Pan Changjiang's sketch in the seventh issue of the second season of Happy Comedian. The script of "Foot Washing"

Washing feet

Director: Zhao Kai

Screenwriter: Geng Xuesong

Starring: Pan Changjiang

Assisting actors: Han Zhao, Chen Jianan, Liang Chenhao, and Guo Degang

Background music:

Grandson: Dad, is it hot?

Son: It’s cold, (add hot water)

Grandson: Is it still cold?

Son: Hot.

Grandson: Is it cold or hot?

Son: Just right

Grandson: Oh

Son: Son, there is no need to wash daddy Feet, just tell me what toy you want. Dad will buy it for you. Don’t play with it. Grandson: This is the homework the teacher left for me. I will wash my father’s feet when I get home. You have to cooperate. You know. ?

Son: Yeah

Background music. . . .

Grandson: Dad, are you moved?

Son: Well, I’m a little touched

Grandson: Dad, I will wash your feet often in the future. Our teacher said that children must be filial, do you understand? !

Son: Stop washing

Grandson: Hey

Son: I’m leaving

Grandson: Hey Dad, what are you doing? ?

Son: In more than thirty years, I have never washed your grandfather’s feet. Today, I have to do this homework too

Grandson: Hey~ Dad, You must never tell my grandpa that this is an assignment left by the teacher.

Son: Why?

Grandson: I won’t be moved if I say it

Son: Well, don’t worry, I definitely won’t say it

,,,,,,,,,,, Go to the nursing home,,,,

Son: Hey, isn't this Uncle Guo?

Guo: I am young again

Son: Hey, Uncle Guo, I want to ask you something

Guo: What is it?

Son: How much does my dad live in?

Guo: Oh, 302

Son: Oh, thank you, thank you

Guo: You’re welcome, ah, I thought my son was there

,,,,,,,,

Pan: Sing,,, (Qiaoer, I have been betrothed to the Zhao family since I was a child. How can I marry him if Zhuer and I don’t know each other, It’s cold, it’s dripping, it’s dripping. ,,,)

Son: Dad, are you singing?

Pan: Who are you?

Son: Who else can it be, your son?

Pan: Oh, why have you grown so tall all of a sudden? You are obviously a head taller than me

Son: Oh, what's weird about this? Normal people are better than you, hey hey hey, come on, come on, sit down

Pan: Stop talking to me, you don't come back usually, but today Why do you remember coming back?

Son: Dad, I miss you

Pan: (Stay away from son) Don’t do this, is it because the smog is too heavy and you are going the wrong way?

Son: Oops, why did you go the wrong way? Dad, I came back today to do something.

Pan: Let me just say, you can’t come back even if nothing happens. As the saying goes, when a weasel pays New Year greetings to a chicken, it must be because of money! Tell me, how much will it cost when you come back today?

Son: I don’t want money.

Pan: What a life-threatening situation

Son: What a life-threatening situation, you really (go to the back room)

Pan: Hey~~, you don’t have to look for it anymore. There is no old lady here, and she doesn’t want any money when she comes back. Who would believe it? ! No money

Son: (Bring out the footbath)

Pan: Son, if you want to eat steamed buns, dad will give you the stuffing right now

Son : What stuffing is it with? Come on, come on, hurry up and put your feet in

Pan: What are you doing, human meat buns with barbecued pork!

Son: What about barbecued pork buns? Wash your feet, come on.

Pan: Wash your feet? !

Son: Sit down (take off Pan’s shoes,,,), Dad, are you moved?

Pan: (pulls his feet back) Don’t dare to move, I dare to run, (run away)

Son: (pull out), oh, dad, why are you running? Take off your shoes quickly

Pan: Son, you are so awesome. How did you know that I hid money in my shoes? Son, five hundred dollars, that's all, take it.

Son: I don’t want it

Pan: Too little

Son: No

Pan: Too stinky?

Son: Ouch

Pan: It doesn’t matter, wash it and dry it, you can spend it

Son: Dad, stop making trouble, hurry up, Take off your socks.

