Since ancient times, funny and versatile! Give me an' 82 beef burger.

Lead: I was knocked down by the opposing team while playing basketball in college. At this time, a girl rushed to my side and asked me affectionately, "Can I make a phone call?" My heart suddenly warmed up and I was about to cry. She said lightly, "Why don't you get off the bus? My boyfriend has waited for a long time and hasn't arrived at the scene yet! "

1. My friend works as a part-time parking attendant in Dubai. Some time ago, suddenly a luxury car was exposed to a circle of friends. We were all puzzled and asked him where he came from. He said: "A regular customer forgot to bring a tip when he parked two days ago and drove away directly!" "

2, new move, visit the new neighbor next door, "Hello, I am a new neighbor" "Hello, my name is Wang, they all call me Lao Wang" "Oh, do you have a wife?" "Yes, and you?" "Yes" "Yes, are you still so calm?" "Of course, my surname is Wang." This is the beginning of a fierce battle. It is estimated that I can shoot dozens of series. ...

3. What kind of people do you hate most? B: Er, face to face, face to face. What about you? I hate waiting for the toilet. I was outside clutching my stomach and legs, but he beeped and played with his mobile phone, and he didn't come out for a long time, complaining about people with numb legs. B:! ! !

4. W: Honey, no matter what you become in the future, I love you. Man: I'm paralyzed. What if I'm paraplegic? Woman: Upper body or lower body? Man: ...

5. Financial salesman: "Hello, we have a financial product here now, I hope you can understand it." Grandpa: "Sorry, I'm not interested!" "Salesman:" The rate of return can reach 15%. "Grandpa:" If it's really that good, you can invest by yourself, and don't look for me. "Salesman:" I have no money! ""Grandpa: "You can borrow some money, the loan interest rate is 7%, and you can earn 8% in the future. Go quickly, son ~ "The phone is hung up ~

The second thing I did was that when I was a teenager, my brothers found a big foam board to play in the river. Is foam board buoyant? They all climbed up to swim. I put foam on my leg, and ended up upside down, almost drowning.

7. I once went to the hospital for a urine test. Everyone has a small plastic cup. Everyone knows that just a little is enough. But that day I really saw a man, holding a full cup of urine with his head down carefully, coming towards the nurse. The nurse froze: Oh, my God! Why did you come here to propose a toast?

8. After locking the door at night, I will turn a blind eye to the female students who secretly climb over the wall, as long as they wear skirts.

9. My girlfriend who has been together for two years has never touched her. Today, she finally agreed to go to KF, so we went to an adult goods store to buy TT. I asked my boss how much a box was. The boss said 35 yuan a box, which I think is ok. At this time, my girlfriend refused to say, aren't you usually 25 yuan a box? The boss looked at his girlfriend and said, OK! As long as 25 yuan! Oh, it is not easy to find a girlfriend who can bargain and save money.

10, before the final exam, a female classmate greeted many people and said: send the answer. Unfortunately, I met a strict teacher who had to check his pockets when he entered the examination room. The female classmate was anxious and stuffed her mobile phone into her underwear, never daring to take it out. Finally, when she walked out of the examination room, her face was flushed and her steps were a little vain.

1 1. In junior high school, the school talked about many friends. One day, my father gave me a photo of a beautiful woman and said, This is a photo of a girl's mother. Beautiful, that daughter must be more beautiful. Today, my father told you a secret Our family engaged you to an early marriage when you were very young, that is, the daughter of this woman. Now you have moved to another place. Don't talk about friends I am sorry for others. Keep the photos, and then arrange to meet you when you are admitted to the university. I finally went to college. I told my story in the dormitory today, and they all said they didn't believe it. So I took out my photo, looked at the children's shoes in a dormitory and said, this is Wu Tenglan.

12. I just went to work in a new company. At noon, a senior asked me how I felt. Tired? I said without thinking, give me a slap (in fact, I want to say that I am not tired). But I saw the elder sister blushing. Should I do something?

13, a buddy just got his driver's license a few days ago! Open the manual gear and turn off the engine many times at the intersection! When the traffic police saw it, they came up and shouted, "Go, go!" He said, "I can't start! It has been turned off many times! " The traffic police meowed and said simply, "You can try a start! It's too difficult to start in fourth gear! Not for you! " fuck ...

