What are the cold jokes?

What are the cold jokes? In life, I believe everyone has seen many cold jokes on some social platforms. There are many cold jokes, some of which can bring people a happy mood. Let me share with you some cold jokes.

What are the cold jokes 1? First, my boyfriend insisted on dragging me fishing on weekends ... threatening him if he didn't want to go: he didn't want to go because he was too sunburned unless he bought me a new sunscreen. My boyfriend gritted his teeth and agreed, but there was no way but to go fishing with him.

Second, have dinner with my boyfriend in the morning. He gave me some rice, and I said angrily, "Then what do you feed the cat?" He walked away silently. After a while, he cooked a big bowl of rice: "pig, eat!" " "

Third, call my mom and talk to Silas for a while. My mom asked me if I was okay, and I hung up when I was okay. As soon as I saw that there was an hour left, I called my dad's cell phone, but I didn't answer it once or twice. I finally answered it three times. Before I could speak, my father said, girl, stop calling. Your mother said you were fine. You don't have to answer. Answering the phone will delay our watching TV!

My daughter-in-law seems to have a good appetite recently. She was about to eat when the boss called and talked with me for half an hour. When I returned to the dining table, there were only a few empty plates left on the table. "Braised pork? Why did you only leave me a few empty plates? " Daughter-in-law picks her teeth with a toothpick and looks at the dining tables: "Well, the plate is too hard for others to bite!" " "Lao Li married his cousin, and the next day my cousin held the wall and said to me. ...

One day, I said to my deskmate, "You are a pig!" He didn't understand and said solemnly, "I'm not a pig ... I'm really not a pig!" " "I wanted to tell him the truth, but he turned to the students behind him and said," Hey, she called me a pig! "I am not a pig!" Then the students at the back suddenly understood and said, "Yes, you are not a pig." I'm embarrassed to tell him the truth. ...

6. He also knew that he had a bad mouth, so he lowered his head, just ate and kept silent. It was not until he finished eating that he said to everyone, "You can all prove it. I didn't say anything today. Don't blame me if this child dies. "

Seven, you said, this life with me, with her, you have no choice, next life I will arrive early, so you have to choose me. Why do you wear glasses when you sleep? My eyesight is not good. I'm afraid I can't see when I dream.

Today, when my mother cleaned the refrigerator, she took out three garlic heads, which were rotten, turned purple-black, and sprouted green. My mother took garlic and said to me, "Look, these garlic are rotten, but they have given birth to new life!" " What a tenacious spirit this is! "I was very educated after listening to it. I can't find a wife who is as lazy as my mother and has so many excuses in the future. This is really a meaningful day!

Nine, the family is poor. In order to improve the present situation, the second-rate husband had a whim one day and wanted to change the name of his three-year-old daughter to Fu Gui. He consulted with his daughter, who refused. Later, her husband took out his killer weapon and asked her, "Take a canned fish for it. How about changing your name to Fu Gui? " I watched my daughter think carefully for five seconds and nodded in agreement. The next day, my daughter ate canned fish, and my father gave her a new name: Jiang!

10. Of course, the shopkeeper will give appropriate subsidies to his friends. I heard from his friend that he gave him a coupon for 10 yuan, and he said that he would never eat it again. Of course, I think this is ok. There are coupons. Next time, it will never be so unlucky. Do you think this is true?

Daughter: "mom, isn't this dress beautiful?" How much do you guess? " Mother: "I can tell at a glance that it is very expensive." Daughter: "Do you think it is expensive there?" Mother: "Judging from your husband's face, it is very expensive. . . "

Twelve, one day I quarreled with my wife, and her wife was anxious. She picked up a bottle of dichlorvos and said, "You are so cruel, good! Let you know what it feels like to lose me. " In a minute. . . "Husband, I can't unscrew it." Me:. . . So I unscrewed it for her. . . She: "honey, try the shelf life first."

13 days ago, there was an accident in a commercial street with cameras all over my hometown: an electric car knocked down a middle school student who was at school and then ran away. The students fell to the ground with their heads broken and struggled to get up. Suddenly, a group of people gathered around with their mobile phones to send a circle of friends: "Whose child was beaten here, it's too pitiful. Look at the parents who forwarded it to find their children ... "Only an old man who hid from the urban management stopped the electric tricycle, took off his sweater coat, tore off his close-fitting autumn clothes and bandaged the students to stop bleeding, and then took out old bricks under many famous brands such as Huawei and Apple to call Nokia 120 ... I suddenly understood that the progress of human civilization is really.

14. During the journey, you may be in a hurry sometimes, but the other party is not in a hurry at all. When you were eating with an empty stomach, he said that the bus would leave in five minutes. He'll say it'll be ready soon. If you miss the plane, he will say impatiently that he knows. Wait for me. No matter what you do, you are a procrastinator. This endless waiting is disgusting. If this continues, it will be very annoying.

Fifteen, my buddy told me three principles of chasing women: first, make her happy; Second, praise her smile; Third, ask her out at night. "I asked," Why at night? " My buddy told me, "Because she can't see how ugly you are at night. "

What are the cold jokes? 2 1. The grumpy daughter-in-law just got her driver's license. Driving to work for the first time, I found her forehead bruised when I came back. Surprised, I quickly asked her: What's the matter? Collapsed? The daughter-in-law wriggled for a long time before she said weakly, well, she got off the bridge, crossed the three-meter height limit and bowed her head and knocked on the steering wheel. . .

