Funny and insightful remarks

1. After I die, I will engrave my QQ number on my tombstone. PS: Allow anyone to add me as a friend.

2. If you only have one mouthful of porridge in the future, you drink it first, and after you finish it, I will lick the bowl clean~

3. Tutoring is a very fashionable blind date activity.

4. Looking back suddenly, there was no one to chat with.

5. Everyone said it was good to bask in the sun. I have almost become a black man these days, and I haven’t seen any benefits.

6. The world is big, but a bed is small. The two people on the bed were once very good, but they cannot grow old.

7. A good man does not mention his bravery, and a good woman does not mention her embarrassment.

8. Women dare to leave because they are sure that men will look back. The man didn't look back because he was sure the woman was too sure to leave.

9. Your dick is not as honest as your heart.

10. You may not succeed in doing things, just try your best. Don’t ask for too much in life, just be happy.

11. In summer, the hot and poisonous sunshine burned my unhealed wounds//

12. A report card destroyed the harmony of many families.

13. You will never meet the second me again, just like I will never meet the second you again.

14. In this empty embrace, I have everything but no heart.

15. My name is Chuhe, and you are my long-lost Dangwu

16. That’s how I am, I don’t cry or make trouble, I would rather be a child than bear too much pain.

17. I have never seen the finale since I was watching Xinwen Lianbo since I was a child!

18. If fate is not over, people will eventually come back.

19. The most painful thing in life is having a dream one night and forgetting it when you wake up the next day

20. Time can dilute everything, but it can also prove everything

21. {Work hard for a year, spring, summer, autumn and winter, and fight for a lifetime without any regrets}.

22. I would rather run and be knocked down countless times than walk in a straight line for the rest of my life//

23. In fact, people who always smile really need someone’s love.

24. If you learn to be lonely, you will not feel lonely.

25. Having someone who understands you is the greatest happiness in life

26. Sorry , I am realistic, I care more about the present than memories.

27. Times have changed, and nothing can go back to the past.

28. Please bring me a man, knife. Cross them together (QQ personalized signature)

29. In everyone’s life, there is a period that cannot be forgotten, a period that is unforgettable

30. Let nature take its course, which contains a lot of helplessness

31. When you die, my story ends, but when I die, your story is still long.

32. When you realize that one diamond is more important than the other. When glass beads are precious, you have grown up sadly.

33. Slowly, as you grow up, you feel more silent.

34. There is no place to replace home, and no one can replace mom and dad.

35. Sometimes it is really hard to be a human being, even though you don’t want it to be this way, the reality can only be this way.

36. The most stubborn thing is a person’s heart

37. China’s problem of favoring sons over daughters has been solved by real estate for thousands of years.

38. Happy. Although smiling is simple, smiling in a difficult situation is not simple.

39. That’s just me, I can’t please everyone.

40. In other words, I am not someone who can leave home. Women in the world.

41. I am not tall, thin, beautiful, beautiful, fashionable or gentle.

42. When you have a cold, look up at the sky, so that you can enjoy the scenery and prevent your nose from leaving...

43. Whenever I find the key to success, Someone changed the locks.

44. The saddest word in the world is if

45. I am just an ordinary woman, not fancy or coquettish, but unique.

46. It’s not that I don’t understand some things, but what can I do if I understand them?

47. Compare which of these two fish is more handsome, the more handsome one will be tomorrow dish.

48. When we were playing cards last night, my buddy said: Turn on your Bluetooth and send me a message.

49. A woman’s happiness lies in: he really loves you; a man’s happiness lies in: she deserves your love.

50. If you don’t want to be disturbed, I’ll be quiet just fine.

51. I have never eaten KFC or McDonald’s, but I still grew up eating sweet potatoes and radishes, and I am no worse than others. Share your insightful and funny remarks

1. Don’t underestimate slippers. But he is a role model of enduring humiliation and bearing heavy burdens.

2. In fact, I am a very traditional person and have always supported three wives and four concubines.

3. I am not afraid of being alone. I am just afraid that when I get used to being alone, someone will disrupt everything about me.

4. One person’s flowers bloom and one person’s flowers fall. From beginning to end of the year, no one asked.

5. If you love the wrong person, every day is April Fool’s Day; if you love the right person, every day is Valentine’s Day.

