A joke that absolutely makes you laugh until you cramp.

1. Nice collarbone thousand articles 1 method, funny belly jumping around.

2. As the saying goes, many skills can't overwhelm you. You have been wandering the rivers and lakes alone for decades with a stunt, only to find that the most useful skill is "opening up".

With your looks, you don't need to lose weight at all. Now you can use obesity as an excuse for ugliness, but after losing weight, there is no excuse.

The thief sneaked into the supermarket, stole 10,000 bottles of drinks, dumped the drinks in the bottles overnight and sold them for more than 200 yuan.

5. Look at the middle of the nose, look at the face with neat bangs, look at the temperament with oblique bangs, and look at the ENT without bangs. I am suitable for facial mask.

6. The so-called goddess is the kind of person who knows at a glance that it is impossible to have sex with you in this life.

7. Fat man's motto is: Spring breeze can't blow you within ten miles, and you will make a hole where you fall.

8. If you want to buy a house in Beijing with a monthly salary of 10,000, you might as well set a small goal first, such as living for 500 years.

9. Recently, my brother talked about a funny girlfriend. She is cute, but a little short. She went shopping with her yesterday. She was very excited and said, "I have cramps in my hands and feet recently. Is it going to grow again? " I said, "You won't grow now, but you may shrink." .

10. What's the use of taking selfies every day? If you look like a selfie, how can you not have a boyfriend?

1 1. For me, any problem that can be solved with money is not a problem. How to have money is my biggest problem.

12. One day, father and son were chatting. Father asked, son, after so many years, haven't you met a goddess who makes you blush? The son replied: Why not, Laoganma!

13. There are many things that you couldn't figure out at that time. Don't worry. If you think about it later, you won't remember.

14. On the eve of the wedding, my father handed me a wooden box: Son, this is the heirloom of our family, passed down from man to woman. You must take good care of it. I opened the box carefully, only to find a pair of worn kneepads inside. ...

15. Accompany my wife back to her mother's house. As soon as I entered the door, I heard her mother-in-law teaching her sister-in-law: "The boss is not young, can I have a snack?" Don't you usually eat? Huh? Other girls are afraid of choking on water when they go on blind dates. When they eat two dishes, they say they are full. What about you? Come back to eat Jianweixiaoshi tablets. "

16. The best alarm clock in the world is mom. You asked her to call you at 7: 00, and she came at 6: 30, telling you: Hurry up, it's almost 8: 00.

17. If you can't find an object, don't always complain, but think more about your own reasons. Maybe it's because you are too kind to everyone.

18. Do you have any friends who know about sports cars? Please recommend a sports car of 4 million to 8 million, which requires good performance, fast start, high horsepower, high comfort, fashion and beauty. I regard it as a paper wall of my mobile phone.

19. When you have no money, it is a curse to hear others say that you wish you a long life.

20. It sounds sad for a man to hide private money, but he is actually a winner in life because he has both a wife and money. What about you?

2 1. Someone asked me: "There are so many liars and so many means, which sounds very attractive. Why do you always see through their tricks in the first place? " I showed a hint of disdain at the corner of my mouth and proudly said a word: "poor."

22. I have a dream since I was a child: wearing sunglasses, driving a Lamborghini sports car and wearing gold clothes to go home. Now I have realized half my dream and have sunglasses.

Princess disease has two reasons: ugliness or poverty. What about the beautiful and rich one? Come on, that's not a disease, that's a princess.

24. Downstairs in the community, I scribbled on a Geely car with a marker, and the owner bumped into me. Owner: "What do you draw?" Me: "Nothing, just good luck."