What jokes do you have that hurt your heart?

1. Big Brother and Second Brother got airsick and vomited badly, so Big Brother went to the stewardess to get airsick medicine. When he came back, he found that everyone in the cabin was vomiting. The eldest brother felt very strange and asked the second brother, What's the matter? Why is everyone in the cabin vomiting? The second child smiled and replied shyly, Oh, nothing. I vomited too much just now. The bag was almost full, so I drank a little and then vomited. As a result, they saw it and threw up for no reason. . . .

2. Big Brother and Second Brother went to the cinema to watch movies, and they had different understandings of some plots in the movies. So the eldest brother said, we losers have a drink from the room (referring to the spittoon in the corner). The second one agreed. In the first set, the boss lost. The boss brought a spittoon and took a sip of phlegm with a frown. In the second set, the second one lost, and he was willing to "give up", so the second one ended up with a spittoon. He took fourteen sips and then stopped. The boss looked at the second one in amazement and said, "You are amazing. You can drink fourteen mouthfuls of such disgusting things …" Before he finished, the second one interrupted him and shook his head and said, "You think I want to, but I can't help it! The phlegm in it is so fucking thick that I can bite it off after drinking it for the fourteenth time. . .

This morning, the public security bureau of XX in southwest China received a phone call from the masses, saying that there were two big bombs under the XX overpass. The police of XX Branch went to the scene with bomb squad and found a red cloth bag under the bridge. Experts and police carefully opened the bag, which contained several layers of newspaper parcels. The police opened it layer by layer and finally found that it was really two big bombs: four twos and a pair of kings!

4. Once upon a time, there was a man who had a special interest in baking beans. He likes eating them, but they always embarrass him.

One day, he met a girl and fell in love with her.

When they decided to get married, he thought, "If I go on like this, she will never live with me." So he made the greatest sacrifice and decided to give up his hobby of eating baked beans. Soon they got married.

A few months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down because they lived in the country, so he called his wife and told her that he might come home late because he had to walk home.

On his way home, he passed a small coffee shop, where the intoxicating aroma of baked beans made him deeply intoxicated. Because he still has miles to go, he thinks that the bad effects of eating baked beans will be completely eliminated before he gets home. So he went into the cafe and asked for three large orders of baked beans.

He farted a lot on his way home When he got home, he felt that there would be no more problems. His wife greeted him at the door. She looks a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a big dinner for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you."

She blindfolded him and took him to his chair at the table, making him swear not to peek.

Just then, he wanted to fart again.

Just as his wife was coming to take off his blindfold, the telephone rang. She told him that swear it again wouldn't peek until she came back, and then he wouldn't answer the phone.

As soon as she left, he seized the opportunity, put all his weight on one leg and let his fart out. This fart not only rings, but also smells like rotten eggs. He could hardly breathe, so he touched his napkin and fanned the air around him.

Just when his mood improved, another fart came again. He raised his leg and began to loosen it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and the smell is even worse this time. In order not to suffocate himself, he waved his arm and fanned for a while, hoping that the smell would dissipate.

When everything was about to return to normal, he felt another fart coming. He shifted all his weight to the other leg and let his fart out. This fart is really the best in the world. The window was shaking, the plate on the table was creaking, and the flower on the table died in a minute.

He listened attentively to the conversation in the hall. Because he kept his promise not to peek, he continued to sit for about ten minutes. During these ten minutes, he kept farting and then used a napkin fan. When he heard goodbye on the phone (knowing that his time sitting alone was coming to an end), he gracefully put his napkin on his knee and crossed his hands on it.

When his wife came in, he smiled contentedly and looked innocent. His wife apologized to him for walking so long, and then asked him if he had peeked at the table. After he assured her that he didn't peek, she took off the blindfold on his eyes and shouted, "What a surprise!" " To his great shock and fear, there were twelve guests sitting around the table. They all came to the birthday party, which surprised him very much.