Ask for the funniest jokes, the more the better.

1 Duan Xuan of Xixi Weiti Channel 5 speaks the ball: "It's really a sweat for them!"

When crossing the street the day before yesterday, BF rushed forward without looking at the light. I thought it was a red light, so I reached for him and shouted "red heart! ! "

There are too many tractors. ...

Our teacher: "I never say the second time, ah, the second time."

Customer Service: Which song do you want?

Netizen: I want "I really love you" sung by Huang Jiagou.

Customer service: .........

Big five 1 At that time, I didn't do business, but watched movies and played games in the dormitory all day. One day, I stayed up late, went to the school cafeteria, pointed to buns and said, 3 buns, pack and download. ...

Live like a hero and die like a bear.

7 elementary school went to the teacher's house to make up lessons. A circle of children, I recruited mosquitoes and got stung by a giant bag.

The teacher took the wind oil essence and asked me, "Who bit you?" I replied, "Mosquito" ... asked and answered three times, and the teacher suddenly said, "Er ... I want to ask who the mosquito bit ..."

Originally, I wanted to treat everyone to peaches, but I happened to have no money, so I went to Cary to withdraw money.

To the reception desk, "please, two jins of peaches ~ ~! ! "

She and I stayed ~ ~ ~

I remember when I was in high school, I went to the canteen for breakfast in the morning, which should be "give me two steamed buns", and later said "give me a steamed bun, and …" The chef asked me what else I had, and I added, "There is another steamed bun."

At that time, that Khan looked at me shyly from behind.

10 guy. Go out with him. I'll drive. How can he get to the crossroads?

He pointed to the left and said, turn right! ! ! Turn right! ! ! ! !

1 1 Better late than never.

12 went to the movies with friends and blurted out when buying tickets: 5 tickets. My friend quickly pulled me and said, there are only four of us. I quickly said to the conductor: Wrong, wrong, not four, but five. My friends were stunned, so I quickly took me aside and told people that it was four.

Shameless, I graduated from primary school. . . . . .

13 the flood is like a herd of wild horses with rectal prolapse. ...

14 once in the internet cafe CS, I wanted the webmaster to bring me a bottle of green tea. As a result, AK shot me in the head and casually shouted, "webmaster, get me m16 ..."

15 We discussed how to spend money in the future. My colleague loudly said that I want to buy a "carved coat".

16 friends complained that it was too expensive to buy clothes recently. Others said they could buy it in XX. He replied that XX is expensive, but it's not beautiful. The man said it was not expensive. Look at my skirt. It's only 25. It looks good. Without thinking, he complimented: You are really like a star. You wear 250 clothes.

17 wanted to buy a tomato-flavored farmer's orchard, and the result said, boss, give me a bottle of tomato orchard.

18 I remember coming home from an English class when I was a child. My mother wanted me to brush it quickly, so she said, daughter! This research must take advantage of the fire to be effective!

I've thought about it for a long time. What she means is strike while the iron is hot.

19 We are all grasshoppers tied to the same boat.

I ate what my mother bought for my grandfather.

Be scolded

I replied: I said it was filial piety to grandpa, and I thought it was filial piety to me. ......

Be hunted down

2 1 The head teacher in junior high school is fierce, and B and D can't be distinguished.

Once I finished the problem and checked the answer.

The head teacher said: The answer to the following question is "B(D)"

A classmate whispered, Is it B or D?

The class teacher is angry: B(D) of ABCD! ! !

The whole class is sweating.

Roommate classic slip of the tongue: I wash my hair and cook noodles. Look, when you come back, my head and noodles will be cooked together. ...

anxious ...

When we organized blood donation at school, we lay side by side on a row of recliners. One of the boys began to donate blood smoothly, but the blood actually began to flow back into the blood vessels from the middle blood bag. The doctor began to adjust the angle of the couch for him, and at the same time let his hand force the blood to come out.

The doctor adjusted him and said, "Push, push, push, and he will come out soon ~ ~" Haha, a group of us laughed on the spot, and the boy looked innocent and depressed.

