Rehearsal jokes of the cast

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring, telling what happened to him and his girlfriend.

What happened? I am speechless.

He talked for a long time and looked at me, which may mean that he said so much, so I have to make a statement.

For a moment, I really didn't know what to say. I blurted out and asked, "Is your girlfriend a woman?" ……

The teacher handed out papers, and the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" " As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine! " " ……

Once I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " "... for the first time in two years, I heard the boss laugh so loudly.

I went to buy watermelon that day, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

The political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call. I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?"

In my junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go, someone will kill you." ……

The teacher told us: "go on road trip should be honest in spring and don't always throw his head and arms out." ……

I wanted to drink soda that day, so I quickly went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw the beer in front of me and said in a hurry, "Boss, a bottle of fart water!" " " ………

One of our colleagues, when going to take the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: report to the meter, the examiner is normal! ……

MM told me about KFC's new "flesh and blood" and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady, "Please give me two copies of' flesh and blood', thank you!" ……

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy!

Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold!

Me: "That's our physics teacher ..."

Classmate: "What do you teach?"

Me: "Chemistry ..."

One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: "Too much urine and too much wine."

Junior high school art evening, grab the answer link.

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I'm finished, I'll start raising my hand! "Then I started reading the topic and said," Now open it ... "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I "start" (shit) is still in my mouth, how can you rob ... "

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. ...

A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant, shook his head and said, "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" " "Say that finish, I added:" More rice noodles! "

Boss: "... do you want rice noodles or onions?"

Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result is: "He's gone ..."

The president of our university used to teach us calligraphy. When talking about his own experience, he talked about wearing red in the animal year. He said, "I didn't wear anything that year." As a result, the whole class laughed wildly.

Another one, when we were in junior high school, we rang the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell rang and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced up from his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ……

School uniforms are required in high schools. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms. Once we got together, the students were all dressed untidy in school uniforms. The class teacher was furious: "Everyone who didn't wear pants stood up for me!" " ……

The university went to the factory for metalworking practice, and the master said, "For safety, we try our best to ensure that a male classmate and a female classmate have a bed." . At that time, all the boys burst into laughter and the girls blushed. During my internship, almost all lathe workers were done by girls who shared my bed. Finally, considering that she can't do anything, the master didn't check it well, so I advised her to practice. Who knows, she said, I'm used to letting you do it. At that time, I occasionally suddenly felt cold.

A friend went to the dumpling shop and asked, "How much is a bowl of jiaozi (for sleeping)?" Just listen to the waitress "bah!" He cried and said, "shameless!" ……

During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it anymore and shouted, "Teacher, I don't want to (touch) him. He insisted that I (touch) him." ...

One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " "

My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

In computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine and shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " "The whole class is stupefied.

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

Even in high school, I went home with MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there are many seniors on the grill, I am afraid that the boss can't hear me, so I shouted, "Boss, five strings of bullwhip!" " "Then there was silence. After three seconds, everyone laughed together. I was very embarrassed ... the most embarrassing thing was that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail. "

On the factory bus to work, MM asked me, "My computer is dying." I said, "Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software."

The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually, "Have you checked? How come? " Then MM said loudly, "I'm so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. " . What did you say?/Sorry? "At that time, it was very cold ... now I remember it very clearly.

Someone went to my aunt's house before, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted "aim at your side light!" " "One of my classmates whispered to me," Only his bladder grows on his face. "

Our unit has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off!

When a student of the physical education department was in the internship class, many teachers were listening to the class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank and he said, "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "

I met a girl who I had been longing for for for a long time and came out of the bathhouse. I wanted to be close. For a long time, I said, "Are there many men in your bath?"

A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly: "I bought a house, but it was only a dime (I forgot to say" blank "). It has to be redecorated. " The buddy said, "Is there only one toilet? Then where do you live? "

The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace, war and discovery. Connect these three English words and read them aloud for three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. (I farted)

My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care. After a few commonplaces, he said, "Does your child eat human milk or yours now?" ……

When I bought rice in the canteen and saw the long-awaited tofu skin, I excitedly said to the waiter, "A potato skin!" " "... shocked the people around you.

That's a good donkey. Like the heart, the heart and the lungs. ...

Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the salesman, "A bag of potato chips!" " They said no. I said, "What store?" ... not even chips? ! "Say that finish turned and left. ...

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai all died by caesarean section!" " " ……

Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a MM in a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?" ……

When I was in college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. Call 1860 to ask about it. At that time, he was excited: "Excuse me, your mobile phone service …" From the hands-free phone, we even heard the telephone operator politely say: "Our mobile phone service …" The whole dormitory burst into laughter!

