If your child asks you about life and death, here’s what you can do

On the topic of life and death, it seems that if the children don’t ask, the parents will never talk about it.

Because "death" has always been a topic that Chinese people avoid talking about.

But in fact you will find: even if we don’t say it, death has quietly broken into our lives.

For example: withered flowers, dead insects and earthworms in the park, characters in cartoons...

Although we rarely mention this topic with our children, we don’t know when it started. , the child will begin to ask questions about death. When is the sensitive period for children to talk about "life and death"?

Generally speaking, children start to enter a sensitive period when the topic of death starts at about 3 years old, especially when they are 5 or 6 years old.

Due to different stages of psychological development, children of different ages have different feelings about death. It's not uncommon for a three-year-old to ask questions about death. They are magical thinkers and don't understand the difference between fantasy and reality.

They may believe that death is temporary or changeable. They are still in a state of ignorance and cannot feel pain.

When children over 5 years old mentioned this issue, they would associate death with people getting older, but at the same time they also had another meaning, which was the lack of security. Worried that he would die and be separated from his parents, he needed to seek a positive answer through this question.

So if we are asked about such a topic by our children, how should we answer? It is recommended that parents follow the following four steps:

Honesty: We must be honest when discussing death with our children. Although you want to express that death is not scary from the perspective of children’s understanding, there are also You may cause them more confusion because of your untruthful expression.

If you are unsure or don't know how to answer, you can say: "I don't have an answer to this question yet." This is better than lying to your child.

Specific: When we express the word death, please be direct and clear. We must not use euphemistic words such as "rest forever", "leave" or "pass away". Such expressions will also make children Feel confused. If parents say that x x x will not wake up, the child may be afraid of going to sleep.

Be clear: When you talk to your children about death, keep it simple, concise and scientific. It is difficult for young children to think abstractly, so if we can express death in visual language, it will be easier for children to understand.

For example, "Because the spider dies, he can't walk anymore." When discussing death, young children may ask their parents, "Are you going to die?" When children ask this question, they are often too young to understand that death is permanent.

In the meantime, try to figure out why your child is asking this question. Usually it's about getting a guarantee.

You can ask your child, "Are you worried that I won't be able to take care of you?" If this is his concern, you can reassure him: "It may be a long time before I die. I'll be here as long as you need me."

Assistance: Stories and movies are two great ways to express death in a way that children can see and understand. matter.

Recommended picture book 1, "Grandpa Became a Ghost"

This book expresses the deep love between ancestors and grandchildren in a plain tone. The simple and pastel-colored pictures in the book are not only People don't feel the horror of death, but can find an outlet to express their emotions. While being moved, what we can feel is the nostalgia and appreciation for family affection.

Recommended picture book 2, "When a Duck Meets Death"

The duck invites Death to play in the pond to warm him up. The witty Death holds a dark red tulip in his mouth. He always smiles and performs his duties without hesitation, but is full of humanity.

This book was also adapted into an animated film, which won the 2010 SCHLINGEL International Film Festival Animation Film Award and the 2010 Golden Cartoon Award (Cartoon d'or) nomination.

Recommended movie 3. "Coco"

The Coco movie is set on the Mexican Day of the Dead festival, describing a story about dreams and family love, death and separation. .

Children are often very curious when they discover a death, and this gives us the opportunity to discuss the death further with the children and answer any detailed questions that may arise.

We can tell children that all living objects will eventually die, and death is to allow new life to join.

But what should we do if a loved one or pet really passes away?

Children do not process bad news the same way adults do. Adults feel sadness and immediately understand the permanence of death, so we respond with tears.

But children, especially those under 12, may not immediately understand the permanence of death, so they may not react strongly to bad news. At the same time, they will fall into great sadness because of the loss of relationships with family members and pets.

Absence has a specialness that cannot be replaced by anything else, because all relationships are special. The loss of this relationship brings sadness, so we need to be prepared in advance.

Saying goodbye creates a sense of ritual

Many times, relationships that are very insignificant in the eyes of adults may bring a great sense of loss and sadness to children. A proper farewell ceremony can help children resolve their grief and sort out their emotions, which is also a very necessary step.

Drawing a picture that can express your thoughts or writing a letter to the person you are bidding farewell to is a very good farewell ceremony.

Make a Memoir of Good Times

Recall the good moments that happened with your respective partner, write them down, draw them, and use colored paper, colored pens, scissors, etc. to make a beautiful memory notebook .

Build a spiritual first aid kit

The sense of loss and sadness caused by death is not just because a person or an animal no longer exists in this world, but is related to that person. The relationship created by the object is missing. Not being able to communicate with him emotionally, the lack of this relationship will bring great grief.

Therefore, children who experience separation caused by death and feel missing and sad must do relationship sorting. Think about it together, talk about it, and recall your mood and feelings together.

Recalling past relationships is an important key to healing the soul. Leave some precious items in a box and take them out to look at and think about when you miss them.

Life and death are natural things in the universe. We don’t need to talk about death or deliberately avoid it. Talk to your children calmly, use questions to make them think, and at the same time be prepared for some situations that may arise in the future. This is what smart parents need to learn.