14. When drinks were served, flight attendant MM asked, "What would you like to drink?" Passenger: "Is there any milk?" Flight attendant MM: "Yes." Passenger: "Do you have yogurt?" Flight attendant mm: "... that was only when the milk expired."

15, I am a student. When I was at home on holiday, I ate at home and drank beer with my dad. After drinking, my father took out a cigarette and handed it to me. Suddenly I thought of the story of my father handing a cigarette to my son, and my heart was sour. My dad finally treats me like an adult! Just picked up a cigarette and patted me on the head. You fucking know how to smoke! ! !

16, a roommate is a normal student, working as an intern in a primary school near the school. When she came back that day, she loudly said to her roommates: Tomorrow the principal will go to her class early in the morning, all kinds of tension and excitement! I've been worried all night, whether I can't sleep at night, whether I can't sleep well will affect my state tomorrow ... As a result ... Nima! The next day, she overslept ... overslept

17, walking in the street this afternoon, sitting on the side of the road and asking me to go. Very mysterious. Say my fate is different! I replied: You can see my life clearly ten meters away from me, even if you are good. Then I retreated ten meters away. Just as he squinted at me, the sprinkler gave him a back. ...

18, shopping with my girlfriend was embarrassing, so we went our separate ways. Suddenly, the goods came to me and told me to close my eyes. I couldn't stand this coquetry, so I turned it off. After waiting for a long time, nothing happened. When I opened it, the goods actually took a taxi! ! !

19, I just sat outside chatting with my husband and saw an old man coming hand in hand. I can't help feeling! My husband looked at me silently, slowly raised my right hand and gently put it to his lips. This is the rhythm of kissing me, and my heart is warm! A little intoxicated! Just about to have a good time ... fuck! Wipe your nose with my hand.

20. I studied poorly when I was a child, but my parents would ask me about my exam results. I failed an exam once. At that time, I opened a canteen at home-people often played cards at my home-and when I came home, my father asked me in a low voice: What was the score in this exam? I also replied in a low voice: one hundred in two subjects ... What, my dad deliberately raised his voice: one hundred in two subjects? Ha ha ha, my son is good. I looked at him blankly and whispered: Math 46, Chinese 54 … I will never forget my dad's frozen expression …

2 1. Have dinner with a colleague at noon. When paying the bill, my colleague said that it was his treat today and handed the boss a 100 one. Soon the boss came back with 100 yuan and asked, "This 100 yuan cannot be exchanged. Do you have any change? " My colleague said "no" and looked at me. I quickly said, "Yes." I counted ten 10 from my wallet and put them on the table. Then I put 100 in my wallet.

22. One day, I went to eat supper with three buddies and asked for three portions of pig brain soup. When the food was served, there were many people in the shop! The waiter couldn't see it, so he shouted: pig brain, pig brain, three pig brains! As a result, the buddy said: here, here, here three! Nima will never forget the way people in the shop look at the three of us. ...

23, a great roommate, especially sloppy, one day her quilt was opened and I was about to get her a needle and thread. She grabbed the stapler from the table and clicked it.

24. I was outside with my boyfriend, and my dad called to nag me, so I put him on speakerphone. My dad told me why you are so lazy and stupid. Finally, I said, how does your other half like you? Your eyes are really bad, so I hung up ... My boyfriend is very weak. Are you your own?

25. If you are willing to be my mermaid and never cheat, then I will be your little train and never cheat. God replied: it's hard to keep your mouth shut without cheating, and it's hard not to lose your tail without cheating.

26. My mother asked me to go on a blind date. I said, "The person who loves me the most in the world married you." Mother rudely replied, "I'll give it to you. Do you dare to marry?"

27. Today, I met the person I like. I went up to say hello to her. She said to me mercilessly, "Why aren't you dead?" My heart can't help sighing to the sky: "God, there are sisters who care about my life and death these days." Suddenly I found a goal to live.

28. A diaosi went to McDonald's with a coupon. The waiter took a closer look and said that the coupon had expired. Diaosi is furious: Why can your chicken legs expire, but coupons can't? Start ... give me an 82-year-old beef burger. ...