My roommate brought in a CD: Do you want to watch Hamlet and the Order of the Phoenix?

Camels are bigger than horses.

The teacher lamented that the students didn't do well in the exam in class and said sadly, "You just don't listen to me."

When I came back from kindergarten at the age of 26, I learned a newspaper song to show my mother.

"Today's porridge is really good.

Seven coppers for two cents. "

My mother thinks this porridge is quite expensive.

Wife: You have never eaten pork, but you always see pigs run away.

Me: I didn't run.

28 once ran to the east gate of the school to eat.

Walking into a noodle restaurant, there are many kinds of soups. I looked at it, and it was interesting. I pointed to the menu and said to my boss, boss, I want this crow soup!

The people who went with him and the boss laughed hysterically.

~ ~ ~ It turned out to be black chicken soup ~ ~ ~

29 I recite the text:

The Red Army is not afraid of the expedition, and the Long March has not yet returned. ...

When I just gave birth to my baby, I was still in the hospital. I looked at the baby in the crib and said happily, "Come on, sister!" " "

At that time, I was not used to being a mother! The whole ward laughed as a result!

In a physics exercise class in 3 1 high school, the teacher said happily, "the conditions given by the topic are changing, but they are all the same." You see, I just changed a little, and now I have to change it! "

Everyone bowed their heads silently. ...

When my son was born a few months ago, I was always eager to hear him call him "Dad", so I always took pains to teach him: "Call Dad, call Dad ..." My wife said, "Silly, he is still young, how can it be now?" After that, I went to the bathroom. I am still trying to teach. After a while, my wife came out of the bathroom and saw that I was still lying in bed. She gently shouted to her son, "Dad, dad, dad. . . . . . "My wife immediately smiled and said," Who is whose father? Ha ha. . . . . . "I am so embarrassed.

I bought my mother a T-shirt that I love China the other day. My mother was very happy and said excitedly, let's wear it together today and have a seizure.

One Sunday at the end of last century, four of our good friends went to Xiangshan, where there were many people. Finally, I found a quiet place. I took out my broken camera and debugged it. My girlfriend A ran excitedly: "Whose camera?" Take a picture of me! "

I was distracted and heard "~ what camera ~", so Chen Chang proudly replied loudly: "It's a fool's! ……"

As a result, all three of them smiled brightly in the photo of 555555.

35. A colleague went to a lecture on disaster prevention model and came back to describe how touching the atmosphere was: "... several people cried their noses and peed% # # @ ..."

Let's just say, just a few weeks into school, Tiao Tiao had a little conflict with my deskmate, so-"It's a nice day today. Qiu xx came to Peach Blossom Island and saw Huang Rong taking a bath. Fortunately, pop rocks arrived early. He moved with Gan Kun and hit the uninhabited island with one punch ~ ~! "

In the past, such warriors appeared like mushrooms after rain in our textbooks, such as Dong Cunrui who bombed the bunker and Huang Jiguang who jumped into the ice lake to save people in the cold winter. Huang Jiguang, what can you do in the cold lake without blocking your eyes? )

Li Yu is singing: I can't move, I have a lot on my mind, just like a river flowing eastward. Li Qingzhao and Li Sang Yu are together, right? )

Jie Jun is the eater of the fittest, and the survival of the fittest. Good teeth have a good appetite. )

A patient has a bone marrow problem, but he has not caught anyone who thinks it is suitable to donate his bone marrow. (Keep catching, and send police to guard stations, docks and intersections until you catch the right one.)

A depressed young man was walking alone in the cold street. I wonder what this young man looks like. )

He went to school to earn money during the day and stole books in the sun at night ... Finally, he became the founder of Russia-Gorky. I wonder if the sun will shine at night? )

Suddenly, a soldier stepped out of the passengers. He went to the captain's side and took out his mobile phone from his waist and pointed it at the captain's chest ... (I have been wondering why I can't turn on my mobile phone by plane. It turns out that I was afraid that someone would use it to hijack the plane ...)

At first, my heart fell to the lowest point of Mount Everest ... (...)

