Smile at a glance. Classic funny quotations

Code of conduct: seduce people with beautiful appearance; Deceive people with true lies; Win people with cheap feelings; Punish people with a cold heart!

One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. Why do you want to gird your waist?

Going out to find a job is called vagrancy, gathering is called romance, neither fish nor fowl is called trend, and being laid off without a job is called diversion.

A touched B's head and said, Dude is really good at flattery! B grabbed A's hand and rubbed it and said, Brother, it's not bad for me to hold smelly feet!

The farmer drove the donkey into the city and met a rogue. He asked, Have you eaten? The farmer said: Eat! The rogue said: I asked the donkey! The farmer turned and slapped the donkey and said, It's dishonest to give it to Lao Zi! There are relatives in the city who left without saying goodbye!

Outside, your peak love is ups and downs, inside, you are white and charming, and inside and outside, you are all over the world.

The secret of a man's love: usually tighten his belt, spend money quickly when shopping, stand outside the road, reshape his image and wear it again, be rude and rogue, and be patient.

Holding your wife's hand is like holding your right hand with your left hand; Holding a lover's hand is equivalent to returning to eighteen ninety-nine; Holding the hand of a female classmate, I regret not doing it.

A man took out the garbage and accidentally fell into it. An old lady came and pulled him up. She said, "It's a waste for city people. It's ugly, so I won't throw it away! " !

A woman leads her husband to another woman and says, don't be a third party again. Another woman replied, then I'll try to be the second one.

Asking what love is in the world only makes people commit themselves to the body; Look at the love stories in the world, the most chic ones are everywhere.

The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

I have a crush on you. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the right person for my life, but my only regret was ... sorry, I sent it to the wrong person.

This morning in spring, I woke up easily. Sexual harassment is everywhere, yes, but there are few virgins. Go out and look for it. It's all eldest sister-in-law.

The gentle wind blows away your locked brows and lets all your troubles fly back. Please don't go back to chase, you have to run forward, because happiness is ahead!

Why didn't you even reply to the text? Did I make you unhappy? You know, I really love you!

The coal seller and the egg seller got into a fight, and everyone watched. The egg seller said, let's judge. Is there anyone like him? I shouted: Eggs! He shouted: sell coal!

Little Nutbrown hare said, "My mother calls me Little Nutbrown hare, which is nice!" " The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "The chicken said," you talk, I walked first!

what is love ? Don't talk about women's duties-that is, the temptation is not enough; Don't say that men are loyal-it is not enough to have the capital of betrayal.

Love insurance period: the product must be within the validity period, not exceeding the shelf life, must pass the safety period, refer to the period, do not rush to take a holiday, and ensure that it will be decided later.

A: "Well, my girlfriend and I went to the mountains for a holiday last holiday, and we were exhausted." B was shocked: "Huh?" A said shyly, "I have a small life with my girlfriend."