Who knows the long China joke?

That year, after Song Wu killed Ximen Qing, Pan Jinlian knew that there was a catastrophe and hurriedly ran for his life. She thought, this is all caused by Ximen Qing. Simon was unlucky and fled to the east gate. Finally, I found that there was no way out, so I had to cross the ocean and stay on an island. The baby was born. A few years later, the baby was short and short. She knows it belongs to Wu Dalang, but what should she call it? Just call it Taro. You don't believe me? Some Japanese are called Taro and Ichiro, but never Dalang, just because Wu Dalang is their ancestor. The Japanese figure is caused by Wu Dalang's genes. Mother and son live on the island. Botti couldn't help being lonely and made up his mind about his son. In the end, the mother and son became a good thing, and people on nearby fishing boats criticized them. Botti cursed: "My son is my own son. I don't care what you do." Later, everyone called them "Japanese". The more children I raise, the more Taro thinks, why don't I build a country and get rid of the addiction of being an emperor. The country wants the national flag, and Pan Jinlian said, "Your father sells baked wheat cakes, so just draw a baked wheat cake on the sheet." Therefore, the national flag is available. In order to bring good luck to the Lao Wu family, four big characters were specially written on the flag: "Wu Yunchang."

Joke 2: Teach you how to become an expert.

First, no matter what strange questions others ask, you should answer, "This is normal."

The advantage of doing this is that it can not only show that you are well informed, but also show that others are rare and strange, thus establishing your expert status.

For example, someone asked, "Why didn't the Seismological Bureau of our country make any predictions about the Wenchuan earthquake?" You can say, "This is normal. Earthquake prediction is a worldwide problem. "

Someone asked, "Why did so many school buildings collapse in the earthquake?" You can say, "This is normal. If the earthquake intensity exceeds 8, all houses may collapse. "

Someone asked, "Why can't China football play well even Iraqi football after so many years of reform?" You can say, "This is normal, because there are many uncertainties in the football match."

Someone asked, "Why do you always say this is normal?" You can say, "This is normal, because I am an expert."

Second, it should be different from the views of normal people.

Experts are called experts because they want to see what people haven't seen and say what people haven't said.

For example, some people say, "the price has gone up too much." You have to say, "It's not that prices have gone up, it's that things in China are too cheap."

Some people say: "The stock market has fallen too much, and the government should save the market." You have to say, "No, we must adhere to the free market economy status of China stock market and avoid government intervention in the stock market."

Some people say: "CPI has gone up by 8.4%, and we can't live any longer." You have to say, "This price level is acceptable to most people."

Some people say: "China experts don't know shit, they just know how to eat all day." You have to say, "Sometimes we eat shit."

Third, when analyzing the cause of the problem, we should distinguish between one and two.

This is very important, even if it is a reason, you should distinguish between one and two, three and four. Only by doing so can you show that you really have research on the problem and are worthy of the title of expert. If you follow the order of "world first, then China" at the same time, then you can become a famous expert in China.

For example, you can say, "I analyze that there are three main reasons for the massive collapse of school buildings in the Wenchuan earthquake: First, there are problems of school buildings collapsing in earthquakes all over the world. For example, the United States ... Second, school buildings collapsed, mainly because of the strong earthquake. Third, the collapse of the school building may also lead to unqualified construction. "

You can also say, "I analyze that there are three reasons for NDRC to raise oil prices this time: First, it is mainly affected by the rise in international oil prices. Second, people's demand for diesel oil has increased. Third, the supply of oil-producing enterprises has decreased. "

You can even say, "My analyst's credibility is reduced for three reasons: First, from a global perspective, experts' predictions are usually inaccurate. Second, the IQ of the people has improved significantly. Third, individual experts are pigs, wearing hats and pretending to be people. "

Fourth, it doesn't matter if you understand what others don't understand, or if you are confused after listening.

For example, someone asked, "Why did China Ping An launch such a huge financing plan?" You can say, "One of the most important functions of the stock market is refinancing, which is # RMB from an economic point of view."

Someone asked, "Do you think it's normal for China's housing prices to be so high?" You can say, "We must look at this problem in two ways. Although it is not normal from a certain point of view, it is sociological ... "

Someone asked, "Why am I a little dizzy after listening to your speech?" You can say, "Congratulations, you understand!"

Five, there are two most important principles, which are the key to ensure that you can keep the photogenic rate in the national media after becoming an expert:

First, we must have a sense of the overall situation. For example, you can say, "Although our laws and regulations are not perfect, our country has made great progress in this respect ..."

You can also say, "Although earthquakes are unpredictable, our country still attaches great importance to the scientific research of earthquakes ..."

Second, he is good at finding both ways. For example, you can say, "As for the difficulty of seeing a doctor in China, this problem also exists in the United States. I remember Texas1932 ... "

You can say, "Beating people by the police is only an individual problem in the police force. This also happened in Japan. I remember in Tokyo1625 ... "

Sixth, this last trick is familiar to everyone, that is, connecting with the world and the characteristics of China.

Because this is a unique skill, everyone is familiar with it, so I won't go into details here. Just give one example:

Someone asked, "Why are the salaries of experts in China so high?" You can answer: "Contact the world experts."

Someone asked, "Why are experts from other countries all human, while China is a pig?" You can answer: "China characteristics."

To sum up, with these six skills, China experts can succeed!