How should friends comfort when they are sad?

There is a lot of content, so I am a little prepared. . . .

First of all, please remember two points:

First of all, the essence of comfort is the embodiment of love, care and respect; Secondly, the way of comfort should vary from person to person.

It is said that if there is a person who understands the heart to comfort, what is it like? It's really a minute to level the troubles in the world and see the sunshine everywhere! Kang is in treading on thin ice, and Fan and Andy are in Ode to Joy. . . If you have this type of person around you, it is a blessing. It doesn't matter if you don't know him. After reading this, you will be my wife.

Talk about how to comfort people.

There are three angles in the process of comfort: emotional level, problem level and action level. Many times, you only need to deal with the emotional layer or the problem layer alone, and you can get it. However, when you meet some comforters with complicated situations, all three skills may be needed.

On the emotional level, our methods include listening, chatting and companionship:

/ 1 /

Emotional layer ~ listening

For example, everyone has moments of excitement, happiness and low tide. Maybe I overheard a song and remembered my first love, maybe I was separated from my lover, or I suddenly discovered an unexpected disease. This is the uncertainty of life. I don't know what will happen in the next moment, what emotions will gush out, failure, loss, sadness, excitement and joy. . .

Often at this time, I just want to talk to a living person and vent. Of course, the first choice must be: people who are willing to listen to his stories and understand his pain, right! !

Correct method

To comfort such a bosom friend, we must follow the principle of dealing with problems after feelings. This requires you to be mentally prepared for the big trash can, and remember at least three points:

1, don't pick up garbage, accept it all gently.

Concentrated eyes, serious expression, follow each other's emotions, sometimes agree with each other, and sometimes sympathize with each other. Only in this way can you arouse the impulse of confidante to vomit, tell his true feelings, complaints and troubles, and regard you as his confidante; On the contrary, if you ask mechanically with a stiff expression, it will make the other person lose the desire to speak.

2. put away the garbage and control yourself.

Don't interrupt, don't tell the truth, don't ask the reason, and try not to interrupt each other at will. Control the impulse to express opinions and comments, and some people can't help but spit out their opinions and opinions balabala. Finally, both of them were depressed and didn't want to throw up, but they didn't want to throw up.

3, professional mentality, keep the routine.

A professional trash can, when listening, should add some mood auxiliary words and echoes to show seriousness: Oh, ah, well! Why? That's what happened! Then you should always show your patience and recognition, and the other party will vent their dissatisfaction, unhappiness and unhappiness.

At the critical moment, you should use empathy to show that you understand his emotions and thoughts, such as that, it doesn't matter, it's not your problem. . . . After the other person vomits one by one, there will be a sense of relief, and you will become a comfort expert in his heart.

Comments:

People need to be heard, especially women. I often hear people say, "I told you I feel much better!" " "So, to comfort people, listening is more important than speaking, and gentle listening ears are sometimes more useful than a logically clear brain.

Emotional layer ~ chatting with others

I got dumped. I am really unlucky. For this kind of lovelorn person, we may comfort: "If the old one doesn't go, the new one won't come. If you give up a forest for a tree, you will lose a lot;" Toad with three legs is hard to find, people with two legs are running all over the street, and soon there will be someone suitable for you.

For this kind of comfort seekers, we can generally refer to several directions: comparison, spitting, imagining the future and so on.

Sometimes the talker just doesn't have some ideas, so it's good to help him clear his mind through enlightenment and analysis. Sometimes a confidante is just trapped by some emotions, and it is also possible to help him resolve, clarify and let go of this emotion. Determine whether his symptoms are emotional distress, problem disorder, or both.

Of course, this needs to be considered from the other side's perspective. Why is he sad? What are his concerns?

1, compare:

Share an example that is worse, more pitiful and worse than him to balance his mentality and guide him to think positively and regain his confidence.

