Who knows Tsai's instructions, please solve it

In 1927, psychologist Cai Gony conducted such an experiment: she asked 138 people to do a series of tasks, asking half of them to finish their tasks and the other half to stop midway. An hour later, she tested those people and found that 110 people remembered unfinished work more clearly than completed work. The conclusion is: when people have not completed a task, their minds will remain tense, and the tension cannot be released until the task is completed. Therefore, we often remember some suspenseful things. This mentality is called "Cai's effect".

Use the "Chuai Effect" in psychology and install the "Chuai Instruction" - a puzzle or brain teaser in the other person's brain to stimulate the other person's emotions and curiosity, leaving the other person in doubt. The answer can generate a strong desire to explore secrets, which can easily provide a psychological basis for subsequent communication. This is an important cold reading skill in interpersonal communication.

There are many ways to install Cai's command, as long as it is interesting and unexpected, such as telling a joke or saying something interesting, you can immediately attract the other person's attention.

A: "Did you know that Xiao Shenyang came to perform here?"

B: "I haven't heard of it!"

A: "He is here I said a classic line to everyone during the performance, and I still can’t forget it. Do you know which line it was?”

B (nervous): “Which line is it?”

In this way, the basic task of installing Chua's instructions has been successfully completed. The ingenuity of Cai's instructions is that it penetrates deeply into the other party's emotional heart, and at the same time quickly stimulates the other party's emotional response through cold reading, leaving a "mysterious and eerie" feeling on the other party.

When we successfully strike up a conversation with the other party and have a good conversation, we can use the installation of Cai's command to obtain the other party's information, such as their mobile phone number.

Mr. A successfully struck up a conversation with a lady in the station waiting hall. After the two sides chatted for a few words, Mr. A pretended to be relaxed and said: "Seeing that you are in a low mood, let me make a comment. Let’s test you with some intellectual questions. When you take a bite of an apple... it’s scary to see one worm; it’s scary to see two worms; but it’s the scariest thing when you see several worms. ?”

The lady thought for a long time and said, “I really can’t think of it. How many are there?”

Mr. A pretended to smile mysteriously, just like this in her mind. Chua's directive was successfully installed in.

Next, Mr. A said: "I won't tell you the answer yet... I know you are worried about your relationship today!" (Use the technique of cold reading to guess)

The lady asked curiously: "Oh, how do you know..."

Then the lady asked Mr. A with great interest whether he studied psychology, and discussed about human emotions. What's going on, etc.

In the process of chatting with the lady, Mr. A extended the topic to the content that stimulated her emotional changes, and then used other techniques to induce her to express her inner emotions, which made her produce There is a feeling that Mr. A knows her very well, like a friend who has been with her for many years.

As time passed, it was getting closer and closer to the time to check in and get on the bus, so the lady reminded Mr. A to tell her the answer to the brain teaser.

So Mr. A said to her: "It's time to check in. Enter your mobile phone number into my mobile phone and I will send you the answer!"

So she quickly He sent her her cell phone number.

Mr. A deliberately created a sense of time urgency at the last moment, so that the other party could not help but follow his train of thought under this tight restriction and easily told him his phone number.

It seems that this kind of dialogue is everywhere, but this kind of dialogue is actually the result of careful design. This is the result of a long-term practice that successfully installs Cai's instructions and makes the other party generate... Emotionally synchronized conversation patterns.

When we install Cai's command, if the other party knows that the answer is half a worm from the beginning (it has already eaten half of it, which is of course the most disgusting), we can also use another one. Let the other party get stuck with questions they don't know and make them think about it uncomfortably.

Even if we don’t enter Chua’s instructions, we can still use time constraints to ask for the other party’s phone number.

When you are chatting happily with the other person, pretend to look at the time, as if you suddenly remembered something, and say apologetically: "I'm sorry, I have to leave first, can we chat next time?" ? By the way, do you have a mobile phone? XXXXXXXXXXX is my number." Then pause and look at her expression. If she takes out her mobile phone and enters your number, it will be successful. You just need to call her enthusiastically to confirm. That's it.

Speaking is the most important tool for us to interact with strangers, generate trust, and obtain information.

Linguist Wang Li once said: "Speaking is the easiest thing, but also the most difficult thing. It is easiest because three-year-old children can also speak; it is the most difficult because children who are best at rhetoric Diplomats sometimes say the wrong thing. ”

In work and life, saying the wrong thing or not being able to speak can greatly affect the other person’s feelings, and even affect the other person’s mood, causing irreparable losses. incidents happen from time to time.

One day, a student visited Professor B at University A. He imploringly said to Professor B: "I am your student XX. I completely failed in today's exam. In fact, you have nothing to do except in this subject." I have obtained all the credits, but I am missing this subject. Teacher, can you give me some tutoring and let me take another exam?"

