Tell me a joke about buying candy for my son.

A construction worker went to see a doctor because of severe constipation.

The doctor checked and said, "It's very simple. Get on the bed! 」

Then the doctor took out a wooden stick and gave the builder a good ass with all his strength.

Grab another builder and throw it in the toilet!

The builder wailed for a long time, and gradually his voice dropped and he gave a happy laugh.

The contented builder went out of the toilet and thanked the doctor.

The doctor made a prescription and asked the builder to get the medicine. As a result, he got a big bag of toilet paper.

The female pharmacist kindly told him, "The doctor asked me to tell you to use toilet paper instead of cement bags after going to the toilet."

I am a principled winter, two beggars wandering the streets.

"I'm so hungry, I feel like I can eat a cow now!" Beggar a said.

"Me too. I'm starving. If the pole in front of us can eat, I can definitely eat from the root to the top. " Beggar b is not to be outdone.

They passed a pub, and I don't know who was drunk in the pub. Maybe the wind cooled the stomach and left vomit in front of the pub. Two beggars stared blankly at the vomit.

"To tell you the truth, I really want to eat this vomit." Beggar A just said.

"I'm hungry too, but that's someone else's vomit. It's disgusting. " Beggar b is a little embarrassed.

"I don't care, do you eat or not?" , a beggar asked.

"It's disgusting. If you don't eat, you will be a beggar! " Beggar b is righteous and upright.

"Can I eat alone? ! "After that, Beggar A leaned down and began to eat vomit.

After a while, beggar A finished eating, and the two continued to stroll forward.

It may be the winter. The vomit is too cold. Beggar A's stomach seemed a little too much to eat, but he still held back, but it was vomit after all. Beggar a can't help feeling sick at the thought. Beggar B is even more hungry and has some regrets.

After a while, beggar A couldn't help it. "Wow ... wow ..." Beggar A also vomited.

At this time, Beggar B quickly leaned down and began to eat Beggar A's vomit.

"Hey, hey, aren't you sick? Why do you also eat vomit? " Beggar a asked puzzled.

"Idiot, I have principles. I only eat spicy food. Besides, isn't this stall more than that just now? " ,

Beggar b said without looking up.

My colleague will go to kidney calculi and rest at home. His little nephew asked kidney calculi what it was, and he said that a stone came out when he peed. His little nephew was very worried and said, Uncle, when you pee, you must spread your feet apart, and be careful not to hit your feet!

One day, I saw a pair of twins, so cute,

But I can't see the size

So I asked: who is older and who is younger?

The girl said mysteriously: guess who is our brother and sister ~! !

In the evening, I took my three-year-old daughter for a walk in the park, and two lovers hugged and kissed in the shade.

My daughter looked at it for a while, then turned to me and said affirmatively, "Mom, they must be stealing something good."

Mingming is five years old and just learned to count. I want to find someone to write a question. His father said to him, "Do the problem yourself and do the math yourself."

Ming Ming thought about it and said, "Shampoo+Massage+Back Treading = 18, Hair Dyeing+Sauna+Mask =20"

Everyone was stunned first, and then everyone laughed.

Child: "Mom, what is this?"

Mom: "This is rat poison."

Child: "Mom, is our mouse sick?"

I really like children in small classes.

I've been teasing him

Ask him: What's mother's name?

She was so angry that she finally spat out the name * * *

"So, what's dad's name?

I saw him in high spirits and said two words unequivocally: husband

One of her colleagues has a 6-year-old daughter who has started to change her teeth. Her mother took her back to work after her tooth was pulled out. My mother asked her, "Does your tooth still hurt?" The little girl's answer made everyone around her laugh: "Oh, I left my tooth in the hospital. I don't know if it hurts! " "

Once, the father asked the child

Who's in charge at home?

"Dad, he is the head of the family."

Mom knows.

I also asked him, "Who is in charge in the family? Good point, buy you candy. "

The child said, "it's mom, it's mom."

"Didn't you say that dad is the head of the family?"

"But mom is the head of the family. Turn your head that way and turn that way ~ ~ ~ ~ "

Occasionally, one day a male colleague was drinking and eating in a roadside restaurant. He saw a little girl in grade three who was very cute, so he went up to tease her: "Little sister, how about playing with you?" The little girl looked at him and said, "No, my mother said little girls should play with little girls." My colleague never gave up and said, "I'm a girl, too. Please play with me ... Finally, the little girl answered the classic. Take off your pants and let me see! " =_=#

When my son was 4 years old, he saw a frog jumping, so he jumped like this frog, jumped a few times, stood up and said, I'm so tired! ! ! It's hard to be a frog, jumping like this every day.

I almost fainted when I saw the email from my friend. Guaranteed to be true and original.

