I am urgently looking for wedding customs in Jiehe Town, Tengzhou! Especially the engagement~~Thank you!

The betrothal gift is much more, but it only brings glory for a while; getting rich through hard work can last a lifetime.

Nowadays, in Bashang, more and more betrothal gifts are required. This year, I actually heard that someone asked for 50,000 yuan. Starting a family costs a lot of money. Every step from meeting the man and woman, paying the bride price, fixing the engagement date, and holding the wedding ceremony costs several thousand or even thousands of dollars. Adding in the cost of building a new house, it costs at least fifty or sixty thousand yuan, more than There are still 70,000 to 80,000 yuan. In some places, in order to marry a wife, some young men start working outside to save money since they were teenagers. In order to make more money, they often choose jobs with high labor intensity without having time to learn any skills. This forms a vicious circle. The poorer they are, the less opportunities they have for development.

Originally I wanted to make some money and start my own business, but I had to pay tens of thousands of yuan in gifts. If we use the money to learn some skills, our future life will definitely be much happier than working as a coolie, but our backward thinking will make us fall further and further behind. From the moment the matchmaker comes to your door, money is inseparable every step of the way! The increasingly heavy "betrothal gifts" have made people breathless. Some people have worked hard outside for a year, but the money they earn is not enough to give a bride price; this has seriously affected the improvement of cultural quality, and there are many people who even hurt their harmony because of the bride price. Parents' excessive interference in marriages aggravates the occurrence of conflicts after marriage. It is not uncommon for people to not visit their mother-in-law's house for several years after marriage.

I don’t know if it will affect my perspective on this matter because I am a man. I hope some women can speak here and share your thoughts. Do you dare to tell your colleagues in big cities about the custom of discussing marriage in your hometown? One of my classmates once said, "When looking for a partner, if you have the means, don't look for someone in Bashang. Not to mention the bride price, your thinking has been seriously corrupted." Maybe my classmate said it a bit too much, but if you think about it carefully, it makes sense.

Alas! ! ! ! ! !

Author: 219.238.54.* 2005-7-18 20:45 Reply to this statement

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2 Replies: About the custom of asking for bride price on the dam

No one said anything?

Author: 219.238.54.* 2005-7-19 08:29 Reply to this statement

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3 Replies: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

Let me say a few words. It is true that the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang is It's a vicious cycle, making people in my hometown poorer and poorer. The main reason is backward thinking. The root cause is actually that we can't broaden our horizons and don't go out.

I just want to talk about my situation and thoughts: During these years abroad, as I have grown up and matured, I have my own independent thoughts. I had many disagreements with my family. It was very painful for me at first, but then I gradually figured it out. My parents have lived in that kind of ideological environment for most of their lives. If you try to change their minds, it is very difficult. If you don't do it well, you will be accused of being unjust. (Although this is not the case) Sometimes, when they say what they think is the right idea, it will make you laugh or cry, but at the same time it will give you a very helpless feeling, because no matter what they think or do, Their starting point is not wrong, it is out of love for their children. I believe this and no one will refute me.

I once saw an article on the Internet. I forgot where I saw it. It made me understand it completely and opened a knot that had been buried in my heart for many years. I am grateful to my parents. Even though it is very inappropriate for them to ask for a large amount of betrothal gifts, can the children object to it? The benevolent sees benevolence and the wise see wisdom. If you are smart, never go against your parents, let alone follow them, because they are already wrong.

Carry out thorough communication with parents to understand their concerns, and then find ways to dispel all these concerns. In addition, another point is the public opinion of others. Rural people have everything they say. My girl followed someone else for nothing, etc. . . . . Whatever you say. Having said this, some friends may start to criticize me (let others speak, why should I care). Of course we don't care anymore, but as our parents, they care, very much, very much, because they still want to continue their lives on that land; some families may have this reason, and they can't afford less dowry money. . At this time, should you do something and use facts to prove to them that you are doing the right thing? Because you do not live according to their requirements, if you live a good life, then others will have nothing to say.

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-19 08:57 Reply to this statement

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4 Replies: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

After reading two experts’ opinions, I also had some thoughts. This is said around Basia or other counties and cities. Many people who have never traveled far are now starting to compare. If you want 30,000, I want 50,000. If you want 50,000, I want 80,000. , from the earliest three major items, to now we want all kinds of folding sleeves that cannot be explained, and even made up a jingle, such as "three golds and one smoke..." and other feudal stubborn ideas, and now have It became popular to ask for houses in the county, and mobile phones and the like. I think many of them don't know how to use computers now. Maybe that day, they won't even let go of high-tech things like computers and MP3 players.