29. Xiao Ming came home and found his mother talking to his inflatable doll! Xiaoming was ashamed and said, "Mom, why did you rummage through my things?" Xiao Ming's mother: "I'm bored at home alone, can't I talk to my daughter-in-law?" ……

30. Tattoos are very popular at school. A buddy has a map of the world tattooed on his back. One day, my back hurt so much that I went to the hospital. The doctor asked: Where does it hurt? He came weakly: near Iraq.

Editor's note: Today, I tested my niece's math problem. Ask her: what is ten MINUS nine? My little niece thought for a long time but didn't figure it out. I asked another question: "How many cups do you have left after drinking ten and nine cups?" The little niece screamed and cried, "There is only one cup left ..."

Qq says mood phrases: I just want a hug and a shoulder to lean on.

The latest qq talk about mood phrases 1:

1. In fact, no matter who you marry, the result is the same. You can't always count on your partner to help you find true happiness and regain your confidence. No matter who you marry, you will meet yourself in the end.

Time won't make me forget you, but get used to not having you.

3. No one is who's who, who will always be who's who.

We all have scars, whether internal or external. No matter where you get hurt for any reason, it won't make you any different from anyone else. Unless you dare not face it, hide the wound and let it fester secretly, it will turn you into a patient. No matter how you pretend, you will never be normal.

The antonym of success is not failure, but doing nothing.

6. Why don't you think that so many people love you, but you have to pursue the only one who doesn't love you?

7. If you always consider whether others will laugh before and during telling a joke, your jokes will probably not attract laughter; If you always worry too much about the feelings of others, then what you do will deviate from what you want.

8. Just want a hug and a shoulder to lean on.

9. The girl pretends to be happy, but she is afraid that the boy she likes will find her sad.

10. If you are in love, don't miss the opportunity easily. Reckless, may make you regret for a while; Cowardice may make you regret it all your life.

1 1. The original oath was so true, but in the end, no one belongs to anyone.

12. What can be lifted and put down is called weightlifting, and what can be lifted and put down is called load. Unfortunately, most people's love is heavy.

13. You smiled so brilliantly that the sunshine deeply hurt me through your fingers.

14. What used to be terrible was just ruins. Personality mood phrases.

15. Time is passing by bit by bit, and I have already disappeared in that fleeting time.

16. Being single for a long time, I feel that I am in a good state. Read when you want to read, sleep when you are tired, eat whatever you want, be quiet for a while if you don't want to contact anyone, travel or stay at home. It's better to be quick about love, don't start casually, don't be in a hurry to compromise, and nothing really worth it will be so easy. Cherish the days when you can still be single. Being alone is more comfortable than loving you.

17. Some women have a good life when they marry everyone. They put their demands on themselves, not on each other. If you don't expect it, you won't be disappointed, and if you don't struggle, you won't get hurt. In fact, what men can give you is not really long. The happiness that grows in your heart is a lifetime. It doesn't matter who you marry when you are not obsessed, persistent or competing with yourself.

18. In the journey of life, when you slow down to enjoy the surrounding scenery, you will find how lovely life is, and there are many pleasures in every season that can make you forget all your troubles. What life wants is indifference, so that it can be free and easy, and life is feeling, so that it can be meaningful.

19. If you love, life is lovely everywhere. If you hate it, life is hateful everywhere. If you are grateful, you can be grateful everywhere. If you grow, everything can grow. It is not the world that has chosen you, but you have chosen the world. Since there is nowhere to hide, it is better to be silly and happy. Since there is nowhere to run, it is better to be happy. Since there is no pure land, it is better to meditate. Since I didn't get what I wanted, I might as well be relieved.

20. If you cling to an idea, you will be trapped in an idea; Once you put it down, it's in your heart.

The latest qq talks about mood phrase 2:

1. There are no accidents in the world, just the necessity of making up and wearing a mask.

I didn't miss you very deliberately, because I knew I should be grateful when I met you, and I needed to let go when I passed by. I just think of you in many, many small moments. For example, a movie, a song, a lyric, a road and countless moments to close your eyes.

3. Don't think too complicated about emotions. The so-called unforgettable is just a ray of light smoke in the world of mortals; The so-called life is just a blank in the depths of the soul; The so-called words are just a record of life walking. One day, everything will go up in smoke. Since there is no time machine to go back to the past, forget the memories, don't be a slave to time, and be the most wonderful self in life.

