Absolute children's classic funny quotations

1. The baby gave his mother a stomachache before birth and a headache after birth. 2. Children like myths, fairy tales, nonsense and jokes, and prefer disobedience.

Children usually only do two things, make themselves laugh and drive their parents crazy.

The purpose of parents showing their children the circus is to warn them: even lions and tigers are so obedient, why can't you?

Children like clowns, but adults don't, because they think they are alike enough (it seems that I am also changing in this direction).

6. Children like ghost stories because they can convince themselves that parents are not the most terrible.

7. Children's minds are full of impossible things, and adults' minds are full of impossible rules.

8. If life is a play, children are pranks.

9. Children lie not because of their good memory, but because of their creativity.

10, the classes in children's minds are divided into toy classes and non-toy classes.

1 1. The biggest difference between adults and children is that children only care about toys, while adults only care about toy prices.

12, addition, subtraction, multiplication and division is the first step for children to learn to be selfish.

13. Adults always tell us that if we win the first place in the exam, the toys will be rewarded. The question is: do we still have time to play with toys if we want to get the first place in the exam?

14, the so-called inheritance, is what children and parents will think at the same time when the score is zero.

There are no losers in children's world because they don't care about success at all.

16, children will never feel bored, they will only feel bored with their parents.

17. Children look at all adults with optimism, while adults look at all children with pessimism.

Children are optimists, so good things will happen to them. Adults are sad, so good things will be turned into bad things by them.

19, adults know more about others and children know more about themselves every day.

20. The so-called child expert is a person who thinks he knows the world of children, but in fact he just doesn't know enough about the world of adults.

2 1, a beautiful world in children's hearts: parents don't beat and scold children, teachers listen to students, and every day from Monday to Saturday is Sunday.

22. If one day: stones turn into marshmallows, rain turns into soda, weeds turn into French fries, bombs turn into fried chicken, and parents disappear. This is a world that children dream of.

23. If you can make a wish on the magic lamp.

The fat boy said, give me candy.

The playful child said, give me the toy.

The child at school said, Give me the first place.

The absolute child said, give me ten more magic lamps.

Funny quotations more classic than absolute classics.

1: A hunter hunts and sees two birds in the tree. He shot down one with a gun and found it hairless. The hunter was wondering when another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: fuck you! No sooner had I stripped her naked than you knocked her down! 2. When couples have sex, the husband always asks to turn off the lights. At some point, my wife suddenly turned on the light and said angrily, so you have been lying to me with cucumbers! My husband is angry, too. Shit, I haven't asked you what happened to your child yet.

3. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

4. A mother, her grandmother and two daughters suffered an unfortunate plane crash. The four of them drifted to an island with a big suitcase, and the island was full of soldiers of different ages. At this time, a mature soldier came over and forcibly took his mother away. The youngest daughter hugged his leg and said, don't take my mother away! A Bing kicked her away and said, What do children know? At this moment, another young A Bing came and took my sister away. The little girl hugged his leg and said, don't take my sister away! Young A Bing also kicked her away, saying, What do children know? At this time, a veteran came over and the little girl was about to rush over. Grandma kicked the little girl away and said, what do children know?

In other words, Guan Yu was shot in the arm by a poisonous arrow. Hua tuo curetted bones and treated poison for him. Guan Yu asked Hua Tuo: Doctor, this injury will not affect my sex life, will it? Hua tuo thought for a moment and said, well, that depends on which hand you are used to.

It is said that a woman in Dian Wei loves him very much. After he died, the woman took his little brother home, then opened a hole in the wall, stuffed him in and stroked him every night. When Xiahou Chun, Xia, Coss and Cao Hong learned about this, they secretly ran to the wall next door, took off Dian Wei's little brother, stuffed his little brother in, and then the woman touched it at night. To be fair, Xiahou Chun, Xia,, Coss and Cao Hong change people once a day. On this day, it's summer's turn. After he stuffed his little brother in, the woman came over. She took out a knife and cut off his little brother, saying, Wei, let's move.

7. The professor asked: What are the similarities between rotten radish and pregnant women? A student replied: it's all caused by bugs. Only get 60 points. Another student got full marks, and the answer was: it was all because he was late.

8. Dong Zhuo hosted a banquet for Lu Bu, Marotta and other confidants, accompanied by the story of Diusim. In order to test everyone's loyalty, Zhuo is famous for his black chest. During the dinner, the candle suddenly went out. When we looked again, everyone's hands were black and clean. Zhuosui enjoys cloth, smiles and likes to eat.

