Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - My best friend fell in love with the school grass. I promised her to be alone with the school grass, but I didn't expect to hurt her. What should I do?
My best friend fell in love with the school grass. I promised her to be alone with the school grass, but I didn't expect to hurt her. What should I do?
When I was a freshman, I was bored and built a QQ group called "Let's make hormones". I call myself a group owner, euphemistically calling myself to broaden my horizons and promote communication. In fact, it has adjusted the imbalance between men and women in various departments and placed restless young people.
At least three times a week, I actively play the role of matchmaker, allowing single men and women from all walks of life to convey love eyes and capture love signals. I remember that in less than a month, eight couples have succeeded in holding hands, including a man and a woman. That lively scene can be called the university version of If You Are the One.
One day, a man named "Crying Late at Night" asked to pass through the group.
I replied, "Who is crying in the middle of the night?"
The other party: "me."
Me: "Who the fuck are you?"
The other party: "I am who I am, different from fucking fire."
I like the tone. Our group needs fresh blood, and we lack such people with distinct personalities. I immediately asked him to be my friend through the other party.
Soon, my little yellow face expression disappeared from the sinister smile. "Classmate, are you also looking for love?"
The other party immediately replied: "I am here to find Ding Hanhan."
I sighed at the computer. "Classmate, Ding Hanhan is a notorious prodigal son. He muddied the pure air in the regiment. You don't know how many flowers he has ravaged and how many hearts he has broken. I am also a female compatriot who is United with you. I advise you, this kind of person ... "
The other party suddenly sends out window jitter. "Quiet, don't talk nonsense, Lao Tzu is Zhang Fei."
I screamed and my mouse almost flew out.
2
I believe that in this world, some people are born brilliant and some are born ugly. God waved a stick and classified Zhang Fei into the latter category.
Zhang Fei was not called Zhang Fei originally, but Zhang Feili. Calling a girl Zhang Fei shows how many insults she has endured and how unfair she has been treated. Well, I was the initiator of her nickname.
Zhang Feili is my high school classmate, with dark skin, heavy eyebrows and big eyes, honest figure, reckless personality and a nosy warm heart. Whenever a bold boy molests a delicate girl at work, Zhang Feili always shouts loudly and stands beside the girl. Needless to say, she rested on her hips, stared and stamped her feet. That momentum, there is a superior male strength, quietly.
As the monitor and Zhang Feili's deskmate, I kindly took off the word "Li" for her and called her Zhang Fei, which deserved it. A few years later, when Zhang Fei's beef was popular all over the country, I could always see a little bit of Zhang Feili's shadow on the tough uncle dressed as Zhang Fei outside the store. Presumably this is the so-called charm.
Zhang Fei's IQ is worrying, especially memorizing ancient Chinese. At that time, there was always a round and strong person in the group left by the Chinese teacher to recite ancient prose, which at first glance looked like a drum.
Drums are quiet and earnest, and they recite ancient prose over and over again, and the compatriots around them never worry after they leave. She couldn't recite it until the night outside merged with Zhang Fei's skin color. Later, when the Chinese teacher saw Zhang Fei, he looked constipated. After trying all kinds of methods or failing, he finally sighed and said, "Go, Zhang Feili, you don't have to recite ancient Chinese."
This incident was greatly exaggerated by a classmate in the class, to the effect that "Zhang Fei's stupidity is a kind of cancer, and even the teacher can't cure it." High school life is so boring. Unfortunately, Zhang Fei can only be regarded as a radiant joke and become the collective memory of our graduates.
Afterwards, Zhang Fei said angrily to me, "Quiet, I hate Chinese teachers!" " What do you mean,' Zhang Feili, you go'? Isn't this a desperate ending to my life and a verdict that my IQ has come to an end? Am I that bad? He doesn't know how I killed myself when I got home. What is ancient prose? If I can't remember once, I'll do it twice, three times, ten times and fifty times. I don't want to tell you how hard I worked. I just want to say that I really love ancient Chinese. "
I shook my head. "Zhang Fei, no matter what you do, everyone just looks at the results. Who cares if you are true love or fake love? "
Of course, it also includes love.
three
Last semester, Ding Hanhan transferred to our class. For this person, the universal version circulated among girls is described in three words: handsome. On the first day, when the head teacher arranged the seat in front of Zhang Fei, Zhang Fei looked at the back of the head of the whole class.