You are the person I like who doesn't blink, and I am the person you can give up without looking up.

Don't blame others for letting you down, only yourself for expecting too much.

6. Do we want to love again? We have been thinking over and over again, but we still haven't found the answer.

7. Enjoy the feeling of every moment and enjoy the scenery everywhere. This is life.

8. It is enough to love someone, even if it takes a lifetime.

9. How soft your heart is, how hard your shell is, otherwise how can you go on the long road of life? Now there are several people who haven't been in love since adolescence. But how many don't end at the beginning. There is no deep love. The best thing is to run a love marathon.

10. Freedom is the most beautiful realm of life.

1 1. Depressed, take a deep breath in another environment; Confused, think quietly from another angle; If you fail, start over with confidence.

12. I am a liar. I didn't know until you left and I cried. The biggest lie I told was that I had let him go.

13. The moon is behind the clouds, and it doesn't sigh the autumn harvest. Hang a bunch of dogwood and a yellow warm pillow. Autumn is ripe, and it is endless. Sorrow after flowers, thoughts go slowly like snails. Don't wait for vagrants, don't read vagrant letters. Every word is the past, and sadness is a soft time. No matter how rough it is, it is always forgotten by the closed door. Looking back, I can trace back to the fragrance of a pen and ink. Green silk cries impermanence in the world, and is buried alone to endure human sorrow. Take a cup of love, drop a drop of hate and drink it up. If you don't wake up, you are afraid of broken dreams, and if you are not drunk, you are afraid of painful pursuit. When you are prosperous, you turn to tears. It is better to die for a lifetime, with green tea reflecting on the window lattice and rain falling all over the city.

14. It is often not those who are particularly smart who can laugh last in life. A wise man deserves to be congratulated, but not to be trusted; A dull and clumsy person doesn't need to be upset and feel inferior. As long as he is willing to work hard, is not afraid of hardship and has perseverance, he can still win a successful trophy. Many realms of life lie not in following, but in trying; A lot of search in life lies not in Qian Shan, but in being close at hand.

15. Whenever I read about those humble efforts in the book, I feel moved and shocked. Perhaps everyone has experienced countless hardships, long darkness, endless loneliness and even constant ridicule and denial, before emitting their own light, but fortunately, those teenagers who stood on tiptoe finally got everything they wanted.

16. Our love is mixed with too much harm.

17. Parting can weaken shallow feelings, but it can make deep feelings deeper. Just as the wind blows out a candle, it will fan the fire more vigorously.

18. When you think you have nothing. At least you still have time. Time can heal all wounds, so please don't cry.

19. Maybe it is the marriage in the last life, maybe it is the fate in the next life. Seeing each other in this life only adds to the fruitless resentment.

Looking forward to our tomorrow. Looking forward to smiling with you.

I also want a warm sun to warm my heart.

1, you see, I'm not afraid of anything, but it wasn't me who was with you in the end.

2, copy the most advanced answer, copy for a long time and copy off topic.

An unswerving friendship, with thousands of blessings, and warm greetings to the friends I miss.

I am not perfect, but you should like me. I deserve your love.

Whether you know the world or not, the world will never let you go. Even if you keep falling to the bottom, even if you feel innocent and really wronged by death, no one can really understand your mind.

6. Before I knew it, it was winter, and I met the last leaf.

7. It's not easy to get to know you dogs alive, but learn to bear it.

8. People's eyes have hundreds of millions of pixels, but they can't understand people's hearts after all.

It's windy recently, and all my sweethearts have been blown away.

10, wealth can't be lewd, poverty can't be moved, and power can't be bent. (Mencius)

1 1. First love is the rich fragrance of blooming flowers, which makes people remember for life. Lovelorn is the fruit of early autumn, which tastes sour and bitter when picked immature.

12, we can love someone to death, but we must never love someone to shame.

13, believe in yourself!

14. Over time, we gradually became the most annoying people.

15, tears watching you leave blurred your last smiling face.

16, no matter how beautiful the memories are, they can't match the bleaching of time. At that moment, I realized that everything was as light as a feather.

