Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - How does Liu Neng describe Zhao Benshan as a child in a donation sketch?

How does Liu Neng describe Zhao Benshan as a child in a donation sketch?

donation

20 10 CCTV Spring Festival Evening Sketch

Shenyang: Ah, Grandpa, what do you think of your in-laws?

In-laws: He is just like Sanmao, Nezha and King Kong Huluwa.

Shenyang: Why are they all children?

In-laws: My Lord, who did this?

Appendix all lines

Zhao: In-laws, miscellaneous? Why don't you sneak to the door and wait

In-laws: No hurry? Waiting for you to withdraw money from me. Why? Did you go back? My fifteen thousand.

Zhao: I'll pick it up tomorrow. Well, I did something a hundred times more important today than withdrawing money from you.

In-laws: What is it?

Zhao: As soon as I arrived at the bank, I saw a large crowd, so I squeezed in. What are you talking about?

In-laws: Why?

Zhao: At the donation site, a child went to college and ran out of money. Let everyone donate. I squeezed in and asked, "I don't have any cash with me. Can I pay by credit card?" He said "yes". I brush 3000

In-laws: Oh, really. . . Usually, you have to drink eight bottles of beer to eat a skewer, which can spray sparks. I really admire you for doing such a big thing.

Zhao: After the donation, yes. . God, the reporters surrounded me and a group of people came up to take pictures. I came back with my face covered. We don't want to be famous. What are we doing? What are we going to interview? I'll come back and get it for you tomorrow.

Yang Yang: Hello, is this Uncle Qian's house?

Zhao: Look, here we go again. Just now, there were these people.

Yang Yang: Are you Uncle Qian? You walked too fast to knock it down. Let me introduce myself. We are the host of Sohu video questioning. My name is Yang Yang.

Big Long face

The child speaks a little funny. At my age, I still call him a nickname and a long face. No one has called me for over 30 years.

Long face: My name is Long face.

Zhao: Hey, boy, it's true that the waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves ahead, and the generation is getting longer and longer.

In-laws: Hey, don't say you are as good as you.

Yang Yang: Grandpa, the main purpose of our coming here is to give you an interview.

Zhao: Why? Interview.

In-laws: Here they are. Take them. Take me twice.

Yang Yang: Grandpa, let me tell you something. We can receive and broadcast live online all over the world.

Zhao: Online?

Yang Yang: Yes, on the Internet.

Zhao: Can't you see it on TV?

Yang Yang: No, I can't.

Zhao: Global?

Yang Yang: Global.

Zhao: What about it?

Yang Yang: It's simple. Click sogou on the computer.

Zhao: Why? What do you mean? Sogou found us?

Yang Yang: No, I just searched you two the way sogou did.

Zhao: You are still. . What the hell is this?

Long face: Nothing. Grandpa is so clever. Sogou is an input method. Just type two names on this input method and it will come out soon. Not only on the computer, but also on the mobile phone.

Zhao: Oh, I see. It's sogou. He came out first, and then I signed a rope. It's still global anyway.

Yang Yang: Grandpa, do you need to change?

Zhao: Nothing. I donated it in this dress.

In-laws: You wear mine, mine is better.

Zhao: Wear yours. I thought you donated it.

Yang Yang: Then get ready, Grandpa.

Long face: no, uncle. The light in this room is a little dim. No, we'll wait.

Yang Yang: Is your lens cover open? Stupid bubble,

Zhao: What team? He also said that I added an extra light bulb to this lamp today.

Yang Yang: Hello, netizens. You are watching the questioning session that Sohu Video is broadcasting live for you. I am the host Yang Yang! We are now at Uncle Qian's house in Tieling, and a very touching thing just happened. A farmer donated his savings to a child who couldn't afford to go to school.

Behind me is uncle Qian, hello, uncle Qian! You just got back from the donation website!

In-laws: I just got back, with my front foot in the back.

Then why don't you give us an interview on the spot?

In-laws: Learn from Lei Feng and don't leave your name.

Yang Yang: Grandpa, how did you come up with the idea of donating money?

In-laws: At that time. . .

Zhao: Alas, I donated it.

In-laws: Pick him.

Yang Yang: What did you think at that time?

Zhao: If one side is in trouble, all sides will support it, won't they? When people are in trouble, we reach out and give them a hand at this time. To tell the truth, at this time, are we in trouble? Our children have difficulties at school, haven't they?

