Let's tell some funny jokes.

Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!" ">& gt& gt Pig said," My mother calls me a pig, which is nice! """>& gt& gt The dog said," My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice! " ">& gt& gt Chicken said," You talk, I'll go first! """>& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt rabbit said," I'm a rabbit! " ">& gt& gt Pig said," I'm a son of a bitch! """>& gt& gt Chicken said," I am a son of a bitch! " ">& gt& gt The dog said," You talk, I'll go first! """>& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt0 sparring partner said," outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice! " & gt& gt& gt65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!" & gt& gt& gt No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good for outsiders to call me the second escort!" & gt& gt& gt No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!" & gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It's beautiful!" ">& gt& gt The dog said to me," I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice! """>& gt& gt fish said to me," I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice! " ">& gt& gt Bear said," You talk, I'll go first! """>& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt Lang Ke said," People call me a ronin, which is very nice! " The>& gt& gt samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!" The>& gt& gt expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" ">& gt& gt swordsman:" You talk, I'll go first! ">& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt Jane Zhang said," My fans say my idol is Ying ". & gt He Jie said, "My fans say my idol is Jay" >> said, "My fans who worship me say, my idol is Chang" >> Chris Lee said, "You talk, I'll go first! ">& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt The advanced mathematics teacher said," I am teaching advanced mathematics this semester. The physics teacher at>& gt University said: I teach big things this semester, and the analog electronics teacher said: I teach analog electronics this semester. & gt& gt The socio-economic teacher said: You talk, I'll go first. & gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt Peking University said: I am from Peking University. & gt& gt& gt Tianjin University said: I am older. & gt& gt& gt Shanghai University said: I went to college. & gt& gt& gt Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first! & gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man! & gt& gt& gt General Fu said: I am just! & gt& gt& gt General Zuo Quan said: I have this right! & gt& gt& gt General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first! & gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt Lao Zhang's door is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door >>& gt Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic. & gt& gt The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said that the door of my house is a brick door. & gt& gt Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first! & gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt Bai Yu said: My name is White. & gt& gt& gt Emerald Jade said, my name is Jasper. & gt& gt& gt Redjade said, My name is Redjade. & gt& gt& gt Xing Yu said: You talk, I'll go first! & gt& gt& gt& gt& gt& gt The students in Teachers College said: I am from Teachers College;>& gt The students in Railway Institute said: I am from Iron Institute;>& gt The students in Vocational College said: I am from Vocational College; Students from & gt& gt Institute of Technology said: You talk, I'll go first.

My son who went to school in the first grade came back from school. Mother asked, "Son, what did the teacher teach you today?" The son said, "He didn't teach me anything, so he asked me,' What is one plus two?' "I taught him to say,' Yes, three'."

A couple snuggled up sweetly in the park. Men can't help sneaking around when they see that women's hair is so supple. The woman said coily, "Alas! Hate! " The man's heart itched even more and stole it again. The woman said, "Well, no!" " "The man listened to, the heart will fly, and touched it again. Suddenly, the woman stood up and said rudely, "don't touch it!" My wig is falling off! ! ! "

One day, a princess wanted to propose to her. Let those candidates compete in marksmanship.

The first one smashed the apple on the princess's head 100 meters away. He said, "I'm Robin."

The second one smashed the apple on the princess's head 200 meters away. He said, "I am Hou Yi."

The third shot off the princess's head 300 meters away. He blew his gun and said, "I'm sorry."

An international school teacher asked an open question: "What do you think of the food shortage in other countries?" African students ask: What is food? European students ask: What is a shortage? The American student asked: What do you mean by other countries? China student asked: What do you mean by your own opinion?

One day in Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiaoming to make sentences with the Great Wall.

Xiaoming replied, "The Great Wall is very long."

The teacher was unhappy: "No, create another one!" " "

Xiao Ming was even more unhappy and turned his head: "Why, I'm not Qin Shihuang!" "

According to legend, penguins and polar bears are good friends. One day, the penguin wanted to go to the polar bear's house to play, but it took 20 years to go from the South Pole to the North Pole, but the penguin went anyway.

On the way, the penguin found that he had forgotten the key to the polar bear's house, so he went home to get it. Forty years later, the penguin finally arrived at the polar bear's home and said, "Polar bear, I'm coming to play with you!" " "

Listen to the polar bear, and the penguin will fall.

The polar bear said, "Forget it, let's go to your house to play."

The Arab student sent an email to his father: "Dad, Berlin is a good place. People here are very friendly. But I'm a little embarrassed to go to school. When everyone else goes to school by subway, I will drive a pure gold Mercedes. " Dad wrote back: "son, I transferred 200 million dollars to you." Don't embarrass me, go and buy a subway! "

One day, the platoon leader went to Class Two to check the internal hygiene, and he smelled a foot odor as soon as he entered the door.

The platoon leader asked; Who didn't wash their feet last night? '

Soldiers; All washed! '

Platoon leader; Yes, it smells terrible. How did you wash it? '

A said; Soak hot water! '

B said; Cold water stimulation! '

C touched his forehead and said shyly, "I want to dry clean my clothes." ....................