Yesterday, someone said that they would introduce me to a girlfriend. I want to ask, "Is it beautiful?" The result said, "Is it cheap?" . Sweat to death ...

Senior college student, late for educational psychology ... walked into the classroom and glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. Senior sister prevaricated for a long time, saying "sexy and sexual theory", which is too difficult to talk about. "The whole class is messed up. The original title of the professor is: on reason and perception. ...

I heard from my classmates that once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins and told her boss that she had a pack of sanitary napkins. The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food? Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. ...

One of my classmates has been reviewing the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new material, saying, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."

One day, I ate slowly and hungry at the rice noodle shop, and finally I couldn't help but slap the table and growl. I was going to say that if I didn't go to the rice noodle shop, I would lift the table! The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "The whole store was silent for three seconds, and then laughter broke out under the table ... shame. ...

When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out!" " "

Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I stretched out four fingers and said "three mutton kebabs" to my boss. The boss was asked, "How many?" I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

Our general manager is surnamed Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

Once I booked a hotel for my boss and wanted to ask if there were any services such as free internet access, but I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked him, "Do you have any special services here?" The other party said, "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! "

Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" " ! "(Porphyra and egg soup).

A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't replied yet. ...

The physics teacher said, "It's a thick spring. I pushed it from both ends to see if it was thickened (constipation). "

Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

One of our colleagues is on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet administrator, "I'm here for dinner!" " "

I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays were so chaotic these days, I couldn't figure out the contents of the order, so I asked, "What are you?"

When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays and wanted to find a job as a restaurant waiter. I am very nervous, because I am still a child, and this is my first job. I want to ask the manager if he needs a job, but I want to say that it will be more subtle to ask him if he needs manpower. The result said, "Manager, do you need a beater here?" ……

Once I went to the market to buy food and prepare a dinner party. A Korean friend bought lettuce 2.4 yuan. He gave all his change to the peddler, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the peddler, "I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair." The peddler was speechless for a long time and replied, "I don't want your hair."

Managers usually say to smokers at meetings: smokers are strangled! !

I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. The colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" ……

Colleagues asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange with Japanese yen?

After the impassioned speech of the trade union chairman, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

Go to the cinema to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3. There is a trailer for Transformers before the movie starts. I can't remember Megatron when I see the fanatic leader, and I can't remember that his team is called Decepticons. Because I was so excited, I was a little exclaimed, "How handsome! It's eight days in the south! " What's terrible is that it was suddenly very quiet at that time without any movie sound effects, and many people stared at me and laughed ... what a pity!

Having dinner with a group of friends, one of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was very depressed, drank a lot of beer, then blushed and stood up and shouted, "Brother! Not for sale! ! "I think I'm trying to say," Brothers are not for sale. " ...

I'm so tired, I'm exhausted from eating shit. ...

No sooner had my colleague started eating than the phone rang. She said, I'm Kao Hua, and I'll come to dinner as soon as I finish the phone call.

In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain is too hot. ...

My classmate Yu Jingbo wrote a letter one day, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: "The letter of dried cold rice noodles!"

A buddy gets married and gives a red envelope. Dude, say no politely. I said, that won't do. Once a year, you must take it. ...

When I went to buy cakes, I wanted to say "two yellow pears send an egg tower", but the result was "two orioles sing an egg tower". What is even more depressing is that the owner actually understands. ...

In college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. The word "Yun" in the lower part of the word "Yun" on the envelope has a horizontal line, which has become a dot because it is too scribbled. As a result, this classmate took the letter and let out a cry, "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There is a letter for you. " All the people in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang. As a result, this girl named Liu Yun was scolded as a hooligan for four years.

There were rats at home for a while, and my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but there was no medicine for any rats. One morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat poison at the door corner and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" The whole family fainted. ...

Once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, the heat was unbearable. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

In physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said, "Radioactive elements are very dangerous. You humans must stay away from them!" " ! "

After going back to the dormitory after the evening self-study, Lu Yu followed her all day, always wanting to strike up a conversation, but she didn't have the courage to go forward. Until the fairy mm wanted to walk into the girls' building, she gritted her teeth and stepped forward and asked mm loudly, "Classmate, are you a woman?" Later ... later, I enjoyed the white eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

When I was a child, my father watched me write a composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!"

