In fact, I should try to integrate into this complex circle, complex people, related sentences

Quickly integrate into the "circle" of others

Xiao Lu, who is good at communication, has worked in the IT sales industry for several years, got to know some seniors in the industry, and accumulated a certain number of customers. resource. When he wanted to change jobs, a colleague immediately introduced him to an ideal job. Because his peers understand his abilities and conditions and are willing to help him.

Xiao Xie, who likes to travel, often gathers a group of people online to travel around, some of whom they know and some who they don’t. He makes many good friends every time he travels. Although he is an only child, he never feels lonely, and life is full of fun. Whenever he is bored, he will feel very happy because he is with his "alley friends".

We often hear "People in our circle..." "Everyone is in the same circle...". As the saying goes, "Birds of a feather flock together, and people flock together." A circle is a small group. In this group, every member is familiar with each other, has the same hobbies, the same values, or has the same tasks. An industry, a unit, a club, a hobby group, etc. can all be regarded as a circle. Xiao Lu and Xiao Xie above both have their own circles. Not only can they find a sense of belonging and fun in their circles, but they can also benefit from their respective circles.

It is impossible for a person to exist alone in society. Everyone has a circle of friends. In a circle, people can find their own sense of belonging, and their sense of belonging can give them a sense of security. The circle is the main place for communication and activities in a person's life. Different circles determine different attitudes towards life.

For many young people in their 20s who have just graduated from school and entered the society, making new friends and integrating into other people's social circles is a very important lesson and a very important way. Psychological challenge. When you enter society from school, as your role changes, the environment changes, your life tasks change, and the people around you change, you will always feel a little at a loss at the beginning, not knowing what to do to get along with everyone.

Faced with an unfamiliar environment, young people who have just been weaned psychologically often have a period of "social vacancy", and often pay more attention to their own actions because of this, subconsciously fixing themselves on the new person's relationship. In terms of roles, when dealing with interpersonal relationships, they tend to be reserved, shy, suspicious and at a loss. They always feel like they are alone. This is what makes them most distressed. "They were obviously chatting happily just now, but as soon as I walked over, they shut up. Are they talking about me?" "Seeing my colleagues chatting and laughing, I wanted to join in, but I just couldn't get a word in... ..." Many young people who have just entered society find it difficult to integrate into other people's circles when faced with an unfamiliar environment.

There was a young man who was very troubled by not knowing how to get along with others. In his heart, he often wanted to get along harmoniously and intimately with his colleagues, but in reality he always felt very lonely. He wrote this in his email to me:

I just graduated from college and now work in an office. I have to work every day and have to deal with people and things that I am not familiar with. Work is easy to handle, but socializing with people is a bit awkward. It's so lively to see others talking, laughing, playing cards and chatting in their spare time, but I am alone and have nothing to say to others, and even if I say a few words, I feel boring.

In fact, when I was in college, there were some people around me who were very eloquent, good at bragging and telling jokes. I seem to be inferior among them, and I don’t know much about humor. For example, the people in my dormitory are making jokes, laughing and cursing, and when it is my turn, I get stuck. I don’t know how to answer the conversation, and I am not very tactful in dealing with things. To offend people clearly and subtly.

I really envy those people who "learn it all", but why can't I do it myself? I'm very troubled and don't know what I should do to get along with others.

This boy has been working for nearly two months. Except for his colleagues in his department, he can hardly call anyone in other offices by name. On several occasions, his colleagues even mistaken him for an intern.

On weekdays, everyone's work is not easy. Most of the time, they are buried in their respective cubicles. Occasionally, when there is an interruption, he is thinking about whether to participate, while considering when and how to intervene, waiting for him to "bring" it. Okay, everyone's topic has just ended. When colleagues chat while working, he is often ignored as a "transparent person".

Everyone needs to interact with others, otherwise they will feel alone, lonely, depressed, and anxious. However, people's communication skills are not born with them, but are developed through environmental influence and conscious cultivation.

When entering a new working environment, first of all, you should not feel inferior and shrink back, passively waiting for others to deal with you, ask about your needs, and help you. Instead, you should have an attitude of being willing to take the initiative to "join in the fun" when others are there. When you play, you can appreciate it; when others chat, you can listen and then look for opportunities to join in.