Listening to the radio in the dormitory that day, I heard a very young girl order songs for her mother. She said that her mother

Mom is very hard and can't rest on Sunday. She wants to buy her a lot of problem sets in the bookstore, so she wants to.

Order a song for her mother.

Hearing this, the master said, "What a sensible child. What song do you want to give your mother?

The little girl said in a childish voice,' I want to order Winnie Hin's "Why do women bother women?"

1. Why does the silkworm baby have money? = => Because it will cocoon (frugal)

2. Why didn't the white rabbit marry the zebra? = => Because mother rabbit says tattoos are not good children.

3. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified? = => When buying instant noodles (unified instant noodles)

4. What line does the monkey dislike? = => Parallel lines (because there is no intersection)

5. Chocolate and tomatoes fight. Why does chocolate win? = => Because of chocolate bars.

6. What happens when sharks eat mung beans? = => became a mung bean shark.

7. After the match burned, it went to the hospital. What has it become? = => Cotton swab

8. How did Lin Daiyu die? = => Fall to death (a sister Lin fell from the sky)

9. A pig smashed a dish after saying "Come on"? = => Chocolate (encouraged)

10. The potato stabbed the steamed stuffed bun with a deadly knife. What happened? = => has become a bean paste (killing) bag.

1 1. What animals like to stick on the wall? = => Seal (newspaper)

12. Why do foxes often fall down? = => Because foxes are cunning (slippery)

13.4 people are playing mahjong in the house. Why did the police come and take away five people = => Because the people they played were called "Mahjong".

14. When do you like soda? = => When you are lonely (when you are lonely, you will want soda)

15. An egg goes to the teahouse for tea. What happened afterwards? = => It turned out to be a tea egg.

16. There is a male deer. He walks faster and faster. What happened in the end? = => It became an expressway.

17. One day Mung Bean committed suicide and jumped from the fifth floor, bleeding a lot. What happened? = => has become a red bean.

18. Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high? = => Because the stars will twinkle.

19. Corn wanted to pursue fashion and got a perm. What was the result? = => turned into popcorn.

20. What mouse walks on two feet? = => Mickey Mouse

2 1. Then what kind of duck walks on two feet? = => All ducks walk on two legs.

22. Miss, business is not good now. Why? = => Highly pathogenic avian influenza (HPAI)

23. What kind of people can't work in a gas station? = => A smooth talker (oil gun slips)

24. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl? = => Boys because jiaozi has a foreskin.

25. People in gold clothes = => Shocking (golden) people.

26. A bee stung on the calendar = = > Wind (bee) and sunshine (calendar)

27. A bear is coming. Come prepared (bear comes)

28. The mobile phone can't fall into the toilet = => It's now or never.

29. There are ten sheep, and nine are squatting in the sheepfold = => cadence (one sheep squats wrong)

30. How to make the sparrow quiet? = => Give it a pressure (silence)

3 1. What is a transparent sword? = => Invisibility (Sword)

32. What do African cannibals eat? A: If they eat people, should the chief be a vegetarian? = => Vegetable eater

33. Why are there no dinosaurs now? = => The dinosaur went to make a movie.

34. Xiao Bai looks like his brother. Do you know why? = => It's really like Dabai.

35. How about an egg swimming in Songhua River? = => turned into a preserved egg

36. What about an egg that went to Shandong? = => turned into a (salted) egg.

37. How about homeless eggs? = => became a wild egg.

38. What if an egg accidentally falls on the road and falls to the ground? = => It became an inverted (guided) bomb.

39. An egg fell into the flower. How's it going? = => became Hua Dan.

40. How about an egg swimming in the Dead Sea? = => has become a salted egg superman.

4 1. Xiaoming and Xiaohua go to the seaside to tell jokes. He died after telling jokes. Why? = => Because of the tsunami (laughs)

42. Why don't men go out? = => Because when you go out, you become a layman.

43. Why can't I see God's dick? = => The secret (pheasant) must not be revealed.

44. Why is the iceberg just the tip of the iceberg? = => Because the other horn was broken by the Titanic.

45. How to keep ducks from flying away? = => Give it a wing.

46. Who doesn't have a phone? = => Tianyi (Tianyi Seamless Mobile Phone)

47. Ma Jiajue once told me privately that "a blunt knife is the most lethal". Why? = => Because it uses a hammer.

48. Why did Chang 'e go to the moon? = => After nine days of shooting, even the immortals couldn't stand it.

49. Little Black, Little White, Little Yellow and Little Red are flying. Who will get sick? = => White rabbit (vomiting)

50. A fat man jumped from a tall building. What happened? = => Become a fat man.

5 1. Two people fell into a trap. The dead call the dead, what is the name of the living? = => Save someone's life

52. Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin? = => Eraser (Eraser Difference)

