Funny praise lines

1. Zhao Xiaowu, who was born in the 1980s, and Guan Jian, who was born in the 1970s, often quarreled.

Zhao Xiaowu’s sharp assessment of Guan Jian: You? You have not secured the iron rice bowl, you have not caught up with the new era, you are not good at innovation, and nostalgia is not your turn! It’s true that a child born in the 80s married you born in the 70s, and she won’t shed enough tears in her lifetime!

The cowardly Guan Jian suddenly lowered his head and was speechless...

(As a person born in the 1970s, I was also speechless...)

2. At the end of the month, there was no Money.

Guan Jian apologized: Didn’t we... when we got married, we agreed that we would be a poor and humble couple for the rest of our lives?

Zhao Xiaowu scolded Guan Jian: a poor and humble couple? ——I can tolerate you being mean, but I cannot forgive you for being poor! Just treat yourself as if you are alone.

Guan Jian:...

3. Guan Jian was usually bullied by Zhao Xiaowu, but he finally broke out and wanted to kill his wife Zhao Xiaowu.

Guan Jian roared loudly: No one can stop me... It’s her and not me today! With her and without me!

Xiao Wu was disdainful and smiled coldly: Husband, others risk their lives only because he does not have me and I do not have him! What about you? Just saying "with her but without me" - are you going to die?

Guan Jian was immediately discouraged: ...

4. The mantra of the always heartless Zhao Xiaowu: No fear of heaven or earth, la la la la la!

Every time she was unreasonable, the cowardly Guan Jian would always be angry: Are you being unreasonable or not?

Zhao Xiaowu: If home is a place of justice, why do we need courts? This phrase has changed many times.

Zhao Xiaowu: If a woman is reasonable, why does she need a man?

Zhao Xiaowu: If my hands are for work, why do I need your hands?

…and so on.

When she is acting arrogant to her nephew Maoer, it is:

Zhao Xiaowu: If I am still reasonable with you, why should I still act like an adult? Everyone is stunned!

5. The cat’s mother, Zhao Xiaochen (the boss lady in Wulin Gaiden), brought the cat to Zhao Xiaowu and Guan Jian’s home for the first time, and asked Zhao Xiaowu and Guan Jian to help raise the cat throughout the summer vacation.

Zhao Xiaowu and Guan Jian looked troubled and very reluctant.

Zhao Xiaochen promises: Our cat is known as the best-behaved child in the world! Known as the Eight Improper Children!

Zhao Xiaowu and Guan Jian wondered: Eight-not children?

Zhao Xiaochen: He doesn’t cry or fuss, doesn’t jump or jump, doesn’t shout or yell, and he doesn’t poop or pee.

Zhao Xiaowu was shocked: He didn’t poop or pee... couldn’t he hold it in?

Zhao Xiaochen Aoran: You have to endure it! I trained him strictly according to West Point Military Academy. Come!

On the other side, the cat who was picking his nose came over obediently.

Zhao Xiaochen: Don’t pick your nose with your hands. Stand still. Take a break and stand at attention! Look to the left! Squat down! stand up! Spin around! Squat again! Splits...Thomas full spin...

Zhao Xiaowu: (hurriedly stopped) Forget it, there is no need for these difficult moves...

6. Zhao Xiaowu: The car must be in front of the mountain. If there is a road, there must be a roller coaster!

7. Children who nicknamed the "robot" inside and outside the play, Robot, is always a standard and good student. , speaking will always choke anyone to death. The most hateful thing is that he is not only the most well-educated and obedient of all the children, but the adults in his family are also the richest - his parents are a pair of standard nouveau riche. It is said that the family has an entire floor in the Guomao. In the office, BMW, Mercedes-Benz and Porsche drive according to odd and even numbers. The funny thing is that every time he and his parents go out, they are always in sync with each other and dress up exactly the same. From a distance, they look like triplets.

8. The way the robot family calls each other is very weird. The robot never calls mom or dad, but always politely says "yes father, yes mother". The parents of the robot call each other "my dear of the same age" and call the robot "my dear underage".

The robot’s father, Mr. Luo Hong, and its mother, Ms. Jin Li, usually speak classical Chinese plus English and Mandarin. They often praise each other: “Husband (wife), your English has improved again!” Of course! , if they are pushed into a hurry, their hometown dialect will come out - the robot's mother jumps to her feet and yells, "His grandma is a editor!"

9. The robot's mother trains the robot: My Underage dear - isn't it because other children don't want to play with you? Could it be that the famous Tang poem that my father and I often taught you has been forgotten by you?

Robot Dad: Then let’s read it to you again.

Bottoms and dads chorus: There is no place for me here,

There is a place for me to leave me, and I will remember it everywhere! ——Remember, son?

The robot nodded heavily: ...Master, I remember it!

