The past that cannot be returned

People always like to be nostalgic, missing the people and things in the past, and feeling sad over and over again.

I have returned to a certain place in my dreams countless times, walking on that familiar street over and over again, but I can never walk back to the same pace as before.

When I came to Pudong Chuansha in 2000, my dream at that time was to have three to two thousand yuan left over a year. The requirements are not high, because I have not yet understood the harshness of reality, and I have no big requirements for material things.

In Chuansha at that time, there were many factories nearby. Every holiday, the small commodity market, pedestrian streets and streets leading to the park were crowded with people. That prosperous scene is really touching.

When I got my driver's license and bought a car in 2006, and when I drove back and passed the road in front of the cinema for the first time, I was so nervous that I was trembling all over. The street was full of people, and I didn’t know how I drove left and right into the community. For a few days afterwards, my right wrist was swollen, which made me laugh a lot.

As soon as I have a rest day, my mind is completely free, and I will dive wherever the excitement is. I like to follow the flow of people to one clothing market after another. Walking around, looking around, I felt that all the clothes were beautiful and all the food was fragrant and tempting.

The only bad thing is that many people from Xinjiang followed us, and accidentally their mobile wallets went into their pockets. When people in Xinjiang steal blatantly, they do so in groups scattered around, with a strict division of labor. They are not afraid because the policy favors them, and once the petty thieves are caught, they are quickly released.

When I came to Chuansha again many years later, I was almost not used to it. There were very few pedestrians on the familiar little market street by the river, and the rows of front houses along the river had all turned into solid walls.

The clothing market opposite the park has also been turned into a large parking lot. There are no more people in the once dark streets filled with people.

Even on the pedestrian street, there are only a few people. The shops on both sides kept changing owners, and the doors changed one after another, but they still looked bright. The store I loved to visit back then has long since disappeared.

Unable to withstand my daughter’s teasing, I accompanied her to the No. 3 Bridge where she lived in elementary school. Most of the childhood memories are beautiful and unforgettable. She wanted to take a look countless times, eager to pick up some traces of the past.

As we walked all the way, the shops on the familiar streets disappeared and were replaced by the same row of cold walls. The familiar village that once had so many laughters and sounds has become a bit of a dream. The villages have disappeared and become flat ground. The adults yelling at the children and the smoke curling up from the rooftops have become a frozen scene, as if it was a scene a century ago.

In a daze, I couldn’t help but feel sad.

The daughter murmured: "This used to be a small park. The five of us kids often went to climb the rockery, but the rockery is gone."

"Is Wang Jing married? What will happen to him? I will never meet him again in my life!"

My childhood friends may be abroad, maybe they are married in a small town, and maybe they are working hard for their dreams. Even if they meet, no one will remember whom.

I like the excitement, I like the car wash next door at that time, I like the vegetable store where I go after get off work, I like the tea shop where boiling water is boiled, and I like the elderly neighbors who have many words at the door. I understand what they say. The Shanghai soft talk that came out...

Everything will never be the same again. Sichuansha is no longer the Sichuansha it used to be, which makes me feel infinitely desolate.

So why not my hometown? Back in the village, the older generation has left one by one, the young people have bought houses in the city, and the new generation no longer knows them.

In the village, most of the old people are left, sitting alone at the door. Even if they shouted a few times, they might just stare blankly, not knowing who the visitor was.

The neighbors who used to get together to chat and laugh at meals have disappeared. At that time, everyone came out on time, holding big bowls piled with vegetables, squatting and standing on the dirt, tasting each other's home-cooked dishes, and even the farm vegetables tasted all kinds of happiness.

In the alley, someone's mother said: "Second child, let's go home for dinner!" The long drawl made people laugh and remember for a long time.

In the alley at that time, there was the fragrance of vegetables, gossip, quarrels, and warmth.

I remember that in my hometown town, when I went out on the streets a few days before the Spring Festival, I never had to walk by myself. People who were buying New Year’s goods had to squeeze and carry them forward. When I went back, I could only see a scene of depression, with many shops locked up.

Countless people walked into the reinforced concrete building. From then on, the two banging doors separated the neighbors forever.

In the past, cars and horses were slow, in the past, I only wrote letters to express my heartfelt feelings, in the past, I loved only one person, in the past, there were not many changes in my marriage, in the past, my heart was calm and peaceful, and in the past, drinking plain water gave me high energy.

I am not used to today's unpredictable and prosperous world. I miss the past era, which was simple and innocent, and full of humanity.

At that time, the countryside had the simplicity of the countryside, and the prosperity of the city was fascinating. Occasionally going to the county seat can keep my heart agitated for a long time.

At that time, I never tired of shopping at shopping malls and eating at roadside stalls. But now, the largest shopping malls are also extremely deserted. I have seen countless large shopping malls become a playground for rats. Too many people only shop online, which makes couriers and riders too busy. A little dissatisfaction and an indifferent gesture can determine the fate of those riders passing through the gaps in the traffic.

In this fast pace, as long as we are not short of money, we can buy everything we want, including emotions.

You can chat online, you can be in the imaginary network, and you can be obsessed with things that are both true and false. You can make up dreams in reality in a blurry world.

You can rent a lover, rent a parent, rent a child, and use money to meet all your needs in a leisurely manner.

You can forget who you are in the feasting and feasting.

In the dullness of marriage, it can end neatly and start again.

In the dead of night, it was like waking up from a dream. Everything was so unreal, unexpected, and so fragile.

Nowadays, large villages in rural areas may disappear all of a sudden. Everyone is rushing to the city, and the city cannot bear the weight. Some people dream of returning to the countryside, planting flowers and grass, and breathing freely in the countryside.

Few people are willing to calm down and write a letter for someone. The carefully considered words and brewing emotions were once poured out onto the paper uncontrollably, but now they have no time to even bother with simple phone calls and WeChat greetings.

Whatever you want to eat, you can buy it in the supermarket. I am no longer in the mood to cook a delicious meal for the whole family slowly and carefully. There used to be family affection flowing through every process in every dish on the table.

Nowadays, young people's love is like a revolving lantern. How many people are not impatient and walk hand in hand with each other through the spring, summer, autumn and winter?

I couldn’t get fat in the past, but now I can’t lose weight no matter how hard I try. Even if I skip dinner, even if I insist on running, I look sadly at the hula hoop on my belly and let out a long sigh.

I used to look forward to my children growing up, thinking I could see a happy future. Now, I find that everything has just begun. Looking back, I found that my life had no way out, so I forced myself to move forward.

The familiar ones slowly move away, and the close ones no longer talk about everything.

Nothing can go back to the past.

In a speeding car, who can still feel the faint joy of the pain and numbness amidst the fatigue of walking? The feeling of being sweaty and free, the freedom and comfort of those dog tails and dandelions seen along the way swaying in the wind, don't they interpret another meaning of life? !

The past will eventually become history. Whether you like it or not, you can only recall it occasionally.

Those beautiful things are just sand paintings after all. When the waves come, they no longer exist.

Perhaps, only in dreams can things be beautiful and lasting!