There is also a type that has been left over from Yuangu to the present. Nowadays, many young people no longer obey their parents’ arrangements in marriage. They choose free love, but at the critical moment, that is, when it comes to marriage. During the ceremony, parents still want some, of course they want some appropriately, and they follow the etiquette and comfort themselves, but if they ask for too much, it is really difficult for the man to take it out, so if today's young men are out, Maybe finding a girl from the south can lighten the burden on the family~~~~~~~~~~

Author: Kang Banol 2005-7-19 09:34 Reply to this statement

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5 Replies: Regarding the demand for betrothal gifts on the dam Customs

It has become popular to buy houses in the county town and mobile phones. What else is popular?

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-19 09:52 Reply This speech

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6 Reply: About The custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

Thank you for your replies. When my sister got married, I did a bad job for my parents. In the end, I still asked for 1,000 yuan, but it was already the lowest in the village. .

I post this post in the hope that you can mobilize more relatives in your family and abandon this bad custom. To be honest, the heart of a man who asks for a bride price is heartbreaking. Will he cherish your daughter? It was always unpleasant at that time!

Author: 219.238.54.* 2005-7-19 11:09 Reply to this statement

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7 replies: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

I really hope that some ladies can come up and say a few words. I want to know. , do I have a male bias on this matter?

Author: 219.238.54.* 2005-7-19 11:10 Reply to this statement

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8 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

1,000 yuan

I don’t know what to say~~~~~~

Author: Kang Banol 2005-7-19 11:10 Reply to this statement

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9 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

How about leaving a name for the poster~~~~

Author: Kang Banol 2005-7-19 11:11 Reply to this statement

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10 Reply: Regarding the custom of requiring bride price on the dam

Revolutionary The road is long, but there are difficulties

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-19 11:18 Reply to this statement

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11 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

Haha

What kind of revolution is this?

Author: Kang Banol 2005-7-19 11:22 Reply to this statement

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12 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

The revolution that overturned huge betrothal gifts

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-19 11:32 Reply to this statement

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13 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

The revolution that overturned huge betrothal gifts

I don’t even understand this, really, < /p>

! ! ! !

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-19 11:33 Reply to this statement

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14 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

West. .

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-19 11:33 Reply to this statement

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15 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

I posted this, I forgot to log in

The author ：Netzhongwangrs 2005-7-19 12:58 Reply to this statement

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16 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

This should be changed!

Author: My Heart Already 2005-7-19 13:06 Reply to this statement

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17 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

Welcome, brother already, thank you for supporting me

Author: Lei Yu Feifei 2005-7-19 13:34 Reply to this statement

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18 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

As much as the four counties in Bashang want it, there is no hate in Bashang as much as in Bashang

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-19 13:40 Reply to this statement

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19 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

Poverty can be changed by marrying a capable husband, but if you want a family fortune of tens of millions, it will still be spent if you are incompetent

p>

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-19 13:47 Reply to this statement

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20 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

9494

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7- 19 13:49 Reply to this statement

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21 Reply 3: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

A wealthy life does not come from how many betrothal gifts you ask for. The key lies in whether you have the belief to live a good life, instead of letting your future husband work hard to build a building. If you work on a construction site, it is better to ask for a bride price. Instead, let your in-laws spend money to make your friends.

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-19 14:01 Reply to this statement

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22 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

9494

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005- 7-19 14:06 Reply to this statement

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23 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

Crazy top~~~~

Author: Kang Banol 2005-7-19 15:39 Reply to this statement< /p>

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24 Reply: About Bashang Yao The Custom of Betrothal Gifts

The best ones are the best~~~

Author: Kang Banol 2005-7-22 10:10 Reply to this statement

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25 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

For a woman who has left home, who dares to tell people about her hometown wedding details to people from other places, people will think they are telling the story

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-22 10:20 Reply to this comment

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26 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

I dare,

I am the only one in our office who can tell them stories every noon!

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-22 10:57 Reply to this statement

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27 A peasant girl cried out about bad habits in the countryside

The wedding gift made me suffer so much! (Words from the heart)

I am a farm girl living in a remote mountainous area. I am now 26 years old. I don’t want to tell my real name and address, but I would like to use a corner of your newspaper to tell a story. Due to the popularity of asking for betrothal gifts in rural areas, my parents were greedy for excessive betrothal gifts, which made my married life difficult and trapped. Dilemma thing. I hope more parents can understand the difficulties their daughters face after marriage and stop asking for exorbitant betrothal gifts.