17 I have never regretted my deep love for you because I can recall the bohemian you in the flower season.

18. Why has society become so realistic? Reality makes some people impure.

19, what's the feeling of math class? Do you know what it's like to watch Korean dramas without subtitles?

20, brothers are United, and the enemy is 3,000?

2 1, when a good friend is dating, he feels that his hard-earned pig has been eaten.

22. Abandoning luck must be tempered into steel; The works with thick integral seconds are a blockbuster.

23. I wrote your name and read it fluently.

24. Who can endure the splendor of glitz, who can endure the dullness of fleeting time.

25. Relatives are related by flesh and blood, while outsiders are related by cars and cars. The separation of flesh and blood can not survive, and the car is too close to the car and an accident occurs.

26. At the graduation ceremony, let us be willful once, and let us have our purest friendship again like Lin Xiao and others.

Baby, don't believe in superficial phenomena, sad life and lingering laughter.

28. Being beautiful is luck, being ugly is bad luck, and being ugly is a blessing.

29. I have been thinking about you since I have never seen you. No spots. I love you.

30. Watch a movie and eat popcorn alone.

3 1, she is in the past tense, and you are in the present continuous tense. ........

32. I am not a qualified neighbor. My wireless network has a password. I apologize to my neighbor.

33. When I turned around, you were no longer at the intersection. Am I too slow or do you walk too fast?

34. Whoever gains feelings with perseverance can save a tragic victory with charity.

In the past, the killing of two local cadres shocked the whole country. Now, killing a bunch of provincial cadres is too lazy to blink, and the price has increased.

36. Some people die at a young age, while others never grow up. Some people are young and old, while others are refreshed when they are old.

37. True love needs to wait, but waiting too long is a kind of destruction to love.

You have a new love, and I'm not even an old love.

39. When you hit the south wall wholeheartedly, the south wall disappears.

40, some things, missed, is a lifetime; Some people, when they turn around, become, forever.

Give me a hug and talk about it.

Give me a hug and talk about it.

(a) tired, tired of telling others that it will never help, a person hiding in the corner to give himself a hug, tomorrow is sunny me.

(2) Give yourself a smile and give life a hug.

(3) How long can a hug and a walk together every day make love ferment into intoxicating wine? A word of concern every day: or coquetry eyes; Just pay attention for how long, man.

(4) One day, a potato married a cactus by mistake, and they bumped into each other for n years. The potato was scarred, but it persisted. Finally, one day, the potato couldn't stand it and left the cactus. Later, the potato met cotton, and every hug of cotton to the potato was so warm, and the potato's heart was warm. At this time, the potato realized that if you want to get warm, you don't insist and endure hard, but choose the right one, and it will become very relaxed and happy. Pay, also have to meet grateful people. Sincerity, you have to meet a willing heart. Modesty, you have to meet people who cherish you.

Maybe this is the reality. Don't expect too much. It will inevitably disappoint you. Finally, you should give yourself a hug.

(6) Take a breath in the dead of night and relax completely, so that you can be alone with yourself for a while, comfort yourself and think about something. I really want to give myself a hug. I am really tired. Good night, Zhuang Zhuang, love yourself!

(7) Every hug of long-distance love is a silent explosion of Qian Qian's 10,000 sentences of grievances and thoughts. I love you very much, but I don't want to fall in love with the phone.

If you are sad, go to bed early. You have to work tomorrow. People always have to rely on themselves. This sentence is valid at any time. Give yourself a hug.

(9) It is better to affirm yourself than to envy others. Shallow envy, boring comparison and clumsy imitation will only make you live in the shadow of others all day. Tired and sad, just squat down and give yourself a hug. Because no one in this world can always sympathize with you and pity you. You cried, tears are your own; You are in pain, and no one can feel it. Then you have to smile with tears.

If one day you and I meet, or in the street or alley, or in the coastal youth hostel, or in the loneliest Gobi Desert, please come to me with the most touching tears at the bonfire party, with the good rain in early spring and the gift of knowing the season, and with the firm eyes across the sea, give me a hug and kiss, and then tell me that I have been looking for you for so long and finally met you in the rest of my life.

(1 1) Life. When you grow up, this society will see through and cry; If you don't know how to make others do things. Give yourself a hug and feel sad. You must be strong, even if you have been hurt, you should be calm.

