Ask some jokes about English reading ~ ~ ~ Be as brief as possible ~ ~ Who can help me?

I found this.

How much English can you speak?

"Your honor, I want to draw your attention to how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He came to new york a week ago and hardly knew the way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English. "

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

Chinese translation

"Mr. Judge, how unfair it is for my client to be accused of stealing. He just came to new york a week ago and hardly knows the way. Besides, he can only speak a few English words. "

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

2

A husband proved to his wife that women talk more than men and showed her a study. The study showed that men only use 15000 words every day on average, while women use 30000 words every day. She thought for a moment and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, "What?"

The husband showed his wife the results of a survey in order to prove to her that women are more verbose than men. Research shows that men use 15000 words every day on average, while women use 30000 words every day.

The wife thought for a moment and said that women talk twice as much as men every day because they have to repeat what they have already said.

He asked, "What?"

three

Boy: Is this seat empty?

Girl: Yes, if you sit down, this will be.

Boy: Is this seat empty?

Girl: Yes, if you sit down, my seat will be empty, too.

4、

"Tom, what's wrong with your brother?" Asked the mother in the kitchen. "He is crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mom," Tom replied. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I don't give it to him at all. "

"But has he finished his cake?"

"yes." Tom said. "When I helped him finish it, he also cried."

"Tom, what's wrong with your brother?" Mom asked in the kitchen. "He is crying."

"Never mind, Mom," Tom replied. "I'm eating my cake. He cried because I didn't give him food. "

"Has he finished his own?"

"yes." "I helped him finish eating, and he cried."

2009-6-7

A man said to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

Friends said, "If I guess right, will you give me one?"

The first man said, "if you guess right, I'll give them all to you!" "

Passerby A said to Passerby B, "Guess how many pence I have in my pocket?"

Passerby B said, "I guessed right. Can I have one? "

Passerby A said, "You guessed it, I'll give it to you both!" "

On June 6, 2009, the difference between graduate students and undergraduates

"I can always distinguish between graduate classes and undergraduates," said a lecturer in graduate engineering courses at a university. "When I say' good afternoon', undergraduates will answer' good afternoon'." But graduate students just write it down. "

A teacher said in a postgraduate engineering class, "I can tell at a glance which are undergraduates and which are postgraduates." "When I said' good afternoon', the undergraduates answered' good afternoon', and the graduate students wrote this sentence in their notebooks."

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

Tom: Every month.

Dad: Tell me, Tom, which month has 28 days?

Tom: Every month!

make faces

Ms Smith found one of her students making faces at other students on the playground, so she stopped to gently reprimand the child. The Sunday school teacher smiled sweetly and said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made a face, my face would freeze and stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "well, Ms. Smith, you can't say that no one warned you."

Miss Smith found one of her students making faces at others on the playground, so she gently scolded him.

The Sunday school teacher smiled sweetly and said, "Bobby, when I was young, I was told that if I made faces, my face would be stiff and ugly forever."

Bobby looked up at the teacher and said, "Miss Smith, don't say no one warned you."

2009-6-3

A man took his friend to visit his grandmother.

While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them up.

When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts."

She said, "Yes, since I lost my false teeth, I have to suck up the chocolate."

A man took a friend to visit his grandmother.

While he was chatting with his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all.

When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts."

As a result, my grandmother said, "Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I have to suck the chocolate off the outer layer of peanut beans. "

2009-6-2

A father tried to tell his son the harm of alcohol.

He put one bug in a glass of water and the other bug in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water is alive, while the worm in the whisky is curled up and dead.

"Well, son," the father asked, "what does this make you understand?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink, you won't have bugs."

A father intends to let his son know how terrible alcohol is.

He put two worms in a glass of water and a glass of whisky for comparison. The worms in the clear water were so safe that the worms in the whisky curled up a few times and then hung up.

"So, son," the father asked, "what's the conclusion?"

"Well, it means that if you drink it, there will be no bugs in your stomach!"

2009-6- 1

A poor man looked unhappy. He walked into the doctor's office.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago. "

"Jesus, man!" The doctor said. "Why did you wait so long? Why didn't you come to me the day you swallowed it? "

"To tell you the truth, doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need money that much then."

