Jokes suitable for cooling off in summer. It doesn't matter if it's not funny. Let me calm down. At present, the hotter I get, the hungrier I get, and I'm speechless.

When a bear plucks its hair at the South Pole, it says it's too cold to say it's the funniest, but it's still quite funny.

I like some of them: 1. We talk in our sleep together in high school.

"Love princess, love princess, don't leave me"

I'm sweating violently ...

After a while,

"The Great Qing Dynasty has just perished. When I looked up, I found that my nose was on the back of the girl in front. The woman didn't notice it, so she secretly wanted to help her erase it. Just put her hand up, the girl next to me found it and shouted, "How can you wipe your nose on others?" ! ? "

3 got on the bus in the afternoon, took out the bus card and crashed it into the slot

4 bought socks in a stall, one pair at a time, which was cheap. Originally, I wanted to buy 3 pairs, but only the same black style was left. The sock seller lied to me and said that one color was good, and no one could see it on the top of the other if one was lost ... < p My deskmate couldn't stand it anymore, saying, You are so lazy. Why didn't you even talk about changing a pair of socks for two months?

I: ...

5 Recently, the temperature dropped, and I saw a strongman driving an open sports car and wearing a motorcycle helmet on the expressway.

6 I dropped a key when I was looking for my pocket. I didn't find it at that time, so I went back to look for it later!

There was a couple on the roadside, and the man suddenly said excitedly, Whose is it? Whose is it?

at that time, I thought it was the key. I quickly said, mine, mine! It was my

who later learned that the woman was pregnant. . . . Pity my face. . . It hurts for a few days

7. It's about a classmate's parents.

His parents have just started dating. One day when I went shopping, my mother took a fancy to a down jacket, but when she saw the price, she took her father away.

his father said: we can't afford to try it? His father forced his mother into the dressing room.

when his mother came out, his father looked around, grabbed his mother and ran away, saying, run! While the shop assistant is away!

His mother was wearing that down jacket, and the label was floating outside. She was dragged by her father and flew out. She happened to pass by a pillar, and her mother cried with her arms around it. His father turned around and said seriously, Run! Are you waiting to be caught?

his mother cried even harder. Then his father burst out laughing: Hahahaha ... I paid for all the clothes when you went in.

8 Yesterday at Wal-Mart, I suddenly had a stomachache and rushed into the bathroom. As soon as I squatted down, it started an earth-shattering eruption. As a result, the child next door burst into tears, and her mother asked her what was wrong. She said, smelly ~ ~ < P > 9 A friend wanted to check the phone bill and sent a text message to 186: My phone bill was left. I am in Wuhan, and my ID card, bank card and photos of my girlfriend are all in the hands of female netizens in Guangzhou.

when I was in high school, I always got together to smoke after class.

I happened to have something to tell you that day, and as a result, I smoked slowly.

Everyone else had finished smoking, and I had half a cigarette left. When I saw the class was about to start, I took two puffs.

Suddenly, the head teacher came in, and I threw the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it with my foot.

But I had to hold my breath for two puffs that I had just inhaled. Are you smoking?

I shook my head

Class teacher: talk

Keep shaking my head

Class teacher is angry: you talk to me

I: I … didn't … smoke … (accompanied by the continuous gushing of smoke from my nose and mouth)

Class teacher didn't stop laughing …

12 I went to eat for the first time.

After the meal, I found something missing. When I thought about it, I was missing a piece of cheese.

So I shouted, Waiter, why hasn't my piece of cheese been served yet? I've eaten it all, should I let others eat it?

Waiter: Sir, your cheese has been poured on your pizza ...

I: It's all right, go and get busy ...

13 I once rented Conan in a pub, and when I saw the second page, I burst into tears. I don't know who the hell drew a circle on someone with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote, This is the murderer ...

14 ...

A teacher found that A was sleeping in class ...

He was furious ... so he asked A to solve the problem in front of the blackboard ...

If he couldn't write, he was ready to humiliate A in public.

In fact, A began to scold him before he went to the blackboard ...

