an overgeneralization) of the “decisive battle.” If we regard some behaviors in public places as "decisive battles", it is easy to understand that we worry about gains and losses, are difficult to let go, and even sweat, tremble, and have a blank mind.