53. What are cloth and paper afraid of? = => Not (cloth) afraid of ten thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

54. The next guest is the pride of China men. He is a singer. Guess who it is? = => Ju Gu Chicken

55. Which song has the lyrics of "CoCo Lee"? = => The moon represents my heart (CoCo Lee, how much I love you).

56. Why does Harry Potter live in a light bulb? = => Because Harry Potter is a wizard (tungsten wire)

57. What Kirin tastes best? = => Ice cream

58. What Kirin runs fastest? = => Michelin

59. The cause of constipation (name a foreign star) = => Stallone (shit is too thick)

60. In cities or villages, where does the river run? = => In the country, because the river in the country is too urgent (why do you have to cook in such a hurry).

6 1.a, b, c, d, e, Ji, g, Xin, which word is the coolest? = => Ding

62. There is a room where pigeons can hide = => I hide your songs (pigeons) on the roof.

63. What should I do at 12 pm? = => cramming, because when it is close to (zero), cramming.

64. Who is the thinnest, police, hooligans or soldiers? = => Rogue (rogue professor-thin)

65. An idiot took down the toilet on the plane and threw it away. Guess why? = => Because he is an idiot.

How many brothers does Aladdin have? = => Three (Ala A, Ala B, Ala C)

67. A group of eunuchs are chatting. Guess an idiom = => Nonsense (no chicken talk)

68. How much is a heart worth? = => 100 million (single-minded)

69. Which is stupid, the sun, the moon or the stars? = => Stars (The stars in the sky don't talk-Lu)

69. What's the name of this pencil? = => Small, sharpen the pencil.

70. What color can best imitate? Red (mill) imitation

7 1. Who will help you eat when you are full? = => Feilong, because Feilong is added in days.

72. A little dog was traveling in the desert and then died. How did he die? = => He suffocated because there was no telephone pole to pee on in the desert.

A puppy was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole, but it was still stuffy. Why? = => "No peeing here" is posted on the dotted line pole.

A dog was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. Nothing stuck on it, but it was stuffy. Why? = => Many puppies are waiting in line.

A dog was traveling in the desert and found a telephone pole. There is nothing posted on it, and there is a queue. The result is still suffocating. Why? = => Because there are two beautiful dogs MM behind him, he is embarrassed.

73. Who will be eliminated, wolf, tiger or lion? = => Wolf, because-Momotaro (elimination of wolves)

74. Which is the most unfair historical figure? = => Suwu Shepherd Cup seaside

75. Which character ran fastest in history? = => Cao Cao

76. Cars can fly. Please guess a drink = => coffee (car fly)

77. There is a steamed bun and a meatball. What happened? = => Changed to steamed stuffed bun.

78. Who gave you the water of forgetting? = => Aha ("Aha, give me a glass of forgetful water")

79. There is a white cat and a black cat. The white cat fell into the water and the black cat saved it. What did the white cat say to the black cat? = => Seagull

80. Xiaoming's grandfather sings while brushing his teeth. Why? = => It's a false tooth.

8 1. How heavy are the stars in the sky? = => Eight grams (Starbucks)

82. Taiwan Province Province is a part of China (Chinese herbal medicine name) = => Angelica sinensis.

83. The Jade Emperor is called (name a city) = => Tianjin.

84. Why do geese fly to the south in autumn? = => It's too slow to walk.

85. Farmers have raised 10 cows, with only 19 horns. Why? = => There is a rhinoceros.

86. Pangpang is a famous diver, but one day he stood on the springboard but didn't dare to jump. Why? = => Because there is no water below.

87. A taxi was driving normally on the expressway, but it didn't violate any traffic rules, but it was stopped by a policeman. Why? = => The police have to take a taxi.

88. What chicken has no wings? = => Frog

89. What is hard and comfortable to type? = => doze off

90. What is the product with the same production date and effective date? = => newspaper

9 1. What books are not available in bookstores? = => suicide note

92. Best seller? = => Female secretary

93. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Why? = => My mother said that surfing the Internet all day is not a good person.

94。 Pandas love deer deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Why? = => The deer said timidly, my mother said that all the people wearing sunglasses are bad teenagers.

95. Who didn't attend the zoo meeting? = => lion (because the lion lost contact)

96. Fat people sit in sedan chairs (name a place) = => Yugoslavia

97. Go to the toilet (enter the name of a Hong Kong female artist) = => Karen Mok (reason: Karen Mok)

98. Grandpa, dad, brother, who will cry after listening to mom? = => Grandpa remembered his mother's words (night after night) and his tears glistened.

99. There are two bees who love each other very much, but later the mother bee married the spider. Why? = => Because this female bee loves nets.

100. Good day, sad night (Gai Lou) = => Single-plank bridge.