Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Short stories by Erdan Bull

Short stories by Erdan Bull

1

Liujiazhai Village, Kaoshan Township, Ganzhou District is a small mountain village at the foot of Qilian Mountain.

When it was still indigo, chickens crowed.

At this time, people who go to work in big cities have already rushed to the subway station or bus station to take the bus, and people who do morning exercises have begun to run; However, in Liujiazhai village at the foot of Qilian Mountain, the villagers are still lazily lying on the kang, unwilling to get up.

Seeing that the day is about to dawn, the cocks who are afraid of getting into trouble are anxious. They craned their necks, opened their mouths wide and flushed, so that the villagers could not lie down on the kang, cursing: What a coward! While cursing, he began to dress slowly.

After getting up, the aunts cooked porridge, and the men had nothing to do, so they had a cigarette addiction first.

After a while, the aunts' porridge was cooked, and the men brought a big bowl, broke a steamed bread into eight pieces and threw it into the porridge. When they saw that the steamed bread was soft, they picked up the bowl and drank porridge, and sent it to their stomachs with the soaked steamed bread.

Just after eating, the men got up and went out, slowly dangling under a big tree in front of the village Committee, shouting boring lies and chatting firewood in groups of three or five; Women are also afraid of falling. Mao Mao recklessly washed bowls and chopsticks, locked the street gate and ran into the street. Zhang's parents and Li's family weighed the gossip briefly.

At this time, Liu came over and clamored for the villagers to work. The villagers didn't pay much attention to this 2045-year-old college student village official, and they were still busy with their own affairs.

Liu began to patiently explain the truth to the villagers. That truth is really thorough, and those who have no choice but to listen are still indifferent. Liu was so angry that he lifted the chessboard and the chessboard lump rolled to the ground. The chess player jumped up and scolded, "Liu's idiot dares to lift grandpa's chessboard!" "

2

Liu is a college student who graduated from Gansu Agricultural University several years ago.

After Liu graduated from Gansu Agricultural University, Liu Degui mobilized his son to take the civil service examination. Liu didn't take the exam, so why did he take the civil service exam? ! The value of young people is to create wealth. I'm going to the south! Liu's tone was blunt, and Liu Degui reprimanded his son when he heard the news: "What is better than being an official in this world? ! So much money in the south, tripping people, waiting for you to pick it up! "

Liu Yixin wanted to go outside to broaden his horizons, so he didn't listen to Lao Tzu and went to the south to work alone.

Liu worked in the south for two years and sent 60 thousand yuan to his family one after another. Liu Degui is greedy and thinks that young people still have brains. If he depends on himself, even a cadre can't earn so much money. Liu Degui is thinking in his mind that in two years, he will save enough120,000, hurry to marry his son and have a grandson's baby as soon as possible.

Liu Degui thought very well, but he didn't expect his son to come back suddenly.

Liu Degui asked his son, "Er Dan, it's not like you have a holiday every year. Why did you come back? " ? Is it business or business? How many times will you walk? "

Two eggs replied: "No business trip, no work, no going."

"Don't go? What are you doing if you don't leave? "

"Take an examination of village officials! Dad, I want to be a college student village official! "

Liu Degui was anxious when he heard this. He cursed: "You are such an idiot! I asked you to take an examination of cadres two years ago, but you didn't. Now you have to take an examination of village officials. What kind of official is a village official! I think you are a diode! "

Liu ignored Lao Tzu's complaints, but just studied at home to prepare for the college student village official exam.

three

Prior to this, Liu worked as a manager in an enterprise in Shantou, Guangdong. He shares a house with several fellow villagers and cooks for himself.

Because he cooks, Liu often goes to the vegetable market to buy food; In the process of buying vegetables, Liu found that in many places in the south, from June to 10 every year, the local vegetable output is difficult to meet the market demand. Not to mention the high price of vegetables in the market, there is no good food; This is the golden season of vegetable production in Ganzhou District of my hometown.

My hometown, Ganzhou District, is located in the arid plateau area, with long sunshine time, large temperature difference between day and night, and good quality vegetables. Liu believes that if the vegetables in Ganzhou District are sold to the southern market, the demand will be in short supply.

In order to prove his judgment, Liu sent an email to Bai Feng, a high school classmate, asking Bai Feng to consign several hundred kilograms of cauliflower and Gan Lan to himself. After receiving Liu's email, Bai Feng thought, how can there be no delicious food in such a big Shantou? Still have to check from Ganzhou so far away? This idiot is so stupid!