Professor B is thinking about helping him this time. At this time, the student opened the bag in his hand without any scruples, took out a bottle of expensive "Moutai" wine, and whispered: "This is from me to thank you, just help me get through!" B The professor's expression suddenly changed and he declined his request. Professor B is very disgusted with this kind of bribery by students because he is very famous in the school.

If this student knows the technique of cold reading and has the ability to detect the silent promise shown on Professor B’s face; or if he has mastered the conversational strategy of cold reading and does not say the wrong thing, he will not say anything wrong. Things get messed up. Mastering cold reading not only allows us to understand the other party's psychological activities, but also allows us to adjust our behavior and dialogue strategies according to the other party's thoughts and win the other party's understanding and trust.

Everyone hopes to be understood and trusted by others, which is a psychological need of people. But we can't expect others' understanding and trust, because the prerequisite for understanding and trust is that we need to communicate with others frequently, which is a basic skill for human beings. Timely and effective communication can promote understanding and trust between people, making people become familiar and become good friends.

We all seem to have had this psychological experience. When we no longer exchange letters with long-lost friends, we will find that our friendship with them is gradually dimming. When they reunited many years later, they found that there had been too many changes and differences, and it was no longer possible to talk about everything as before.

This distance in time and space reduces our opportunities to communicate with friends. In addition, we are not good at communicating. While we are distressed about not having friends, we are gradually losing what we should have had. friendship.

On the contrary, looking back on the process of communication with all our friends, which one has not gone through the process from stranger to familiarity? It is through the accumulation of communication that mutual understanding and trust are gradually established.

Cold reading is just a social skill that uses psychological principles to instantly see through the other person's mind and effectively guide the other person's topic. After mastering this cold reading skill, we also need to carry out active and continuous exchanges through some basic communication to deepen each other's friendship, continue to deepen the feelings of both parties with a sincere and reciprocal attitude, and finally win the other's heart.

Everyone had finished get off work for an hour, and Mr. Yu just came out of the general manager's office. At this time, he saw a lonely young man packing things on the table in an empty office, packing them one by one.

Mr. Yu walked over, patted him on the shoulder and said, "What's wrong, young man?" The other party said he was planning to resign tomorrow. After Mr. Yu asked the reason, he found out that the other person was a newcomer. After a few days of brief training, the supervisor left him aside without asking. Due to the lack of communication and communication, he could not continue his work. After listening, Mr. Yu nodded, and then said emotionally: "Young man, I am the boss of this company, and each of you is my child. If you have any questions, you can come to me directly. This matter I did something wrong. I hope you stay and I will take care of the following matters." The young man felt excited and agreed to stay under Mr. Yu's attention.

Communication is not only a means of information transmission, but also a need. It is also the lubricant of interpersonal relationships and the basis for mutual understanding and trust between people.

Communicating with others may produce positive effects that we expect, or it may produce negative effects that we do not want to see. Only those communications that can produce positive results are effective communications, otherwise they are ineffective communication or negative communication.

In the process of interactions between people, communication that can produce the following effects is usually effective communication.

·Communication that can bring us closer.

·Communication that can enhance mutual understanding.

·Communication that can build mutual trust.

So, how can we achieve effective communication? This is the significance of our understanding and mastering cold reading.

By learning and mastering cold reading, we can improve and enhance our interpersonal communication level, so that we can always take the initiative in interpersonal communication, which is conducive to establishing a sunny communication image in our circle of friends.

When we communicate with others, the four most critical steps are "speaking", "asking", "listening" and "answering". As shown in Figure 1-2, the use of cold reading conversational strategies can promote a virtuous cycle of "speaking", "asking", "listening" and "answering" between the two parties, making the conversation continue and effectively proceed. , thereby forming effective communication.

Looking at the operating mechanism of communication, we found that good communication will form a spiritual resonance between both parties and ultimately gain the trust of the other party. To achieve this, that is, to gain the understanding and trust of the other party during communication, you must pay attention to basic communication skills during the conversation, and on this basis, use cold reading to actively speak to the other party's mind.

●The skill of "speaking"

Communication between people is a science. When asking questions to the other party, answering the other party's questions, expressing our own opinions and opinions, introducing products or services to the other party, etc., do we pay attention to the way and tone of our speech?

"You are wrong, this will not work..."

In work and life, we often hear such words, and our first reaction is always to defend and try to To convince the other party, even in the end, we often have deviated from the problem itself, just to defend for the sake of justification.

Just imagine, when we speak to others in this way, the other party will probably react in the same way. So, can our communication still be successful? Therefore, we need to improve our speaking skills, speak more pleasantly, and make the other party happy to accept it even if we find fault with the other party.

Director Wang of the Administration Department said to clerk Xiao Min: "You wore such a beautiful dress today, which shows your beauty and generosity even more." Xiao Min suddenly heard such a compliment from her boss. , flattered. Director Wang continued: "It would be better if you pay more attention to punctuation when typing in the future." After listening to Director Wang's words, Xiao Min felt ashamed and made up her mind

We must make corrections in the next work.