People who choose the beauty of money ask themselves, are you happy? Are you happy? If your answer is yes, then you must not be human ... (er ... it seems that only a few people in this world are human ...)

I went shopping in a shopping mall, just came out of the underwear store and went to the store selling pants. After trying for a long time, those pants became thinner, so I asked, "Boss! Do you have this 2' 8' underwear? "

Southerners have never seen Hericium erinaceus (mushrooms that look like Hericium erinaceus). One day, a southerner asked me, "What does Hericium erinaceus look like?" I said, "that's the kind of monkey that looks like a mushroom!" " "

My wife suddenly wanted to listen to music one day. I asked her, "What song do you want to listen to?" She said, "Show me that Alan Tam sheep in sheep's clothing!

Snack car sells small intestine rolls and tofu brain every noon. One day, I suddenly wanted to eat. I was just about to go out to buy it when the boss rode away. I chased him and shouted, "wait for that small intestine!" "

I brushed my teeth in the morning and found that my toothpaste' Kangyaling' was missing. After looking for it for a long time, I asked my wife, "Where's my Concord?"

6. When I was a child, I was naughty and broke my grandfather's pipe. Grandpa was very angry and scolded, "you son of a bitch, the pipe ruined you!" " " ――! The pipe is killing me!

7. Talking to my mother about what children should eat when they grow up, my mother said, "You can eat something else when you are four months old." I said, "Yes! I'll make him some rice soup, liver mud, vegetable juice, tofu skin and so on. " Mom: "steam some egg skins for him by the way." (egg paste)

8. I watched an anti-Japanese movie with some buddies, and the people in the movie shouted' Down with Japanese imperialism'. Buddies also stood up and shouted, "Down with Japanese imperialism."

9. Going out to play ball with some buddies, I saw a BMW biu passing us on the way. A buddy sighed: "Hey! This horse runs faster than a rabbit!

10. Go upstairs to see my son after work every day. When you see your son, you say, "Baby daddy is here to see you! Do you miss your father? " At this moment, my son suddenly vomited milk, so I shouted to my wife, "Come here quickly! Dad vomited milk again! "

13. A friend of mine always likes to use two-part allegorical sayings. Once we were discussing a problem, he came to listen and said, "It's obvious that this problem is not a bald man on his head!" " (It should be lice on the bald man's head)

14. I went to the supermarket to buy milk. I don't know what to buy. The shopping guide asked me, "What do you want to buy?" I said, "I want to buy milk from cows." Miss shopping guide: "You said pure milk, right?" I said, "What kind, let me have a look first?" The shopping guide brought a box, and I looked at it and said, "Is this made of pure cattle?"

15. I want to play ball with some buddies, and it suddenly rains outside. After waiting in the house for more than an hour, the rain still didn't stop, just scattered. The buddy looked outside and said, "It's raining. It seems that my dad urinates frequently!" " "

16. I got up in the morning and saw a beautiful girl standing outside the next door with messy hair. I asked, "How did you do it?" She yawned and said, "I got up too early in the morning. I didn't wash my face or my teeth! "

17. Go to the restaurant for a drink with the master. The waiter asked, "What would you like to drink?" Host: "I drink." Waiter: "What kind of drink do you want?" Master: "Give me a bottle of Erguotou!"

18. In math class. The teacher asked my deskmate, "What is 150+ 100?" My deskmate: "Teacher 250!" "teacher:" how much? "My deskmate:" Teacher 250!

1. Last Sunday I went to McDonald's and ate KFC with a price of 100 yuan! (proudly)

Eight women in the dormitory are sitting together, chatting and knocking on melon seeds. They talked with rapt attention. I threw away the melon seeds and sent them to my mouth. )

3. Wow! Why are there so many schoolbags in your things? (depressed,,)

There are only girls in nursing major, so the best friends in the class are called wives and husbands. (Not a lesbian) Once, the teacher asked a classmate to go to the office. As soon as the classmate entered the office, he said politely, "Wife, what can I do for you?" The teacher has a black line on his face. )

I just combed my hair last night. No wonder it was so difficult to wash it this morning.

