Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - From north to south

From north to south

I remember that Gu Long wrote a novel called From North to South, because I was really lazy and didn't even want to waste my brain on a topic, so I copied it.

That day, when I left home, went to the airport and passed the security check by plane, the security inspector found a bottle of mineral water in my backpack and said to me, "Mineral water is not allowed on the plane." I said, "OK, I'll have a drink." Just as I opened the bottle cap, I remembered "the man on the embarrassing road", so I just took a sip, but I still made the people next to me start to gape.

The plane arrived at noon 12: 45, and I passed the security check at about 10. I feel bored. Soon, there was a sister sitting directly opposite me, with a small nose and eyes, which looked like Rainie Yang, but I couldn't remember it at the moment. I asked Hua Zai who sang Ambiguous, and Hua Zai told me that it was Rainie Yang. I said that the girl in front is very harmonious.

It's about twelve o'clock and I feel thirsty. I put my hand into my backpack and suddenly remembered that the bottle of water in my backpack was left at the security checkpoint. I didn't prepare a cup. In addition, I always feel that the disposable paper cups equipped at the airport are dirty. Fortunately, there is a convenience store nearby. To tell you the truth, I'm still curious why the bottle of water in my bag can't be brought in, but the water from the convenience store can be brought into the plane. Later, I learned that the mineral water in the backpack was bought by two companies, while the mineral water in the airport convenience store was five yuan a bottle. After all, there is a price difference. It seems that the airport still understands this truth very well-a penny for a penny, two yuan of mineral water is not as good as five yuan of mineral water-although their brands and capacities are the same.

On the west side of the convenience store, there is a counter that sells some newspapers and magazines. The conductor there is fiddling with his mobile phone. When he saw me coming, he looked up at me. This look reminds me of a word-arrogance. I didn't know what this word meant before. When I felt the clerk's eyes, I suddenly understood. ...

Books in the bookstore are very limited. There are bound volumes of Yilin, Readers, Semimonthly Talk and South Window. As for novels, there are very few. In addition to biographies of celebrities, there are only some classic works-but not twenty-four histories, but metaphysics such as the Book of Changes. Among them, various versions of Tao Te Ching are still dazzling. I thought to myself, if only Tao Te Ching were replaced by Lan Ling's smiling novel …

Finally, I chose a book called "Flowing from the Heart", which was written by Ji Xianlin. I think everyone like Ji Xianlin will certainly get a lot of benefits from what he wrote. When I opened it, I found that it was made up by others, bound by others, and not chosen by Ji Xianlin himself ... I felt cheated.

When boarding the plane, it was interesting. It was the 34 th. After a group of people, the airport radio station began to broadcast: I'm sorry to inform you that your flight …

I thought at that time, the train was late, the station apologized, the plane was late, and the airport apologized, but it didn't have any substantive effect. If they really want to apologize, don't be late next time or improve their service attitude. What was the result? Be late as usual and serve as usual. I'm just sorry for the words "I'm sorry". I wander around the mouths of these people at airports and stations every day, and my body must be covered with their bad breath …

A large group of us boarded the plane. When I went in, I saw a man in his forties, his hands behind his head, scanning our group of people who entered economy class with a very contemptuous look. I looked at the three hairs on his head, winding and winding. It is very appropriate to describe his three hairs with intricacies. He took off his shoes, put on disposable slippers, and then leaned back comfortably in the chair.

The plane took off, and there was a middle-aged man behind me, who should be the legendary executive. He solemnly educated his five-or six-year-old daughter to let the little girl learn English. Then the little girl read a passage in very standard American English. I was surprised to find that I didn't understand Nima, but the elites were not satisfied with the little girl's performance. He solemnly said to the little girl: this is a mistake, that is pronunciation.

The little girl listened carefully to the elite's teachings, but somehow I felt very sad. Maybe the little girl has a bright future, but her childhood is doomed to be pale. However, shouldn't this be the case? What you get, you lose. Why is this happening? Unemployment, competition, pressure, so, the elite's consideration is correct, everything should be started from the doll, although cruel, but forced …

It was five o'clock in the afternoon when the plane arrived. When I got off the plane, I saw that the sky outside was still bright and sunny. Suddenly I felt that I had come to the south from the north-I was tortured to death by winter in the morning, endured his hands and feet, and went to the south at night. The temperature outside is 1 1 degree, and the climate is over 30 degrees …

The climate will be pleasant. Although it is winter, it gives me a feeling of spring and autumn, which is better than autumn because the climate is humid.

The wind was comfortable and the weather was fine, so I was happier.

I found an airport bus and got in. There are many seats in it.

The car drove slowly, and the scenery outside seemed to be shrouded in frosted glass, but it seemed like that.

When I was in the car, the two people in the back talked all the way. Among them, they told a joke, which should be interesting. I see my big brother next to me is like a fake mobile phone with vibration. He tried to laugh and held back, just like shaking it. I thought, big brother, you must have reached for your trouser pocket. If you think so, you smell a strong smell.

The joke of the clown in the back is still the same. Next to the eldest brother finally no longer reserved, burst out laughing. The people next to him also smiled. I just looked ahead like a log, not that I was laughing. I really don't know what they said, but on this occasion, it seems out of place not to laugh, and I can only look at the scenery outside the window.

The scenery, as always ...

A city is a landscape decorated by people. The so-called decoration is inevitably suspected of repetition, far less than the ingenuity of nature. Besides, the so-called scenery in China is like this. No matter in the north or the south, the city is always reinforced with concrete, and the streets are always flashing with colorful lights. As for the night sky, this is even more true. The gray mist has been buckled with neon lights pointing directly at the sky, covering the light of the stars and the moon-what is there to see in the city?