For example, "I am worse than you. I have been dumped eight times! " I get kicked every time I don't understand what's going on! Think about it. "

Step 2 spit

When the other person is full of emotions, don't bother to help him analyze the cause and effect of the matter and where the problem lies. As long as you stand in line and get up the courage to accompany him to vomit and scold your mother, he will miss your supplement, he will dilute your reinforcement, and he will vomit your substitution. After several rounds, the other party will think that you are the Jiaduobao Wang Laoji in his life, and her mood will naturally ease a lot.

For example: "33 days of lovelorn love" Wang Xiaojian accompanied Xiaoxian to scold Lu Ran: What do you mean, I was blocked on my way to work and at the door of work, so I changed my letter and didn't answer your phone. You are classical enough, forget it at ordinary times, even if you don't know the law, there is still a chill standing next to her. You are blind!

Step 3 encourage

The skill of encouragement lies in affirming each other's strengths, potentials and values, and trusting each other's future performance. Sometimes small gestures can also convey encouragement, such as staring, nodding, smiling, patting the shoulder and so on.

For example: "Struggle" Charlene Marilynn Dangelo encourages Lu Tao: Lu Tao-If I am poor all my life, will you still love me? Charlene Marilynn Dangelo-If you work hard all your life, I will love you even if you are poor.

Step 4 inspire

The premise of enlightenment is that you must have certain life experience and experience, at least a little more than the other party. There are two main points of enlightenment. One is to solve the problem, find the cause of the problem through analysis and examples, and point out the solution.

Say one more word so that the other person can see the problem clearly and understand the method. Sometimes you have to talk, teach, and sometimes you have to criticize and scold. The second is to ease the mood and let the other side out of the predicament through comfort and care.

For example, in Struggle, Xu Zhisen inspired Lu Tao: What matters in life is not whether you do well or not. It went well. It is important that you know when to "brake" and when to adjust yourself. No matter how much money you earn, there are only countless zeros in your life. With a happy family, these zeros are valuable. If you want to be strong, you must be healthy. For example, the other party is lovelorn. Your comfort: 1, love hurts, and sometimes you have to accept your fate. . . This comforting word denies the other person's value and listens to the negative thinking of fate. Just break up, so as not to feel inappropriate and even worse after marriage. It is more important to find someone who loves you in this life than the person you love. . . (Enlighten and use risk theory to alleviate the pain of confidante breaking up and put forward new suggestions for love)

Step 5 be comfortable

The main point of comfort is to understand each other's distress first, and then give appropriate comfort and sympathy according to each other's needs. Comfort is essentially the embodiment of care. Different personalities, different moods and different situations should be expressed in different ways.

For example, running Bowman Belle quit running because of the schedule. Deng Chao comforted: "Bao Xiao, don't cry, I will be sad to see you cry."

Comments:

Saying the right thing at the right time is the essence of comfort. Encourage him when he is frustrated, care for him when he is injured, understand him when he is frustrated, appreciate him when he is proud, vomit with him when he complains, comfort him when he is sad, and hand in tissue in time when he cries. . .

Emotional layer ~ companionship

There are many things in the world that we can't predict and control, such as the death of relatives, divorce and illness. This is a feeling of inner pain but helplessness.

You can:

1, physical comfort

When a person is particularly disappointed and sad, no matter how beautiful the language is, it will make people feel powerless. Real physical contact is more healing than language. At this time, you don't have to say anything, just gently hold his hand, give him a hug, hug her shoulder, pass a glass of water, a paper towel, cut a fruit, and show that you are with him with your actions.

2. Silent company

When a person is hit hard, there will be a feeling of unspeakable pain and heartbreak. The best way is to stay with him quietly, although silence is worth a thousand words, and spend this low tide together.

I like that lyric: "accept all the ups and downs, I will always be by your side;" May it be a beacon in your heart, waiting for you to see through in the fog. "Your silent company may be a force to pull her back to the normal track, and it is also the best spiritual comfort for each other.

3. Leave him alone

Some people want to shrink in the corner to heal alone when they are sad, such as some introverted men, arrogant women and people with strong self-protection mechanism. They don't want others to see his fragility. Such people can cure themselves by crying in bed or quietly digesting their sadness in a place where no one is around.