10. Three of Zhao Xiaowu’s classmates are here. Three beauties, each of them married better than Zhao Xiaowu. They are all wealthy. The three beauties are called "Announcement Bird, Spring Flower, Wealth and Honor". sisters"! Zhao Xiaowu and the three Fugui sisters had a blood-vomiting contest and succeeded in beating away the three Fugui sisters by bragging.

Zhao Xiaowu gritted his teeth and said: Yeah...yeah! rich! Just richer than you!

Guan Jian used to be angry: Wife, are you stupid?

Zhao Xiaowu glared: Silly...and rich! Yeah yeah yeah! I'm so mad at you, I want to eat meat pie!

11. One of Zhao Xiaowu’s most frequent dreams is this.

Zhao Xiaowu: ...It's like being on the edge of the vast sea, with a blue pier and a huge warehouse... I stood at the door of the empty warehouse and looked around, a warehouse full of goods. Famous brand. A team of PRADA, a team of CUCCI, a team of Issey Miyake! In mid-air, a rich and magnetic baritone echoed: "Take it, take it home, beauty. What's yours is all yours, and your husband pays for it all for you!"

12. A spoof of "Three Auspicious Treasures".

——The angry Zhao Xiaowu and the frowning Guan Jian and Mao'er were dressed in Mongolian costumes, dancing and singing.

Zhao Xiaowu: Husband!

Guan Jian: Hey!

Zhao Xiaowu: Why do I always have that weird dream?

Guan Jian: Because of poverty.

Zhao Xiaowu: My heart hurts when I think of those famous brands.

Guan Jian: It hurts me too.

Zhao Xiaowu: Why don’t we have enough money?

Guan Jian: Alas, your husband is useless.

Zhao Xiaowu and Guan Jian: (in chorus) Oh... we are a poor family... eh... ah... oh...

13. Zhao Xiaochen begged Zhao Xiaowu to help her A jingle to say when raising children.

Zhao Xiaochen: (sadly) Look at me now. In business, I am alone, walking alone; in life, I am also alone, guarding an empty bed; selling clothes, carrying big bags, purchasing goods and shipping goods every day, I'm just like men; after finally getting home from get off work, I still have to pick up the slack and take care of Dong Xing. (Chokes) But no matter how hard and tired I am, I can’t find anyone willing to help me. When I talk about these sad things, I can’t stop crying. Two lines of tears... I was fooled, I was fooled.

14. The crew has come to select actors. The robot parents brought the robot to the scene with full confidence.

Robot Dad: Even though I am his father, I can proudly say without hesitation that our child has amazing aura!

Robot Mom: Look, this aura...how compelling?

The robot twisted its body and performed a shocking dance.

The robot mother was very proud: Did the director understand? Our kids performed a Michael Jackson dance.

The robot dad is even more proud: Michael Jackson is Michael Jackson. Director, do you understand?

Robot Mom: Have you felt his "compelling" aura?

15. Zhao Xiaowu also wants to be a star. Guan Jian is obviously not optimistic about her stardom.

Guan Jian: Your facial features are okay, mainly the shape of your face! What is popular on TV now are beauties with small faces, pointed faces, and little fox faces.

Zhao Xiaowu is not angry: I am also a beauty with an oval face!

Guan Jian: ——One word missing, "西"! You are a watermelon face beauty.

Zhao Xiaowu:...

16. Zhao Xiaowu became the special star of the crew, and was given five hundred yuan.

Qin Dake: If you say two words of five hundred, one word equals two hundred and five?

Lao Lu: Look at Xiaowu, now one mouth is two hundred and five, one mouth is two hundred and five!

Qin Dake: Can I interview you and talk about your feelings?

Zhao Xiaowu suddenly covered his mouth.

Zhao Xiaowu was vague: ...I can’t talk nonsense to you anymore...it costs money!

17. Zhao Xiaowu and Guan Jian’s friends Qin Dake and Lao Lu are a very, very disgusting couple. A standard beauty and beast combination.

The scene where the two express their affection together is always disgusting.

Lao Lu: Dake, you will always be my backbone;

Qin Dake: Ningning, you will always be my backbone.

Lao Lu: You are my soul chasing powder.

Qin Dake: You are my soul soup.

Lao Lu: My little Rourou.

Qin Dake: My little smelly one.

On one episode, while filming, the camera suddenly went off-screen, and all the staff vomited together.

A factory worker shouted to the camera: "Don't order box lunches today, no one will eat!"

18. In this play, no matter who swears, they will always say the same thing. One sentence.

——If I lie again, a muffled thunder will fall from the sky and chop me into small pieces of charcoal! Not yet?

Every time I swear, there will be a muffled sound of thunder. Of course, no one was hit.

People who swear always shrug their shoulders: How about it, you didn’t chop it, right?

It is said that this was invented by Guan Jian, who seems to be the most cowardly and honest person in the play. He was so proud once that he revealed this secret to his good friend Qin Dake.

Guan Jian: Remember: From now on, if you swear you will be struck by lightning, don’t say you will be hit by a car when you go out - (Another thunder, but it didn’t strike again, and he shrugged again, proudly) Safe!