6. Let's brush our teeth and wash our faces. (Dentures,,)

7. Take a shower with a friend in the evening. She is beside me. I suddenly said to her, "I feel that wiping towels with my feet is disgusting." (It turns out that she has been staring at me. )

8. A classmate, nervous and anxious: "I have something urgent to tell you! It's urgent! "

Go ahead,

"I tell you, oh! ,,,, Ugh! Forget it, "(brain,,)

9. My grandfather died once. (How many times will your grandfather die? )

10. That Zhang XX, what's your last name again? I forgot, the title of the song is getting weirder and weirder now. .

1. I love you by Cyndi Wang, I love you by S.H.E, I really love you by Beyond, I really love you by Jonathan Lee, and I really really love you by Jerry Yan.

Comments: Is it so complicated?

2. If you are false by Faye Wong, If I am true by Teresa Teng, If I am false by Xiao Zhengnan and True or False by Mai.

Comments: Shit, can I return it?

3. Jackie Chan's Who am I, Cockroach's Forget Who I am, Jolin Tsai's Who Are You, and Xu Zhian's Forget Who You Are.

Comments: You all need melatonin!

4. Elva Hsiao's "Be your girl all your life" and Long Meizi's "Be your woman in the next life".

Comments: Yes, mature!

5. Pu Shu's I Love You Goodbye and Ding Wei's Goodbye I Love You.

Remarks: No delivery. ...

6. Su Yongkang's "Men shouldn't make women cry" and Jordan chan's "Women shouldn't make men too tired".

Comments: What a sweet little couple!

7. Jiang Yuheng, Stephanie, Wang Leehom, Wilber Pan, Zhao Wei, Guo Meimei and Ekin Cheng's "If you love me, will you be afraid?"

Comments: Really courageous!

8. Dong Wenhua's Story of Spring, Miriam Yeung's Story of Summer, Ailing Chen's Story of Autumn and Ray Ma's Story of Winter.

35. A colleague went to a lecture on disaster prevention model and came back to describe how touching the atmosphere was: "... several people cried their noses and peed% # # @ ..."

Ga ga, sin, sin ...

A took part in the 100 meter race. He was very brave. At the finish line, he galloped forward because he pushed too hard. His mouth is full of sand and his face is scarred. Everyone hurried around and saw the monitor shouting nervously, "Ah! Nosebleeds in the mouth! " (I dare to be scared out of my wits)

Xiao Peng got a huge idol poster and painted it on the wall excitedly for a long time. When Old A came back from outside, Xiao Peng asked Old A happily, "What do you think of this?" Old a looked at it. As he took off his shoes, he casually said, "How to paste it? Just stick the wall on the wall. "

Old A is very untidy, and the monitor happens to live in his lower berth. Besides, the monitor is a neat freak. Once, old A's shorts fell to the ground, and the monitor picked them up for him. He said to Old A, "Look at you taking off your shorts everywhere ..." (I don't know how many shorts Old A has to wear to take off everywhere ...)

Lao A and I went to have breakfast and ordered a bowl of fried noodles, which turned into paste. I frowned and said to my boss, "Boss, the noodles are all fried ..." (I was going to say fried sauce)

Old a secretly took the little golden hair at home to the dormitory. Little golden retriever is very cute. Eating jiaozi, he threw a jiaozi to Jin Mao. Xiaojinmao ate with relish. The monitor smiled and said, "This is probably the only jiaozi who eats dogs in the world ..." Everyone laughed.

Xiao Peng secretly used the monitor's soap and was found by the monitor. The monitor shouted smoothly, "spit out the soap for me!" " "

One day, Xiao Peng met his secret crush on MM in the canteen. MM lined up with lunch boxes. Xiao Peng wants to go over and talk to her, but he doesn't know what to say. When he saw MM's bowl, he had a brainwave and went over to say "What a big bowl". What big breasts! "Almost killed by MM's eyes. (I guess I've seen a lot of porn recently.)

Physical education class, old A wants to tell me that he is going to run. As a result, Xiao Peng shouted "Hurry to eat!" As a result, Old A said, "I have to run to eat ..."