Pan: Stop! As for the master, you are definitely the master,

Son: What’s wrong? !

Pan: How did you know I had a thousand dollars hidden in my socks? Ah, son, let me tell you the truth. I only have this thousand and a half at home, and I will give it all to you. Ah, it’s over, I don’t have any left. Here it is, here it is.

Son :Dad, you misunderstood. I am no longer what I used to be. You should look at the problem from the perspective of development (put the money in your pocket conveniently)

Pan: Yes, I understand. What you are developing now I’m getting more and more shameless

Son: Oh, I’m used to this, hehe, dad (escaping the money and giving it to Pan)

Pan: Go home and rub it for dad Shoulder, take three thousand from me. You go home and give me a slap on the back. I paid the property fee for you for a year. You have to wash my feet today. After washing, it will definitely be bad. Oh, look at it. , look at this guy, even the soup and water, after washing this, he can't ask me for 350,000 yuan?

Son: Oh, Dad, can’t you just trust me for a moment?

Pan: No

Son: Come on, Dad, stand up and look into my eyes

Pan: Where are your eyes?

Son: Be serious, do you feel my sincerity?

Pan: No

Son: Then watch it for a while

Pan: I can’t watch it anymore, I’ll vomit if I watch it again.

Son: You have to watch even if you vomit, either wash your feet or look at me

Pan: Then I’d better wash my feet, oops, I have to get ready first

Son: I don’t believe that I can’t conquer you with my looks?

Pan: (Come out wearing rubber shoes)

Son: Dad, what are you doing, what do you mean?

Pan: No, son, you must really want to wash it If so, just wash it through the boots. No, if you wash it like this, I feel more at ease.

Son: Is this cleaning shoes or washing feet?

Pan: Oh, it’s all a matter of time. Is it that important?

Daughter: Dad, I’m back

Pan: Oh, my daughter, it’s time for you to come back

Daughter: Brother? ! is it you? Oh my god, it’s been so many years since this family came back. Why have you grown so tall?

Son: Oh, don’t be poor with me. I came back today to do something.

Daughter: Yes, you won’t come back if nothing happens

Son : I want to wash my dad’s feet

Daughter: Dad (Pan: Yes), our house is going to be demolished?

Pan: I haven’t heard of it

Daughter: Why would my brother wash your feet for no reason?

Pan: I’m thinking about it too

Daughter: Something must have happened, we can’t let him succeed. Ah, brother, if you dare to wash dad’s feet, I will dare to bathe dad. You can’t take advantage of it alone

Son: Why am I taking advantage? How can I take advantage when I wash my father’s feet?

Daughter: Brother, fifteen years ago, you rubbed my mother’s shoulders and her gold necklace went on my sister-in-law’s neck. Ten years ago, you gave up to my father for playing chess. Our dad had a car, but he changed it for you in a daze. Five years ago, when your parents just got their new house, you excitedly invited your parents to have a drink. Your parents moved out that day, and you stood at the door. Not even waving. It’s five years again, what do you want to do? !

Pan: Yes, what do you want to do?

Son: What are you doing? Washing your feet. Didn’t you see the footbath?

Pan: That’s not a footbath, that’s a cornucopia

Son: Oh, dad, is it sinful to wash feet?

Pan, daughter: Guilty.

Son: I am guilty, okay, I am a criminal. Whatever you say today, I have to wash your feet.

Daughter: Dad, look, my brother would rather admit that he committed a crime than wash your feet with shame. Something is wrong. If you do this, why don’t we gamble with one month’s pension? Try it.

Pan: Give it a try?

Daughter: Take a gamble

Pan: Go, there is a shoe box under the bed. There is dad’s bankbook, bring it to me

Daughter : No, no, no, your bankbook is a bit too big to bet

Pan: Oh, your analysis just now is very correct. Your brother must be in trouble. Hurry up and get away quickly. Point, you go and let me,,,,,

Daughter: (Take out the bankbook from her clothes)

Pan: When did my bankbook go into your pocket?

