I am bored. You told a joke to amuse me. Add 50 points.

1. The emperor said to the little plum beside him: You can describe me in one word. Xiao Lizi replied: What's the matter? Then the little plum was cut. . .

2. Just as I was screening my resume, I saw a resume of graduate students' award-winning experience: I won the Master Kong "One more bottle" award many times during my school days.

3. "President Sam resigned because of rape" Follow-up: "Who is such an animal that he raped the door!" "David's wife gave birth to a baby girl" thread: "Who is Tong Da? So powerful! "

In history class, the teacher asked Xiaoming: Do you know how the Japanese laugh at us? Xiao Ming: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. ..........

It sounds as if someone is going to the northeast on business and wants to drink beer in the restaurant. The waiter asked, room temperature or cold storage? Some people angered, you still let me drink frozen food in this cold weather? ! The waiter calmly said that the room temperature is-15, and the refrigeration is-1.

6. Nietzsche went to an interview, and the interviewer asked, "What's your name?" "Nietzsche." "Guess you are grandma! Next! "

7. When crossing the road, I met a red light and my friend wanted to move on. I stopped him: "light, wait for light!" " My friend turned to me with disdain and said, "Only you have Intel!

8. When I was in college, a teacher asked me to fill out a very important form, and declared that each person had one, and I couldn't alter it without the rest. A buddy came up to fill it out, only to find that the gender column was filled with the national "Han nationality". Because he said it would not be altered, he thought about it and added a word "zi" after "Han".

9. When I went to the toilet, I saw that only the abbreviation of NC was marked on the toilet door. The English expert who went with me said: NC is a men's room. Then all of a sudden, I was enlightened, entering, taking off, squatting, all of a sudden, suddenly a flash of light. What is the abbreviation of the ladies' room …

10. A brother chases his girlfriend, and every morning he has a pack of heart-shaped biscuits and a bottle of milk. Perseverance, finally got what I wanted. One morning, he went to see his girlfriend with a heart-shaped biscuit. His girlfriend asked, "Where did you buy this biscuit? I went to many supermarkets, but I just couldn't buy this shape. " He proudly said, "Of course I can't find it. I chewed it up ... "

1 1. Uncle came to visit, but Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys." Mother growled at once, "What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here. What zoo are you going to? "

12. Once I bought something and went to the supermarket to queue up. When the person in front paid, the cashier said, "Your 100 yuan is fake." The man was surprised and said, "Impossible? ! This is what KFC just found for me ~!

13. Someone on a campus forum asked, "Why do cockroaches appear more frequently after the school kills cockroaches with cockroach incense? I haven't seen them before. " A student replied, "Aren't you in a hurry without your family?"

14. Do you have a brief history? B: crazy, I don't pick up shit when I'm free!

15. On the bus in the morning, a man took out his mobile phone from his bag to look at the time, and then said "I am Cao", thinking that his time was too late. I took a closer look, and Cao had an air conditioner remote control in his hand.

16. Mrs. Wang is pregnant with quadruplets and shows off to her neighbors everywhere, saying that it is not easy to have quadruplets, and it takes an average of 60,000 times to happen.

Mrs. Li was surprised: do you still have time to do housework? (This connotation)

17 ... On the subway, a little girl played with a magic wand behind me. She pointed her wand at my back: I want to make you ugly! I listened, smiled, turned around and heard a scream: Mom! Mom! I know magic!

18. Patients in the hospital intensive care unit always die around 11 o'clock on Sunday, which makes doctors very confused and even thinks that this is a supernatural phenomenon, so an expert group was set up to investigate the reasons. On Sunday, the clock just struck 1 1 point. Through the monitor, it was found that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the wire plug of the life support system of seriously ill patients, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and began to clean. . .

19. The old man said to his mother, "I finally confirmed that I am actually your long-lost brother!"

Mom is at a loss, at a loss!

At this time, the old man suddenly pointed to his son and scolded, "Otherwise, how could he have been born such an idiot!"

20. Man: "Marry me! I love you! I can't live without you! "

Woman: "No, my mother will be unhappy. She said you were too worthless. "

Man: "Oh, if you don't promise, I will die in front of you!" " "

With that, he picked up a pistol. Woman: "Wait a minute, I'll ask my mother."

Man: "Hey, I knew it would work."

Woman: "My mother said I was old enough to watch this bloody scene."

Man: ". . . "

I don't believe that nothing can make you laugh!