Soon, anthomaniac girls of all grades smelled Ding. From the gentle seniors in the upstairs re-reading class to the eccentric junior downstairs, they all came to the door of our classroom to write love letters to Ding. Ding Hanhan's business is busy, and he seldom sits in his seat when he is quiet, listening to MP3 with headphones.
One day I was sleeping on my desk and caught a glimpse of a dark side face in a daze. Looking closely, the smile on Zhang Fei's face began to tremble like an electric shock.
"Zhang Fei, you fucking scared me to death!" I was wide awake, so I straightened up. "Would you like to tell Ding Hanhan. What's wrong with staring at people's strange smiles? "
Zhang Fei suddenly stood up and dragged me to the back door of the classroom. She pointed to the broken door and said to me, "Be quiet, I'll tell him. On that day, I blocked Ding Hanhan here and showed him my heart. "
"What did he say?"
"He only said three words."
"Impossible?"
"No."
"Dream?"
"Not really."
"Is it' I love you'?" I exclaimed.
Zhang Fei shook his head. "it's' you go'."
I suddenly remembered the words of the Chinese teacher and burst into laughter. Zhang Fei ignored me all morning and had two classes in the afternoon.
In the third year of high school, Ding Hanhan made a girlfriend, which completely broke the old saying that "water doesn't flow outside the field" and "the advantage is the first to get the moon". Our class is a science class, and the survival rate of beautiful women is almost zero.
Zhang Fei watched helplessly as Ding Hanhan took the girl's hand from the outside to finish class. She was heartbroken. Every day after class, she would lie on her desk and sing sad love songs, all written by Eason Chan: Long time no see, no talking, king of songs, insomnia all over the world and so on. Eason Chan's songs are difficult to sing. I didn't expect Zhang Fei to sing well, but his pronunciation has an unspeakable taste.
Facts have proved that when a girl who looks like Zhang Fei falls in love with a boy who looks like Ding Han, nine times out of ten the ending is a tragedy. Ding Hanhan never turned to talk to Zhang Fei, and he could hardly hear her singing because he always wore headphones.
Time makes most girls in the class secretly love Ding Hanhan, except Zhang Fei. Until graduation, her strange smile never stopped and her singing never stopped.
I advised Zhang Fei: "I loved it, and I don't regret it."
Zhang Fei nodded thoughtfully. "I just want to sing him a song when I graduate."
"It's not easy, it's my treat." As the monitor, I promised Zhang Fei that she and Ding would be in a private room on graduation day.
I think Zhang Fei almost dialed the wrong number.
four
On the night of graduation, countless girls sang for Ding Hanhan in KTV rooms. Most people give themselves an explanation with parting, even if it is the swan song of love. At first, Ding Hanhan was a gentleman. He sat on one side of the sofa, smiling, clapping and praising intermittently. Later, I got a little impatient, yawned, went to the toilet and looked at my mobile phone. I'm tired of listening to love songs, not to mention single love songs.
When a girl with acne finished singing "I love you the most, how can you make me sad? When I needed you the most, I left without saying a word", Ding Hanhan picked up her bag and stood up, ready to leave without saying a word.
At that time, Zhang Fei grabbed the microphone.
"Ding is not cold, wait a minute!" Zhang Fei looked back and winked at me desperately when he saw Ding Hanhan.
I hurried to the front of the song-ordering monitor and ordered a song "The King of K Songs".
Zhang Fei just sang two sentences, and suddenly there was a forceful and rhythmic prologue, and a fat man with a ponytail suddenly appeared on the screen.
Inside, Liu Huan began to sing: "The river flows eastward/the stars in the sky participate in Beidou/Hehehehehehe participate in Beidou/a bowl of wine at the turn of life and death ..."
After two seconds of silence, the audience burst into laughter.
"Who his mama cut the song? ! "Zhang fei roared.
I swear by all the life in the private room, it's definitely not me.
