Any jokes about programmers?

A qualified programmer will not write a program such as "Destroy the Earth". They will write a function called "Destroy the Planet" and pass the Earth as a parameter.

Borland said I was very promising, and Sun laughed; Sun said I was rich, and IBM laughed; IBM said I was professional, and Sybase laughed; Sybase said that my database was awesome, and Oracle laughed; Oracle said that I was open, and Linux laughed; Linux said that I wanted to defeat Unix, and Microsoft laughed; Microsoft said that my system was very stable, and we all laughed.

A programmer retired from old age and returned to his hometown. He wanted to spend his old age peacefully, so he decided to become accomplished in calligraphy. Omit the numbers..., prepare the four treasures of the study, wave the brush and write solemnly on the white paper: Hello World

A programmer went to the beach to swim, but due to poor water quality, he could not swim back to the shore. , so he waved his arms and shouted for help: "F1, F1!"

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who do not.

Real programmers like to sell popcorn at the same time. They use the heat emitted by the CPU to make popcorn, and can hear what program is running based on the popping speed of the popcorn.

Little Shenyang version programmer~~~

Programmers are actually in pain... Once the requirements are changed, a month will pass; howl~

The requirements change again and again, and one quarter is over; howl~

What is the most painful thing for programmers, do you know? That is, before the program is completed, the requirements have changed;

What is the most painful thing for programmers, do you know? That is, the system was finally completed and the plan was completely changed;

What is the most painful thing for programmers, do you know? That is, after the system is completed, the bad customers ran away;

What is the most painful thing for programmers, do you know? That is, the stupid customer came back again and the program was deleted!

Blessings from programmers

I wish you all that in the days to come, boys will be as strong as Oracle; girls will be as beautiful as win7; luck will be as frequent as IE poisoning; and wallets will be as large as Gmail. Growing stronger, getting promoted as fast as Microsoft patches, chasing girlfriends as rampantly as a Trojan horse, living as happily as after reinstalling the computer, writing programs and typing codes and chatting are as fun.

From the following dialogue, we can see the thinking mode of future genius programmers!

One day, the teacher wanted to test the IQ of the students in class, so he asked a boy: "On the tree There are ten birds. If one is shot and killed, how many are left?"

The boy asked: "Is it a silent pistol or other guns that make no sound?"

" No."

"How loud is the gunshot?"

"80~100 decibels."

"Does that mean it will cause ear pain?"

"Yes."

"Is it illegal to hunt birds in this city?"

'No."

"Are you sure? Was that bird really killed?"

"Sure." The teacher was already impatient, "Please, just tell me how many are left, okay?"

"OK. Are there any deaf birds?"

"No."

"Are there any birds with intellectual problems that are so stupid that they don't know how to fly when they hear gunshots? ”

“No, their IQs are all above 200! "

"Are there any in cages?"

"No."

"Are there any other trees nearby? Are there no other birds?"

"No." "What about a radius of ten miles?" "Just one tree!"

"Are there any birds that are disabled or too hungry to fly? ”

“No, they are all in great shape.”

“Do they count as pregnant birds?”

“They are all males.”

"It's impossible to get pregnant?"

"..., absolutely impossible."

"Is there anything in the eyes of the bird hunter? Guaranteed Are they ten?"

"There are no flowers, just ten." Sweat was already streaming down the teacher's forehead.

The bell rang, but the boy continued to ask: "Are there any? Is there anyone stupid who is not afraid of death?"

"They are all afraid of death."

"Has anyone stayed behind because their lover was hit?"

"Idiot, didn't I say they were all men before?"

"Is it okay to have sex?"

"…………, sexual orientation is normal!"

"Will two be killed with one shot?"

"No."

"Three will be killed with one shot?"

"No."

"Where are four?"

"Not even!"

"Where are five?"

p>

“Absolutely not!!!”

“The six are always possible, right?”

“Unless you were born from a fucking pig. !You can only kill one with one shot! "

"...Okay, so can all birds move freely?"

"Absolutely."

"They will take off when frightened. Won't they panic and bump into each other?"

"No, each bird is equipped with a satellite navigation system and can fly automatically."

Net "Well, if you "The answer is not deceptive," the student replied with confidence, "If the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall, then there will be only one bird left. If it falls, there will be no one left."

The teacher pushed up his glasses, resisting the feeling of fainting, and said tremblingly: "You can become a programmer..."

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