Humorous speech three minutes before class

during the Republic of China, Han Fuqu, a warlord, was illiterate. However, when he was the chairman of Shandong Province, he liked to pretend to be gentle and give "speeches" everywhere. One of his speeches in cheeloo university was a rare article:

Ladies and gentlemen, in the same place: What's the weather today? Today is the weather for speeches. The guests are very lush, and I really have a cold. There are quite a few people coming today, it seems that there are about 8/5 of them. Don't say anything about those who have come, put your hands up if you haven't! Good, everyone's here!

Today, my brother called everyone for a training. If my brother said something wrong, we should forgive each other. You are cultural people, all college students, middle school students and students studying abroad. You rabble are scientific and chemical, and you all know English in seven or eight countries. Brother, I am a lout, and I don't even know English in China. You all climbed out of the pen, and I climbed out of the barrel of a gun. Speaking here today really makes me proud and grateful. Actually, I'm not qualified to speak to you. Speaking of it, it's like casting pearls before swine, which can be said to stand out from the crowd.

today, I'm not going to talk more, but I'll talk about three outlines first. I support the new life movement of the generalissimo, brother. Just one, pedestrians walk on the right, which is really inappropriate. Think about it. Pedestrians walk on the right. Who will leave the left? One more thing, man, I can't figure it out. Foreigners have set up embassies in Dongjiaominxiang, but we are short of China. Why don't we build an embassy in China? After all, China people are so weak. The third program, the student basketball game, must be the corruption of the general affairs director. Why is that school so poor? What is it like for a dozen people to grab a ball in underpants? How unsightly. Come to my mansion tomorrow to collect some money, buy more balls, and each person will give out one, so as not to fight for it again.

There are no outsiders and no bad guys here today, so I want to tell you three secrets: the first secret can't be told to you for the time being, the second secret is the same as the first secret, and the third secret has already been mentioned in the first two points. That's all for today's speech. Thank you.