Look at the reinforced concrete in the city? Breathe car exhaust in the city? The city is nothing more than a coquettish young lady, seemingly elegant, but actually empty inside. She is lonely, empty, realistic and cold. She has good skin. When she needs you, the city will strangle her, because she needs your youth. When she doesn't need you, she will put away her smiling face and expel you mercilessly ... You have dedicated your youth to the city-youth is just a herb that Miss City will shine forever-without it, you will become a used medicinal material, withered and neglected. ...

After getting off the bus, it will be late. Being alone in this foreign land can't help but feel lonely, especially when staring at the road, when people are surging, and after school, there is a purpose after all, and it is a "stranger in a foreign land". At this time, I don't know the so-called purpose, I don't know the so-called place, so I feel lonely-sometimes, I like this loneliness very much, and the night wind blows.

Hua zai came to pick it up. He is holding an umbrella. He said it rained heavily here.

I remember the last time I went to Wuhan, it was April. The sun was like a shy little girl, hiding in the clouds every day.

Hua Zai is still the same, with handsome hands in his pockets, but his flowing long hair has now become short hair. After a while, he told me that he was working out. He also said that his goal is to put on clothes and be thin, and to take off clothes and muscles. I watched him for a long time, but I still didn't say, dear Andy, you don't look like a thin man, okay? Which thin man has a Chinese face? You are not a civet cat.

Later, Xiaogang came over to eat hot pot. Needless to say, I feel very different about Xiaogang's proposal. I remember one time, Xiaogang and I went shopping, and the process of shopping was very painful, because the shopping area was very prosperous and there were many shops and restaurants. I said, just find a place to eat, hot pot, buffet, barbecue, anything. My brother just said no sheep, no hot pot, this and that.

Finally, I found a remote place and ate beef noodles. I cried while eating. Unexpectedly, this time, he volunteered, which surprised me.

2

I have read an article called "Middle Age is Afternoon Tea" before, and I like the clean and refreshing words and the well-organized paragraphs. Of course, I was imitating him ...

After coming to this place, they told me it was cold here, but I didn't think so. The real cold is in the north, where the river doesn't freeze and it doesn't snow. Why is it cold? All I know is that it's hot here. When I came to the south, it was April. April grass has not yet grown in the north, but it is already midsummer in the south. The big leaves are like cattail leaf fans, which are lush, but in the north, the grass color is far away.

So, I always thought it wouldn't be very cold here, because outside, the night breeze is blowing slowly, which makes people feel very comfortable. Why is it cold? Isn't Yu Dafu's novel A Night Intoxicated by Spring Breeze very similar to the night here? Since the spring breeze is intoxicated, how can it be cold? This is of course wishful thinking. ...

At ten o'clock in the evening, the air conditioner came up. This kind of cold is not like the dry cold in the north, but wet and cloudy. Although it is very cold outside in the north, the room is very comfortable with heating and air conditioning. Xiaogang obviously has no warm-keeping facilities. At night, cold air comes in from the quilt and invades the bone marrow. Lean against the wall, the wall is wet and cold, cold and cold, and my arms are exposed, and I feel cold …

I really don't want to put up with this weather any longer. I went to Dahui the next day and told him strongly that I wanted to be with him.

Dahui told me that there was only a bed and a quilt.

and then

Then we crowded into a bed. At this time, the most disturbing thing appeared, the butt was awkward, and the face was even more embarrassing. It's too far away. Cold air is a mistress, not awkward, but cold.

In short, same-sex exclusion ...

In addition, I am not satisfied with the arrangement of Dahui. He only has two pillows. As a guest, I actually want to use a spare pillow, which really makes me unhappy. I protested, and Dahui decisively refused me with a tough attitude of not giving pillows. He told me that the last time he grew up, he used a spare pillow, my pillow, and no one wanted to use it!

I glanced at his bed and the spare pillow next to him and asked, "When did he come?"

"Two or three months ago." Dahui said.

I looked at his sheets for a while. "You haven't made a bed for more than two months?"

He acquiesced, the advantage of acquiescence is that I don't usually get to the bottom of it, and he hasn't made a bed for more than two months …

In the evening, I had dinner with Xiao Tao, Da Hui and Brother Lai. I mostly forgot the details of the dinner, except that Brother Lai said to me in a daze, "The climate here is pleasant, which is very suitable for health preservation ..."

I quite agree with that. After all, Sister Chuan is still very famous.

Then Lego said, "Look at Tao Ge. After coming here, his face became more tender and his acne disappeared. " 、

Tao Ge gave Leger a fierce look, said nothing and took a sip of his wine.

It suddenly occurred to me that I once said that Tao Ge and Huige lived together ... Then, after they lived together, Xiao Tao's face became more and more tender.

I don't know why, I always think of someone saying: after the wedding night, the bride's face becomes more and more beautiful …

I really don't know what the connection is. ...

three

Things are not going well, so it should be described as cumbersome. Everything is in a hurry, and the year is approaching, which is even more difficult. I always wonder if I didn't read the almanac when I went out. If you read it, you must tell me in the yellow calendar that you should not travel today.

Besides, there is a saying that large enterprises rely on culture, small enterprises rely on systems, and the reason why large enterprises do not rely on systems is because they already have quite strong institutional norms. This system with clear division of labor makes enterprises operate like a duck to water, but the operation of this system is also quite complicated. It takes a long time to go through the formalities, which requires layers of examination and approval and layers of customs clearance.

There is no doubt about it.

The first two levels went well. After all, it is an internal matter of the system, and the last few customs will be more troublesome. It's still quite troublesome to get it across departments. This is not here, so there is a meeting.

Ok, I'll wait.

But what if you are on a business trip?

……

Looking back has always been bleak, then looking back at 20 17, at that time, I was really naive.

At that time, the diary was not finished, and many things happened during this period. Now it is all in the past tense. ...