The more jokes to tease girls, the better

1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, chief! The commander patted a soldier on the chest and said: How well these muscles have been trained! Soldier: Report to the leader, I am a female soldier!

2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs. The veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, then plucked up the courage and said, "Sure, I'm just afraid it will bite me."

3. Someone farted on the bus. A charming woman spat, "Bah - bah - bah -". A man said: What, you eat farts and spit out the shells? !

4. One day, 0 and 8 met on the street. 0 looked at 8 disdainfully and said: He is just fat, why should he wear a belt?

5. A woman from a village came to the city for the first time. She wanted to go to the toilet, but she had not seen her for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police for help: Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the maternal toilet?

6. Freshmen on campus: students who repeat a grade are called "foreign students", students whose families have money are called "rich students", and students who doze off in class are called "extremely poor students".

7. An American cursed Bush as a stupid pig in front of the White House, but was immediately arrested on the charge of leaking state secrets

8. The thief stole a chicken , plucking hair by the river. When the police passed by, the thief threw the chicken into the river and explained to the police: The chicken was swimming, and I helped it look after its clothes

9. The turtle said to the mouse: "I work in a five-star hotel !” “Nonsense”, “Really, they just used my bath water to make soup again”

10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing looked at the strange man sitting next to her. Said: Don’t you know I’m pregnant? The man looked very nervous and said: But the child is not mine!

11. A leader made a report: "Now that men and women are equal, women comrades stand up..." All the lesbians present stood up and waited for instructions. The leader turned a page and read: "It's over"

12. The wife should conduct a thorough body search of her husband every day to see if she can find a woman's hair. One day, after searching for a long time and finding nothing, he still scolded me: Now you even want a nun!

13. The teacher visits the students’ homes and asks: Is your family happy? The student proudly replied: Happiness! His father came over and slapped him, "Boy, who asked you to change your last name!"

14. A smoker went to space to experience life, and he brought 50 kilograms of cigarettes. When I returned to Earth a year later, I had a withered face and said angrily: Damn it, I forgot to bring a lighter.

15. A: Sorry, my chickens ate the vegetables you grew. B: It’s okay, my dog ??has eaten your chicken. A: No wonder I found chicken bones in the dog’s belly

16. A man rushed into a certain unit angrily and shouted: Is this the Animal Protection Association? Staff: Yes, who bullied you?

17. A young woman took her child to a restaurant to eat and raised her clothes to breastfeed her child in public. A waiter came over and pointed at the notice on the wall and said: Sorry, it is forbidden to eat food that is not provided by the restaurant.

18. Xiao Ming: Dad, in ancient times, the emperor called himself a widower, so what should the queen call herself? Father: Silly boy, of course the queen is called a widow!

19. The warden asked the death row inmate sitting on the electric chair before execution: Do you have any other requests? Death row inmate: I just hope you can hold my hand during the execution to make me feel better

20. Two drunk men were walking on the railway track, and one complained: "Why is this staircase endless?" ". The other one snorted and said: "Its armrests are so low."

21. Xiaoli: Mom, Xiaoqiang wants me to marry her today! Mom asked casually: Does he have a regular job? Xiaoli thought for a while and said: He is the one in charge of wiping the blackboard in our class!

22. Melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, it's not sweet, no charge!" A thirsty passerby: "Wow! That's great, boss, here's a non-sweet one."

23. Pastor: Which of you has a birthday today? Tom raised his hands in delight.

Pastor: Very good. Please blow out these candles after the service!

24. During the Gulf War, an old submarine floated on the coast, and a white-haired old man climbed out and asked: Is the war over? Others said: Still fighting! The old man sighed: Damn Hitler!

25. Wife: You used to give me roses a lot, why don’t you give me any now? The husband replied: Have you ever seen a fisherman feed it bait after catching it?

26. The patient escaped from the operating room and asked the director: The nurse said not to be afraid, stay calm, the operation is very simple. Dean: Isn’t that right? Patient: But she said this to the doctor

27. Khrushchev visited the farm, and the reporter took a photo of him in a pigsty with pigs. In the newspaper the next day, there was a postscript next to it: The third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.

28. An exam in law school: "What is the punishment for bigamy?" Answer: "Two mothers-in-law."

29. Two middle-aged Americans limped We met on the street. One of them was very exciting: Friends, Vietnam, 1969! Another pointed behind him: Friend, banana peel, 20 feet!

30. Wife: "Oh! How come a housewife always has endless housework to do." Husband: "There is no way! You don't agree with me marrying two."

31. The woman said: Why do you look so old? The man said: If you like the RMB, do you still care about the year it was issued?

32. Philosophy professor: A fool asks a question that even 10 smart people cannot answer. Student: No wonder I always fail in exams.

33. The victims were found floating in the sea. He asked his companions: How far are we from the land? About 3 kilometers! 3 kilometers! Which side? Next!

34. Dumb didn’t pass the exam, so he sent a telegram to his brother asking his father to be mentally prepared. Soon the younger brother called back: Father is ready, now please be mentally prepared

35. A fat woman said to her husband: What worries me is not my weight, but my height. According to the ratio of weight to height, I should be 2.5 meters tall

36. Son: Dad, why did God create men first and then women? Father: Maybe he didn’t want a woman nagging in his ear when he was creating a man!

37. Tom went to his girlfriend Mary’s house to find her, and Mary’s little brother came out angrily. "Nasty guy, why do you always come to my sister? Don't you have one yourself?"

38. "I only used the lifebuoy you produced once and I learned to swim" "Thank you for the compliment" "You really Modesty, this lifebuoy deflated as soon as it hit the water, so I had no choice but to swim as hard as I could."