Don’t be shy, and don’t be embarrassed to accept care or help from others. Just work hard on your own. As a result, things may not be done well, and people will think you are aloof and unsociable. Instead of trying to figure things out on your own, it is better to take advantage of the free time when you are new and need to familiarize yourself with the situation, observe and observe the working environment, such as whether the working atmosphere is open or conservative, whether the communication between colleagues is direct or implicit, etc., and then slowly and naturally integrate into it.

In addition, if you want to join other people's circles, you must find out the same topics as others.

Those so-called "literary friends", "book friends", "music friends", etc. are all connected by a common hobby. Therefore, learn to observe everyone's common topics and interests. Of course, you also need to learn some common sense and skills, and only if you have the same fun activities as others can you enjoy happiness.

It should also be noted that to expand your circle, it is necessary to actively accept invitations from others. At parties, you will have the opportunity to meet many new friends, and friends of friends will soon become your friends after one or two meetings and contacts. In this way, your circle will gradually expand. Therefore, when someone invites you to an event, even if you really don't want to attend, you should happily accept the invitation. The number of friends and the success or failure of social interaction sometimes depends on your thoughts.

Finally, you can find people with similar values ????to become good friends in your general interactions with everyone, and slowly form your own social circle.

Let go of your aloofness and make yourself vulgar

Some people are born with a sense of aloofness in their bones. They have their own set of behavioral standards and their own principles of life. Once others If your behavior is not within your own standards and principles, you will begin to alienate and despise others. Others are born with an affinity and think what others think. Although they also have their own principles, sometimes they can "go with the crowd", be flexible in doing things, and take the initiative to get close to others.

The factory where Wang Yang works is very large. When he started working in the factory, the co-workers liked this young man very much. Wang Yang found at work that it was easy to process 300 parts an hour. However, the workers around him only processed 200 on average and told him to slow down and take it easy. Wang Yang thought to himself: "Why slow down? I like to work more! And isn't it detrimental to the interests of the factory if you have such low production efficiency?"

Therefore, he still insists on processing 300 parts per hour. And he thinks that all the workers are lazy and take advantage! Before he had finished despising his co-workers, he discovered that they were no longer willing to pay attention to him. As soon as he came over, people stopped talking and sometimes they laughed at him! Although he never consciously tried to please everyone, his output dropped to 200 per hour after a week, and he soon blended in with his coworkers again.

From the above story, we can see that Wang Yang's initial aloofness caused his companions to deliberately alienate him, and he isolated himself. When he realizes this, instead of trying to please his peers in other ways, he simply reduces his own output.

Qinggao, "Qing" means colorless and clean; "Gao" means that it is not cold at high places.

Those who think they are clean are often isolated.

Aloof people often live alone, not because they like it, but because they think that they stand out from the crowd and that no one around them is worthy of communicating and having fun with them. This will inevitably lead to being alienated by others.

As the saying goes, "If the trees are beautiful in the forest, the wind will destroy them." From a psychological point of view, any group has the characteristic of maintaining group consistency. For members who are consistent with the group, the group responds with liking, acceptance, and preferential treatment. For those who deviate, the group will dislike, reject and sanction them. Therefore, any deviation from the group is very risky.

Many young people are alienated by their peers and don’t even know what’s going on. Thinking that they just stuck to their own principles, but were rejected by others. The problem lies in the so-called "own principles". Often, the principles you adhere to are not real principles, but your own preferences or even eccentricities. The resulting incompatibility with others is natural.

There is a saying that "if the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if people are careful, there will be no disciples." If the water is too clear, the fish will not be able to survive; if the requirements are too strict, there will be no partners. Therefore, we should not be too harsh as a person and look at problems too harshly. Otherwise, it will easily make people unwilling to deal with you out of fear, just like the water is too clear to support fish.

Young people often say, "I don't like playing with them, they are too ostentatious!" "I don't like having sex with them, they are too vulgar!" When others advise him When he is not too arrogant, he will say: "That is not my character, and my ideals are not realized through this." For example, at work, some young people who have just joined the workforce suddenly enter a new environment. I don't like this, I don't like that, I think my boss doesn't have much ability, I think my colleagues are not as good as me, I'm not satisfied with the company's system, and I'm even more disdainful of some unspoken rules. In social life, some so-called "angry youths" who think they have individuality feel good about themselves, are pretentious, always feel that they are otherworldly, and are disgusted with some people's sophistication, and even despise and despise them. If this kind of dissatisfaction is often expressed, it will definitely be very detrimental to your interpersonal relationships.

