Funny stories before bed, funny stories before bed

? I have compiled some funny stories before going to bed, welcome to read!

Funny stories before going to bed 1: Holding a stopwatch and looking at beautiful women

There is a couple, At the beginning of their marriage, the wife set rules for her husband: go home immediately after get off work, do not look around in the street, and do not watch underwear shows or fashion shows. My husband suddenly became like a simmering cat, not caring about official or private matters. If this continues, the husband will be ruined and the family will be ruined, and the wife will be so anxious that she has no idea what to do. She has no choice but to call her best friend for advice.

My best friend said: “If you want to change your husband, you must first change yourself—accompany your husband to go to the streets to look at beautiful women!” My best friend said that this is the latest research result of internationally renowned experts—when men look at beautiful women, Can inspire competitiveness and ambition.

After hearing this, my wife became more energetic and quickly hung up the phone without waiting for her best friend to continue. She did what she said, and said to her husband: "Husband, I will accompany you to Huaihai Road to see the beauties!"

As expected, there were so many beauties on Huaihai Road. The husband looked around and was overwhelmed by the beauty. , when he sees someone who is particularly beautiful, he stares into death. When I got home in the evening, my husband was cooking and washing dishes, and he talked a lot. My wife was heartbroken.

After some time, the wife felt something was wrong. A woman kept calling her husband and talking endlessly. When the wife got nervous, she called her best friend again to ask what to do.

As soon as my best friend opened her mouth, she complained: "Did you know? 45 seconds is a hurdle when you accompany your husband to look at beautiful women. Why is it 45 seconds? Because a beautiful woman is walking towards you. From the moment you look at a beautiful woman, It takes about 45 seconds from the moment you see her face to the moment you pass by her. It is normal to look at beautiful women during this period. If you look back at her for more than 45 seconds, it is not normal."

When my wife heard this, she was dumbfounded: "Then why didn't you tell me earlier?"

My best friend sneered and said, "You hung up the phone before I finished speaking last time. Can you blame me? Hurry up and buy a stopwatch. Once you two held a stopwatch to watch the beautiful woman!"

Funny story before going to bed 2: The old man at the golden wedding is getting divorced

It was not easy for Grandma Wu and Mr. Wu to survive their golden wedding. In the past fifty years, their life has not been easy. It is not about food or clothing, nor is it a relationship problem. It is because Grandma Wu has a mysophobia. She has loved to be clean since she was a child. Even if there is a hair on the ground, she will pick it up and throw it away. Into the trash can. But Mr. Wu was slovenly and unhygienic. He didn't wash his feet for three to five days. How can Grandma Wu, who loves cleanliness, not be angry? When she nags Mr. Wu, he blows his beard and stares unconvinced. As a result, family wars often break out, petty quarrels occur, separations and reunions occur, and the marriage suffers numerous red flags.

Recently, Mr. Wu has added another bad problem, which makes Grandma Wu very troubled. After Mr. Wu had dinner every day, he would wipe his mouth, sit on the sofa, drink tea, and watch TV. Mr. Wu would scratch the old skin on his feet with his hands. After scratching it off, it would be scattered on the ground, everywhere. . The old couple was very angry about this matter, and even went to the point of divorcing.

When Mr. Wu saw that Grandma Wu was serious, like an eggplant beaten by frost - wilted, he said a lot of good things to Grandma Wu, and wrote a promise on the spot: From now on, there will be no old lady again. If the skin of your feet is thrown around, which affects indoor hygiene, you will go out and become a homeless person on the street.

When Grandma Wu saw that her husband was determined to correct himself, she relented and gave him a chance to correct himself. No matter how you say it, Grandma Wu and Mr. Wu are an old couple. They have been loving each other for a hundred days, raising their children, and they have gone through fifty years of ups and downs. They have endured all the hardships and fatigues, and their children have married and started a business. It’s time to enjoy family happiness, so why bother? In fact, every time she mentioned divorce, Grandma Wu was just trying to scare Mr. Wu into changing his sloppy bad habits.

On this weekend, my son, daughter-in-law and grandson came. The grandson held a bag of crispy sesame pancakes in his hand, the son and daughter-in-law bought a lot of vegetables, and the family started cooking happily. Grandma Wu was busy happily, and Mr. Wu was having fun teasing his little grandson.

In the evening, the family had a full meal, talked and laughed, and sat on the sofa watching TV. It has been Grandma Wu's habit for many years to sweep the floor after meals. She doesn't feel at ease when others clean the house, because she thinks others don't clean it cleanly. No matter how busy or tired she is, she has to do it herself.

Grandma Wu happily picked up the broom and prepared to sweep the floor. Looking at the white debris scattered everywhere on the ground, she threw the broom angrily and yelled at Mr. Wu: "You go out to sleep tonight, fulfill your promise Promise, if you don’t go out, I will!” As he was about to go out, his son and daughter-in-law held him back: “Mom, it’s so late and it’s raining outside. Where are you going? Let’s talk about it tomorrow.” < /p>

Wu Sanye was as puzzled as Monk Zhang Er and asked in surprise: "Old lady, how did I offend you? Do you need to be so angry?"

"You know what you're asking, why did you offend me? Look at your masterpiece on the ground, and you're so stubborn! I can't handle it!" Grandma Wu sat down on the sofa, breathing heavily.

Mr. Wu said embarrassedly: "What's wrong? It's too good to be good. Why? You have to explain it clearly!"

