Lincoln joke

Once, Socrates was walking in the street, and someone hit him on the back with a stick, which made him unable to stand up and squat down, but soon, he stood up casually. Seeing that he didn't respond, others who witnessed the whole process asked him curiously: You were beaten, why didn't you fight back? Socrates replied with a smile: the wild donkey kicked you, did you return it?

* Bernard Shaw loved riding a bike when he was young. Once he broke his leg bone, his female classmates took good care of him. Bernard Shaw was worried that he was weak-willed and would propose to this female classmate, so he decided to slip away. But he accidentally fell down the stairs and broke his legs. As a result, he really asked her if she would marry him. Bernard Shaw fainted when the female classmate nodded.

A lady said to Mao Mu, I've been with a man for a long time, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. This famous writer has a very unique view on the test of love. He said: there is only one way to test whether you really love him. Would you like to brush your teeth with his toothbrush?

Someone asked Dumas: Why can you enter your old age with great composure? He retorted disapprovingly: It took me all my life to live today.

* Fang Lingxuan, a famous figure in the Tang Dynasty, was seriously ill when he was not an official. He said to his wife Lu: If I die of illness, don't be widowed and remarry. Lushi went to the room and dug out an eye to show that he would never change his mind. Later, Fang recovered from illness and rose to the high position of prime minister, always showing great respect for his wife.

Agatha christie's husband is an archaeologist. Once, at a party, a friend asked him: How do you feel when an imaginative woman like you marries an antique player? Detective novelists say: archaeologists are ideal husbands. You see, the older things get, the more he likes them.

Voltaire visited England on 1727. He found that the British hated the French very much. A group of Englishmen shouted at him: Kill him and hang the Frenchman! Voltaire said: English! You want to kill me because I'm French. Isn't it hard enough to be punished because I'm not English? The Englishman smiled and sent him all the way back to the apartment.

Chaplin is a rare all-round filmmaker who can compose music, direct and act. Once, he held a film production meeting and a fly flew around him. At first, he hit it several times with his hand, but he missed it, so he asked for a fly swatter. During the dinner, he took a fly swatter, posed as a fly swatter and looked at the flies viciously. But he called three times. The comedian shrugged his shoulders and said, this is not the one just now!

* After Li Bai's death, his body was buried at the head of the quarry river, and poets from all walks of life wrote poems in front of his grave. Someone wrote a quatrain: the stone quarrying river is a piece of rotten soil, and Li Bai's poems are famous throughout the ages; Come and go to write two lines, and drop a big axe in front of Lu Ban.

* In his later years, Ouyang Xiu painstakingly revised the words written in his life every day. His wife told him not to modify them, saying, why do you torture yourself like this? Are you still afraid of being scolded by the teacher? Ouyang Xiu said with a smile: I am not afraid of being scolded by the teacher, but I am afraid of being laughed at by future generations.

Lincoln once dreamed that he was attending a meeting. When he walked, everyone made way for Lincoln. At this time, in a large group of people, one whispered: He is just an ordinary-looking person. Lincoln listened and said, friend, God likes ordinary people, so he gave birth to many ordinary people.

Carnegie, the American steel magnate, talks about the secret of his success: I think my greatest advantage is that I can arouse people's enthusiasm. The best way for people to do their best is to appreciate him and praise him. The boss's criticism is the easiest way to destroy the confidence of deployment. I have never seen a person do things better when he is blown on cloud nine than when he is praised.

* Eliot, president of Harvard University in the United States, said: I think Harvard can really be called a treasure house of knowledge now. But I'm thinking that Harvard can become a treasure house of knowledge because freshmen bring knowledge, while senior students leave school with only a little knowledge.

* Curtis, a famous German doctor, once gave a banquet and stood on the host's side. He wanted to cut the roast pig on the table and give it to the guests. He cut the pig's chest straight with a knife, then cut it horizontally, and then pulled the cut mushrooms and other fillings into the pig's stomach in a quick and unique way. Then he took out a suitcase from his pocket, a surgical needle and thread from the suitcase, and sewed up the cut chest.

Kate Ritchie, a famous professor at Harvard University in the United States, is an authority on Shakespeare studies. Once, when he was teaching Shakespeare on the pulpit, he accidentally stepped into the air and fell under the pulpit. He stood up and said to the students with great momentum: I have been teaching for forty years, and for the first time I fell to the same level as the audience!

Once, a performance competition imitating Chaplin was held in a certain place, with as many as thirty or forty participants. Chaplin himself participated anonymously and won the third place. Chaplin thinks this is the biggest joke of his life!

* A female student of Smith Women's University in the United States once dated her boyfriend and returned to the dormitory very late, so she had to climb in through the window. But the window is too heavy for her to lift. Suddenly someone came to help her at the window and whispered to her, don't let others see it. When she climbed in, it was President Wilson smiling.

* Dr. Johnson, whose father runs a big second-hand bookstall. Once, there was a program not far away, and everyone went to the market. It is raining. His father wants Dr. John to distribute some books and transport them to the market. His father called him three times, but Dr. Johnson was absorbed in reading a thick and big book at this moment, but he pretended not to hear him and ignored him. His father sighed. Dr Johnson is eighteen years old. Fifty years later, one day at eleven o'clock at noon, the local people saw the bloated old man kneeling in the street. He put his hat under his arm, put his crutch aside, bowed his head in the sun and burst into tears. At this time, Dr. Johnson became famous and everyone came to see him. He said to everyone: Fifty years ago, on the same day and at the same time, I did not listen to my father, and now I am kneeling here to confess!