Bai Feng couldn't understand it, but his good friend brought it up, so it had to be like this. To this end, Bai Feng entrusted Liu with 500 Jin of cauliflower.

After receiving the cauliflower and cauliflower entrusted by Bai Feng, Liu printed one hundred vegetable quality questionnaires, and then took the cauliflower and cauliflower to the market for sale.

Because the cauliflower checked in Ganzhou District is white, clean, solid and compact, the green leaves are wrapped in cauliflower like leather jackets, which is particularly fresh; Gan Lan is also wrapped, especially porcelain, which is the right size. As soon as it was put on the market, it attracted people's attention. Many people gathered around and asked where this cauliflower cabbage came from. How nice! Liu told people around him that it was produced in Ganzhou District, Gansu Province, and then introduced in detail how good the ecological environment is, how long the sunshine time is, and how big the temperature difference between day and night is.

Liu bought all the vegetables in ten minutes. A few days later, he took back dozens of questionnaires, which unanimously reflected that the quality of vegetables was good and he was willing to buy them.

With this information, Liu was confident to lead the villagers out of poverty and become rich, so he quit his job in Shantou and returned to his hometown of Ganzhou District. He intends to take an examination of university student village officials, and asks to be an assistant to the village director in Liujiazhai Village, leading the villagers to plant plateau Natsuna and take the road of * * * to get rich.

four

At this time, Liu was admitted to the university student village official.

At the time of distribution, the organization department sent him to a village with good conditions in the suburbs. Liu didn't leave. He asked to go to Liujiazhai Village, Kaoshan Township.

The organization department knows the situation in the region too well. Liujiazhai Village in Kaoshan Township is located under Qilian Mountain, with poor natural conditions and low land yield. Young and middle-aged people have gone out to work, leaving some dolls of grandfathers and aunts to operate ten acres of wasteland on the spot. Nobody wants to go to such a poor village at all. Now this young man volunteered to go to that village, which shows that he is a good young man and willing to do business.

Hearing this, the organization department is happy. It immediately agreed to Liu's request and reassigned Liu to Liujiazhai Village as an assistant to the village director. He also repeatedly said that if you have difficulties at work, come to our organization department. Our organization department is the patron of your college student village officials.

In this way, Liu returned to his hometown Liujiazhai Village and became the assistant director.

Because Liu's hometown is in Liujiazhai, the villagers in Liujiazhai are all familiar with Liu and know that he is the second child of Liu Degui's family in the west of the village, nicknamed' Erdan'. The villagers don't pay much attention to it, and they don't flatter others. They don't call the director or assistant when they see two eggs. They call them "two eggs, two eggs". Liu doesn't dislike the villagers calling themselves nicknames, but feels cordial and doesn't treat himself as an outsider; The only thing that makes Liu feel sorry is that his nickname is not elegant, which gives people the feeling of being a little' two'.

five

As soon as Liu arrived at Liujiazhai Village, he reported the idea of developing plateau Natsuna to the village party secretary and village director. Both of them were very happy and expressed their full support for Liu's plan to promote the plateau.

However, Liu's attempt to build a plateau was resisted by the villagers.

Because Liu reported to the village party secretary and village director about the promotion of planting plateau, the village party secretary and village director thought it was a good thing and could increase the income of land through collegial discussion, so they held a villagers' meeting and asked Liu to tell the villagers about the benefits of planting plateau and the resulting economic benefits.

At the meeting, Liu unreservedly told the villagers what he had seen and heard in Guangdong.

Liu said that the villagers sat under the rostrum in twos and threes, men smoking cigarettes and women holding soles, and no one said yes or no; After the meeting, there was all opposition. Someone said euphemistically, "Assistant Liu, you can't do this. We have never seen anyone get rich just by growing vegetables. " Some people are much more rude and yell at Liu directly: "Hey! You idiot, you planted vegetables all over the place. What should you do if you eat food? ! "

Liujiazhai has always been used to planting highland barley. Because it is easy to grow highland barley, everyone is suddenly mobilized to grow highland Natsuna. Nobody wants to. Ren Wenming has worn out his mouth, but no one supports him.

In order to mobilize the villagers to plant the plateau, Liu really made great efforts. He mobilized from house to house and asked each household to take out 2 to 3 acres of land and try planting for one year. If the effect is good, he will set up a production and marketing cooperative in Natsuna, the plateau, so as to make Natsuna's industry bigger and stronger and make everyone rich together.