Zhang Fei asked the classmate closest to the monitor to change the song back. The classmate poked a few times on the screen with his finger and told Zhang Fei sadly, "It's stuck."
Zhang Fei thought for half a minute, and his painful face twisted like a twist. She suddenly walked up to Liu Huan in a few steps, stared at her hips and stamped her feet, cheered herself up and shouted, "It's all lit up, sing!"
To tell the truth, Zhang Fei sings "Good Han Song" very well. How good is it? Good enough that she can change her nickname, not Zhang Fei, but Liu Huan.
Ding Hanhan stood at the door after listening to Zhang Fei's song and said something that no one will forget in the place.
He smiled and said, "Classmate, please sing in Mandarin."
I finally understood what was wrong with Zhang Fei's pronunciation in the uncontrollable laughter.
Zhang Fei's real taste of salt and pepper turned her gorgeous songs into funny ones. But disapprovingly, she raised the receiver and shouted, "Ding Hanhan, I know you have a girlfriend, but I still want to tell you that I still like you, no matter what the result is." When it comes to love, do it when it is time to do it! "
five
After graduation, I went to universities in other provinces to study. I didn't expect to meet several old high school classmates there, and Ding Hanhan was one of them. Some students mentioned Zhang Fei, saying that she didn't do well in the exam and stayed in school for one year. We exchanged a few old jokes that Zhang Fei never tires of listening to, and soon rushed to a brand-new college life. Who would have thought that I would meet her in a QQ group?
A week later, I sat opposite Zhang Fei and made hot pot in her dormitory. Cockroaches roamed the unpaved floor, and old fans squeaked overhead. It's so hot in summer and the dormitory is so broken. Zhang Fei, wearing a big white T in his pajamas, spread his legs at 90 degrees and burned his stomach. Tell me why he is here.
Zhang Fei was going to repeat her studies, but when she heard that Ding Hanshen had invited a university, she decided to go to the same city with him. Her score is only enough for junior college, so go to junior college. Where Ding Han is, she will follow.
My head shakes like a rattle. "What is it that you follow him like this?"
Zhang Fei chewed a hairy belly and vowed: "I thought about it. I still have strength. I will go after him again. I don't want to have any regrets in my life. "
"But don't people feel ungrateful?"
"It doesn't matter if it's ungrateful, I still like him. When you meet love, you should shoot when you should! " The way Zhang Fei banged chopsticks on the table was very man.
I glanced at Zhang Fei's yellow and white T, but I was afraid to tell her that Ding Hanhan's girlfriend lived next door to my dormitory. Pajamas are light purple, silk and lace, full of sexy and mature wind. You female man, it's useless for you to shout out your voice, and it's useless to hit your hand.
I am puzzled by Zhang Fei's behavior of coming to our school every week to find Ding Hanhan. It takes two hours from her school to our school one way. Zhang Fei came all the way to see Ding Hanhan. Ding Hanhan is obviously a handsome guy with high emotional intelligence. Although he is not interested in Zhang Fei, he has always been interested in Zhang Fei, inviting him to dinner and chatting with him. He is not negligent and unambiguous.
In the past two years in college, the girl friends who walked beside Ding Hanhan have changed into sexy mature style, cute loli style, pure royal elder sister style, personalized rock style and fresh mori girl style, in no particular order. But even after a round, it didn't fall on Zhang Fei's head
"People's first love exhausted their strength when they looked at each other," I said to Zhang Fei, who was chewing the milk tea straw in front of him. "Why do you have inexhaustible strength, but the more frustrated you are?"
"They are' doing' and I am' doing'."
I sneered: "The ending is the same, and it is the product of the word' can't get it'."
On a sleepy summer afternoon, Zhang Fei's serious face was horribly refreshing. "I know, you are laughing at me. But I don't want him, but to be worthy of myself. A person, living in this world, life is too short to meet someone who really likes him.
"From the moment we met, I told myself that this was not a playground, but a battlefield. I picked up my gun, and every line of defense I broke through and every fortress I conquered was actually not aimed at others, but at myself. I was cowardly, timid, suspicious, and didn't try my best to win. You can cry, but you can't give up easily No matter how it ends, I will always present myself with a bunch of flowers, which will be a triumph. A clear conscience, life and death struggle, is victory. "
"Zhang Fei, what you said is very high-spirited, which will be very difficult and tiring."