6. The happiest thing in the world is. There are people who make you laugh when you want to cry.

7. Books are the ladder of human progress, and e-books are the elevator of human progress.

8. Wearing low-cut clothing and covering it with your hands is so unethical!

9. The teacher said that if you don’t want to study, just lie down on the table and pretend to be dead.

10. If I could meet so many sexy and beautiful female fairies along the way, I would also go and learn from them.

11. The world laughs at me for being so crazy, but I laugh at the world for seeing it so quickly.

12. Don’t pose in front of me, I’m really afraid that I might drop the camera if I can’t help it.

13. What I miss is not you, but the fatal past you gave me. I can only forget about the scenery along the way.

14. When you go to the toilet, use other people’s paper and let others find paper.

15. Women have affairs because of their heartbeat; men have affairs because of new holes!

16. Men are full and warm because they always ask women: Are they hungry? Is it cold?

17. Taobao shop owner introduces the fabric of his clothes: This fabric is very elastic, comparable to Jinmailang elastic noodles

18. People who are too fussy are suitable for selling vegetables, not suitable for love. .

19. When beating a dog, it depends on the owner. In many cases, the dog is beaten for the owner.

20. Life is crazy sometimes. We chase what we can’t have, but give up what we need most.

21. I specially flew to Shanghai to find a tailor to get this patch.

22. When God closes a door for you, he will always leave many unlocking phone numbers on the wall for you.

23. If one day you start to miss me, remember, it’s not me who wants to leave, it’s you who let go.

24. It is said that the spring breeze is like scissors, but the wind and rain every day is like the Qinglong Yanyue knife...

25. If you think too much, you will have to bear too much, but I am too tired. I wanted to drop everything and start over.

26. Your feelings are lingering, and you can’t just forget them if you want to.

27. No one looks down on you, because no one looks down on you at all. Everyone They are all very busy

28. If you don’t want to answer my call, just say so. Don’t always ask someone else to say sorry to me for you.

29. The only difference between me and Superman is: I wear underwear inside. A collection of insightful and funny quotes

1. Who can be as loyal to their partner as they are to RMB?

2. Don’t keep complaining that God is unfair to you. In fact, God doesn’t know what kind of onion you are.

3. I have been listening to others saying that it is so nice to open a house, and finally One day I couldn't help but check out a room... It was really cool, sleeping on such a big bed all by myself!

4. Don’t wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.

5. Is it too late to start loving you now?

6. The more arrogant you are online, the kinder you are offline.

7. Squatting in the toilet, thinking about 5 million...

8. Love is just shit. If you are not a dog, you don’t have to pursue it hard!

9. Even though I lied to you, you have to believe me!

10. Wear other people’s shoes, go your own way, and let them find it.

11. Promise, just like "X your mother", is often said, but difficult to keep.

12. Drink Beshengyuan Slimming Tea and your breasts will disappear

13. Look at other people’s signatures and look for the same mood as your own.

14. I am a little bird. I want to fly but I can’t fly high... Huh? It turns out there is no hair.

15. There are only people who can’t figure it out in the world, and there is no impossible road.

16. Those who trip me, I will let them never get up; those who lift me up, I will let them never fall.

17. Love is like an hourglass. When the heart is full, the mind is empty!

18. You look really post-modern.

19. When I get angry, winter will come; when I get angry in winter, I will become a man in long trousers.

20. Don’t speak English in front of me in the future, okay?

21. Born with a mother but no father, we are born to destroy our outlook on life, values ??and worldview!

22. God will not embarrass simple-minded children.

23. The current situation is: I can’t study, I can’t have fun, I can’t sleep well

24. I drink to drown the pain, but this damn thing I learned to swim through pain.

25. Don’t say to me when we break up: "Actually you are very good" Damn it, then you are still dumping me?

26. We only have one earth, so you must take care of the earth; there is only one me on the earth, so you must also take care of me!

27. No, the bowl is made of iron. If there is no rice in it, what are you going to eat?

28. When something happens, you should first find the reason from yourself. Don’t blame the earth for being unattractive when you can’t poop? Before you spray shit, think about what you have done yourself and whether you are qualified to criticize others! I am not perfect, but I am honest and natural, what about you?

Twenty-nine, I am standing here just to see you in despair.

30. You can’t satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human. Funny KouKou talk about penetrating sentences

Funny KouKou talk about penetrating sentences

1. A big brother sent a WeChat message to sincerely advise everyone not to eat genetically modified foods! Very harmful to children! The genes of his child and his did not match in the paternity test, because the child's genes were changed by eating genetically modified foods. This knowledge was all told to him by his wife.

