Do you have any skills in quarreling with others?

One day, I went to pick up my son and saw him take off his coat as soon as he entered the room. He immediately turned on the frenzy mode.

Yelled at him, "Why are you littering clothes again!"

After shouting, the son began to enter the defense mode, but from beginning to end there was only one sentence "No!" "

Children only have a "no" state, which seems to be an emotional bolt.

He must have mixed feelings when he walked in the door.

Outside the door, but can't beat the big monster of mom's mood.

So, with resistance, I sealed a "no", shut my mother out and yelled at you, but I just wouldn't open my heart again.

I can't help feeling: when the child is older, I can't understand his feelings at first, and I don't know how to communicate.

Especially after the birth of the second child, working, accompanying them for two hours, and housework really consumed time and patience to a low reserve, and started the roaring mode.

2

But how useful can the "hehe" model be?

In "Meeting Children and Meeting Better Oneself" written by Cecily Goff and Melissa Chevatsang, expert William glasser's cognitive pyramid theory is mentioned, as shown in the following figure:

In other words, the role of preaching can only play 5%

The effect of shouting may reach 10%, but once the child begins to resist, this 10% may degenerate into a negative number.

Think about my childhood, have you ever felt wronged by being yelled at?

Have you ever felt helpless?

And the son's "no!" What emotions are hidden?

There is helplessness, injustice and anger.

Now he refuses to communicate with me.

three

So I decided to find a way to get my son to talk

I started trying to say "no!" Before him. When:

Let him know that I am talking about phenomena, not judging by "yes" or "no".

Ask him to say why not.

If he can persuade me successfully, I will accept it even if I disagree.

Yes, I want to encourage him to argue with me.

Because emotion has its reasonable meaning.

However, the "no" of not communicating is "blocking".

Even if it is a quarrel, at least it is mobile in emotion and communication.

Three points are set to guide him to learn to express himself reasonably.

Later, as he grows up, let him know how to control his emotions, which is helpful for communication.

But at least for now, I want to open his heart.

Author: Chen Guang Xiao Wei, two baby mothers, has been reading picture books for 8 years and actively participated in public welfare reading practice.

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