It's nothing to take some money. No one can say that it is not hard, but what are Americans like? I thought you borrowed money from us this year. What are you talking about?

Yang Yang: Great, Grandpa. I wonder how many people are there in your family?

Zhao: Just the two of us.

Yang Yang: It seems that your son is not old.

In-laws: What happened to your eyes? I am his in-laws.

Zhao: The child is not noisy. How old are these people? They are so old, how can they be my sons?

Yang Yang: I knew he was your son as soon as I saw him.

Zhao: I looked at him, but I still looked at you. You are still my grandson in this row.

Yang Yang: What's your name, sir?

In-laws: My surname is Bai, and my name is Bai Lai.

Yang Yang: So it's in-laws. How can it be in-laws?

Zhao: Both of us, my wife left long ago.

In-laws: I am softer than him. I love my wife. Let's meet tomorrow.

Yang Yang: Uncle Qian, I want to know, what is your main source of livelihood?

Zhao: Farming. Our two families jointly own a piece of land. Earn a lot of money

In-laws: Two partners farm together, except my wife, regardless of you and me.

Zhao: I get along very well. He trusts me very much. He kept all his money safely in my bank card.

Yang Yang: You are a farmer. Through farming, you donated 30,000 yuan, which is really a lot of money.

Benshan: Hey ~ 30,000 … three … three … how much is it?

Small Shenyang: 30,000

Benshan: Thirty thousand?

Shenyang: Hmm ~

In-laws: No ... that ... that you chose wrong, that's not him. I'm telling you, you don't have to go home for an interview if you donate 3 thousand yuan. You don't even have enough gas. Are you ... Are you? ...

Small Shenyang: Dear netizen, what a simple farmer uncle, even if we get home, he won't reveal the real number. Obviously donated 30 thousand, insisted on 3 thousand ~ too low-key, grandpa, do you want money tight?

Benshan: I mean money is tight.

Shenyang: Then you don't have to keep a low profile. You donated.

Benshan: So … where did you put this number?

Shenyang: Didn't you just swipe your card? As soon as you swipe your card, the bill shows 30 thousand yuan. Now you still have some interest in your card ... Ah ... Grandpa, your level is too high.

Benshan: Oh, I can't. My blood pressure is a little high now ~ what do you mean, this specific figure ~ we have to report it, can we add it up first?

Small Shenyang: OK, netizens, don't go away, it will be more exciting after the advertisement.

In-laws: How much did you donate?

Benshan: Three thousand, and he told me four figures. I pressed four zeros ... one, ten, hundred, thousand ... Oh, my God, there is a three in front!

In-laws: 30 thousand to 30 thousand?

Benshan: That's ... Yes.

In-laws: What about my fifteen thousand?

Benshan: 15 thousand is not enough for 30 thousand without you.

In-laws: So ... So didn't you donate my money?

Benshan: What do you suggest?

In-laws: Hey ~ I'm waiting for my wife tomorrow. What did you do? you ...

Benshan: What should I do?

In-laws: Did you ... did you volunteer?

Benshan: That ~

In-laws: Then tell him quickly, just say that the donation is wrong and ask for the money back. Hurry up ...

Benshan: What nonsense ... Are you still alive? People all over the world know this. Also donated wrong? Want money to save face?

In-laws: I want my wife …

Benshan: If you want a wife, you can go home and wait, and I'll try to lend you some money, ok?

In-laws: Where am I going? I just want to have a home, so that you can give me the whole homeless …

Benshan: Then wait, and I promise to pay you back. We can't just let it go, okay?

In-laws: What did you give me back?

Benshan: I'll sell iron. Can I give you the house?

In-laws: Just ... Just this house is bigger than me. Who ... Who wants it?

Benshan: What do you think now? The live interview is waiting for us.

In-laws: Wait, you can't take my money, you ...

Benshan: Come on ... you're so happy ~ I'll take you to Sanya after the New Year. I'm telling you, let's take a trip. It's all sea! Hehehe, okay?

In-laws: Forget it. I ... I won't go to the mud with you. I can't even have a dog. If I don't want to get into the water by the sea, you have to kick me.

Benshan: and then ... then, then, will you make a good adjustment?

In-laws: How should I adjust?