So, please keep quiet, let him cry loudly, have a good sleep, let him get drunk alone, and soon he will regain his energy and be alive and kicking in front of you.

Comments:

Before comforting others, find out whether they need comfort. Try a few words. If the other person doesn't show his feelings, don't tell a lot of truths to comfort others. He said I wanted to be quiet. Don't be smart and ask him whose stupid question it is to be quiet. Give him space and stay away from him is the most useful concern.

/ 2 /

Problem layer ~ suggestion

Example A friend confides to you, "I'm really unlucky. My boyfriend who talked for more than two years dumped me. I want to die! " How will you comfort him? To comfort a person, in addition to calming his emotions, we should also guide the other person out of the present and pay attention to how to solve this matter in the future.

1, suggestion not to use eggs

When the other person is lovelorn, you comfort: Is it useful to cry, and is it useful to die? The world is so big, finding someone better than him is the best way to get back at him.

This chicken soup is like a placebo. Although there is no nutrition, it can play the role of psychological comfort and can be properly relieved. One is to express your concern, and the other is to help the other person clear his mind and play a role in attracting jade.

For example, teacher Han Huang said to the female guests, "No matter how ugly and insecure you are, as long as you can smile every day, you are the most beautiful and lovely."

2. Suggestions for using eggs

When the other person is lovelorn, you comfort: Is there a contradiction, or is he looking at others? What is the reason? If it's not a big problem, let's think about ways to save our feelings together. I've been there before, give you advice!

When the other person's emotions calm down, it is appropriate to help him analyze the problem and give advice. There are three principles for your reference: 1, and the time is not ripe. (For example, the other party doesn't want to listen, is not prepared to change, and is unfamiliar with the relationship) 2. This suggestion is not feasible. Don't mention what you don't know and are not familiar with.

Comments:

Finally, it's best to emphasize to the other party that the final decision lies with him, and it's best to make up your own mind to avoid the other party complaining about listening to you when your suggestion fails. Therefore, avoid feeling tired and unloving, and be kind as a donkey's liver and lung. Try to put words first, give advice not to be responsible for the results, and give assistance not to interfere with the process.

/ 3 /

Action Level ~ Help

For example, to comfort a single otaku or a otaku friend, you can suggest him to change his overall image, attend more class reunions and take the initiative to contact the opposite sex. . . Sometimes 100' s words of comfort and 100' s different suggestions are not as practical as arranging a reliable blind date for him. Pulling him to the party, helping him to dress and match, and matching the two ends are more effective than suggestions. It is the source of helping the other person solve his troubles, giving him a useful resource to solve problems, and helping him face problems with actions. . . .

1, go out and relax.

If the other person is depressed only when he encounters small things, it may be better to ask him to go out and do something interesting to divert his attention from his negative emotions. For example, cook him a meal, take him out for a fast food or snack, go shopping, play ball, sing songs, take a walk and so on. Under the influence of activities or lively atmosphere, most people can get rid of depressed emotions.

For example, if you want to lie down all the time, I'll lie here with you. If you want to find a place to get drunk, I'll drink with you!

Step 2 provide useful resources

It would be great if you could easily find the answer to the other person's question. The best comfort is to solve the problem. Some people may not talk about their own needs because of face problems. You can ask them what help they need, or provide them with the help they may need, such as arranging blind dates for them, contacting some useful contacts, recommending a famous expert and providing some financial or tool support.

For example, in 1 king of comedy, Yin Tianchou said to Liu Piaopiao, "I support you!" In Ode to Joy, Fan's parents live in the railway station, playing with Xiao Xiao, Guan Yu and helping to find them.

final result

Today, I talked about three basic routines, namely, the first lecture, the second construction, and the third gang, and gave proper care at the right time.

It is not easy to give each other the right comfort at the right time and in the right way. Comfort itself is the embodiment of love, sympathy, care and respect. Only by paying attention to each other, listening to each other and understanding each other can we give each other real comfort.

PS: Interested friends can go to Baidu to "chat with JINGO".