A jingle joke

1. Last night, WeChat shook a girl and had a good chat. He asked me what I looked like. I said it was ugly. He doesn't believe me. I can accept how ugly it is. When the photo was sent, my sister only replied one sentence and blacked me out. "Eldest brother, you are beyond my tolerance!"

When Wang Anshi was 20 years old, he went to Beijing to take the exam. On the Lantern Festival, he passed by a place where a large family hung lanterns to marry their relatives. Lian Yue said: "Run with a lantern, the lantern will move, and stop when it goes out." Wang Anshi couldn't answer, but he kept it in mind. When I arrived in Beijing, who knew that the examiner actually thought: "Flying Tiger Flag, Flying Tiger Flag, Tiger Flag Hidden." When Wang Anshi started writing, he answered it with a bride-in-law, and won the Jinshi. When I got home dressed, I found that no one could answer the couplets. Wang Anshi answered the question again and got a beautiful wife. This story tells us: Go out for a walk if you have nothing to do, don't keep diving, maybe something good will happen!

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. A: "I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole." I shake and shake. Some people thought I was electrocuted, so they grabbed a wooden stick and gave me two. "

4. A group of students went to their classmates' homes in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons to put in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to take a knife to cut it. I haven't been back for a long time. While wondering, he came over with a cut melon in his hand and said in a panic, I cut the pumpkin. Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even harder. It turned out that he had a melon in his hand!

5. Once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out, "Husband! Check out! " The proprietress was nearby at that time. ...

6. Two charming children got married, and it was their wedding night. Jiaozi sent the guests away and closed the door. He looked back and was startled to find a meatball lying on the bed. Jiaozi asked: Where is my wife? Meatball scolds: Idiot, you don't know when people take off their clothes.

7. Not necessarily a leader who goes to work every day, a boss who meets every day, a rich man who counts money every day, but a working class who is in the same boat? Then I wish you an early promotion and communicate with them, hehe!

8. The mobile phone and the telephone got married and gave birth to a child named PHS, who was ugly and had poor signal. In order to find out, the mobile phone and the telephone took PHS for DNA testing, and the result was a big surprise: Hey! It turns out that his father is a walkie-talkie

9. I introduced an object to my colleague. The next day, she came to the company, threw her bag on my desk and shouted at me angrily, "What girlfriend, what do you recommend to me!" " I asked innocently, "What's the matter, is it not to my taste?" She roared: "What bird, I asked him if he had a room?" Do you know what he said? ! "I asked," what did he ... what did he say! " Colleague said, "He said he was ready. Let's go! "

10, I bought a watch two days ago and gave it to the goddess of the same unit. Later, the goddess said she didn't like it and gave it back to me. I am contacting customer service to return the goods. The customer service asked, "Is the protective film on the watch torn? I said no, I just opened the package and it hasn't been opened yet. " The customer service said, "They said they didn't like you, not the watch!" "

1 1, Notice to robbers: Our staff only understand, please be patient when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter, thank you!

12, God promised me two wishes. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. God said another one. I took out your photo and said I want this person to look good. God said, show me the globe again!

13, in fact, you are very good, with small eyes and easy to focus; Thick lips are charm; Black skin is healthy; Square face is healthy. But for the sake of no more traffic accidents in this city, I sincerely suggest that you travel at night instead.

14, shopping with my husband. My aunt, who often buys vegetables, asked her husband for the first time: Is this your brother? Good looking. Do you have a girlfriend? My daughter is not married ... and things like that have been nagging, and my husband took my hand and left. Aunt still caught up, and my husband pulled me faster and faster. Aunt couldn't catch up, but shouted, you haven't paid for the meal yet ...

15, girlfriend: I think you are like a thing. Man: What's that? Woman: Sanitary napkins. M: Because I can have the closest contact with you? Woman: No. M: Why? W: Because it can hold. ...

16, late at night, my husband didn't return. The daughter is anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, don't think the worst, something may have happened!" " "

17, quarreled with my wife the day before. The next day, I went to work by bus, took out my wallet and saw that the bus card became an ID card. I quickly rummaged through my pockets for change. After searching for a long time, I saw a piece of paper that said, "There are two dollars under your insole! This is a warning! "

18, long-distance love, the boy said I would be back in 8 1 day, so he bought 8 1 kinds of snacks for his girlfriend, saying that you should eat one every day and I will be back after eating. Later, in order to surprise the girls, the boys came back on the third day. The girl cried and said, you really didn't lie to me. You will come back as soon as I finish eating.

19. At the annual meeting of the company, someone played the violin on the stage and everyone was bored to eat. I suddenly said to my colleague: He pulls on it and we eat on it. ...

20. Shit is like urinating. One day, I was killed by a car while crossing the road. When I urinated, I said, I really want to shit. ...

2 1, my cousin fell in love early and was beaten by my uncle. The goods were unconvinced and said, "My girlfriend is very beautiful. If you don't do it now, you won't have a chance in the future. At that time, I could only find someone like you and my mother. "

22. The political teacher once said, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

23. There are many ways to end a friendship, and the most thorough way is to borrow money and not pay it back.

24. Some students like to smoke while defecating ~ Once they came out of the toilet and said loudly: Ah ~ Smoking and defecating ~ It's so cool!

