Once upon a time, two people were walking in the forest when a big tiger suddenly appeared. A person bends down to tie his shoelaces.

Once upon a time, there was a loaf of bread walking in the street. He felt hungry and ate himself.

Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired that I feel soft."

Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf.

The wolf said, "I want to eat you!" ! ! "

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

10, there is a generation gap and no cleavage-this kind of communication is very difficult.

1 1, Wolf, tiger and lion who play games will definitely be eliminated? Wolf, because: Momotaro (eliminated wolf)

12. When my friend Li Shansi and I just moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.

13. Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him.

result ...

One day, he was taken away!

14. Why does the silkworm baby have money? Because ... silkworms can cocoon (frugal)

15, which is the most embarrassing historical figure? Su Wu, because: Su Wu herded sheep in Beihai (kicked by the sea).

16. The boy said to the girl, "If you like, I will! ! ! "Did you guess the code? )

17. Today I also became "HR"! I watched it for a long time and said to the tortoise, "I'll buy whoever moves first!" " "(HR= headhunter)

18. Visiting Carrefour, Xiaofeng and her classmates got lost, and suddenly the mall broadcast sounded: "Please come to the radio station on the second floor.

Your mother is looking for you ... "

19. Since noon today, the University of Technology has been in a state of complete water cut, which is said to last for at least four days. In order to help you get through the water shortage period smoothly, the following emergency plans are provided:

Brush your teeth with white vinegar, sterilize and remove odor, make your mouth fresh all day and make you more confident;

As for washing your face, it is not a problem. Milk is pure natural, mild and non-irritating, and can moisturize delicate facial skin. At the same time, you can choose apple flavor, strawberry flavor, fruit and vegetable flavor and other flavors according to your own preferences; It is best to use yogurt before going to bed, because lactic acid bacteria can effectively remove facial dirt accumulated for a day;

Soaking feet with Harbin beer at night, loosening bones and moistening skin, promoting blood circulation and dredging collaterals can eliminate study fatigue for one day;

Red bull for shampoo can stimulate hair roots and make every hair excited, energetic and elegant!

20. Actually, the Olympic mascots should be designed as "a million heroes crossing the river", with a million different shapes. If you want to buy it, you have to buy 654.38+0 million at a time. If you lose one, you lose your collection value and get rich. ...

2 1. There are no gifts this weekend, only mineral water!

The boy who confessed is no longer holding chocolates and roses, but Wahaha mineral water-I only have eyes for you! !

The coquetry girl no longer complains that there are no roses, but complains that "look at her boyfriend, water is sent from a big bottle!" " ! "

Anyone who has no confidence in front of his girlfriend probably didn't buy water. ...

22. Harbin Water Cut is exclusively sponsored by Nongfu Spring!

23. A woman trembled when she met a robber. She said: "I graduated from the University of Mining and Technology and haven't found a job yet. I really have no money ... "

Hearing this, the robber burst into tears. "Elder sister, I am also from the University of Mining and Technology. Please bring your student ID card. Don't worry, we will never rob our own people! "

24. (Harbin Institute of Technology) Me: It is rumored that there will be an earthquake in Harbin? Then what should we do in XX?

Boyfriend: Then I don't have to touch myself on you ~ ~ ~

25. I hate two kinds of people most:

First, there is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

Third, I can't count!

26. playing cs, I saw a glasses robber walking straight ahead with "5 1", and there was a line under it-

"History when yuan, come with me! ! ! "

27. I can't wake up ~

The teacher said, "Let's call it a day ..."

Wake up ~

28.SG, a dormitory, just learned to play the violin. This sound is like scraping the bottom of a pot with your nails ... the sharp sound stimulates our eardrums. Out of kindness, we still try not to hit him. One afternoon, while he was pulling, the door was suddenly pushed open, and the aunt who checked the hygiene came in and said seriously, "Who is burning illegal appliances in your dormitory?" ! "

29. classmate mm is getting married, and my sister is infinitely envious ~ ~ ~

I said, "You don't have to do this, do you? It is easy to get married now. Just pay nine yuan for your ID card. "

Senior sister was shocked: "Isn't that just two people can get married?"

I added oil and vinegar: "Yes, and there is no mandatory premarital examination!"

Senior sister rejoiced and said, "Then I can drag a man to the road and say,' Let's get married!'" " "

I fell down ~ Before getting up, the elder sister added with the unique heroism of northern mm: "It's only nine yuan ~, it's my treat!"

I'll pour it again ~

30. My brother sends a text message to report his work to the leader: party member 14 students, 8 boys in our class.

The leader replied: Are there no girls?

3 1. Ask the canteen: What can I eat to keep warm in cold weather?

A: Eating some cotton helps to keep warm ~

32. If the answer was a virtue, I would have become a saint!

33. I want to have sex with my girlfriend ML, but my girlfriend says I can't do it without taking a shower, and she also promises to wash "parts" in cold weather. After washing, my girlfriend said shyly, "Honey, you are so lazy, where can you wash ..." I fainted after listening to it, and just brushed my teeth ~ ~ ~ (a huge taboo joke)

34. A blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of a hundred-dollar bill.

The drunk came over and took the money back. "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so the drunk dropped his money and staggered away again. ...

35. Someone sang in the dormitory: "I have been a big brother for many years, and I don't like the cold edge of the bed ..."

Someone immediately shouted, "Brother, please stop singing!" "

36. The boys from Jiaotong University went to the Foreign Languages Institute to meet their old classmates. Arriving at the door, he saw a beautiful woman and glared at her unconsciously. Unfortunately, it was discovered by MM, and MM came over and said, "Handsome guy, are you from Jiaotong University?" Boys feel very strange: how does she know where I come from? I'm not wearing a school uniform and I don't have any writing on my face. So he asked, "How do you know?" MM left a sentence without looking back: "Even you look at me. Where are you from?" ! ! "

37. Me: The quality of my Siemens mobile phone is too poor. Would you please speak louder?

Hr: We are from Siemens. We inform you. ...

Me: Ah, you are from Siemens! Siemens mobile phone is good, with clear voice and durability. ...