Five years ago, my parents got me engaged. After the engagement, my parents regarded me as a "cash cow" and asked me to ask the man for this or that at every turn, as little as one or two hundred yuan each time. , as much as four to five hundred yuan. In three years, the man had been charged more than 8,000 yuan. When preparing to get married, the parents, like many married women, asked the groom for various gifts ranging from 20,000 to 30,000 yuan. On the day of the wedding, "money for leaving the mother", "money for dressing up", "money for unlocking a lock", "money for mounting a horse", "money for crossing rivers and bridges" etc. cost the family more than 2,000 yuan. Including the man's purchase of furniture, electrical appliances, motorcycles and wedding expenses, etc., the man spent more than 50,000 yuan on the wedding.

Only after I got married did I find out that my husband owed more than 30,000 yuan in foreign debt to marry me!

This foreign debt has been weighing heavily on both of us. Although my husband has been working hard to earn money outside for many years, I am at home farming land, feeding pigs and chickens, living frugally and budgeting carefully, but there is always a hole. The big patchwork is small, and we still have a foreign debt of more than 15,000 yuan. To be honest, in the three years since we got married, we haven’t worn a single decent piece of clothing, and we haven’t dared to spend a penny of money that we shouldn’t have spent. But even before the money was earned, creditors came to our door. When plowing and planting in spring, other people rushed to buy fertilizers, mulch films, seeds, etc. We had no money and were in a hurry. On weekdays, other people are running around doing business and opening shops to make money, but we have no capital and can only suffer in our hearts! I remember one time, after we got angry over money, I ran back to my parents' house angrily to complain, but my parents didn't understand, and they said, in today's society, when a daughter gets married, the bride price will be less, and they are laughing at me! At such a young age, what are you afraid of when facing famine? Helpless, I had no choice but to run home full of grievances. well! Come to think of it, I am not the only one who is in debt after marriage. But who knew that the harmful gift was so unbearable! When can I be debt-free and live a happy life comfortably? !

Oral narration by Li ××, a young woman in Huguan County, Shanxi Province

Compiled by Qin Fengming of Zituanshan Literary Society in Huguan County, Shanxi Province

"People's Daily" (January 2003) The fourteenth edition on July 23)

Author: Netzhongwangrs 2005-7-22 11:02 Reply to this statement

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28 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts in Bashang

Min Zipinglin, Rights Department of Hubei Provincial Women's Federation An Li:

It is recommended to add relevant provisions on rural betrothal gifts to Article 17. It is still common in rural areas for engaged men and women to give betrothal gifts. The marriage law does not clearly define whether the betrothal gift is a gift from the man to the woman or a property owned by both men and women before marriage.

It’s time to use legal restraint

Author: Netzhongwangrs 2005-7-22 11:06 Reply to this statement

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29 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

Sun robbed a taxi to give a bride price

Before entering the bridal chamber, he went to the waiting room. Sun, male, 22 years old, was from Longshan Village, Longyang Town, Tengzhou. Two years ago, someone introduced me to a relationship with Li from Lilou Village, Kanzhuang Town, Zoucheng City. Because Sun couldn't afford the 8,000 yuan gift, the marriage between the two never came to fruition. On May 21, 2004, Sun and Li came up with the idea of ??robbing a taxi in order to quickly prepare betrothal gifts for the purpose of getting married. After the two conspired, they rented an Alto car in Tengzhou City that night on the pretext of visiting relatives in Zoucheng. When the car reached a remote section of the road north of Houzao Village in Jiehe Town, Sun took out a prepared dagger from his body, stabbed the driver Zhao in the neck, fingers and other places with intimidation and coercion, and snatched the back of the vehicle. Because Sun was not familiar with driving, he abandoned the car and fled in a hurry in the dark.

Sun was unhappy because he did not get the "betrothal gift", but a few days later, news came out that his girlfriend Li was going to marry someone else. While drinking, he came up with a revenge plan. Li's "good" method, so he picked up the phone and dialed the number of Longyang Police Station: Have you found the robbed taxi? I know who robbed it... He thought that after confessing Li, she would definitely "go in", so that she could not marry him or marry anyone else, and she could not enter the bridal chamber with him and then enter the prison room together. Officers from the Longyang Police Station used the caller ID to quickly rush to his house and arrest him, and rushed to Zoucheng overnight to capture Li.

Currently, both Sun and Li have been detained under criminal detention.

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-22 11:07 Reply to this statement

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30 Reply: About the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

I suddenly had this idea, if the government could organize such a publicity In this booklet, all the cases of the Internet RS heroes are compiled and distributed to every household.