The farmer complained to the doctor that he often felt cold feet after sleeping at night. "Yes," said the doctor, "I often have this phenomenon, and then I will hug my wife so that my feet will be warm! The farmer took great courage and said, "This is a very good idea, but-when is it convenient for your wife?" "

10: When the emperor saw the princess's sad face, he called the imperial doctor. The prescription is eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went out to visit the palace. He was overjoyed when he saw the princess radiant. Suddenly, he saw eight thin people standing in front of the palace. He was surprised and asked, Who? Doctor A: Residue.

1 1: Two beggars want to eat a lump of shit and live. You eat, I'm not hungry. A vomited after eating, and B immediately ate and said, I just want to eat tons of heat.

12: The company has a beautiful new female secretary. On the third day, the manager proudly said to the assistant manager, Last night, I found that the new secretary was better in bed than my wife. The assistant manager agreed, I feel better than your wife, too.

13: A man went to the hospital for SARS examination, and the nurse took a needle to give him a blood test. Because there was no cotton at that time, the nurse dared to hold his finger tightly in his mouth. The man was obsessed for a long time and said leisurely, is it possible for me to have another urine test?

14: A man chats. The first one said that I had sex with my record five times last night. The next day lp called me honey very, very sweetly. The second one said, so what? I did 10 times last night. Lp almost didn't let me go to work today, and then asked the third one, what about you? The third thought about it and said 1 time. The other two laughed at him. Haha, what did you say in lp today, dear, shall we have a rest?

49 classic funny quotations in 202 1 _ absolutely hilarious

1 day didn't give me a big fight, but it still hurts me and tires me.

How to lose weight if you don't have enough food?

A newspaper published a photo of a couple with their dog. Picture title-dogs, males and females.

My lover calls me a third party!

Everyone was drunk and I woke up alone. Lao tze is not serious!

When men and women flirt, the most distinctive Chinese character is born: bump.

After studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten.

If there were not too many liars, I would have sold my kidney!

Menstruation is not only the pain of women, but also the pain of men.

10 He was 25 years old and retired prematurely.

1 1 There are two kinds of men, one is lascivious and the other is very lascivious. There are two kinds of women, one is pretending to be pure, and the other is pretending to be impure.

12 Interpretation is cover-up, and cover-up is story-telling.

13 wanted to change my life, but life changed me.

20xx classic funny quotations 49 selected _ absolutely hilarious

I came from hell to invite you. When you see Satan, please tell him that I have added animals to his hell.

15 Use your IQ to count the moon instead of the stars!

16 I didn't guess the beginning of our story, nor did I guess the end of this story.

17 In order to save water, try to take a bath with your girlfriend.

18 Even if I am a piece of shit, I am also a piece of thinking shit!

19 men give women bras to show that they want to establish a lover relationship; A woman gives a man underwear, which means there is a lover relationship.

I have eight honors on my left and eight disgraces on my right, representing the harmony between my waist and my chest. People stop killing, while Buddhas stop killing!

2 1 Let the storm come more violently. Anyway, I sell umbrellas!

When did the moon begin to appear? Look up by yourself.

I feel the most tired when I have nothing to do.

During the episode of intermittent depression, don't disturb strangers or find acquaintances.

Roses are cheap. You can give them to your wife.

Maybe it seems so, but not necessarily.

Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible!

Beat the earth square!

There is a four-year-old girl in 29 families who just played with a neighbor girl (the same age). The girl said, let's play house. You are the mother and I am the daughter. At that time, the landlord thought: silly, that won't make people take advantage. At this moment, the girl came: Mom, I want to eat crushed ice. So the neighbor's child went home and took it away. I want to say, daughter, how deep are you hiding!

If there is only one bite of porridge in the future, you drink it first, and then I lick the bowl clean.

3 1 The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, nor between love and ignorance, but between beds in winter.

If it were all ginger, what a spicy society it would be.

I feel like two pigs because one pig can't describe your stupidity.

After marriage, men are like tablecloths, which only appear when eating.

35 Dinosaurs said: Don't worry when you encounter metamorphosis; When you meet a beast, enjoy it slowly

Journey to the West tells us that monsters with backgrounds have been taken away, and those without backgrounds have been killed by a stick.

37 abstinence, do not disturb! Or I'll break the rules.

Pay more attention to Three Gorges Online, and you can share more classic inventory.

When I woke up, it was dark.

40 white camel mountain strong bone powder, get a knife to apply a pack, but also want to get a second knife.

4 1 I don't know whose daughter-in-law is in my bed, and my daughter-in-law doesn't know whose bed she is!