In communicating with his subordinates, Director Wang skillfully used the technique of cold reading, and through dialogue that first promoted and then suppressed, he made the other party accept his point of view. In our daily social life, the relationship between superiors and subordinates is not always the same. At this time, our conversations must be more strategic.

When describing the story of his return to China to start a business, a "turtle" told a wonderful episode about using transition words when communicating with others.

What you said... is right, but... (When I first returned to China, I told the truth)

What you said... is right, if... (Learn to express it better It's more tactful)

What you said... is correct, and... (after being experienced, express it very shrewdly)

The same thing is expressed with different turning words , giving people a completely different feeling. "But" is an objection, and the other party will be disgusted; "if" is a supplement, and the other party will accept it. However, if you meet a psychologically sensitive person who feels that you have done a good job, he may still reject it psychologically; and use "and" "This transition word is even better, because it makes him feel as if the meaning behind it is what he said himself, rather than something we added.

Say the right words and say them in the right way. This is the basic requirement for us to speak, and only in this way can we easily understand each other and achieve mutual understanding with the communication objects. When we communicate with others, we need to pay attention to the following basic rules.

·When speaking, use more declarative sentences and less negative sentences, rhetorical questions, and interrogative sentences.

·Use "can you", "can you", "ok" and "help me" more often.

·Speak more about what the other person cares about and is interested in, rather than what you are concerned about.

·When speaking, you must focus on the target, the timing, the occasion, and the method. The words must be meaningful and the purpose must be clear.

·Pay attention to the other person's reaction and give the other person a chance to express. Don't talk endlessly by yourself.

·When speaking to the other party, your voice should not be too high, but should be soft and melodious, and your attitude should be positive.

·Praise and affirm each other in a timely manner to enliven the conversation.

●The skill of "asking"

Asking questions is an art of speaking, which plays an important role in "bringing the distance" between the two parties in communication. In the process of interacting with others, only by asking appropriate questions can you achieve the purpose of smooth communication and make the conversation situation and results beneficial to you.

In the process of communicating with others, when asking questions, we should consciously lead the other party's thinking to the purpose of our question, and at the same time, we should try our best to make the other party feel the sincerity of our question, so that they will not hesitate. I have the nerve to refuse. If the other party forgets to turn off the computer, we can ask casually: "Are you still using the computer now?" This is much better than directly saying "Why don't you turn off the computer after you use it?"

Questions are also an effective way to change the topic, obtain information, break the ice, and guide ideas. Smart questions can immediately open up the other person's conversational box, making the other person feel that we have met each other too late, and instantly become our good friends.

In social situations, we should use as many open-ended questions as possible and less closed-ended questions to give the other party a communication situation where they can speak freely.

Open-ended questions often begin with "what", "how", "how", "how" or "why".

·"Do you have any special ideas?"

·"What do you think about this matter?"

·"Why do you always like to buy Where are the new clothes? "

·"How is your family situation?"

·"How is your work lately?"

·"What do you want me to do? What to do? ”

Open-ended questions can allow the other party to open their mind, relax their guard, and express their thoughts as much as possible, which helps us communicate with the other party from more perspectives and more comprehensively. Get to know each other.

If you use closed questions, such as "who", "when", "where", "is it", "which one", "will it", "have you", "Can you", "Have you done it" or "Can you" are used as a way to ask questions, and you can only get the other party's answer of "yes", "no" or other single words, which can easily lead to a deadlock in the conversation. This is exactly what we should avoid when communicating with strangers.

●"Listening" skills

"Listening" also requires skills. "Listen to the words and listen to the sound, and listen to the gongs and drums." "Listening" is not simply listening with the ears, but must be understood with the "heart" and respond actively.

Being listened to carefully and actively is what the speaker expects from the other person. If you are good at listening, you will make the other person feel satisfied and develop a good impression of you. As long as you are good at listening, the other person will regard you as a friend and confidant.

·Listen attentively and pay attention.

·Maintain appropriate eye contact and positive body language.

·Have sufficient sensitivity and are good at finding out the information that the other party has inadvertently disclosed in his words.

·Don’t interrupt the other party intentionally, and provide timely guidance.

·Retell to strengthen your attention to the other person.

·Ask appropriate questions to deepen your understanding of the other party.

●"Answer" skills

In communication, we must respond in a timely manner during the other party's expression process, so that the other party can feel the happiness and positive attitude of both parties. .

Answering the other party's questions can increase the other party's understanding of us, express our attention and respect for the other party, and thereby gain the other party's recognition and favor. Responding positively to the other party can be carried out in the following aspects.

·We must respond positively to each other’s questions, opinions and requests.

·When we answer, we must be sincere.

·Smartly shift the topic to the other party, obtain more information from the other party, and keep the communication going.

·When the other party makes a declarative expression, we should nod in response during the pause.

After mastering the communication skills of cold reading and improving the level of communication with the people we interact with, we will easily gain the understanding and trust of others, which is also the purpose of our interpersonal communication.