Author: Leiyu Feifei 2005-7-22 11:46 Reply to this statement

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31 Going to court over the bride price after breaking off the engagement

There has been a custom in our country since ancient times. When a man and a woman sign a marriage contract, the man must give the woman a bride price. To show sincerity and commitment, this kind of bride price and betrothal gift are commonly known as "bride price". Although the "bride price" is a symbol of auspiciousness, it sometimes becomes a stumbling block to marriage. Our country's current laws respect the freedom of marriage and do not recognize the legal validity of marriage contracts. Therefore, when one party requests to terminate the marriage contract, disputes over bride price often arise.

Matchmaking

For Chang Shuqin, who lives in Luzhuang Town, Gongyi City, her biggest wish is to arrange a marriage for her 23-year-old son Xi Jitao. According to local rural customs, the son is no longer young and it is time to marry a wife and have children.

So Chang Shuqin asked relatives and friends to help her son look for suitable candidates. Chang Shuqin's sister Chang Shuman naturally paid special attention to this matter. Once during a chat with her neighbor Jing Haitang, Chang Shuman talked about this matter. Jing Haitang recommended a girl named Liu Hongdan to her. After explaining the conditions of the man and woman in detail, Chang Shuman and Jing Haitang both felt that they were suitable, so they set up a matchmaking relationship and allowed Xi Jitao and Liu Hongdan to meet quickly.

Making an engagement

After getting to know each other for a period of time, the Liu family was very satisfied with Xi Jitao, who had a Zhengzhou registered permanent residence and a well-off family. Xi Jitao also recognized the woman's conditions. Later, according to local customs, Liu Hongdan and her mother, accompanied by two introducers, went to Xi Jitao's house to view the house and held an engagement ceremony. The two parties agreed to hold the wedding at the end of 2003.

After the engagement, the Xi family began to prepare nervously for the upcoming wedding, and Xi Jitao was also happily waiting for the wedding. However, things didn't develop as the Xi family expected. Two young people who thought they would get married instead went to court.

Deadlock

Xi Jitao said that as the wedding date was approaching day by day, he approached Liu Hongdan and asked to go through the marriage registration procedures together. However, at this time, the Liu family began to use various excuses, saying that time was tight and difficult to prepare, and asked to postpone the wedding. Who knew that this delay would last more than a year.

At the end of 2004, when the Xi family once again urged the wedding to be held as soon as possible, the Liu family proposed that the Xi family should give the woman another 10,000 yuan. The Xi family made it clear that they could not accept this request. On the one hand, the Liu family insisted that they would not discuss marriage unless they gave 10,000 yuan; on the other hand, the Xi family also repeatedly stated that it was impossible to come up with the money. Things suddenly reached a deadlock.

Why do the Liu family insist on such a request for this marriage? We found the answer in Liu Hongdan’s mother. Liu Hongdan's mother said that the reason why they made this request was simply to cancel the marriage with the Xi family. Because after Liu Hongdan and Xi Jitao had been together for a while, she and her family felt that although Xi Jitao was in good condition and had a city registered permanent residence, he did not have any great abilities, and he would not have any big development in the future.

Regarding this reason of the Liu family, Xi Jitao believes that the real reason why the Liu family broke up the marriage was not that he was incompetent, but that his family was not as rich as the Liu family thought, so the Liu family wanted to regret the marriage.

Claim for bride price

No matter what, when things got to this point, both families knew that the marriage could only be abandoned. At this time, the Xi family asked the Liu family to return the gifts and items given to the Liu family before and after the engagement, and completely settled the matter. The Xi family said that according to local rural customs, after a man and a woman meet and agree to continue dating, a very important process is to change handkerchiefs, which means wrapping the gift money in a handkerchief to formally engage the woman. Therefore, when his family made an engagement with the Liu family, they wrapped a gift of 4,000 yuan in a handkerchief and gave it to the other party. In addition to the betrothal gift, they also bought jewelry and clothes for Liu Hongdan, which should also be returned.

The Liu family flatly refused the Xi family’s request to return the bride price. They said they had never received these items, so how could they return them?

In the end, the two parties failed to reach an agreement on the return of the bride price after many negotiations. The Xi family said that they spent more than two years on this marriage, and in the end they could not get back the money they invested. They could not accept this result under any circumstances. Therefore, the Xi family decided to resolve the matter through legal means.

Court Mediation

On March 28, 2005, Xi Jitao filed a lawsuit against Liu Hongdan in court, demanding the return of the 5,600 yuan gift. After Xi Jitao sued, Liu Hongdan believed that Xi Jitao's prosecution had damaged his reputation, so he filed a countersuit against Xi Jitao, demanding that the other party stop the infringement, apologize, and compensate 30,000 yuan for mental damages.

