Why are people easily affected by the environment?

There are some friends around us who are relatively more susceptible to the opinions of others and the influence of the environment, but relatively speaking they lack independent opinions. A typical example is some well-behaved children who were obedient when they were young. Their parents have relatively strict discipline and strong abilities, and can generally take care of everything. Especially in our era, there are still assigned jobs. Many people are engaged in occupations that they never thought they would be engaged in. It is inevitable that they will be resistant to the occupation itself, but they are unable or have no courage to change, and thus they are also resistant to the surrounding environment itself. , over time I always felt like I was living without myself, but I got used to it silently.

Looking back now, in fact, I myself was very likely to become such a person. The thing I heard my mother nagging me most often when I was a child was "...Why are you different from others?" . . .” I don’t know why. I have always wondered why I should be like others. I think it would be really ridiculous if I really imitate others in everything like so many people do. But having said that, in fact, the education we have received since childhood is basically a "standard answer" type of education, and the core of the standard answer is that everyone should be the same. This kind of indoctrination influence from childhood to adulthood generally leads to two extremes: one is rebellion - I won't do whatever you say. But rebellion must also be reasonable. After all, many things do have relatively fair standard answers for most people. If you have ideas and know what you want, then it’s okay to go your own way and let others tell you; but if you actually don’t know where you should go, and you just stubbornly insist that as long as others tell you the east, you will go the other way. In the end, you usually find that it's actually boring - because you find that your life is actually going in circles.

Another more typical possibility is obedience - after all, obedience requires less courage than rebellion, and choosing obedience first can also comfort yourself in your heart that my soul has not surrendered. But life generally has inertia. When you first graduate, you may not really know what you like. After you get a little older, you begin to understand it gradually, but you can't help it anymore - family, career, environment, often... It doesn't mean that it can be changed by changing it. In fact, as I mentioned in my previous article, all psychological unhappiness must come from some kind of antagonism - a very simple reason, if you are happy to obey and think this is life, then your life must be very happy. Yes, there is really nothing wrong with this; and the core of everything lies precisely in what happiness is. It is precisely because you may feel unhappy in some aspects but do not know how to get rid of it that over time you will become depressed and miserable in your heart.

Most of the time, human growth is not a similar process. For example, you are considered an adult when you reach the age of 18. In fact, many friends understand that due to individual differences, some people may mature precociously at a young age, or even He started to make his way into the world early. But some friends may already be born third-year-olds, but they still seem to be unable to live without their parents. Different personalities will inevitably lead to differences in the understanding of feelings. As mentioned before, if life is a straight road, and you can see the scenery at the end from the starting point, then it doesn’t matter whether you worry about it or not. Many people like this kind of life deep down. , this kind of life is also the most typical life of our parents’ generation in the last century. So a good way to gain peace of mind is actually to obey. Once you get used to it, you will find that it doesn’t matter. After all, there are not many choices for you in life. What’s more important is that it really makes you choose another form. In the end, you often find that it doesn't necessarily make you happier than what you have now.

We sometimes criticize some of our friends for not being mentally mature enough. An example of this is that they always think about what others will think when they do something. Even if we buy a piece of clothing in a style that we have never worn before, we are worried that others will laugh at it. In fact, when we look back and think about our growth process, we will understand that our backbone is not necessarily taught by our parents or teachers, but more often by relying on I have concluded that since you have to rely on yourself, it varies from person to person. Some friends may learn a little slower. This is not a problem in itself, but what is really a problem is actually the kind of people who like to watch jokes. This Such people often appear to be very enthusiastic and actively give pointers to their friends who have no independent opinions. In fact, they essentially want to see other people's jokes - their enjoyment of life is often based on this satisfaction of ridicule.

And what follows may make friends who already have no idea become even more confused.

So in fact, if you don’t have much confidence in yourself, then if you are not too timid, I suggest you change your habit of asking for other people’s opinions on everything, just treat yourself as a person who no one cares about, and let go of your worries. With the habit of worrying, you will more often not find that the sky is falling, but you will find that it is not a big deal. The reason why you cared so much about what others said before, but still cared too much about yourself in your bones, is actually a kind of narcissism. If you learn not to care, you will gradually understand what you really want.