"Of course, I'm tired. Do you think the screen name' Crying in the Middle of the Night' is used for playing? "
I froze.
six
One day, Zhang Fei invited Ding Hanhan and me to karaoke.
In the private room, Zhang Fei finally sang the song "King of K Songs" which was not dedicated to Ding Han when he graduated from high school. She still sings beautifully, and when she speaks, she still smells like Trump.
After singing a song, Zhang Fei said, "Ding Hanhan, I'll tell you a secret. In fact, those Eason Chan songs I sang at my desk in high school were all for you. One day, I stole your MP3 while you were in the toilet. I wrote down all the songs and thought I had learned to sing. If I sing to you every day, you will like me. As a result, you only listened to music alone and never took off your headphones. "
I was shocked. "Zhang Fei, you silly girl, you can do such a calculated thing!" " "
Ding Hanhan smiled and said, "I'll tell you a secret, too. Actually, I know your secret. I pressed the pause button and listened to your singing carefully. Thank you for your company. "
Zhang Fei said, "Thank you for your respect. Goodbye. "
Ding Hanhan nodded. "Goodbye."
After breaking up, Zhang Fei and I went back to the dormitory, and Ding Han went back to school.
In the taxi, I asked Zhang Fei, I liked Ding Hanhan for so long, why did I suddenly give up?
"Because I have tried my best, I have no strength. Quiet, I remember you once told me that you loved and didn't regret it. I don't think so. I don't regret it if I can't move my love. " Zhang Fei burst into laughter. "I have tried my best. I should give up. "
I stared at Zhang Fei and felt that she really looked like the night outside the window. I couldn't see through it.
"Zhang Fei, don't be too sad and don't cry in the middle of the night," I patted Zhang Fei's hand. "No matter what the ending is, you are fucking good."
Zhang Fei broke into a flurry of laughter again. "I'm not as miserable as you think." After that, Zhang Fei took out his mobile phone and opened the photo album inside to show me.
In the photo, a big guy with dark skin and white teeth is hugging Zhang Fei's shoulder and smiling happily at the camera.
"Daniel," Zhang Fei said, pointing to the young man, "I didn't like him very much at first. He is stupid and has a vulgar name. Look at his muscles. Some students nicknamed him beef. You said my name was Zhang Fei, and his name was beef. Isn't this an endorsement for Zhang Fei's beef? When Daniel chased me, he stuck in front of my classroom every day, sending flowers and meals. Every time I tell him, "Go." "
I smiled: "So that's it. You always have to pay back when you come out to mix. It's your turn to throw these three words to others."
Zhang Fei said, "Quietly, guess what? He said something later and hit me at once. "
I wondered, "You go." Isn't this the conclusion? What can I say in the future? "
Zhang Fei nodded gravely. "Daniel said, I have to go. Will you come? " "You will come" is not a fucking three words, this is me, this is a spirit, the spirit of not giving up until the extreme. Daniel chased me for over a year, and then I fell in love with him. Now everyone in the class laughs when they see us, saying that we are a good match and cooking Zhang Fei beef. Zhang Fei beef is Zhang Fei beef, and we are well-known trademarks in the love world. "
I was in tears: "You silly girl, be happy."
I know Zhang Fei will never come to my school again.
seven
When I graduated from college, the QQ group of "Let's make hormones" changed from a brilliant record of eight couples in a month to a tragic ending of only one pair of mandarin ducks. Ding Hanhan is single again.
Time has washed away a lot of endless love and destroyed many vows that love is stronger than gold. Lovers who love each other will be separated, and the condensed hormones will be scattered. However, we can't deny that there are always some so-called silly girls and silly boys who regard jokes as love words at the beginning of their love. When they meet love, they will do it when they need it. At the end of love, they believe that jokes can also become myths, and that "you left" will be followed by "I came". Read some stories every day. App Author: Xiao Yan Jing Jing | Reprinting is prohibited.
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