Chinese translation:

A poor man who looked miserable walked into the doctor's office.

"Doctor!" He said, "Help me! I swallowed a penny a month ago! "

"Good heavens," said the doctor, "why did you leave so early? Then why don't you come and have a look? "

"To tell you the truth, doctor," said the poor man, "I was not short of money then!"

2009-5-3 1

Boy: Hey, haven't we dated before? Once or twice?

Girl: There must have been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

Boy: Hey, have we dated before, once or twice? I forgot.

Girl: It should only be once. I never make the same mistake twice.

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination for a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physical quality of a musician?"

"Deaf," the boy replied.

"Nonsense!" The teacher said angrily.

"Why, Sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven is deaf? " The boy asked contemptuously.

In an entrance examination for a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physical quality of a musician?"

"Deaf," the boy replied.

"Nonsense!" The teacher said angrily.

"What's the matter, Sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven is deaf? " The boy asked contemptuously.

2009-5-28

A man was sitting in a bar with the saddest expression on his face.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Do you have any problems with your wife? "

Man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wouldn't talk to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

Man: "No, I'm married today!" "

A man was sitting in a bar, very sad.

Bartender: "What's the matter with you? Have a problem with your wife? "

Man: "We had a fight, and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month."

Bartender: "Then you should be happy!" "

Man: "No, today is the last day of this month."

Laughter 2009-5-27

A woman worries about the future until she finds a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Women are worried about the future until they find a husband. Men never worry about the future before they get married.

2009-5-26

A man will spend 2 dollars to buy a commodity with the value of 1 dollar he wants. A woman will spend 1 dollar on a $2 thing she doesn't want.

If a man wants something worth 1 yuan but sells in 2 yuan, he will also buy it; For a woman, even if something she doesn't want is only sold for 1 yuan for 2 yuan, she will buy it.

2009-5-25

Girls' dormitories will be closed to all boys, and vice versa. "Anyone who is found to have violated this regulation will be fined $20 for the first time. Anyone caught violating this rule for the second time will be fined $60. Being caught for the third time will be fined 180 USD. Are there any questions? " At this time, a male student in the crowd asked, "hmm ... how much is a season ticket?"

Girls' dormitories will completely ban boys, and boys' dormitories will also ban girls.

"Anyone who breaks the rules will be fined $20 for the first time. If you do it again, you will be fined 60 dollars. A fine of 180 USD is required for the third arrest. Are there any questions? "

At this time, a gay man in the crowd learned: "So how much is a quarterly pass?"

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?

Girl: Actually, I want money more.

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?

Girl: You'd better give me the money.

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.

Patient: Of course. I practiced all night.

Doctor: It sounds like your cough is much better today.

Patient: I think so. I practiced all night last night.

2009-5-2 1

Peter: "Last time I went hunting, I fell off a high cliff. Can you believe that every stupid thing I did came to my mind when I fell?"

Bob: "You must have fallen from a very high mountain."

Peter: "Last time I went hunting, I fell off a high cliff. Believe it or not, when I fell, all the stupid things I did came to my mind. "

Bob: "You must have fallen from a high mountain."

2009-5- 19

Spending the night with their grandparents, two little boys knelt by their beds and prayed before going to bed. The little boy began to pray at the top of his voice: "I pray for a bike ... I pray for a new DVD."

His brother nudged him and said, "Why are you praying loudly? God is not deaf. "

The younger brother replied, "no, but grandma is!" "

Two boys spent the night with their grandparents. They knelt by the bed and prayed before going to bed. My brother prayed at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bike, a new DVD…… ..."

My brother nudged him gently: "Why are you yelling and praying?" God is not deaf. "

The younger brother replied, "God is not deaf, but grandma is deaf."

2009-5- 18

A policeman found a woman knitting a sweater while driving. He walked up to her and said, "Pull over!"

"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"

The policeman found a woman knitting a sweater while driving, so he drove over and said, "Pull over (pullover)!" "

"No," she replied, "it's a pair of socks!"