On one occasion, Old A was smoking in the dormitory toilet, and it happened that the housekeeper checked the dormitory. She found someone missing and asked the monitor where he had gone. The atmosphere was tense. The monitor hesitated for a long time and said to the housekeeper, "teacher, he is defecating in the toilet!" " (I want to say defecation) Even the housekeeper laughed to death.

1. One day, my mother and I passed by a quagmire. She said, "Don't make any more mistakes. Last time, my shoes were covered with mud. " Me: Yes, I polished my shoes several times last time! - =|||

2. I remember when I watched Tinkling Cats, there was a saying: Daxiong, you are a man, how can you not show your manhood? I said to a girl: ××, you are a woman, how can you not show your manhood?

3, physical education teacher: "Look at your hair ball, let you do sit-ups, only do more than 30, other classes squat and do 50 classes!" Even: What does squatting and standing have to do with our sit-ups? )

4. Candy store owner: What does my little sister want? One: Ganmaoling ......

5. Leader: Well done today, continue to do it next year! Even number: Oh ... (It will be fine next year)

6. Who is Chen Xiaoyi's wife? Even number:-|||

7. Even: What is a four-lap car? Colleague: Olympics! (Four, not five)

8. Look at these cans! (Hillary)

9. Sister's father's wife's grandmother's little granddaughter's sister is a pig!

10, even: Wow! Xiao Ming, cut a taro! Big sister: I'll give money to taro if I find it.

When I was born, I happened to catch up with the midwife's brokenhearted. Because she didn't cry for the first time, she beat her up.

When I was one year old, I just learned to crawl and walked around the house. I found a mousetrap under the bed. It is said that the mousetrap has been bought for two years, and no mouse has been caught. It was my hand that caught it for the first time.

I learned to walk when I was two years old. Play hide-and-seek with my parents at home. I hid under the bed and stepped on another mousetrap. It is said that this mousetrap has been bought for three years, and the first time I caught it was my leg.

When I was three years old, I wanted to go down the stairs. Mrs. Zhang next door said that she would lead me downstairs in order not to fall. As a result, she fell down the stairs before she finished. From the fourth floor to the first floor, you can directly enter the stage of Alzheimer's disease.

When I was four years old, my uncle, a policeman, led me across the street. I didn't say thank you. He was hit by a motorcycle crossing the street and was disabled for the first time.

When I was five years old, my father sent me to kindergarten. My aunt in kindergarten praised me for my beauty. Just after that, a vase fell from the fifth floor and hit my aunt's skull directly.

When I was six years old, I went to the zoo for the first time. I said the male panda is better than the female panda. The next day, I praised my panda for dying in childbirth.

When I was seven years old, I went to primary school. In the final exam, the math teacher said that I got 59 points, even if I got 60 points. The next day, the math teacher died in a car accident.

When I was eight years old, I praised the girls in our class for being so beautiful. Five minutes later, the girl caught a rare meteor shower.

10. When I was nine years old, I learned to rob. I robbed a five-year-old child on the road. He beat me up. He claimed to be a layman in Shaolin Temple.

1 1. When I was ten years old, I went to the toilet with Xiao Pang. Xiao Pang praised me for being handsome in the toilet. I was just about to say thank you. Xiao Pang fell into the toilet.

12. When I was eleven years old, my teacher asked me how much it was for Sanqi, and I said Sanqi 21. The teacher said you were so smart that you died of a heart attack before you finished.

13. Twelve years old, primary school graduation exam. The invigilator said to me, hurry up, there is not much time. I said, thank you for reminding me. Just then, the electric fan above the teacher fell off. ......

14. When I was thirteen years old, I went to junior high school. My previous experience scared no one near me. Only one student, Wang Xing, who claimed to be bold, told me: I don't believe you can recite like this. In the afternoon, Wang Dan was chased by two bulls for eight blocks.

15. When I was fourteen years old, the teacher asked us to write a composition entitled Our Bridge. I mentioned in my composition that the bridge in the city is magnificent ... The next day, when I went to class, I found that it suddenly collapsed.