The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "Don't blame me for turning against you in the future!" "

My surname is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

When I first entered school, the whole class introduced themselves. A male student stepped onto the platform: "My name is You Yongzhi, and I'm from Beijing. I love playing chess! " Then I went down. The next one is a girl. The woman shyly stepped onto the platform and introduced herself with trepidation: "I ... My name is Shakuyaku ... I like swimming ..."

Mr. Huang loves revolution. In memory of the Red Army, he named his son Jun. One day, he sent his son to class. When he saw the No.8 bus stop, he shouted to his son, "Run Huang Jun, the No.8 bus is coming!"

Head nurse: My perfume is gone! Help me find it!

People: What brand of perfume are you still using?

Master: Liushen, I only use that.

Everyone: awesome, I have never heard of it. What is it like?

Chef: Which one of you took the Liushen toilet water?

I had a roommate who was a branch representative in college. What teaches us is a young female teacher. In other words, one day my buddy was walking on the road with a cigarette in his mouth when he suddenly saw the teacher and went forward to say hello. Who knows the teacher took two steps back and said, "I'm pregnant!" "(Female teachers are afraid of cigarettes)", my buddy didn't understand the meaning, instantly petrified, and the smoke fell, trembling and saying, "It's not mine!"

Xiao Wang works in the personnel department on 10 floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the ninth floor. Today, Xiao Wang called the personnel department to find him: "Is Xiao Wang there?" The colleague who answered the phone said, "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel." Xiao Wang: "Ah? ! When did this happen? Why don't I know? I haven't had time to see him off yet? " "It doesn't matter, you can go to the following to find him ..."

1 The new diva sang rock and roll at the top of her lungs in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change ..." The bookworm who was reading suddenly looked up and asked in surprise, "Isn't the toilet empty?"

2 ........

Once, I had dinner with my friends in a restaurant. We sat there waiting for the waiter to serve us. After a while, a beggar brought a bowl to my friend's back and touched it gently, imagining that he wanted money. My friend was chatting with me, thinking that the waiter had brought the meal, so he didn't look back and took the rice bowl in the beggar's hand and put it in front of him. We were all stunned at that time, and the beggar wanted to cry more (even if he was killed, he wouldn't think that someone would rob him of his job) ~ ~ ~

When I was in college, one of my buddies met a beautiful woman on campus. It was love at first sight, and every day he was very emotional. One day at noon, I went out to eat with him, and a beautiful woman passed by. My buddy immediately pulled me behind and saw a beautiful woman enter a noodle restaurant, and we also sat in it. I advised my buddy: "Senior year, hurry up ~" So he got up the courage, stepped forward and blushed and asked: "What's your name, classmate?" The beauty looked at my buddy blankly: "My name is beef noodles." Dude was stupid, and I was laughing!

Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang an ancestor?" Mother said, "Because' ancestor' is the name of the deceased."

Tong Tong said: "Will those dead grandmothers be called' fresh milk'?"

A brother in the past dormitory suddenly sat up at 4 am and shouted, "Get up quickly, you are late for class!" " "Then two people immediately get up and wear good clothes. I was playing pc at that time.

One night, I ate my favorite bitter gourd, and she said, "XXX (my mother's name), make me a bitter gourd, and you are dead ..." At that time, she probably yelled loudly. My mother, who slept in another cupboard, heard it. The next morning, after she interrogated me angrily, she gave me a crazy meal ... which can be said to be hanging me. ......

A classmate went horseback riding during the day, was still excited at night, and then fell asleep. We play cards. After a while, the man said, drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! ! ! ! !

A classmate likes to smoke while defecating. He just came out of the toilet and said to us loudly, "Ah, it's so cool to smoke and shit." He is dizzy.

Before 10, the first sentence when I returned to the dormitory was always "Did someone call me?" ...

1 1 Once, my roommate and I bickered in the dormitory. He said he couldn't beat me and called me "you are my grandfather's son!" " The whole dormitory 1 second is silent and then laughs wildly!

12 ate something bad once when I was a child, and wrote a sick note to the teacher the next day: "Teacher, I ate something bad yesterday and my stomach was upset. I got up in the morning and threw up. . . "Cold, I don't know what the teacher thinks.

13 Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured the soup and ran out of tissues. Cousin shouted: "hurry up, hurry up, get the toilet paper, get the toilet."

14 things at the same table fell to the ground, so I bent down to pick up my partner and stepped on it with my foot. Unexpectedly, I became angry as soon as I stepped on his hand: "Dare to step on my foot? ! "

15 in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The whole class suddenly caught a cold ~ ~ ~

16 A foreign teacher once showed Mandarin in a lecture in a big classroom. I wanted to give him a face and praise his standard of Putonghua, but it became your standard when I said it. It is so common and cold that everyone laughs at me.