2. When I was a child in my hometown, there was a persimmon tree at the door. Before the persimmons were soft, I picked them and put them in the quilt in the closet to ripen. One time, I forgot to eat them and waited until it was cold to get the quilt. At that time, my parents stared at the yellow shit on a quilt and thought for a long time! I also cried for a long time. . .

3. After the calligraphy class in the sixth grade of primary school, someone wrote a piece of red paper with the words "Six Livestocks Are Prosperous" and posted it on the classroom door. The Chinese teacher in class looked at the door and left, and came after a while. Then he said: I didn't want to come in when I saw those words, but then I thought that this pig must be fed by someone, so I came in!

4. My sister went on a blind date. When she came back, my mother asked: How are you? My sister was silent for a while, dumbfounded and said: At noon, I said I was hungry, and then he took me to eat a bowl of rice noodles for 5 yuan, and ordered a plate of shredded potatoes for 6 yuan. I said I guess it was not enough, so he ordered another plate of potatoes. Silk, and said we have money, but if it’s not enough, we’ll order more

5. My mother has never beaten me since I was a child, but every time I did something wrong, she would ask my father to beat me. . When I talked about this with my dad yesterday, my dad said: Son, you remember. Dad is not the decision-maker of violence, he is just the porter of violence.

6. Dad is a kind man and never hits me. One time I really made him angry and he beat me up. The mother standing by suddenly said: Husband, you look so majestic when you hit someone! As a result, my father would show off every once in a while.

7. The dog kept barking in the middle of the night. When I went outside, I saw that the dog was making stinky bowel movements. Isn’t it sick to think about walking the dog in the middle of the night? We can't let it pull into the house! There is no way to go downstairs! Yo! I was almost scared to death when I got downstairs. There were glowing dog eyes everywhere. If I looked closely, there were six or seven people walking their dogs! I thought this is raising a dog! This is an alarm clock that lets you take a walk in the middle of the night! It’s not enough if I don’t walk!

8. A: What should I do if my girlfriend is mentally retarded? God’s reply: According to relevant laws and regulations, anyone who knowingly has sex with a woman who is mentally ill or mentally ill (to a severe degree) should be punished with sexual intercourse no matter what means are used. .

9. It was raining, so I squeezed onto the bus and saw that a window seat was unoccupied. I thought I was lucky to have a seat today. Squeeze in and sit down. Suddenly I felt a chill going straight to my butt, oh no! It must have been raining and the windows were not closed, there was water on the seats! No wonder there are no seats available. It felt really bad to have my butt wet all the way.

10. I was blowing on the air conditioner at home when my best friend called me and said: Come out quickly. I saw your husband holding a woman eating fried chicken in People’s Square. When I heard this, I became furious and jumped up to watch. Looking out the window, I calmed down and said: Damn, those couple are so hot.

11. Ever since I learned that my mother’s surname was Ouyang when I was a child, I felt that this surname was very popular and I often made trouble with my father to change my surname. One time, my father was really fed up and started beating me with a stick. , the beating made ghosts cry and wolves howl. Grandpa hurried over and grabbed dad and asked what happened? Dad said, your grandson wants to change his surname! Grandpa scolded Dad: Change your surname? Even if your last name is changed, you can’t hit your child like this! Wouldn't it be nice to just close the door and go hungry for a few days?

12. I had a ridiculous dream at night. I dreamed that I had a pair of breasts and could breastfeed the baby, and I was moaning and groaning... Wife-in-law! A big mouth woke me up! Roaring: Aren’t all men touching their penises? Why the hell are you touching your breasts? ! !

13. Before getting married, my father-in-law often asked me, have you thought clearly? Do you have to marry my daughter? I thought it was a test, and I insisted that I would not marry her unless I was her. Now I finally understand what my father-in-law meant. I won’t say anything anymore. The doctor is going to give me anesthesia and my hand is broken.

14. I came out of the hotel with my boyfriend. My boyfriend knew that I had no money. As soon as I left home, I took out a hundred dollars for a taxi. I was anxious and said: Sister Ni, can you please stop giving me money at the door of the hotel. . .

15. Mom: From now on, you should clean up before going out, and don’t go out without washing your hair, especially when you want to call a taxi.