(12) Busy people only see work and customers. I don't have my own time. Sometimes I am so sleepy and tired that I just want to lie down and close my eyes. It's good to have a good sleep. Time is the best medicine. Give yourself a hug.

(13) Without activity, life equals lethargy; Without thinking, life is blind obedience; Without control, life equals destruction; Without happiness, life is equal to solidification. Every day is so full. Give yourself a hug!

At the beginning of June, I was very busy at first, but there was no good result. This is a kind of negative energy that I have never had before, but I am really exhausted. Few people know you, so give yourself a hug.

Father's Day is coming. In kindergarten, give dad a small gift, a hug and a small kiss. Happy Father's Day! Full of happiness! ! ! Son, mom and dad love you forever.

(16) The meeting of bosom friends is not in the sea of people, but in the heart; A bosom friend is not around, but in words. Understanding in the heart is worth a thousand words; Spiritual identity transcends the secular world. Although a hug is virtual, it moistens the eyes; A call, though far away, is shocking. Qian Shan can't stop the meeting of hearts, and the passage of time can't change the eternal faith. The end of the world is close at hand; Love is in the ink, love is in the heart.

Thank you for walking alone against the wind and snow, for not being understood, for not giving up on yourself, for learning to give yourself a hug, and then walking stronger and braver in this world.

Learn to put away your edges and corners, or you will hurt yourself while stinging others. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself you can.

(19) seeing off the youngest one in the dormitory and the one who knows me best, I sighed in the dormitory, and he knew how I felt. Finally, I endured my tears for a long time, but I was disappointed by a small hug. I didn't dare to be seen, so I left secretly. Let's go, take care of yourself and do more exercise.

(20) Happiness is actually very simple. When you are lost, when you are sad, when you are in tears, I will come to your side and give you a hug without hesitation.

You will come and give me a hug! Happiness, you are not brave, when I am lost, no one will be strong for you ~

Libra is actually a bit lazy and likes to stay in bed. Libra is actually not very good and likes to make trouble. Libra will be quiet and indifferent in front of strangers, presumptuous and overbearing in front of acquaintances, and like to laugh without image. Libra is occasionally depressed. When a friend asks Libra what's wrong, Libra will only say nothing. In fact, Libra just feels tired. Libra just needs a hug.

Physical and mental exhaustion is asking for it. Don't force others to love you. Give yourself a hug and say you love yourself.

(24) In fact, some problems really can't be solved by a hug. It was fine at that time, but the acne still existed later. Now I feel more and more like it, it is better to find a suitable one, because the suitable person has a high degree of fit in many aspects, and I haven't met anyone in three years. On the contrary, the love established between them is just worn to pieces and really tired.

(25) I always use the good side to cover up the bad side and always show my strength in front of others, but no one can understand the loss behind me. A lot of times I really just want to hug. I am really not as strong as I look.

26. Life is actually very simple. Many times we just need a comforting word, a caring word, a positive look and a hug.

(27) The most regrettable thing is that you can't even say it to your face when you leave; The biggest mistake is not willing to put down face and give yourself a chance; What a hug or a kiss can solve turns out to be a stranger without any explanation.

Li Shu left today. He has been diagnosed with cancer for less than two months, so he doesn't have to suffer. Aunt often says that he has been a good man all his life and has nothing to report. He also suffered so much, childish and unfair. Yes, it is really unfair. In daily growth, we have to face all kinds of where you will go, which is the most common and cruel. My dearest friend, I don't want to say anything to comfort you. I want to cry with you. If we can be strong together. Father's Day the day after tomorrow, Uncle Li, you can't wait. Please go all the way. Today's sun is really big, and it makes you breathless!

(29) I used to type a lot of words and organize the language for a long time. I was going to complain to someone, but now I don't want to say anything but give myself a hug.

(30) The better a woman is, the less likely she will be pursued, because they just want to find the right person and don't want to kill innocent people, so they always refuse to have sex. The better men are, the more passive they may be, because they know nothing about romance except silent love. If you love a woman, please give her a hug. If you love a man, please give him some motivation. Because good men lack encouragement and good women lack love.

(3 1) The Wolf Boy's 45-year wait only brought him a hug, which is another movie with an unacceptable ending.