17 and MM are in front of the stall selling soybean milk fritters. I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste." MM smiled.

18 Even the high school Chinese teacher said in class: You are the result of a dead cat meeting a blind mouse. . . Full of laughter!

19 When I was in the third grade, a classmate invited us to dinner on my birthday night. When I got home, I said to my mother, "Mom, my classmate invited me to dinner today!" "

There were many people in the restaurant, and I shouted: Boss, a pepper without seasoning. . . . The waiter also loudly repeated: 1 1 table, add a pepper without seasoning! ! ! . . .

2 1 I: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

My mother said to me before going out to play mahjong, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine."

On the 23rd, I went shopping! Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky! Then a word popped out of her mouth: "alas, this frog flies so low!" I feel dizzy

I always make such mistakes ... because I talk too much.

When I read a text in junior high school, it was XX wandering in the corridor, while I read XX debauchery in the corridor ... The teacher blushed.

In high school, I went out to play with my classmates. There is a China Everbright Bank next to the school, which has just opened, so the brand is still hung with red cloth ... But the cloth is hung on Chinese characters, blocking the words ... I read it as "China Everbright Bank" ... The students are crazy with laughter, and I can't hold my head for several years!

A person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold saying: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine. ..

26 once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?" "

He replied, "Don't take your name! ~~~~~"

Buy oranges, boss: 1 yuan 5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

Give grandma a quick reply: A few days ago, you were sitting on the bus and the driver of 252 suddenly braked. Your center of gravity is unstable and you rush out and ask the driver, "What can I do for you?"

Dear students: Although the instructor is really busy, when you see me in the toilet, please don't say to me, "Instructor, you are so busy, come to the toilet yourself!"

It was very hot for 30 days, but the school was out of power. From day to night 10, our girls' dormitory is very quiet, everyone enjoys the cool on the balcony, but the boys' dormitory is very lively. After a commotion, the boys seem to have reached a certain consensus, only to hear organized cries from the opposite corridor: "scream, scream, we will scream!" " About 10 minutes later, the school actually called, and there was a cheer from the opposite side, and the dormitory area became calm.

It was not until the evening 1 1 lights out time that the boys began to shout neatly, "delay, delay, we will delay!" " The school, which has always been harsh, unexpectedly agreed to the unreasonable demands of this group of people and extended the call time for the first time.

Just as we were about to have a rest, something happened that I will never forget. Perhaps the boys were too excited, because the two of them usually impossible requirements were actually realized by the school, so there was a more organized and magnificent voice from the opposite boys' dormitory, .............:

"Women ... women ... we want women! ! ! "

3 1 tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

33 classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant, cool, and shook his hair: "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" " After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

34. Once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

35. In high school, everyone has a name tag. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

36. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

37. A classmate of my dormitory's high school classmate called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

38. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

39. Our company has a car to go to work in the morning because the car is not big. On one occasion, a mm got on the bus without a seat.

Hello, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off ~!

40. When I was in college, a classmate quarreled with me and was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!

4 1, a buddy of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, they walked into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly to the master: Hey, pull two bowls for Lamian Noodles's master and say: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull.

When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were generally sold by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

43 once, the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

44. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan to play. I was halfway up the mountain. When I am tired, I want to have a rest. Seeing Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside, he went up and asked, "Wife ..."

45. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! !

46. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

47. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

48. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I shouted with all my strength, "I won't marry (borrow) you." At that time, the students immediately calmed down.

49. Once I ordered a song at ktv, a mm shouted loudly: Give me a stick to cut "Double Jay" every week. ......

I spit on your face!

5 1 I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When we arrived at the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout:

"Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! "

Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

A customer ran into the tailor's shop angrily.

Pointing to the fashion designed by the shopkeeper for him, he said, "I stood on the street corner yawning and two people put letters in my mouth!" " "

A primary school student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time. He was very nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn. Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: teachers and classmates, the topic I recited was: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves are red) ...

I am still a primary school student, and I am particularly envious of my classmates who are assigned by the teacher to read the composition. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it. The opportunity has finally come.

So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!

Pupils stand up: "My teacher". Teacher, I look like your mother. ......

This time I am an unskilled host of a song and dance troupe.

At a performance, I hurried on stage without being ready. The performance takes turns. It's her turn to announce the curtain call: Audience friends, please listen to Du Zi flute next. ......