Daughter: Be safe here with me.

Pan: Is it safe? . . . . . Son, come here, this is dad's bankbook. I give it to you. Your sister's analysis is very correct. You must have been involved in shooting, right? You came home to wash dad's feet to say goodbye, right?

Son: Dad, how did you see it?

Pan: Oops, you can tell by everything, the splayed eyebrows, the triangular eyes, all criminals have this face. Listen to dad, surrender yourself and strive for leniency

Son: Oh, dad, you have such a rich imagination

Daughter: Brother, don’t worry, I will definitely keep an eye on my sister-in-law and never let her remarry.

Son: Just stay here. Dad, believe me for once, okay? I have changed my life.

Pan, daughter: It’s long past time for you to start a new life.

Pan: Son, I only want to say one thing: I believe in the government.

Son: Oh my god, I didn’t commit a crime! I want to fulfill my filial piety in my lifetime. Why is it so difficult?

Daughter: In my lifetime? Dad, come on, come on, did you listen to what my brother just said?

Pan: What did you say?

Daughter: He said he would pay his filial piety as long as he was alive, but he was suffering from a terminal illness!

Pan: It must be in the late stage. No, son, hurry up, hurry up, stop saying anything, hurry up and go to the hospital with dad, eh.

Daughter: Dad, I think I understand. He is covering up the truth. He must have committed a crime.

Pan: He is terminally ill, he has not committed a crime

Daughter: He has committed a crime

Pan: He is terminally ill

Daughter : He committed a crime

Pan: He is terminally ill

Pan, daughter: Are you terminally ill or have you committed a crime?

Son: I committed the crime after I became terminally ill. Who have I offended, hahahaha

Pan, daughter: It’s over, it’s all on the table, dead.

Son: Why am I dead? Okay, okay, I won’t hide it from you anymore. Let me tell you the truth. This is what happened. Today, your grandson came home and insisted on washing my feet. He said it was an assignment assigned by the school. As he was washing his feet, I was moved. I thought, after more than thirty years, I have no business. You asked for money, you were so kind to me, and I never fulfilled my filial piety once. I am so inhuman, I am so heartless, and I am so unfilial. When I came home today, I just wanted to wash your feet and show my filial piety.

Pan: (slippers, sitting on a stool) Come on, wash them. Why didn't you say these words earlier?

Son: I won’t be moved even if I say it.

Pan: Even if I don’t say it out loud, my dad is moved. It's Dad's fault today. He shouldn't disbelieve you.

Son: Dad, it’s my fault. I usually care too little about you. In fact, I really love you, but I just don’t know how to express it.

Pan: What parents fear most is not that their children come home to ask for money. What they fear most is not seeing their children every day. As we get older, we have fewer things to do. If our children are no longer far away, all that is left is Alone. When I talk about loneliness, I think of your grandfather. You haven't washed your father's feet in thirty years, so it doesn't matter. My father hasn't washed your father's feet in sixty years... (Put on your shoes and go to your father to wash his feet)

Daughter: What’s wrong

Daughter, son: Dad

Son: What do you mean, what’s going on

Daughter: You speak Yeah

Son: What are you doing?

Pan: I’m going to wash my dad’s feet

Son: Ah dad

Pan: Uncle Guo

Guo: What’s going on?

Pan: How old is my dad?

Guo: Five hundred and two, this is the inheritance in your family

Pan: Thank you, thank you

Guo: You're welcome

Pan: Five Zero Two

Guo: Five Zero Two

Daughter: Hey, isn't my grandpa right there?

Pan: Dad

Daughter, son: Grandpa

Dad: Alas~

Pan: My son is here to wash your feet

Dad: Fuck you, I really have no money (gets up from the wheelchair and runs)

Pan: Dad~~~

Daughter, son: Grandpa~ ~~

Pan: I don’t want money, I will really wash your feet. Dad~Dad~Dad.

End

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