I don't know how dare to sleep in class with such poor grades. .. he can actually write ... and solve it beautifully ...

The teacher is a little embarrassed ... so he has to go back to his seat and leave him alone ...

I didn't expect him to choke on the teacher ...

I'll take a nap first.

Will you ask me later?

I heard from a friend that a relative of one of his colleagues came to Chongqing and gave it to him. He said, "Read the card", so he picked up the E-cartoon and read aloud: "Chongqing E-cartoon ~ ~", and the driver said, "Read it over there". This man actually went directly to the place pointed by the driver and tried his best to read: "Chongqing E-cartoon", ... the car got out of control on the spot. < P > 1. < P > Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me. Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

I told you it's okay, but you still don't press a fart!

3.

I miss you very much, but I'm embarrassed to call you.

I'm afraid that you are busy, that you ignore me, and that you think I'm harassing you.

I really want to contact you, but …

The phone bill is really expensive. Please call me!

4.

If you are a meteor, I will chase you.

If you are a satellite, I will wait for you.

If you are a star, I will fall in love with you.

Unfortunately ... you are an orangutan ~ I can only see you in the zoo! ! Alas, what a pity! !

5.

Now I'm so confused ... I don't know what I'm thinking ...

My mind is bored to death ... I really don't know what to do? ..

can you tell me ... I really don't know whether to eat dry noodles or Ah Q bucket noodles!

6.

Thank you for accompanying me when I was most frustrated.

You helped me when I needed help most. There are countless words to tell.

I just want to tell you:

"Nothing good has happened since I met you! You are a loser!

7.

I'm sorry to text you so late ~~

If I disturb you ~ ~ I want to say to you ~~

You deserve it ~ ~ Who told you to go to bed earlier than me? ~ ~ Hehe! !

8.

Meeting you ~ is the beginning of my heart

Falling in love with you ~ is my happy choice

Having you ~ is my most precious wealth

Stepping on the red carpet ~ is my eternal motivation

The person I love forever ~ is you

Unfortunately ~ I have sent the wrong person

1. < p Because of you, I believe past lives.

Maybe all this is predestined by heaven, which is pulling us together.

Now I really want to say …

What evil did I do in my last life!

11.

Starting from tomorrow, the municipal government has decided to get rid of all the mentally retarded young people who are ugly and detrimental to the city!

pack your things quickly, go out to take shelter, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember!

you're welcome!

12.

God saw that you were thirsty and created water;

God saw that you were hungry, and created rice;

God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me.

however, he also saw that there were no idiots in this world, and he created you by the way.

13.

If the government stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I would rather that person is you.

I have no regrets until I die!

but it happened that the government didn't stipulate … then forget it!

14.

It's a pleasure to miss you!

it's a pleasure to meet you!

loving you is what I will always do!

keeping you in my heart is what I have been doing!

but I'm lying to you, it just happened! Huh? Ha!

15.

The phone rang, which means I was thinking about you!

two sounds, which means I like you!

three times means I love you!

When the seventh sound rings ...

Shit, I really need to talk to you, so don't answer the phone!

16.

According to statistics, people over 99.9 years old who look like pig heads use their thumbs to press buttons to read short messages!

hey hey, don't change hands, it's too late. Pig head! Ha ha ha

17.

I wrote your name in the sky, but it was blown away by the wind;

I wrote your name on the beach, but it was washed away by the sea;

I wrote your name in every corner ...

* *, I was taken away by the police!

18.

If being good-looking is a mistake … I've made a big mistake

If being lovable is a crime … I've committed a heinous crime

It's really hard to be a human being! ... you'll be fine ~ yes, there's no sin ... I really envy you

19.

When white clouds float by, it's the trace that I miss you;

when the sun shines, that's how I miss you;

When the rain falls, it is proof that I miss you;

When it thunders and thunders, it's that I pray to heaven that you are struck ... ha-ha-

2.

If incense burned for one year can meet you,

incense burned for three years can get to know you,

incense burned for ten years can cherish you,

For the happiness of my next life, I am willing to ..