After the Gongyi City People's Court accepted the case, it conducted a public hearing. After hearing the defense opinions of both parties, the presiding judge announced that because the defendant Liu Hongdan failed to pay the litigation fees within the time limit specified by the court, his counterclaim would not be heard in accordance with the law.

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-22 12:06 Reply to this statement

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32 The divorce was broken off and the bride price went to court

During the court investigation stage, the plaintiff Xi Jitao presented witness statements to the court. Witnesses Chang Shuman and Jing Haitang testified in court, proving that the plaintiff Xi Jitao gave the defendant Liu Hongdan a gift of 4,000 yuan, a platinum necklace worth 1,000 yuan, and clothes worth 200 yuan. The defendant's attorneys all raised objections to this. They believed that the witness Chang Shuman was an immediate relative of the plaintiff, so his testimony was not legally valid. Regarding witness Jing Haitang's testimony in court, the defendant's attorney argued that because Jing Haitang and the defendant's family had a dispute, his testimony was not credible.

In this regard, the plaintiff's attorney pointed out that Chang Shuman and the plaintiff Xi Jitao are not direct relatives in the legal sense, and the law does not stipulate that people who are related cannot testify in court. Moreover, Jing Haitang is a simple rural woman, and her testimony has not been processed or modified in any way, so the court should accept it.

After the court debate, the collegial panel adjourned the case. After mediation in court, the plaintiff and defendant voluntarily reached a mediation agreement: defendant Liu Hongdan paid plaintiff Xi Jitao 1,000 yuan before June 6, 2005, and plaintiff Xi Jitao voluntarily gave up other claims; the case acceptance fee of 234 yuan was borne by both the plaintiff and defendant. .

Expert comments

The law does not support the giving of betrothal gifts

Zhang Bin (host of "Into the Court"): Betrothal gifts are a very ancient folk custom in our country . So, from a legal perspective, how should we view the issue of bride price?

Liu Chaowang (Director of Henan Yuda Law Firm):

As a folk custom, bride price has been in our country for thousands of years and has a long history. In ancient times, marriages were all based on the orders of parents and the words of the matchmaker. The bride price symbolized good luck and had the effect of publicity.

The current marriage system requires registration as a prerequisite, so the bride price has naturally lost its original meaning and has become a stereotype. Article 3 of my country's "Marriage Law" clearly stipulates: "It is prohibited to arrange, buy and sell marriages and other behaviors that interfere with the freedom of marriage, and to use marriage to obtain property." Obviously, the law has a negative evaluation of bride price.

Although bride price is sometimes given "voluntarily" by one party to another, it is not equivalent to a gift under the Contract Law. Donation in contract law is a completely voluntary act and involves only a pure property relationship. Even a conditional gift cannot change this characteristic. In a bride price relationship, one party pays a certain amount of bride price or bride price to the other party. Although it is voluntary on the surface, the purpose of this payment is very clear, that is, it is based on the conclusion of a marriage relationship and the establishment of a specific identity relationship.

Witnesses in bride price disputes are very important

Zhang Bin: Seeing the court hearing of this case, I have been thinking that the gift of bride price is often something that both parties have agreed upon verbally, and there is no written material. When giving a gift, it is impossible for both parties to record the value of what I gave you today. But in the future, if a dispute arises over the bride price and both parties go to court, how can the court determine the facts at that time?

Liu Chaowang: In litigation cases arising from betrothal gifts, witness testimony is the main form of evidence.

Due to traditional concepts, it is mostly impossible for the party receiving the betrothal gift to issue written proof such as a receipt to the party giving the betrothal gift. However, a matchmaker or other witness is usually present when the betrothal gift is delivered. Therefore, in cases requiring the return of bride price, the form of evidence such as witness testimony occupies a dominant position in the entire evidence structure. Witness testimony is also a legal form of evidence provided by law. (Pictures of Han Ru, Cui Ke, Jingwen Shoushi and Song Zengfeng - Editor: You Li)

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-22 12:06 Reply to this statement

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33 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

Nowadays, property justice is implemented in urban marriages. In rural areas, the divorce rate is getting higher and higher. Disputes between wives regarding property issues will gradually increase.

Author: wangzhongwangrs 2005-7-22 14:17 Reply to this statement

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34 Reply: Regarding the custom of asking for betrothal gifts on the dam

I think no matter how much you tell the elderly about the dangers of betrothal gifts, they will have deep-rooted Concepts are also difficult to change at once.

Author: Jue Ziliu 2005-7-22 14:25 Reply to this statement