Every time a wife quarrels with her husband, she has to go to the toilet for half a day. This happened more often, so her husband asked her curiously, "What are you doing in the toilet?" It seems quite Japanese? "The wife said," brush the toilet! "The husband asked," Can I brush the toilet to get rid of the gas? "The wife said: I don't know, anyway, use your toothbrush every time."

When I returned to Guizhou last night, I wanted to be a stewardess in Doby on the plane, but I was washed away by the stewardess. When I delivered the meal, I said, do you have a tissue? MM took out a tissue from her pocket and handed it to me. By the way, do you have a toothpick? She took it out of her other pocket. My brother was depressed and asked if you had disposable chopsticks. MM handed me chopsticks and said something that made me petrified: Do I dream like a dream?

I caught a cold last Thursday and rested at home. An injection in the morning hurts my ass. Watching TV after lunch, my girlfriend called me to buy her a bra.

So I went to the supermarket to buy it. When I checked out, I refused to give a plastic bag, so I stuffed it directly into my coat pocket and left.

After waiting for a long time at the bus stop, I finally got on the bus, took out my bus card from my pocket inside my coat and walked to the back seat.

At this moment, the conductor shouted in my ear: "Young man, something fell on the ground ..." "Young man, something fell on the ground ..." "Young man, something fell on the ground ..."

In the next scene, I got out of the car wearing a bra and left without looking back. Someone at the back said, "This car is too crowded. I don't know which girl raised it, but it was picked up by a pervert and ran away ... "

M: No matter how awesome Google is, you can't find your G-spot!

Woman: No matter how awesome 360 is, it can't kill the syphilis on your body!

There is an ugly girl who has never been married and hopes to be trafficked. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her back to her original place. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gnashed his teeth and said, go! No car!

A: Sister, if someone hurts you, how long will you forgive him? B: It is God's business to forgive him. I will send her to God in my mission.

I was chatting with a group of female colleagues this afternoon, and suddenly someone said I was not a man.

I am very angry. I said, you said I'm not. I'll show you.

The girls all laughed, and one of them was the best, saying, You pay. ...

So I took out my ID card.

I suddenly received a phone call that day: "Guess who I am? Guess there is a gift! "

I guessed all possible people, and they were wrong.

Later, I got angry and asked, "Who are you? Don't say I'm dead! "

As a result, the man said, "I'm a courier, and you have a package ..."

I vomited blood at that time. . .

A group of soldiers in battle, after a long journey, all their underwear was worn out. Some soldiers asked the commander to change their underwear.

Commander: Do you want to wear new underwear?

Soldier: Yes, Commander.

Commander: Well, I can satisfy you.

Soldier: Carnival.

Commander: Quiet, everyone line up.

......

Take it off and give it to the one in the back.-sorry.

This is an unenforceable military order.

Li Si charged 100, and charged the wrong mobile phone number, which made me feel a little distressed. Just call that buddy and ask if you can recharge it for me. As a result, the buddy was particularly depressed and said, brother, it's the end of the year, and it's all accounts. I finally stopped working, and you charged me again!

Speaking of a classmate A, A usually speaks slowly and basically jumps out word by word, so he often makes some jokes.

Once I went to the canteen with A, and everyone who went to college had experience. You tell your uncle and aunt who cook how many dishes you want, and then your uncle and aunt get you a tray to ride. On that day, A staggered to the cooking window, looked at the rice, pointed to the steamed bread, and then said word for word to the aunt who cooked at its super-slow speed, give me ~ two ~ teeth ~ branded ~. Then I saw my aunt's hand holding the plate began to twitch ... Then he wanted to eat fried chicken fillet when he asked for food, so he told her at his super slow speed that I wanted to ~ tribute ~ wrap ~ chicken ~ diced noodles ~ burn ~ eggplant ~ back ~ noodles ~ chicken ~ willow ~, and I choked up my internal injuries behind her. ...

After South Korea fired live ammunition at Yeonpyeong Island, the soldier asked the officer, "Why is there no movement in North Korea?"

The officer said, "Let the bullets fly for a while."

In summer, I wear a Thai wrap skirt, the kind that wears a piece of cloth, you know.

There are many people on the bus, so it is crowded. There was an empty circle around a man, so I pushed my way to stand.

After a while, I found something was wrong. The man approached me slowly and kept hitting me with his lower body. At that time, he said, "Oh, no, I met the legendary bus pervert."

After that, I calmly took out the corn I bought at the station, put it under my skirt while the pervert was not paying attention, and beat it according to the pervert. At that time, the pervert froze, then his face turned green, and then what? That's the end. ...

The primary school teacher asked the students to make sentences with wrinkles.

A girl wrote: My father's eggs have many wrinkles.

Teacher's comments and criticisms: Parents should not show their children everywhere!

Parents explained that children were careless from childhood and wrote less "face". . .