Daughter: Why? Mom: I have a Beijing registered residence, have a local license plate, and drive cars with a displacement of 2.0L or 1.8T or above. With these conditions, it is usually difficult to find someone to introduce me to, but now Didi has screened you. ---Didi Taxi, a serious dating platform.

16. A: How humble can you be in front of love? B: If you ignore me today, I will come to find you tomorrow! C: You slapped me. I want to ask, why are your hands so cold?

17. The boss said, work hard until the deposit number on your bank card looks like a phone number. After so many years of struggle, I did it! Looking at the 110 displayed on the ATM machine, I finally couldn't help crying. .

18. The eldest brother uninstalled Didi. The reason is that he picked up a man last night and picked up another man on the way. As a result, the two met and made out in the car. . This is the climax. . . The man said: You have a bad taste in your mouth, but I like to be with you! ! ! . . After listening to this, I even skipped lunch

19. I was walking along the river with my wife. Her boots got stuck in the pebbles, so she sat on the stone bench and asked me to help her take off her boots. Come down. I grabbed the boot with both hands and pulled it, but it didn't come out, so I pulled it out like a carrot. The boots came out all at once, but I couldn't hold back the momentum and fell to the ground. I threw my hands back and threw the boots into the river.

Twenty, when I was in school. I read in a book that soldiers who often look at the sun can develop their gaze as bright as a torch. So I believed it. I often watch the sun outside alone at noon, and finally one day. . . . . . . . . . Doctor, can my eyes be cured? .

21. I remember when I was in high school, I was clearly notified that I was not allowed to study in the evening, and I would not be cut. . . . . . . . The school (our school is the No. 2 Middle School) secretly allowed students to attend evening self-study classes, so I called the Education Bureau and asked why the No. 2 Middle School allowed them to attend evening self-study classes, but we didn’t allow them! This isn't fair. . Finally, I successfully got rid of the evening self-study

22. Professor Huang went on a business trip to Changchun. Because he was not used to the low temperature, he caught a cold at night, so he went downstairs to buy cold medicine. . . Professor Huang came to Changchun Pharmacy. Due to a malfunction in the neon lights, long characters could not be displayed, so it became an aphrodisiac pharmacy. Professor Huang said to himself: Aphrodisiac shop. . . That's right, if you take aphrodisiac to light the fire, your cold will be cured. . .

Twenty-three. Watching TV series with my mother at night. Me: Mom, if I have a male vote, will you feel that the cabbage you have worked so hard to grow is being eaten by a pig? Mom: I don’t know, I grow cactus.

Twenty-four years ago, my boyfriend and I were shopping and we met my old aunt fighting and yelling at a woman in the street. She was a shameless woman, and it was my old uncle who started the fight. I rushed forward and beat the woman with my aunt. Later, they divorced and the woman became my new aunt. The Iron-Strength Uncle

25. Thinking about it now, I saw in a Korean drama before that the heroine was blind. The hero transplanted his cornea to the heroine, and then the heroine regained her sight. The plot where the male protagonist is blind is really stupid. . Can't we just transplant one eye? That way, even though both are one-eyed, at least both of us can see!

26. Teacher: What is the most touching thing your mother has ever said to you? Xiao Ming: I don’t want to say it, teacher. Teacher: Just say it, it’s okay, I won’t let you get out. Xiao Ming: My mother told me to wear more clothes when I go to school because the corridor is cold. . . .

27. Some time ago, my supervisor came to me and secretly said to me: You have performed well at work, and I am going to give you a salary increase of 300. You must not tell others about this. I burst into tears of gratitude until at the dinner party, my supervisor drank too much and held my hand: I can’t help you. In fact, everyone else has gone up by 600. I was afraid that you wouldn’t be able to think about it, so I didn’t tell you the truth!

28. One of the two beauties sitting in front of me on the bus said: I still think boys should have longer legs. Another said: I think so too. When you're stuck in an alley, you can escape from under his crotch. . .

29. We were learning about static electricity in physics class. In order to let us apply what we learned, the teacher told us a little life tip. In winter, girls can protect themselves by wearing thick leather coats, because when gangsters forcefully take off your clothes, It will touch static electricity, and you can take the opportunity to escape. Of course, you can wear whatever you like to look ugly.

In my thirties, I met a girl online and dated her several times. While chatting on WeChat today, she had a sudden idea and suggested that each other delete each other and then shake them at the same time to see how long it would take. I thought it was interesting so I did it. Later, I realized it when my hands were sore from shaking it. . . She dumped me.