You must look at the object carefully now, because there are too many men and women now!

From heaven to hell, I pass by!

It's easier to hide in the light than in the dark.

Some people treat you like garbage when you are polite to them.

Choose a mature woman, the skirt is easy to pull.

My advantages are: I am handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

Family affairs, state affairs and the world, no money to eat is a big deal!

Classic funny quotations that will never let you down.

Classic funny quotations that will never let you down.

1. The alarm clock only woke up my body, but it couldn't wake up my sleeping heart.

You look very sunny, but you look too dazzling.

It is very hot in summer, so it feels like washing vegetables for mosquitoes every time you take a bath.

I used time to prove my singleness, but you let time prove my stupidity!

5. Weibo has become a mistress, QQ is an old love, but MSN is still the main room.

6. I have a heart to lose weight, but I live a life of eating goods.

7. When an idiot doesn't make any more mistakes, it means he is unhappy.

8. The little sunflower mother started the class, and the child's cough was not good, mostly because it was abolished.

9. You know ... when your mother calls out your full name, you are in trouble. ...

10, when you have nothing to lose, that's when you start to get it.

1 1. Mom told me: If your husband bullies you, let your grandparents take him away.

12, holding rape blossoms, driving Jialing Tsai, turning a corner and losing a tire.

13, welcome to your moon, my heart, the good man is me, I am Ceng Xiaoxian.

14, love school, couples go to school, homework is halved and exams are free.

15. Never hang yourself from a tree. Try to hang yourself several times on several surrounding trees.

16, oh, I see. Desperate to save face, you put Bibi cream in the coffin.

17, if one day I become a hooligan, please tell the world that I am innocent.

18, the most romantic thing I can think of is selling computers with you.

19, finally found a question that Baidu didn't know: Do you know when I will have my period?

20. Living in this fucked-up age, we should hold a fucked-up attitude.

2 1, you didn't miss the happy bus, you didn't get on it at all.

22, too haggle over every ounce, suitable for shopping, not suitable for falling in love.

23. Unsafe is sunny. Your promise is not good. I have never sent it all summer.

You said 24 years old. Do you like me? Actually, I like me very much, too.

25.what are you doing? What are you doing? I can't see I'm washing watermelons with a brush!

26. The most famous woman in history is not Pan Jinlian or Wu Zetian, but Rong Mammy.

27. I miss that you can't sleep during the day and sleep soundly at night.

28. Still 10086. It is good for me. I sent him a short message and he replied to me three times.

29. You can't laugh at your mobile phone at home, and your parents will think you are in love.

30. Read more books, read more newspapers, eat less snacks and sleep more!

3 1, a person's day has many changes, sometimes small changes, sometimes big changes.

32. If you don't break out in silence, you will be abnormal in silence.

If you don't cheat in the exam, you'd rather be a junior next year than fail.

34, mosquitoes! Sucked so much of my blood, why don't you hold on!

35. If happiness is a cloud and pain is a star, then my life is really cloudless and starry in Wan Li.

36. I am not afraid of hooligans' education, but I am afraid of perverts' patience.

37. Nowadays, men are unmanly, and they are cute all day.

38. How many students have thick quilts on their beds, even in summer? Because we don't cover it, we just sleep with it.

39. I can't rely on anything these days. I have to rely on myself. In short: I ... Shit!

40. I am a principled person, and my principle is (depending on my mood).

4 1, enter the signature and look at the face. I finally know how to write.

42. In fact, I am trying so hard to gain weight just to occupy more space in your heart.

43. Life will always find a second spring, only to find that there is also a second winter.

44. Grandma said, "The power is out. Light candles and watch TV.

45. Life begins. Sandwich eggs. I'm eating. You're watching. Well born. Hamburgers.

46. Rabbits don't eat grass near their nests. This sentence tells us that rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests.

47. When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

48. This is my temper. As long as others ignore me, I won't have the cheek to bother again.

49. Sometimes you can look at it indifferently, and sometimes you are a little obsessed.

50. Walking in the street, looking at the couple and thinking of us at that time is the same.

5 1, I don't want to be seen clearly by you, so I'm sorry, I didn't say a word when you left.

52. Don't wait until you lose it to know how to cherish it, but you can't say that if you cherish it, you will definitely have it.

53. Wife is a big tree, so we must hold it. Lovers are birds, don't feed them.

54. Ideals are like underwear. You should have them. But you can't prove that everyone has it!

55, the heart is cold, tears are hot; Heart, solidified the world, tears, tender the world.