As a result, no one supported Liu's plan to plant the plateau except the branch secretary and director.

Liu is a stubborn temper. As long as he looks for something, he can't do it, and he will get ahead if he wants to do it. Because everyone didn't support himself, Liu made up his mind to plant plateau Natsuna first, sell it, make money and set an example, so as to encourage the villagers to engage in plateau Natsuna.

If you want to grow the plateau by yourself, you can't do it without money, so Liu turned his attention to his father and mother.

six

One day, Liu went home and asked his father, "Dad, I worked in Guangdong two years ago and sent a lot of money to my family, didn't I?" How many are there now? "

Liu Degui took a look at his son, thought about it and said, "There are more than 60 thousand!" " "

Liu was very happy and said, "Quite a few."

Liu Degui was unhappy and said, "There are many people who smoke and drink; If you marry a daughter-in-law, there are not many, but far from them! "

Liu smiled and said, "Dad, I'm only 24 years old, and it's still early to marry a wife!"

Liu Degui glared at his son again and said, "Twenty-four or five is still early." ? By the time I was 24 or 25, you would have run away! Two eggs, I tell you, you can put off everything, but you can't put off marrying a wife; Fangfang in the east of the village is good. Let me take a look at it for you. One day I asked a man. "

Liu immediately said, "Dad, don't fool around, I already have someone!" "

Liu Degui got angry when he heard it, and scolded, "You have a hammer! Why didn't I know you were seeing someone else? ! Hey, I didn't learn anything, I learned the vernacular. "

Liu smiled and said, "Dad, I'm an assistant village director now. Why are you still cursing? "

Liu Degui said angrily: "You are the assistant of the township head, and you are also my son;" With me, you are nothing but two eggs! "

"Good good!" Liu said to him, "I am nothing. I am an idiot. How is your son?" ; However, dad, I want to discuss something with you today. You must support your son. "

"Isn't it a matter of planting plateau Natsuna!" Liu Degui said: "There are 16 mu of land at home. Leave a few mu for your mother and me to grow food, and give you the rest." You can plant your plateau Natsuna and do whatever you like. "

"Not enough!" Liu Dui said, "Murakami said he would plant hundreds of acres of land. If there is no scale benefit, it is better not to plant it! "

Liu Degui didn't understand what economies of scale were, so he asked his son, "Er Dan, what do you mean?" ! Don't beat around the bush, you made it clear. "

"Dad, you lent me the 60,000 yuan I gave you."

"Why lend it to you?"

"I want to contract other people's land, and I want to tell the villagers with facts that the plateau Natsuna can be planted with good benefits."

Liu Degui became angry when he heard it. He scolded: "You, the assistant to the village director, don't take care of yourself." ? ! This won't work! Two eggs I tell you, we are a small village, and most of them are relatives. If you want to be rich, everyone will be rich, and if you want to be poor, everyone will be poor together. If others can't make money, you can also make money. Watch others scold you! "

"Dad, you think wrong." Liu said: "I will bear the risk of contracting land. If I plant the plateau Natsuna this year, I will make money, and I will give it to whoever I want ... "

"Bah!" Liu Hua didn't finish, and his face was spit by Lao Tzu.

Liu's mother listened quietly to what his father said. When Liu Degui spat at Liu, she didn't think about it. She scolded: "This old donkey, why did you spit?" ! "

Liu Degui scolded: "I have worked hard for him to go to college. Now I'm not talking about earning a golden hill and silver hill for my family, but taking my own money to spread it! " These are not poles! "

Liu was spat out and scolded by Lao Zi, so he was very angry. He stood up, went back to his room, put the quilt over his head, and went to bed.

When I got up the next day, there was a bank card beside my pillow.

Liu's tears came down.

Liu washed up in a hurry and went to town. He borrowed another 50,000 yuan from his good friend Bai Feng. Plus 60,000 yuan in the bank card, he made a total of 1 1 10,000.

seven

On the wall in front of the village Committee, Liu posted a notice that read:

notification

Dear folks, planting plateau Natsuna is a good way to get rid of poverty and become rich. In order to promote plateau Natsuna.

I am willing to pay100000 yuan to lease the land, and rent 800 yuan per mu, and harvest in summer and autumn.

After being acquired, the income generated by the leased land shall be enjoyed by the lessor (note: I need to return my rent).