31. When I was a child in the countryside, my father bought eight ducks for me to raise. He often rushed to the fields. Once I rushed to the fields to play with my friends and forgot to rush back. It was dark. I ran to the field but didn't see any ducks. I found a duck farm and drove eight of them home. I didn't want any more. Who knew that when I got home, my ducklings were already at home

Thirty-two. Superior leaders want to come to the company to inspect the work. Employees are required to wear professional attire, but I can’t remember where I put my tie! Seeing that I was going to be late for work, my clever son took off his red scarf and said to me: Dad! Saving a scene is like putting out a fire, wear mine! ...

Thirty-three, the high school entrance examination is particularly important because the two schools exchange proctors for each other, and the teachers from our school treat other teachers to dinner. During the evening self-study at the end of the first day of the college entrance examination, the deputy principal got drunk and went to inspect. He saw a student who had always been at the bottom and asked him: Did you cheat today? The student did not dare to tell the truth and said: No. The vice-principal then became anxious and cursed angrily: I drank like this for you, but you didn’t cheat!

Thirty-four. I started working outside after graduating from middle school. I worked as a bricklayer, learned electric welding, and worked as a security guard. Now more than ten years have passed. Whenever I think of the hardships I endured when I was young, I feel like it was... kind of wealth. Nowadays, more than a thousand people rely on me for food, and I always feel a lot of pressure, fearing that I will let them down. Alas, school is over, and those naughty kids are coming to get food.

Thirty-five. I was just walking downstairs. A man was pulling two dog leashes. When the two dogs saw a dog coming from the opposite side, they immediately jumped up and sniffed the dog’s butt. The man opened his mouth and said, Question: Male or female? Another dog owner said: Male. Damn it, sir, smell your fart! Let’s go, let’s go!

36. I remember that every time I took the monthly English test, the teacher would draw a dragon ball on my test paper. As long as I collected seven of them, I could summon my dad to school. How painful it was. understanding. . .

37. Every day before my girlfriend goes out, I tell her with great concern: Look both ways before crossing the road, be careful of traffic, and don’t get hit by a car. After all, as the saying goes, people are afraid of being famous and pigs are afraid of being bumped into.

Thirty-eight, give your cousin sister-in-law shoes purchased online, and have a meal by the way! As soon as I entered the door, my little niece ran over and took the bag! I miss you so much! When the little niece opened the bag and found only shoes: You'd better go home quickly, it's already dark, and my mother didn't cook for you!!

Thirty-nine, the primary school teacher taught one of the most useful things experience. You have to choose the right time to ask for money from your father. You can't ask for money in the morning because you have a bad temper right after you get up. The best time to ask for money is after dinner in the evening, and nine times out of ten you will get money. My love for the teacher suddenly became like a torrential river ~

At 40, I discussed with my wife the issue of having a baby. I said we should have a daughter. The daughter is very good and a caring little cotton-padded jacket. My wife said no, I want to have a baby. I have a son. When I asked why, my wife said that it would be too troublesome for my daughter to pee. In winter, she has to take off her pants to freeze her butt when going to the toilet. . . Me

41. Those who have money and face are called male gods, those who have money but no face are called husbands, and those who have face but no money are called Lanyan. As for those who have no money and no face, I’m sorry, it’s such a painful realization that you are a good person!

42. When I went to the supermarket and found a beautiful woman at the checkout counter, I just took a second look at it the first time I went there. The same thing happened the second time I went there. The third time I went there I mustered up the courage to ask for her phone number. I called in the afternoon and was answered by a man~ I searched WeChat with my phone number and found that there was indeed the beautiful family of three in my circle of friends

43. I went shopping with my best friend a few days ago and passed by a couple. supplies counter.

The second-rate guy picked up a box of T.T and asked me: How do you like this? Before I had a chance to say anything, the idiot continued: Damn, it’s not a good idea to ask anyone. Ask you a single person. Me:

44. My friend’s girlfriend does foot massages. After they moved in together, he felt that this was not a serious job and asked her to change her job, even if she couldn’t make any money. It doesn't matter, he can raise her. But she didn't want to. She felt that what she was doing was regular and there was nothing shameful about it. She was so popular. I've been to so many stores. I don't know if it was regular or not? ! After speaking, both of them fell silent.