Qin Dake’s eyes widened and he could only bow to the ground!

19. Zhao Xiaowu’s famous saying: An inch of time is worth an inch of gold, but an inch of gold cannot buy an inch of time.

An inch of time is worth an inch of copper, and an inch of copper cannot buy a sleepyhead... (yawns) Go to sleep.

20. A fashionista came into the play to help the old-fashioned Guan Jian learn what fashion is. They themselves made a spoof of the TV show "Pretty Boy". The introduction to fashionistas is as follows.

Here are some tips:

My clothes are basically in sync with those of aliens.

I have driven several times to compete with airplanes.

I have tattoos all over my body. Maps of prisons in various countries,

Thompson, the Midnight Saint who claims independence and still eats his parents.

Fashionista Thompson is wearing a standard hip-hop outfit "Yeah yeah yeah".

The grandfather with Alzheimer’s disease looked at him and wondered: Young man, what’s wrong with your hand? Are you pumping your breasts?

Thompson vomited blood and fell to the ground.

21. Lu Ning: On such an ordinary but extraordinary day, we are extremely excited and extremely calm...

Zhao Xiaowu: Extremely excited, but also Extremely peaceful? ——Do you have an irregular heartbeat?

22. Guan Jian: Comrades, look out the window. The spring breeze is blowing, the summer is scorching, the autumn breeze is refreshing, and the auspicious snow is falling...

Qin Dake: What kind of weather is this? yes?

23. Sister Hua, the uneducated nanny at home, always claimed to have been a private teacher (later I learned that she had been cleaning in a rural school).

The questions she gave the children:

Sister Hua: Excuse me, is our country’s Olympic bid slogan: A. New Beijing, New Olympics, B. New Shanghai, New Olympics, C. New Oriental, New Olympics, or D. Xinjiekou, new Olympics?

24. Zhao Xiaowu said to Mao'er in a tearful tone: "How can I be worthy of your mother who is not dead yet?"

25. Zhao Xiaowu thought it was too unpleasant for Maoer to always say that he wanted to fuck Baba at home, so he was forbidden to say those three words.

After a while, the cat came in timidly.

Mao'er: Auntie... I feel like vomiting in my butt!

26. Zhao Xiaowu, Hua Jie, Zhao Xiaochen and several other characters appearing in the film, Zhao Youda, Xiaozu’s grandma, and Youwei Laozu, are all from Zhao County, Shandong.

According to legend, all the people in that county were named Zhao! Therefore, Zhao Xiaowu has always prided himself on being from a famous family.

What’s even more strange is the specific place name of that county - Zhao Xiaowu and Zhao Xiaochen’s ancestral home in their household registration book is written as Erbo Township, Zhao County. Sister Hua and Youda are from Sibo Township, and the younger grandmother is Zhao. The eldest daughter of the current mayor of Sun Town, Dabo Township, County! What a senior person!

27. A perfect little housewife who is gentle in her shrewdness and full of love in her angry eyes - a shrew in short.

28. Dong Xing: Ben Bolba has such a good body, he must be able to do the pentathlon, right?

Robot: He is much better than the Pentathlon, with four more points - the Pentathlon Bear!

29. The dirty cat stretched out its black hand to grab the steamed buns.

Zhao Xiaowu exclaimed: Stop! Are those forked things on your arms hands?

30. That super-narrow-minded little grandma is extremely senior.

Her motto is - Grandpas are made from grandsons.

Zhao Xiaowu: Just imagine, a grandson appears in front of his grandson. What should the grandson do? In other words, if a person whom you should kneel down to and kowtow when you meet him, how do you return the favor?

Guan Jian scratched his head and pondered for a long time: dig a hole in the ground, jump down and kowtow to her?

31. Guan Jian felt that he had a cold and wanted to find medicine. Xiaowu took out a bottle and handed it to him.

Guan Jian: Yo! What is this?

Zhao Xiaowu: Just eat, why ask so much?

Guan Jian’s warning: Our family has told me since I was a child that a drug or a food cannot be eaten if its origin is unknown.

Zhao Xiaowu glared: I am your wife.

Guan Jian shook his head: So what? It was because Comrade Pan Jinlian said these words that Comrade Wu Dalang was so confused that he ate whatever was given to him. The result... the end was so miserable...

Zhao Xiaowu was angry: If you don't eat, why don't you eat so much nonsense? Yes, this is extremely poisonous. Mix it with Hedinghong in three steps, then sprinkle some peacock gall... Broken Heart Powder to thicken it!

Guan Jian grabbed the medicine and swallowed it in one gulp!

32. The most gluttonous fat kid in the play is called Benbo Erba. (The name seems to come from the two catfish spirits guarding the tower in Journey to the West - Benboerba and Babolben? The screenwriter Baimei is indeed born in the 1970s, haha...)

Fat Benboerba He is the most unfaithful person and will accept whoever gives him food. His catchphrase is "If you touch me, my hands and feet will feel soft!"