2. If you were given a chance to go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures, who would you choose as your apprentice? Many dreams. Conan. Crayon Shinchan. Hanamichi Sakuragi. Wukong. Popeye. Superman. Kung fu panda. Beautiful female warrior. Luffy. Naruto Uzumaki Altman. Kakashi Pleasant Goat. Spider-Man. The ever-changing woody cherry blossoms. Teenage mutant ninja turtles transformers. Iori Yagami. Sesshomaru. Astro Boy, don't ask me why there are no the Monkey King, Pig and Friar Sand.

3. A lady goes to the noodle restaurant to eat noodles. She quarreled with the waiter over two dollars. Later, she cried on her desk. Everyone advised her that the boss also came to make amends. But she cried, saying she didn't cry because of the money. She didn't expect to quarrel with others for two dollars. This is not the life I want.

4. Two people make wine together. A said: You get out of the rice and I get out of the water. B said: I will pay all the rice money. How to calculate this account in the future? A said: How can I make you suffer? When the wine comes out, just give me back the water and the rest is yours.

5. Today, a buddy went to the bank to withdraw money. There are many people in the bank. The lobby manager didn't wait in line when he saw his buddy. What business does Mr. Wang want to do? The buddy said: withdraw money. The lobby manager said, you can pick it up at the ATM. There are many people waiting in line here. The buddy said: ATM can't be taken out. The lobby manager asked: How much do you want to withdraw? Large withdrawals should be reported to the plan. The elder brothers said weakly: 5. . . 50 bucks.

6. An alcoholic dreamed that he had got a bottle of wine, and he wanted to stew it while it was hot. When he ran into the kitchen to stew wine, his dream suddenly woke up. He was very regretful and said to himself, "It's a pity that I didn't drink it while it was cold earlier!" " "

7. One day, my daughter-in-law told me: Honey, people are going to eat fried chicken with ribs and stewed fish this weekend! I readily agreed, and then cooked a big meal for my daughter-in-law for two days at the weekend. Today's Sichuan-style cooked pork, the daughter-in-law said: I'm tired of eating big fish and meat these days. I want to eat some instant noodles and pickles. I agreed without much thought. I made instant noodles for her, prepared pickles and gave myself a pot of Sichuan-style pork. At dinner time, my parents-in-law came. ...

My sister is a big girl, and all the boys ignore her. One night, the handsome guy next door knocked at the door and asked her if she could accompany him for a walk. My sister said excitedly, let him wait for a while, close the door and put on lipstick to dry his hair, and put on a new skirt before coming out and asking the handsome guy, "Where are you taking me?" The handsome guy said, "My home is not here. I want to withdraw money. You give me courage!" " !

9. I failed subject three again. On the way back, everyone was discussing the cause of the mistake. I summed up my problems in my mind, then forced a smile and said, "Oh, nothing, I'll take the exam next time. I heard that the smarter the person, the easier it is to fail the driver's license! " Admired by everyone, the coach said, "I have been a coach for almost ten years." The first time I saw someone who could hang up three times, I was not nervous. The key is to hang up once and fool other students. Really blowing! "

10, mom is not at home, and dad cooks for me. It's really hard to swallow! My dad asked me: How does it taste? Thinking of my father's hard work cooking for me, I have to say: it's delicious! Then dad said, then you eat slowly and I'll go out and buy a bowl of noodles to eat!

1 1. When I was young, I asked him: What position can I get by going to your place? He said with a smile, with our relationship, you must be the second in command! He didn't break his word. I now guard the handles of two doors every day, opening and closing the doors for guests. ...

12, the female doctor glanced at the man opposite: "What's the matter?" Man: "Arrhythmia." Doctor: "When did it start?" Man: "When I saw you." Doctor: "Then you won't get better if you don't come to see me?" Man: "If you can't see, you will have difficulty breathing."

13, I just sat down on a blind date today, and the girl across the street looked at me in surprise and said, "Oh, you are much worse than the photo. Are those photos all your own PS? " Can you accept me as a disciple and teach me PS? "My goodness! A good blind date turned out to be a teacher's banquet!

14, my buddy parked his car in front of the hotel and went to the supermarket opposite to buy things. When he came out, a car was close to his car. He saw a mobile phone in the car and made a phone call. It was answered by a man. The buddy told him to get out of the car. He said his wife opened it, but he also asked where it was parked. The buddy said in front of the hotel, and he asked: in front of the hotel? Which hotel? The buddy told the truth before he reacted: it's over, we are in trouble! Ran away on her motorcycle!

15, now the little girl, dressed beautifully at a young age, has to wear stockings in such a cold day, and the skirt is too short for people to look at. She wants to squeeze out a ditch with a chest and no chest, and then there are false eyelashes blinking everywhere. These are still very irritating, and the most irritating thing is not to give a number.

16, ten years ago, when my cousin was in high school, he didn't study well and was still mixed up in society. One day, he called me and said that some classmates wanted to take him to drink, and he didn't want to go. They are all children. I have to convince them. After work at night, my cousin took me to a roadside barbecue stall, where seven or eight young people of the same age were waiting. As the eldest brother, I volunteered: You are still young, don't get into bad habits. Before I finished speaking, a young man pointed at me and said, rob my girlfriend, educate me, and call me! What happened? All the shoes were lost that night!