16. When I was fifteen, I fell in love with a girl. I dare not say it for fear of hurting her. But I can't help myself. Finally, I chose a sunny day and confessed to her in the open-air playground of the school. According to the weather forecast, there will never be a meteor shower that day. But when I confessed, the earthquake happened, and I watched the girl cry and fall into the crack. ......

17. When I was sixteen, I was in high school. I like playing football, and the goalkeeper praised me for playing well. Then, the target suddenly collapsed. ......

18. At the age of seventeen, I followed the crowd to watch a scene of jumping off a building. As a result, I was pinned down by him ... Two months later, he and I were both discharged from the hospital. At the gate of the inpatient department, he said thank you for saving him. So he was pinned down by another jumper, and this time he didn't survive. ......

19. When I was eighteen, I came of age. The first time I went to the bank to withdraw money, I met a bank robber. The counter lady said: shh ... don't make any noise, or the robber will kill someone. Before her voice fell, the lady at the counter was twisted by the robbers. ......

20. Nineteen years old, going to college and drinking with classmates. Four of them drank two bottles of wine, and three of them followed Yan. I was expelled from school and put on probation. ...

When I was 20 years old, I told my classmates that flying is safer than taking the train. So, the plane began to fall. ......

When I was twenty-one, I told my father that if I had the chance, I would definitely visit the American Twin Towers. Thus, 9 1 1 occurred. ......

On 23rd 22nd, I made a bet with my colleagues that China would definitely get good results in the World Cup. So ..... Later, I was invited to a national seminar, the theme of which was why I was so unlucky. When I submitted my story to the organizing Committee, the theme became why I was so lucky. I participated.

24. When I was 23 years old, in April, I quit my job in a bank and went to an air travel company. Soon after, SARS came. The company went bankrupt. ...

25. In those days, when I was unemployed at home, I really had nothing to do. I talked about a girlfriend. After the old routine, it is ks. As a result, the mask was turned upside down. ...

I am very touched to see that many people have made a fortune by SARS. I scraped together 6.5438+0.5 million and pulled a load of vegetables. When I arrived in Beijing, someone paid 250 thousand for it. Hum! Wait, no. 350 thousand is impossible On the third day, the price of vegetables stabilized and the food began to rot. Find a buyer quickly. The other party offered 3000 yuan and sold it. ...

27. There is an old saying in China: Whoever falls will get up from there! I found that the supply of masks has been in short supply and the price has gone up, so I started to set up a factory to produce "Shuai" brand masks. It is very economical to use waste materials, earning 10 thousand a day. The next day, the Administration for Industry and Commerce and the Technical Supervision Bureau closed our factory and fined 30,000 yuan. ...

28. It seems that I am not suitable for business. Be an official! I spent 48 thousand on the director, and he promised to fix it for me! Go to work tomorrow. The next day, I went and the director was taken away by the procuratorate's car. My money not only hit Shui Piao, but also let me in. ...

29. A month later, I was released on bail pending trial. No sooner had I got home than my girlfriend collapsed in the hospital. I heard that she had SARS, and she left when I arrived. Wearing a "handsome" brand mask ...

30. I'd better take the right path. Learn to surf the internet from a netizen who loves to eat. With her encouragement, I posted a post called "Why should I reply to a post?" She praised it and followed it quickly. As a result, her computer almost died. The next day, I posted another post called "I can't love it after reading it." Why? She was too scared to answer, so that all the computers in her company were paralyzed. ...

3 1. I met three female netizens online: the first one has a sweet voice-56 years old; The second 20-year-old is beautiful, but mm doesn't like boys. The third is 2 1 year-old, beautiful, talented, likes boys and likes me. When we met, I told her a joke, and I couldn't help laughing. ...

1, one day, the old class found that there were many candy wrappers in the class, and immediately thought of the rule that no candy was allowed in the school rules, so he said angrily to us: People who eat candy wrappers really despise the school rules!

(= = || Do you eat candy paper? )

2. One day, a classmate criticized one of our classmates for calling him a nephew (we are all brothers and sisters, and he happens to know his son-||), so-

Classmate B: I worked hard to raise you. Is it easy for me?

