Uncle vicissitudes of life joke

Uncle, I have no talent for languages. When local people speak dialects, I always ask them several times to get a little knowledge. They all say that I am deaf and can't hear anything.

Outsiders, who come to this place and don't understand dialects, often make some misunderstandings and jokes, thus causing contradictions and disputes. ......

Uncle tells a few true stories for your entertainment;

Story 1

The Lao family has been farmers for generations. Of course, according to Lao Li's own words, there used to be a group of emperors in the ancestors, that is, the Li Dynasty in the Tang Dynasty. As for whether Li Shimin is his ancestor, no one can tell;

The second son, who graduated from junior high school, went to Guangdong to work with his fellow villagers. Unexpectedly, this boy came back from the Spring Festival with a Cantonese daughter-in-law who speaks bird language. She doesn't understand Lao Li's words and speaks dialect, which Lao Li can't understand. The future daughter-in-law speaks bird language

It is said that the woman's parents disapprove of her daughter's marriage to the northwest, but agree to the marriage of two young people, on condition that the second son of his hometown must marry in the past and settle in Guangdong, and inform the man's parents when he comes back this time;

"cheep, cheep, cheep!" The door opened, and the second son's first reaction, fearing a thief, shouted:

"who?"

"hungry"

Someone replied;

“Zua！”

The son asked again;

I don't know how to write this word, so I can only use pinyin instead;

"Pee!"

"Give it back to me!"

I can hear you. This is his father's voice. He goes to the toilet at night.

Guanzhong people, really stingy, only use one word to express!

That kannika nimtragol heard their conversation and never understood what it meant ... curious!

Early the next morning, my son went to the county to buy new year's goods, leaving two old people and this future kannika nimtragol at home;

Kannika nimtragol, still thinking about the father and son, the dialogue at night:

What does "I" mean?

Kannika nimtragol, with curiosity, asked her future father-in-law:

"Dad, what did you say last night? What am I, Isi? "

Lao li thought for half a day and said:

"Oh, shit!"

Daughter-in-law ask again:

"Mama of, why call wo? How do you spell Zewo? "

This stumped the illiterate Lao Li, who thought for a long time, what should he do!

Suddenly, he thought of one of the most beautiful methods and said:

"Hungry to show you. You know what wo means! "

Go on to say:

"You kneel down!"

Kannika nimtragol squatting on the ground, I saw Lao Li coming from behind, his hands holding his daughter-in-law's left and right thighs, and lifting his daughter-in-law off the ground like a child peeing. She said:

"That's what I mean, fart!"

"Dad, ha, ha, ha, let me go, you are too hard, you are teasing me ..."

Suddenly, the door was knocked open;

"My dad, you make it, how could you? I killed you, but you were still lying down. I told you to lie down! "

Son also dragged up a stick, ready to play Lao li, only listen to daughter-in-law ask again:

"What does it mean to lie down, xi?"

What do you mean lie down? My father-in-law has an idea about his daughter-in-law ...

In this way, the son took up his kannika nimtragol and went back to Guangdong, saying that he would never come back!

? Story 2

Another year, the American delegation, accompanied by Chinese personnel, came to the Guanzhong countryside and walked into a village. A group of children are playing. One of them is a cute little boy, wearing pants with torn crotch.

In the American delegation, a gentleman named Tom came over and touched the little boy's penis with his hand. He smiled and said:

"Why, what is this?"

Tom knows some Chinese;

"Hammer!"

The little boy answered;

"What, for what?"

"Thief, your mother!"

"Thief my mother? What? What do you mean? "

Tom is very confused;

I saw the child, pointing to Tom;

"You mean me, no, no, I still don't understand!"

The child is angry, stare big eyes and say:

"Your father doesn't kill your mother, how can you do it?"

? Story 3

One weekend, uncle, I was really bored, so I signed up for the group.

Cars are driving on provincial roads, even agricultural vehicles are driving. Our driver scolded all the way, saying, thief, fuck you!

"Hello, Father, I want to ask, what do you mean by Suo, thief, your mother and that thief?"

This, stumped the driver, the driver hey hey smiled and said:

"Can't say, swear words!"

Driver, his face is a little red;

As a result, this beautiful woman must know when she got off the bus and pulled the driver.

The driver thought for a long time and said:

"That's what your mother means!"

"What about my mother?"

Beauty, still don't understand, a beauty in the same trade may understand, "sloped" smile, pulled over the beauty and asked who the question was, smiled all the way and trotted away. ......

To tell the truth, I know very little about Guanzhong dialect!

I hate the word "thief" Who said this word in front of me? Although I still don't know how to write this word, I just can't listen!

One day, I was bored and I was very idle. I've thought of the word "thief"!

Thieves can't hide, go straight in and out, and force ... all of them, but it seems that there are none!

My understanding is that I compare it to a screw and a nut, which means that the nut is smaller, the screw matches the nut and the nut is thicker. The screw was forced to turn without the consent of the nut, and bie was forced to go in. That's probably what it means!

Under the slow creep of the screw, the nut gets bigger bit by bit. At first, this screw still looks heavy. Later, when the nut is big, the screw looks small. Finally, the screw falls off directly in the space of the nut!

A word "thief" cost me so many brain cells. Alas, China's culture is really profound!