Benshan: So … what do you have, happiness …

In-laws: Am I still happy? I promise not to cry, okay?

Shenyang: Welcome back to the studio, Uncle Tian ~ We want to interview your in-laws. Do you think it's okay?

Benshan: No ... He can't speak well. He … I'll speak for him … It's just … I'm his spokesman ~ OK?

Shenyang: It's all right. I won't give him any trouble. Just a few words, grandpa.

Benshan: Come on, I interviewed you. Pay attention to your mood and adjust it ~

Shenyang: Hello, Uncle Bai ~ ~

Benshan: What are you shouting? He has good ears ~ hey ~ he is deaf ~ ~

Shenyang: Hello, uncle!

In-laws: Not good!

Benshan: He said that life is beautiful. You said it all. Don't always slip up! Life is beautiful, and a beautiful life is enjoyment ~ isn't it? It's all about him It's live! Come ~

In-laws: Play …

Shenyang: Ah, Grandpa, what do you think of the donation to your in-laws?

In-laws: What do you think? ... value righteousness over family ...

Benshan: So what? ~ what a ... misnomer! Worthy of the righteousness above family? How selfless! Love is infinite! shout ....................

In-laws: What's the big deal? I'm big ... big ...

Benshan: Is it okay to have a bright head? Why can't I beat you!

Shenyang: Uncle Bai, do you think your in-laws are great now?

In-laws: Di Wei is so big ... it surrounds me. ...

Benshan: He means that a great image also has its shadow. What's in it … My in-laws are great! When he heard that I donated money, he was always excited ... speechless ... (In-laws kept interrupting) Live broadcast! Global ~ ~

In-laws: Play ... Play.

Shenyang: Ah, Grandpa, what do you think of your in-laws?

In-laws: He is just like Sanmao, Nezha and King Kong Huluwa.

Shenyang: Why are they all children?

In-laws: My Lord, who did this?

Benshan: He's ... male ... he realizes that everyone in .............................................................................................................................................................. has compassion. I'm not talking about this guy, he just missed it. If he is willing, he will give everything! (In-laws want to interrupt again) Live!

Little Shenyang: Uncle Tian ~ Do you know who you donated it to?

Benshan: It's just that children can't afford to go to school! This is not difficult!

Shenyang: Yes ~ I'll tell you! Is a single mother, put up with hardships, for children to go to school, pick up garbage ~ Now the children have been admitted to the university, but they have no money to study …

In-laws: Widow? ! ……

Zhao Benshan: Would you mind what you said? That's called a single woman! On TV! Online!

In-laws: You, you can handle this! Carry water for widows in the village and donate money to widows outside ... I have a fate with widows in my life!

Zhao Benshan: What's the point of always saying useless things?

Little Shenyang: Uncle Tian ~ The mother who donated the child was very moved and has followed our crew to your home!

Zhao Benshan: No ... Can I not meet? I beg you.

Shenyang: Let's go ... to direct the radio and play with my aunt. ...

In-laws: Coming?

Mother: Big Brother ~ Thank you!

In-laws: Wrong, where is your brother?

Mother: Big Brother! What should I say? Listen, donate this money to me. I don't know what to say. This is … thank you, big brother ~ I thank you, big brother … I thank you in my life, big brother! (Mother kneels and kowtows, and Zhao Benshan kowtows in return ...)

Benshan: This gaha.

In-laws: Why do you worship me?

Aunt: What can I say? Donate the money to me. Thank you, big brother. I will thank you all my life.

In-laws: Why do you still worship?

Benshan: Get up, or you won't get up.

Aunt: Eldest brother, get up quickly and stop kneeling.

Benshan: You are in trouble like this. Give me a hand. Of course, it's nothing. Don't worry about it. Is there enough money for children to go to school? Not enough, in-laws and. Sit down and make sure.

Aunt: I'm sorry, I'm excited, big brother, I'm sorry.

In-laws: Am I a little redundant?

Benshan: You go back first.

In-laws: I'm not going back.

Benshan: Let's talk when we go back.

In-laws: Why don't you let me talk? I am a shareholder.

Aunt: Shareholders?

Benshan: He means that he encouraged this behavior of total solar eclipse. Without his encouragement, I might not have done it. This person often tells me, in-laws, make more money, don't spend it yourself, donate money afterwards and broadcast it live.

In-laws: I was there! .