Classmate A: I gave birth to you and raised you for decades. Do you deserve me?

Classmate C: I raised you with a handful of shit and urine. ...

(Horrible ~ poor child ~)

One morning in English class, a classmate spoke impassioned to his deskmate, and the English teacher glared at him. The classmate continued to make a long speech, and the English teacher pointed at the classmate and shouted, I'm staring at you and you can't hear me! ! !

(= = || I heard it was Superman ~)

4. The old class said to us one day: Hey ~ I heard that there are stupid cats in the class next door. Is there one in our class?

Everyone wants to know. ...

Lao Ban: What are you doing? Stupid cat! Whose clothes are those! !

When we look at it, ah ~ he is talking about Doraemon. ...

(stupid cat? What a lovely name ...)

One day, the Chinese teacher came in and said, Students, who did the worst in this exam? Student A, 74 points! The only one in the class who took the 75 exam! ! !

At this moment, the math teacher came in, and the Chinese teacher asked, Hey, how was math this time?

The math teacher said angrily, that classmate got 25 points!

Just then, the English teacher came in and criticized the teacher: Do you know that classmate A only got 24 and 5 this time? ! The result is the last one! !

At this time, the math teacher said with relief: Ah ~ I'm so happy ~ My classmate A gave me 0 and 5 points ~ ~

(Khan ~ ~ If you have a good connotation ~)

6. A classmate went out with me, and I accidentally spilled water on him. He glared at me angrily and rushed to the nearby McDonald's retail station to buy an ice cream. I don't understand. The classmate said, you can't buy ice cream. Can you give me a piece of paper by the way? ...

(= = || What a high cost)

7. The student proudly said: Do you know who my ancestors were? Wang Xizhi! Do you know what Wang Xizhi does? Chess player! !

(ah? ..... In fact, we later learned that he meant writing on chess ...) The tortoise was bathing in the river and was seen by the toad.

Tortoise: Haven't you seen a beautiful woman like me? Look, your eyes are popping out.

Toad: Sister, don't tease me. Can't you see I have goose bumps?

2. The oriole saw the weasel looking for food and said, "You thief have been sneaking around all day, losing the face of the old Huang family."

As soon as the voice fell, the oriole was shot down, and the weasel scolded, "Silly X, you don't even know how to sweep pornography now!" "

Dragonfly made a girlfriend "cicada". Mother dragonfly asked anxiously, what does she do?

Dragonfly: That's a singer!

Mother Dragonfly: Singer? I've dug tunnels before!

4. An ant quarreled with the crow in the tree!

Ant: Come down if you dare!

Crow: Come up if you have the guts!

Ant: OK! You wait for me, and you will know!

Crow: What do you want?

Ant: I'll let all my brothers shake you down and kill you immediately!

5. Two dung beetles discuss the welfare lottery. A dung beetles: If I win the grand prize, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day!

B dung beetles: You are so vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

6. The male butterfly sings to the female butterfly, "You are my lover, a woman like a rose!" " After singing, I flew to pick roses.

Then there was a scream, and Mother Butterfly sang, "Honey, fly slowly, be careful of the thorny rose in front!" " "

7. A pair of ducks went to play by the river and saw the frog couple hibernating in the cave by the river. Drake: Look, how happy I am. Mother duck said to the drake: Don't look, it's the big boss, living in a villa, honeymoon, let's never think about it in this life!

24. My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but I forgot to bring my handkerchief and I have been sniffing hard. The Chinese teacher suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher is > He said, "Who steals noodles in class and makes so much noise?" "

25. The patient said to the dentist, "You really make money. It only took you three seconds to earn $3. "

The doctor replied, "If you like, I can pull it out in slow motion."

26. "Narcissism" means that you must be reborn as a woman in your next life and then marry a man like me; "Despair" means that the restaurant ordered two dishes and ate the first one: "Is there anything worse in the world? ! "Eat the second" shit! There really is! " "Silence" means that the judge asks: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money.

I want to give you the upper limit.