The son and daughter-in-law met the two elders again. I started to pinch myself, so I quickly tried to persuade him. Grandma Wu said angrily: "Your father's sloppy habit has happened again. Look at the old skin your father scratched, how disgusting it is. People who don't keep their word, if they can't get along, they might as well blow the light and pull the wax out. I will divorce your father tomorrow!" Before Mr. Wu could clarify the facts, Grandma Wu walked back to the house, slammed the door shut, locked the bedroom door and went to sleep. Poor Mr. Wu could only spend a long night on the sofa.

At dawn the next day, my daughter-in-law got up early to sweep the floor. She looked at the dense white debris on the ground and said to herself: "Why are there so many old skins on my father-in-law's feet? It's true, it's gone. No wonder my mother-in-law is angry." She looked carefully at the white debris on the ground while cleaning. After looking at it, she stood up with a smile, went back to the house, called her husband, and knocked on Grandma Wu's door together: "Mom, you haven't gotten up yet? Get up, there's a surprise."

Grandma Wu's annoyed and helpless voice came from the room: "That sloppy dad of yours made me so angry, where's the surprise?" I could hear it. Grandma Wu was still very angry.

The son smiled and said, "Mom, it's true. You'll know when you come out and take a look."

The bedroom door opened, and the son grabbed the white debris on the ground. Send it to Grandma Wu: "Mom, you are old and your eyesight is not very good. Please take a closer look. What are these white scraps? Are they the old foot skin that Dad scratched off?"

Grandma Wu looked at it He looked around, his face undergoing subtle changes, looking at his wife who was curled up on the sofa and sleeping soundly, smiled sheepishly, and said to his son distressedly: "It was me... I wronged your father."

The son nodded: "These white crumbs on the ground are all the work of your grandson. That boy is so naughty."

It turned out that when the grandson was eating sesame cakes last night, he was playing while eating them. , the pieces of white stuff on the ground are all the biscuit skins that fell on the ground. Grandma Wu mistakenly thought that Mr. Wu had relapsed into his old habit, and deliberately scratched his old feet, causing Mr. Wu to suffer a whole night of unjust injustice. Grandma Wu scratched the back of her head and said regretfully: "Look at the look in my eyes, we are not divorced!"

Funny bedtime story 3: Secretary Tang is drunk

Secretary Tang never gets drunk when he drinks. This time he got drunk because Director Wu asked him to drink. Secretary Tang doesn't have to drink other people's wine, but he can't stop drinking Director Wu's wine. He regards Director Wu as his biological father. Colleagues in the bureau said that he is more like a father than his father. Xiao Wang from the Publicity Department also wrote a short novel about Secretary Tang. The novel reads: The director just went upstairs, and Secretary Tang heard the footsteps and said, "The director went up to the second floor." The director coughed in the conference room, and Secretary Tang said that the director had finished drinking his tea. The director yawned in the office, and Secretary Tang said that the director had finished smoking.

Director Wu saw that Secretary Tang was very drunk, so he asked a car to take him home. Secretary Tang said: "I'm not drunk!" Director Wu said: "It's almost time to get off work. I'm fine. You go home and sleep." Director Wu told him to go to bed. How dare Secretary Tang not go home and sleep? When Secretary Tang came in, his wife When he went out, he even said: "Don't lock the door...Drink so much and get so drunk, you are looking for death." Seeing his wife nagging, Secretary Tang said angrily: "I'm not drunk, you know nothing!" Then, he closed the door hard and it was locked.

Secretary Tang’s wife received a call from her father-in-law and mother-in-law saying that she was coming and had to go buy groceries quickly. Seeing that Secretary Tang was back, she left with peace of mind. Secretary Tang went home and fell asleep. His parents came and rang the doorbell for a long time, but no one opened the door. Say to the door, your son has just returned.

The old couple knocked on the door again and again, and then Secretary Tang got up. He walked around the living room and went back to his room to sleep. The two were angry and funny, what happened to their son?

Secretary Tang’s wife came back and saw the two elders milling around the door and asked, “Mom and Dad, why don’t you go in?” Dad said, “This kid can’t go in.” Open the door, how do we get in?" Secretary Tang's wife took the key, but didn't take it with her. She yelled and finally woke up Secretary Tang. But he didn't open the door. He went to the bathroom, peed, and went to sleep again. He couldn't wake up.

The three of them were so anxious that they tried all kinds of methods, but they couldn't wake up Secretary Tang. The neighbor across the door said that there is a ladder in his house. You can go and take a look at it from the back. Secretary Tang's wife moved the ladder to the back and stood on the ladder, which was a long way off. She shouted into the room. She called Secretary Tang up. She said happily, "Get up."

Secretary Tang heard someone calling him and walked to the balcony. He was blown by the wind and vomited all over the balcony. He burped a few times and then stumbled into his room to sleep. His wife was so angry that she cursed and drank cat urine. She drank so much that she didn’t even recognize her relatives... I’ll have something nice for you tomorrow. I scolded and yelled, but I couldn't wake up Secretary Tang. His wife was so angry that she wanted to pry open the door. If the two elders hadn't stopped her, the door would have been forced open. The three of them were exhausted, and it was neither good nor bad for the two of them to leave.

My son was after school. He saw his grandparents and mother standing at the door, asking him what happened to you? His mother said, your father was drunk and couldn’t wake him up. The son said: "You don't know my dad very well, look at me." The son stood at the door and called softly: "Tang Longsheng, the director is looking for you."

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Secretary Tang got out of bed, rushed to the door, opened the door and said, "Director Wu, where are you?!"