If you want to integrate into a certain circle, don't be too picky about certain "shortcomings" of the members of the circle that appear to you to be shortcomings. Don't isolate yourself, learn to mingle with the people around you.

Therefore, do not be pretentious, think you are great, and look down on everyone around you. In fact, doing so is extremely stupid and the gain outweighs the gain. You are equivalent to building a high wall for yourself, deliberately cutting off the natural connection with others, and letting yourself fall into a desperate situation of being alone.

A person should know how to keep a low profile. You should not show impatience or look down upon others just because they have different temperaments, identities, or values. As everyone knows, in the eyes of others, you are just a weirdo who is out of the group. Therefore, even if you are really superior to others, you must know how to put down your airs, education, and background, and learn from others in a down-to-earth manner and humbly. Not to mention that sometimes we just feel good about ourselves. Even if you are really good, you cannot have an absolute advantage in front of others. This reminds me of a small humorous story:

One day, a university professor went to a village to enjoy the mountains and rivers. He hired a small boat to swim on the river. After the boat started, the professor asked the boatman: " "Do you know mathematics?" The professor asked the boatman: "Do you know physics?" The professor asked the boatman again: "You know how to use a computer." "The boatman replied: "I'm sorry, I can't."

After hearing this, the professor shook his head and said: "If you don't know math, you have lost one-third of the meaning of life; if you don't know physics, you have lost another six points. One; if you don’t know how to use a computer, you lose another one-sixth; the meaning of your life is totally lost by two-thirds... At this point, a large black cloud suddenly floated in the sky, and it seemed that a storm was coming? It is very dangerous for a small boat on a stormy river.

The boatman asked the professor: "Sir, can you swim?" The professor was stunned and replied: "No."

"The boatman said: "Then the meaning of your life is about to be lost..."

In some aspects, even if you don't agree with other people's opinions, you have to be humble. If you can't do this, then You must at least know how to respect others and be polite to others. You may disagree with others, but you must respect others' right to speak. You don't have to flatter others, but you must learn to sincerely praise and appreciate others; you don't have to. Treat guests and give gifts, but at least don't be stingy with your smile; you don't need to say those words that don't mean it, but you must know how to respect other people's feelings.

Remember, if a person wants to be successful, he must be in some people and things. Compromise. Put down your high airs and let yourself be vulgar!

The world is actually very small

We often have this mentality:

Walk in On the street, I spat on the ground. Although I felt it was not a good thing to do, I thought, "No one knows me anyway!" "I immediately felt better.

I had some conflicts with strangers in a strange place and had a few quarrels. I felt that it was a bit damaging to my image, but then I thought, "I don’t know anyone anyway. who! "I felt relieved immediately.

Just because we feel that no one is an acquaintance and no one knows anyone, when we do things, we often don't pay attention to our image and ignore other things.

However, when we think and do this, we often embarrass ourselves on some future occasion, thinking that no one will notice our behavior, but in fact, it has already been noticed by others, the collaborators we are about to face. Or someone in a relationship, when he spits or quarrels with others, he stands aside, just as he remembers him, he also remembers himself. The world we live in is actually very small, and today's passers-by are very likely to do so. They are the people you will have to deal with in the future.

Things like this often happen around us, which shows that the world is indeed not that big.

Xiao Wang Jingren was introduced to a job in a private enterprise. On this day, before going to work, he planned to visit the boss named Sun. On the way, he passed by a roast duck restaurant with a long queue outside. Everyone in the team was buying roast duck. He thought, didn’t the introducer say that Boss Sun likes to eat roast duck? Wouldn’t it be a good idea to buy two as a gift for the visit?

He looked at his watch. The appointment was at two o'clock in the afternoon, and it was already one o'clock. If we had to wait in line, we would have to wait for a long time! So, he tried his best to get in front of the queue, but he was one of the people at the back. The young woman disagreed and said smoothly: "How come the quality of young people today is so low! "After this middle-aged woman said it, others started to talk about him too. He became angry and started to curse: "What does it have to do with you? I just like it. Do you care? If you have the strength, push forward. I think you are too old to push forward! ”

This sentence made the middle-aged woman half-dead angry, and the two cursed each other for more than ten minutes. In the end, Xiao Wang’s loud voice and fast speech won. Others saw that he was so arrogant, and they also He had to jump in line, and the storm gradually subsided. Later, Xiao Wang successfully bought two roast ducks. When he left, the line was still very long, and the woman kept beating her waist, obviously tired of waiting. He also felt that his behavior was a bit excessive, but then he thought about it, he only came to this place once, anyway, there was a huge crowd, and he didn’t know anyone, so don’t worry about him!