A bartender in Paris said: I can tell the nationality of a customer after drinking two double martinis. The French fall in love, the Spanish dance, the Germans brag, the Italians sing, the Irish fight, and the Americans stand up and give speeches.

Joey Brown traveled to the East during the Pacific War and met with General MacArthur. They took a picture together. The famous movie star Lian said: I am very lucky to take a photo with you! But General MacArthur said: This photo was taken for my youngest son. He often hoped that his father could take photos with celebrities.

* In his later years, Ouyang Xiu painstakingly revised the words written in his life every day. His wife told him not to modify them, saying, why do you torture yourself like this? Are you still afraid of being scolded by the teacher? Ouyang Xiu said with a smile: I am not afraid of being scolded by the teacher, but I am afraid of being laughed at by future generations.

Mark Twain worked in a newspaper when he was young. Six months later, the editor told him not to come back tomorrow. Mark Twain asked why. The editor-in-chief said: Because you are too lazy. Mark Twain smiled and replied: It will take you six months to find out that I am lazy, but I knew it the first day I entered the newspaper.

Yang Xiu was a trusted minister of Cao Cao in the later Han Dynasty. He was very clever when he was nine years old. One day, his father visited Kong Ping and was received by him. He prepared bayberry to entertain him. Kong Ping saw him and jokingly asked, Is this the fruit of your family? Yang Xiu immediately replied: I have never heard that peacocks are your poultry!

* When Su Shi was the magistrate of Hangzhou in the Song Dynasty, there was a villager who made a living by fans, but it was cold, so he owed taxes. Dongpo asked him to draw dead wood and bamboo stones with fans, and drew more than 20 fans. Only when the county headquarters walked out of the county gate, someone came to buy it. So all the taxes owed were paid off.

Raphael, an Italian Renaissance painter, painted a portrait of Maria holding her son Jesus. On her right is an old man and on her left is a maid. But there is a big blank below, and he is thinking about what to fill. At this time, he saw two children from the window of a nearby bakery. The older one is about four or five years old, holding his chin up, looking up at the sky and talking to his younger brother. The younger brother leaned his head on his arm, looked at the sky and listened to his brother.

Someone asked Raphael how he could paint such beautiful works. He replied: I had many dreams, and then I painted around them. Fantasy can make people see intangible things, while will can turn intangible things into tangible entities.

* Einstein put forward his views on success in life at the press conference. He used a mathematical formula to express it: assuming that A represents a person's success, I can write the following formula: A = X+Y+Z, X represents work, and Y represents games. The reporter asked: What does Z stand for? Einstein smiled and replied: Z is to keep your mouth shut.

* Finnish conductor Boris Sebo and his wife came to the United States to perform. It is said that the house where they live is often haunted. One day, they were really awakened by the sound of a ghost. Mrs. Sebo asked her husband to see it, but the conductor said, No, honey, you'd better go because your English is better than mine.

When Mozart was six years old, he gave his first concert in the palace in Munich, Germany. As soon as the floor in the palace was smooth, he slipped as soon as he entered the palace door. At this moment, a little princess came to help him up and kissed his hand. Mozart was so grateful that he didn't know how to thank him. He said, when I grow up, I must marry you as my bride. Everyone burst into laughter.

* 1948 In the American general election, President Truman rushed to his hometown from the White House to vote. A group of reporters chased him to the president's house, but they didn't see him. Later, when they met the president, a reporter asked him what happened along the way. President Truman replied: A police car stopped us. It seems that an important person will pass through this town today.

Once, a reporter asked Kennedy: How did you become a hero in World War II? Kennedy replied: They sank my ocean patrol boat, and I became famous. We know that Kennedy was sunk by the enemy in the small boat DT-O 8, and he was injured.

Socrates' wife is fierce. Once, she lost her temper and called Socrates. Before Yunu stopped breathing, she took a big bucket of water and poured it on her husband's head. Socrates scratched his wet hair and said with a smile, there will be heavy rain after thunder. This is the law of nature and the truth.

Newton was very absorbed in his studies. Once, a friend treated him. During the dinner, he remembered that there was a bottle of good wine at home, so he told his friends to wait and go home to get the wine himself. Friends were waiting around, but Newton didn't come back, so we had to investigate. It turned out that Newton thought of an experiment on his way home. When he got home, he plunged into the laboratory and started the experiment, completely forgetting about entertaining his friends with wine. On another occasion, when he was hungry, he boiled eggs to eat, but while thinking about the problem, he put the eggs in the pot. The problem was solved. When he wanted to eat eggs, he opened the lid and picked up his pocket watch.

* Sima Guang in the Song Dynasty was born in an official family. Wit and studious since childhood. Just turned 20, admitted to Jinshi. He is an honest official, who often studies in his spare time and is determined to write a general chronicle for people's reference. In order to seize the time to study, he specially made a log pillow. The magical function of the pillow is that when sleeping, the body will roll as soon as it rotates, and people will wake up to continue learning knowledge, so it is called "police pillow". Whenever Sima Guang needs a rest, he puts a "police pillow" on the pillow. As a result of this study, he finally became a knowledgeable person.