If the leased land loses money, the loss shall be borne by myself and has nothing to do with the lessor.

Due to limited funds, the rent will be maintained until it is enough. First come, first rent, then don't wait!

Hereby inform!

Liu Liujiazhai Village Assistant Director

20 15 1 1.5

The villagers who were urged to get up by the crow came to the big tree in front of the village Committee. When they turned around and saw the notice posted on the wall in front of the village Committee, they all gathered around and craned their necks to see it. Zhang Laohan, who can't read, is in a hurry. When he saw Cheng Wa who graduated from high school but didn't go out to work, he shouted, "Hey! Chengwa, read it. What is written on the paper? ! "

The epigenetic called "Chengwa" read aloud. After reading it, no one spoke, and everyone was thinking about it.

Others don't understand, so they ask, "What does Chengwa mean? Whose income and loss is this? "

Chengwa explained to the questioner: "The second egg means that he takes money to rent everyone's land first, and after making money, it will be everyone's;" If he loses money in the future, it will be his own. "

"good!" Many people are full of praise and repeatedly say, "Good! All right! Good boy! "

Liu's third uncle Liu Ye is in the crowd. After listening to the baby, he snorted and said to himself, "What a hammer! This is not the two poles! " , lift your feet and go.

Liu Yi Road went to the Liu family and met Liu Degui, who was walking out, and shouted, "Brother, why are we two eggs so stupid?" ! The glittering silver doesn't come from the slingshot fork. Why should what you earn belong to others and what you lose belong to yourself? ! If it's not nonsense! Isn't that stupid? ! "

Liu Degui was unhappy when he heard his brother say that his son was an idiot. He said with a straight face: "Third, Er Dan is still a wretched man! Who will go there? ! Can I go with your dad? ! "

Liu was amused without words, stared at Liu Degui and turned away.

eight

The land of Liujiazhai belongs to barren hillside. In normal years, excluding miscellaneous fees, the net profit is up to six or seven hundred yuan. Now Liu is willing to rent the land at the price of 800 yuan per mu, which is the best thing for some people who want to save trouble.

Because they are afraid that they will be late, such a good thing is unbearable for them. Those who watch in front of the village Committee will not miss this lively place. Many people turned their heads and ran to the Liu family. Soon, Liu's yard was crowded with people.

Liu Ye kept his word, moved out a table from the house, put100000 yuan on the table, and then took out a stack of paper from a purse, which was a land lease contract printed by Liu in advance in the city, with a unified format.

People get excited when they see the money on the table.

Chengwa was young, fast and energetic, so she squeezed into Liu's desk and said, "Er Dan, I'll rent you my land, and I'll rent you all ten acres." Let's go I will sign a contract with you. "

Liu Wenming looked up at Xia Chengwa and said, "I won't rent your land. Get out of the way and let uncle Wang come in from behind. "

Chengwa shouted, "Why don't you rent my land? ! Why did you rent uncle Wang's land? ! Is his land better than mine or what? ! "

Liu said to him, "Chengwa, you are young and strong, like an ox. Why do you pay the rent? " ? ! Oh, why do you think it's so beautiful? You pay the rent to earn one share and work outside to earn another? Get out of the way, I won't rent your land. "

When the people next to him heard the news, they pushed Chengwa away noisily.

On that day, Liu signed nearly 100 contracts, and the land rented was the land of the old, the weak, the sick or the people with difficulties in life in the village; The contract was signed and the money on the table was paid.

nine

After the New Year, just after the Spring Festival, Liu began to level the fields and prepare the soil.

Liu specially invited Cheng Wa to help some people in the village who have difficulties in life. Including Cheng Wa, Liu's salary is 100 yuan per day.

After the land is cleared, ridge farming is started, and then film is laid.

At the end of April, Liu bought rape from the city, invited technicians from the Agricultural Bureau, and then planted rape in the field under the guidance of the technicians.

At the beginning of May, cauliflower buds began to emerge from the ground;

By the end of May, the vegetable fields were already green.

By the end of June, the white cauliflower was wrapped in green leaves, which looked like a layer of white snow on the green land.

Since Liu began to prepare the soil, people have come to the fields every day to have a look and talk. Can vegetables be grown on this land? After seeing cauliflower and carrots everywhere, they began to talk about it, saying that so many dishes can be sold, right?