Shenyang: Aunt Qian, what do you want to say to Grandpa?

Aunt: (holding hands) I won't say anything, just say yes. I am very grateful to my big brother. Look at the money my big brother donated to me, and there are many good people like my big brother. I want to say a few words to you to express my feelings.

Benshan: Well, my hands are numb.

Benshan: You don't have to thank me. You have to thank Sohu. Without them, I wouldn't know about it. Shoot, please.

Aunt: Thanks to the Central Meteorological Observatory.

Small Shenyang: Sohu. Sohu network

Aunt: Thanks to Sohu Meteorological Observatory.

Benshan: Why do you have something to do with the weather? This has nothing to do with the weather.

Aunt: Thank you for asking.

Benshan: Don't stop if you can't.

Aunt: The column group ... thanks to the party, the government, all the people who care about me, and most importantly, my big brother.

Benshan: And your second brother. .........., please adjust your mood.

In-laws: Please forget it.

Aunt: eldest brother, from now on, my son and I will be yours for the rest of our lives. After my son graduates from college, I will ask him to come to you for retirement. You regard my son as your father.

Benshan: Why did I donate money and get my father?

Benshan: I know what you mean. Your son will give you a pension. I have a son.

Aunt: You are yours and this is ours. Look, big brother, I won't let him treat you like a father. I'll come then, too. I'll entertain you.

Benshan: That sounds scary.

In-laws: I see, you kill three birds with one stone. You took a name, brought that man back, and took me in.

In-laws: Isn't that obvious? Have all the wedding banquets been delivered?

Benshan: What wedding banquet? Here you are. This bottle is 1573 yuan.

In-laws: This is not. . . . National pits 1573, who are you kidding? I want to make my story clear to him.

Small Shenyang: Dear netizens, don't go away, it will be more exciting after the advertisement.

In-laws: What did you do? You know I'm meeting my wife tomorrow, and I'm in a hurry to use the money. You are very kind to save people first.

Benshan: What did you bring back? Not that kind of relationship. What are you talking about?

In-laws: We are like two piles of dry wood. You said you burned your side badly, so turn around and soak my side.

Benshan: What's the matter? Can you go home?

In-laws: How to get there at this juncture? I want to see where my money has gone.

Shenyang: Welcome back to the live broadcast, Grandpa. Do you know that this time a mother is leading a son?

In-laws: If you want your father to have your son, he doesn't have to donate.

Benshan: What are you talking about?

In-laws: Isn't that right? This man was brought back.

Benshan: Sister, we don't know each other. Tell me they misunderstood.

Aunt: Yes.

Benshan: When did we meet? You don't understand. They misunderstood.

Aunt: Just met? Brother, I just met, but I didn't know him before.

In-laws: Go ahead and make it up. No matter how you make it up, I will tell my story clearly.

Benshan: Dear netizens, young and old, the advertisements are more exciting.

Benshan: What's the matter with you?

In-laws: I just want my money back.

Benshan: If you want money, 15000 yuan can be refunded. You can ask for it yourself, but you can't press 3000 yuan by mistake, ok?

In-laws: I have to interview him.

Benshan: What are you interviewing? What did you say?/Sorry? I'm here to find out the truth.

In-laws: Don't mind what I said. I interviewed her this time. He didn't delve into it. I'm going to dig my ancestral grave.

In-laws: What's the matter? My in-laws and I have 30 thousand, all of which have been deposited in his card. I'm going to see my wife tomorrow, and I'm in a hurry to use the money.

Benshan: Yes, I donated this money, and told him 15000.

In-laws: Hear me out. He wanted to donate 3000 yuan. Later, when he was excited, his hand shook, he pressed an extra 0 and donated all 30 thousand yuan. Sister, we really need it tomorrow. I'm not without love, I really can't. I also donate 3000 yuan, and you can just give me12000.

Benshan: A hero should be a hero. I donated this 30 thousand. In-laws, I lend you money. I'll go now. I can't get along with you You can't get along.

Aunt: Brother, I'll leave 3,000 yuan, and I'll pay you back the rest. No need to borrow money, no need.

In-laws: Sister, if you two can really make it, then 15000 will be my gift, ok? Big sister

Small Shenyang: netizens and friends, get to the bottom of it and dig it out. See you next year when you know the result.

Camera: What are you chasing?

Shenyang: He has Mike!