Are there any funny jokes? I want it! ! ! !

1, the bowl is dropped and the head is big.

2, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!

Creepy! ! ! ! !

3, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me!

~ ~ The whole class is cold!

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

6. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

8. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

9, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answering session.

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

12, I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of white powder ~!"

13, at school

One day, my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Fuck you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

14, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice."

Ok! "Say that finish, I added:" More rice noodles! "boss:" . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

15, once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

16, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

17, went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

18, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

19, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before an inspection, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, "Hurry up, everyone."

Put on a mask and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me

Why are you going? I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a hard K.

A meal.

2 1, a leader of the education bureau inspected the class exercises. After that, the PE teacher should have announced the "dissolution", but it was only a temporary situation.

I was so anxious that I forgot my words that I cried for a long time: "Retreat!" "

22. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked like him (playing the Tang Priest in The Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted it out.

Said, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

23, a colleague, one day I had a flat tire while driving and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said, "Go to the street."

Abortion is everywhere! "

24. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure, and suddenly shouted, "Your skin is so good, you still need a soothing treasure."

Huh? "

26, the teacher left homework, I can't do it, so I copied it from others, and then I went to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I"

Copy complete! "

27. Once, we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, and the tour guide just introduced that the 100-step ladder was in Liu Xiaoqing. & gt About

Attractions. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted.

28. At that time, several female classmates came to my house to play. I'll get the water. They turned on the DVD player to watch a movie. I heard it in the back room.

It was Cantonese, and then I lowered my voice. My voice was wrong and I couldn't speak. My face is red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted

Pass by ~ ~

29. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal because of roasting.

There are many seniors. I am afraid that the boss can't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip" and was silent.

Quiet, after three seconds, everyone laughs together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?"

Yao "I have to answer MM very, very quietly:" A bullwhip is a cow's tail ". .

30. quarreled with mm mobile phone. She turned up the TV very loudly. I was annoyed and said loudly, "put the phone down."

Turn it off! "Now that I think about it, it's cold!

3 1. Have breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. We are talking about them.

Two students who ate stuffing when wasting came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you're done." All the people present were drinking.

The porridge is all sprayed out.

32. Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said, then you go home.

Check the virus and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again, and I asked casually.

Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I'm so angry, I checked.

For a long time, I said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . I still remember you.

new