The classic joke will explode your stomach.

A thief was caught by the patrol for stealing fruit and wanted to lock him up. The thief also confidently said, "I just stole 20 kilograms of mangosteen." As for being locked up? " The policeman said unhurriedly that once a monkey stole a peach and was locked up for 500 years.

2. I am a pig.

Female colleague scolds male colleague: "You are a pig!" ? The male colleague was angry and retorted, "I am a pig!" " ! " ? Therefore, these days, the tone of female colleagues is very strange. ? " Pig monster, go to the meeting! " ? " The pig is very strange. Is it in the toilet? " ? " Pigs are very strange. What do you eat for lunch? " ? The male colleague couldn't bear it, yelling at the female colleague: "I'm not a pig! "

3, Pig Bajie flirt Chang 'e!

Marshal Tian Peng molested Chang 'e, and in a rage, Chang 'e sued him to the Jade Emperor! The Jade Emperor asked Taibai Venus, "What should I do with the canopy?" Taibai Venus: "If you know the law and break the law, you must punish it according to law!" " "The jade emperor nodded and said," alas, be a pig! "

I caught fire at school?

When I was in primary school, I liked to sleep in class. Once, the Chinese teacher assigned homework and wrote a composition entitled "If I were a spider". I asked my classmates after class and racked my brains at home at night to write a sensational "If I were a pig". Then I got angry at school. ...

5. Super jokes in the Three Kingdoms period! Shame!

Zhuge Liang knew before his death that Wei Yan would turn against him and secretly told Ma Dai to kill Wei Yan. Shu generals are full of talents, but Ma Dai's martial arts is not high. Why did Zhuge Liang insist on finding Ma Dai to shoulder this heavy responsibility? Because, Ma Dai, Lin is good at Wei Yan. . .

6. Is triple bed finished? [

Xiao Liu's father was hospitalized due to illness, and he was playing infusion bottles in the ward. The potion is almost finished, but the nurse is not here. A patient in the same ward enthusiastically said, "I'll call a nurse for you." As he spoke, he stood at the door and shouted, "Nurse, come quickly. The third bed is almost ready." Hearing this, Xiao Liu felt awkward and said to the door, "You shouted wrong, but you ran out of medicine." The enthusiastic patient immediately changed his mouth and said, "Nurse, the third bed is almost finished, and the third bed is almost finished."

7.penguin dating

Brother Penguin is dating Sister Penguin. Brother Penguin dressed up and wore a straight suit in order to make a good impression on his sister Penguin. Sister Penguin saw it and slapped her brother Penguin in the face: "Shit, let you be a member! Mama of, let you be a member! "

8. Little brother, do you know that the first demon king in Wulin is crazy?

"Brother, do you know that the first demon king in Wulin is crazy?"

"His fighting skill is unparalleled. How could he suddenly go crazy? "

"Two days ago, he defeated several Shaolin monks and broke into the sutra depository. The sutra depository was dense, and then he went crazy. "

"Why?" "He has a phobia of secrets."

If you had a piece of land, I would recognize you as michel platini!

I talked to my colleagues about the house price at noon yesterday. I also said: the house price is so expensive now. If I have a piece of land, it will be really developed! ? He said: If you have a piece of land, I will recognize you as michel platini at once! ? Just after reading it, the little girl at the front desk called me: XX~ You have a courier! . . . ? Later, my adopted son refused to talk to me all afternoon.

10, Journey to the West is written backwards.

The Tathagata sent four disciples to preach in the East. Lu Yu suffered all kinds of hardships, and gradually found that all demons have backgrounds. So Friar Sand got into the Liusha River, Pig hid in Gaolaozhuang, and Wukong stayed to escort the Tang Priest. The heavenly Buddha negotiated to keep Tang Priest safe, so as to get rid of Wukong. Wukong was crushed under Wuzhishan, and Tang Priest preached in Chang 'an until his death. Five hundred years later, Wukong jumped out of Wuzhishan and made a scene in Heaven without saying a word.

1 1, prompt

When I was leaving, Master gave me a secret kit to open at a critical moment. In the second year, the army was besieged and the people in the city were distracted. It suddenly occurred to me that the master had given me a tool kit. Open it and there are eight big characters on it: "You must be in a hurry now". I sighed in surprise: "Yes!"