When he knocked on Boss Sun's door with the roast duck in hand, Boss Sun looked at the roast duck in his hand, smiled broadly, and said, "How do you know I like to eat this?" "Then, the two of them had a pretty good chat in the living room.

After a while, Boss Sun's wife came back from outside. Boss Sun was about to introduce Xiao Wang to his wife. Xiao Wang looked up and was shocked It turned out that Boss Sun’s wife was the middle-aged woman who scolded him when he was buying roast duck. She pointed at Xiao Wang and said to Boss Sun, regardless of whether he was a guest or not, “Let him out quickly, I don’t welcome this. Unqualified people! ”

Xiao Wang took the initiative and slipped out of Boss Sun’s house in despair. The work was ruined because of this small incident.

He regretted endlessly, why is this world so small!

Such coincidences often happen in life. Sometimes, we meet a strange person in a strange corner, chat for a few words, and discover that we actually have a similar acquaintance. Then I couldn't help but sigh, this world is so small.

In fact, the world is not as big as we think. We usually think that it is not that easy to meet people we know or are related to. In fact, this kind of thing happens much easier than we think. This is the “Small World Law” in social psychology.

In 1967, a psychology professor at Harvard University in the United States wanted to describe a network of interpersonal connections connecting people and communities. He conducted a chain letter experiment and discovered the "six degrees of separation" phenomenon. This phenomenon is that there will be no more than six people between you and any stranger. In other words, you can get to know any stranger through at most six people.

Modern society is more open and flexible than ever before. The development of network information allows what happens anywhere in the world to be spread to any place in an instant, which also makes it easier for people to get in touch with each other.

The law of the small world tells us that since it is so easy to get in touch with others, it is not difficult for us to build our own extensive network of contacts.

Many people experience this effect when looking for a job. This makes the distance between people very "close".

Xiao Zhang works in sales at a medium-sized enterprise. In his spare time, he likes to surf the Internet and has established his own blog. Whenever I have time, I will post my experiences, experiences, lessons, joys and sorrows in the mall online.

Once, while browsing a blog page, he found a wonderful professional article. After reading it, he expressed his thoughts, affirmation and praise for the article. After going back and forth like this, he established a good "literary relationship" with the author. Four months later, they met and had a pleasant conversation. The other party invited him to work in his company.

It turned out that this netizen turned out to be the boss of the second largest company in the industry where Xiao Zhang was engaged. Because they communicated unprotectedly online, they already had a relatively thorough understanding of each other's values, hobbies, interests, and abilities, so he got along very well with his boss. His work in this company is going smoothly. The boss has trained him as a marketing backbone, and his future is unlimited.

Later, he also used the Internet to make more than 20 close friends in 156 cities across the country, which greatly promoted the development of his business.

The development of interpersonal relationships does not happen after meeting each other. Therefore, if you want to expand your network and make friends, you must be aware of the existence of the law of the small world, pay attention to your image at all times, and leave a good impression on others "before" you meet others. For example, we talked about the job-seeking Xiao Wang at the beginning. His impression on Boss Sun and his wife was formed before the official meeting. If he knew how to be courteous and even helped people around him while waiting in line, then he would The results may be completely different.

In addition, be kind to everyone you meet. They may not only become your future acquaintances and customers, but they may even be your nobles. There is a popular saying: A person's success does not depend on what you know, but on who you know. In the current era of accelerated knowledge economy, personal connections have become a professional support system. If you only have expertise and no connections, your personal competitiveness will be equal to your hard work and your gains. But if you add connections, your personal competitiveness will be your hard work and your gains several times over.

Be aware of the change in self-role

We should be honest with ourselves and should not always live in our own fantasies and separate ourselves from reality.

Many young people who have just entered society almost regard themselves as princes and princesses. They are always immersed in the aura of favor and favor from relatives and friends, and cannot enter social roles.

For young people, it is very important to have a correct understanding of their own roles.