Since July, trucks and semi-trailers have been pulling vegetables one after another. Far away, many villagers stood there, their eyes red when they watched the trafficker give Liu the money. They talked and said, damn it, now two eggs make money!

By the end of August, all the vegetables in Liu 150 mu of land had been sold out.

The person who rented the land for Liu began to calculate how much money these two eggs and an acre of land earned?

10

In early September, on a sunny day, a banner hung in front of Liujiazhai Village Committee, which read: Liujiazhai Village Plateau Natsuna Profit Cash Conference.

The venue is located in the courtyard of the village Committee. There is a row of tables in the middle. Behind the desk, there are village party secretaries and village directors, as well as people from rural commercial banks in the city. There are piles of money on the table.

Liu Wenming, wearing a suit and tie, stood in front of the table, holding a few sheets of paper, and reported to the villagers about the planting and income of the plateau Natsuna.

Liu said, "This year, we planted 1 10 mu of cauliflower and 50 mu of Gan Lan in Liujiazhai Village, regardless of various expenses. The net income of cauliflower per mu is 2880 yuan, and the total income is 3 16800 yuan; Gan Lan's net income per mu is 3,000 yuan, and Gan Lan's net income per mu is higher than cauliflower's by 20 yuan, because Gan Lan has planted two crops, and the net income per crop is 1.500 yuan, which is 3,000 yuan, the total income is 1.500 yuan, and the income of two crops is 466,800 yuan.

Dear grandparents, uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters, at the beginning of the year, we made a promise that any leased land is yours; Today, I invited the leaders of rural commercial banks in the city, and I will cash them for you later. Now I'd like to invite Wang Shuji to speak. Welcome everyone! "

In a burst of applause, the village party secretary stood up and said loudly: "Folks, Liu was transferred to our village as the deputy director last year. Young people are highly educated, brave, resourceful and motivated. With the experience of working in the south, they found a good way for us to get rich by planting plateau Natsuna. Director Gao and I probably calculated that the highest net income per mu in our village in previous years was more than 700 yuan. Now, the net income of planting plateau Natsuna reaches 3,000 yuan per mu, 2,200 yuan higher than in the past. What is this concept? This concept is that our acre of land has become three acres of land, which is an amazing thing! Therefore, the two committees of our village decided to set up plateau supply and marketing cooperatives next year, with Director Gao as the chairman and Assistant Liu as the general manager to make the plateau industry bigger and stronger.

Regarding the establishment of the plateau Natsuna production and marketing cooperative, all villagers who are willing to join the cooperative are welcome. Our two committees hope that everyone can actively join the cooperative; In addition, Ganzhou Rural Commercial Bank also strongly supported our village to set up a supply and marketing cooperative in Plateau Natsuna, and first lent our village a support fund of one million yuan! This is the greatest support for our village! Now welcome the director of ABC baggage department to speak for you! "

In the warm applause, a middle-aged man with glasses stood behind the table and said loudly, "folks!" " The purpose of rural commercial banks is to fully support the three rural undertakings and small and micro enterprises. Plateau Natsuna is a good industry and a good entry point to promote the development of agriculture, rural areas and farmers, which is strongly supported by our rural commercial bank. Now, the bank has decided to lend the Liujiazhai Village Plateau Natsuna Development Fund one million yuan in advance. If there is a demand for funds in the future, our rural commercial bank will continue to give support! That's all I said, three leaders. Shall we begin to cash in? "

Director Wang and Director Gao nodded, and Director Li of the rural commercial bank called the roll according to the list on the paper. Whoever gives the order will take power and make profits according to the area of the leased land.

The scene suddenly became lively.

1 1

The villagers who received the money happily said that they didn't work, didn't invest, and didn't have to worry about it. They made three times as much money as in previous years. Where to find such a good thing? After all, I still want to thank others for their two eggs!

Someone discussed sending Er Dan a pennant, but they didn't know what to write, so they scratched their heads. Just as Liu passed by, someone shouted, "Come, you give me an idea." When Liu heard it, a group of people shouted, "Your nephew has done a good thing for everyone. We discussed sending a banner to Er Dan. The problem is that we don't know what to write. We all have no culture and can't write jokes! "

Liu thought for a moment and said, "Farmer! There are not so many elegant words. I think it's better to write' two eggs two'! To tell the truth, our two eggs are really unique! "

"good! Just write' two eggs are not two'! "

In the evening, a banner was sent to Liu's home with four words written on it:

Two eggs are not two!