25. "Husband, the quality of our new car is really good, and the airbag is particularly easy to use." "Don't repair it. It's no use. Tell me where the car hit. " "The door of the tree ..."

26. The steering wheel holster always contains 100 yuan for emergency use. One day, I heard my son and other children say: my father's car horn will be rich as soon as he presses it! Damn it, no! When I saw it was gone, I asked him about the money. Tell me I gave it to my mother, reward her with a dollar, and then look at me proudly. Son, tell dad when you see the money, and dad will give it to you 10!

27. Q: "How many people are there in the world?" Answer: "Four kinds of people: people with two mouths (women); A man with three legs (a man); A man with two legs and one mouth (eunuch); A three-legged woman (shemale). " Q: "Who's that four-legged man?" A: "Aliens!" Q: "Who was born knowing everything?" A: "There are two possibilities: the first is a strange baby; The second is the second Jesus. "

The difficulty of marriage is that we fall in love with each other's advantages, but live with her shortcomings.

29. "Husband, what do you think has changed about me?" "no" "really not? Take a closer look. " I stand up. Stand up. "Oh, my chest is getting bigger." "Yes!" The wife smiled smugly. "I can definitely say that it is adulterated!"

30. In my eyes, you are always so carefree, eating is always with relish, and sleeping is always a deep sleep. I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig!

3 1, the old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light?" Grandpa said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

32. Have you ever heard of someone bumping into food? Today, my colleague in 21 brought the same food as me, shredded green peppers and ants in the tree. I saw him while he was cooking. In the spirit of entertainment, I put my hand on his lunch box and shouted copy, then put my hand on my lunch box and shouted paste. Then I open the lunch box to eat. My colleagues in 21 have been pestering me since I ate. I have learned this skill for an hour.

33. Monks visit people. When the master saw that he was a monk, he asked, "Master, do you drink?" The monk smiled and said, "I can drink a little wine, but I have never been a vegetarian."

34. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

35. A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was really bored, he began to pull out his hair, one, two, three, and there was no last one left, and then he froze to death.

36. When I have a conflict with someone, I want to say "get out". As a result, I spoke too fast and said "ga ga" in public.

37. The teacher asked the students: How to explain "sharing pain with others will halve the pain"? Xiao Lun replied: If my father hits me, I will hit my brother at once!

38. A horse fell in love with a donkey. The horse said, I love you, and the donkey said, I love you too. The horse said, kiss me, the donkey said, no, my mother said, the donkey's lips are not right for the horse's mouth!

39. Beauty in the office loves to show off. One day, she praised her skin in front of many people: "You see, my skin is like a shelled egg." Another employee was silent for a while, especially saying, "It's tea eggs."

40. Manager: Xiao Li, why is the code you wrote ug? You are so careless! Xiao Li raised his pale face after working overtime for three days in a row: you will find fault. You are right, aren't you? Pick a ug once in a while and watch your cow! You can call me a fool, but you can't say I'm not serious!

4 1. The Weaver Girl got to know Cowherd when she was taking a bath on Tanabata, and interpreted a love story that made the gods cry. Zhao Linger took a bath outside, met Li Xiaoyao and staged a fairy tale. This incident at least tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, and she must take a bath outside.

42. A big toe suddenly turned green, and the doctor diagnosed it as cancer and removed it. A few days later, his second toe turned green. After taking it out, three days later, his soles turned green and he had to be transferred to a big hospital. The final expert consultation diagnosis is: socks fade.

43,200 passengers have been waiting for 24 hours and can finally board the plane. When passing the airport security check, a passenger shouted, what's the need? If someone has a weapon, he will shoot.

44. Why did I switch my mobile phone to flight mode, and it fell from the fourth floor or broke?

45. A scientist experimented with pigs and penguins in the refrigerator to see who had strong cold tolerance. A few hours later, the penguin froze to death, but the pig somehow didn't die. Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what?

When one or two people said I was fat, I didn't think so, but when more and more people said I was fat, I knew the seriousness of the matter. There are more and more liars.

47. In those days, I punched Nanshan Nursing Home and kicked Beihai Kindergarten. All of them are below one meter. I stamped my foot in the morgue. "Stand up if you don't agree!" No one dares to breathe.

48. I had a dream last night. I dreamed that Venus Taibai told me a lot about our past. It turns out that we were all immortals 500 years ago, and I cried because I remembered everything. Xiaotian, I'm Erlang God. Do you still remember me

49. On your way to xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, you were besieged by a group of wild boars. The passengers took out food and money, and the wild boar was unmoved. You took out your only ID card. Pigs knelt down and cried, boss, we found you!

50. At noon, I went to the ATM to deposit money. When I was waiting in line, the beautiful woman in the back asked me, "Do you save money?" "Well," "I just want to withdraw money. Anyway, if you want to save it, you might as well give it to me, so the two of us don't have to wait in line. " As soon as I thought it made sense, I gave it to her ...