Because they have not been in contact with society for a long time and do not have a clear understanding of society, many young people are very unclear about their roles. If you want to handle your relationships well with others and succeed at work, your first task is to change your role in a timely manner and find your correct position in society.

The change in roles is easy to understand. Everyone plays a different role in society, and each role requires a different attitude toward life. In front of your parents, your role is a child; in front of teachers, your role is a student; in front of your boss, your role is an employee; in front of your subordinates, your role is a leader. You can act like a baby in front of your parents, but not in front of your boss; you can order your subordinates, but you cannot order your parents.

Many young people who have just graduated from college and have been working for one or two years have difficulty identifying the difference between student and professional identities. It is difficult to change roles and cannot establish the consciousness of professionals, which leads to tense interpersonal relationships and makes it difficult to work. Keep going. Xiao Li is one of them.

Xiao Li is the only son in the family. He has been favored by his family since he was a child, and all his life is arranged by his family. I've been working for almost two years and I haven't gotten into the groove yet. At work, just like at home, he always does things slowly. He does things that others have told him to do, but he never knows how to do things that no one has told him, even if they are within his duties. This is an inactive habit developed by his parents who did too much for him. Among colleagues, he can't stand a little grievance. If a colleague makes a joke, he will get really upset.

One day, the leader called him to the office and said anxiously: "Xiao Li, your working hours are not short. Why are you always procrastinating in doing things and being impulsive? What are you doing?" When can I grow up?"

Xiao Li felt that his boss was biased against him, so he quit his job in anger. When his family asked him why he wanted to resign, he said: "This company is not good. My colleagues are all targeting me and are biased against me. I don't like to force myself to cater to them, so I would rather resign."

After resigning Xiao Li, who lives in China, is looking for a job again under the urging of his family, but he still feels at a loss and feels that this society is too difficult for him to accept!

There are too many people like Xiao Li who are unwilling to accept changes in reality. Many such young people lack an objective environment to interact with their peers when they are growing up. They lack the ability to coordinate interpersonal relationships and handle interpersonal crises, and find it difficult to adapt to the role of "social beings" after entering the workplace.

Young people in their 20s, who have just entered society from school, have two main roles to change. 1. Transition from child to adult, 2. Transition from student to employee.

1. Be responsible for yourself - the transition from child to adult

From childhood to adulthood, our growth is completed under the supervision and guidance of our parents. Due to our own lack of experience and lack of understanding of life, we need help from our parents and others. Even for many young people, their parents decide on their college major. However, once we enter society, we should realize that we have grown up, and we have begun to become truly independent - emotional independence, life independence, and economic independence. . Many things need to be fought for and decided by ourselves, and we need to be responsible for ourselves for every decision we make.

However, many young people do not realize that they are independent individuals and are highly dependent. He always regards himself as a child who can't stand a little grievance, so he either shows off his temper with others or puts pressure on his parents. There are also many people who have graduated several years ago and are still in the “old age” group, or they proudly “pretend to be young” and call themselves the “kidult” group (a combination of Kid and Adult). It is difficult for such people to adapt to society. You should do what you should do at any age. Now that you have grown up, you should shoulder the burden of life for yourself and carry the big beam for yourself.

2. Strengthen professional quality - the transformation from students to employees

Young people in their 20s must transform from past studies to today's work. Studying as a student and working now both require effort, but there is a difference.

The environments in which the two get along are different, and the tasks they accept are also different.

After graduation, many young people only want to find a good job, study hard, and train themselves, but they do not consider that work has many more complicated things than simple study, such as interacting with colleagues. Cooperation, communication with bosses, the need for one's own work to produce real benefits for the company, fierce competition among colleagues, etc. If you don't take these into consideration and just keep studying (working) as hard as you did in school, it will be difficult to adapt to this society.

There are many young people who are proud and immodest when they are in school. They think that if they have excellent grades, they will be excellent in all aspects, and they are self-righteous. As everyone knows, the competition after entering society is multi-faceted. There are mountains outside the mountains, and there are people outside the mountains. After work, I don’t know how to respect my seniors, and when I encounter problems, I don’t know how to ask my seniors for advice. There are also many young people who think that their studies are over after graduation. When they get to work, they can't do this or that. It won't be long before they either resign or are fired from the company.

When you come to the big family of society, you have to rely on your own abilities and intelligence to get the rewards you deserve and to get recognition from society. You are no longer a child. Don't use other methods to beg for sympathy and help from others.