Joke when others are in danger.

1. When you learn to refuse others and learn to answer blows with blows, they will respect you and even fear you. I finally believe that sentence: there is nothing wrong with ruthlessness ...

I was going to cook beef burdock rice, but my wife was hungry. In order to catch up with the time, I used the microwave oven to thaw quickly. It took two minutes for the first time, but it didn't melt at first sight, and it took five minutes for the second time! Harvest a beef jerky! Honey, I'll microwave the rice for two minutes, chop the beef jerky, and have a fried rice with beef jerky and eggs!

3, go out and see couples are one-on-one! They are all holding hands, and I have an unspeakable taste in my heart! Look at yourself, holding hands with your left hand! It turns out that my girlfriend never left me! I smiled with satisfaction!

She said that once she gave a ticket to a teenager, and the other party asked to take a photo with her and said, "I'll give it to you next time." She thought it was a joke, but I didn't expect to meet him riding a bike every other week and open another one. The other party also asked her name.

5. "I often play with a female colleague in the company and talk about dirty jokes. The relationship is very harmonious. One day she sent me a WeChat saying that her husband had quarreled and couldn't sleep at home at night! " As soon as I thought that the gentleman wouldn't take advantage of someone's danger, I advised her to go home early. She sent me back to ICBC, and then it was gone. I still don't understand. "

6. Well, we are puppy love. In this era when puppy love is forbidden. Looking at couples who have to be separated but have no choice. We're still not so good. Maybe this is what adults call a rebellious period. But only we know that this feeling is the indescribable beauty of adolescence. Compared with the same class, it is easier to be found. We are really lucky in different classes, because as long as we don't talk, no one will know about this situation. With a little excitement. We all know that puppy love is forbidden in school because we don't want to delay our study. I don't know the rest. Anyway, we never fall, but we will rise. My best friend said: because we are together, our hearts will be fixed. I think this is my pride. I don't allow myself to be much worse than him, even if I can't be at the same height, I can't be the distance between heaven and earth. So I might have that kind of motivation. Pride keeps me going. My best friend said, if everyone is you, who will object? Yes, but even with my thoughts and my results, I still have to hide them, or I have to secretly resist them. However, when I think about it, this change in the relationship from school to society to family is really beautiful, isn't it?

7. In the first year, the cult leader met the Great Xia for the first time. The man drew his sword in awe and sneered, "hypocrite." The next year, he was defeated by the sword of the Great Xia and begged for mercy. The man didn't kill him. He sneered: "Still a gentleman." In the third year, he was possessed and almost died. The man tried his best to save him. He frowned slightly: "What a gentleman." In the tenth year, he woke up in the morning and was sore all over. He gritted his teeth and cursed the people by the bed: "You are a gentleman in vain!" " "

8. He passed a seafood shop every day and saw a crab trying to climb out of the box, and then he was caught and tried to climb out again. He passes by every day and spends half an hour there, enjoying it. That day, he passed by the seafood shop, but he didn't see the crab trying to escape. He asked the clerk anxiously. At this time, a man next to him picked him up and left. "I left for you." Come home with me. "

9.they are good friends. One day he said that he took a fancy to a girl and asked her to help deliver a letter. Her eyes darkened and she promised to come down. He gave her the letter: please read it first, and she snorted. Spread out, two pages, the first page has only six words: and my object! She stared at him in horror: Are you crazy? He grinned with a crooked mouth: Go on! She turned to the next page and suddenly became stupid. It says: tell me if you agree, you are crazy!

10 When I was a child, before ordering school uniforms, the teacher would measure our heights and waistlines one by one in the classroom and record them. So at that time, our school uniforms fit well and were of good quality. It was warm in winter and cool in summer.

1 1. A few days ago, I went to Mobile to apply for a calling card, saying that my ID card was on the blacklist, because the two numbers owed more than 300 yuan, and I had to pay it up before I could handle a series of mobile things. I checked and found that two of them were handled in Shanghai and Beijing before. Because they can't be cancelled when they come back from other places, it is useless to remove them before the arrears. Now the numbers are all empty. I want to know that more than 300 yuan.

12, I met my roommate when I came home from work today, and found that he smelled exactly like his girlfriend. The scum lying in the trough really paid a lot of money to seduce Lao Zi.

13, the dormitory sisters got up in the morning and vomited. Am I right? She said be careful not to get pregnant. She came with a gorgeous sentence: "There is not even a man. Am I pregnant with a banana and cucumber child? "

14, just don't meet. You will always be the one I remember.

15, I like you because I am blind, and you don't appreciate it because you are blind, but now that I am recovered, you are still blind.

16, the blind date girl went to the toilet, and the matchmaker took the opportunity to talk to me. "She will be back soon, and there is nothing to talk about." I said, "I see!" When the girl came back, I immediately asked her, "That. . . Are there many people in the men's room? . . . "

17, what girls hate to hear: "Didn't I tell you so?" "Whatever." "Let's talk about it later." "It's up to you." "You can find better than me." "I can't treat you ..." "I can't help it if you think so." "You think too much." "So be it." "hmm." "It doesn't matter." "I was wrong." "The number you dialed is busy."

18, when I got home, I saw my neighbor's daughter, who probably forgot her key and was shivering at the door. I went up to her and asked her, "Do you want to come in for a cup of hot coffee?" She plopped down on her knees, almost crying, and said, "Uncle, don't do this! I am still young! " Shit, what's wrong with children now!

19, I want to have my own home, my own bed and my own desk. I want to be with the people I love day and night, without being disturbed or hiding, and I will wait for a meeting every few days.

20. A Shaxi person in the group sends out red envelopes in the group, opens a wallet and becomes one hundred, each of which is a penny. The key is that dozens of people in the group, that is, dozens of people, will grab a red envelope. He put on a hundred, and no one can take any money from him. What's left in the end is his. I'm fine at home. Everyone who uses traffic is unhappy, complaining and sighing. At the end of the month, they robbed him of a red envelope.