Script, urgently needed! The third anniversary of our association should be funny but not vulgar. I really appreciate it.

Opening: There is a table and three chairs on the stage. One person is sleeping in a chair, and the other one is reading the newspaper lazily with his feet on the table. This is a girl coming (that is, the host).

Moderator (also examiner): (very angry, knocking on the table) Hey! Hey! Hey! Get up! It's time to start work.

Oh, you two, you ... the/kloc-0.3 billion national audience in front of the TV has always supported your/kloc-0.3 billion fans. How do you remember? Really feel, feel very confused about you! At this time, the boy who has been sleeping lazily raised his head and stretched himself. )

Master Meng (that is, sleeping boy): It's noisy, noisy! I was dreaming just now, but now you woke me up. Alas? Guess what? Do you know what dream you just had? Just now, I dreamed that I was sitting on the "Chang 'e I" and chatting with Chang 'e's sister about life philosophy!

Dongpo (the boy reading the newspaper): Oh, can you be realistic? Don't you smell a strange smell? Ha ha ha-(looking at his feet on the table)

Master Meng: Ah … you! ..... ah! (Kuqiang) What's wrong with this ... What's wrong with this? There are feet that stink worse than this! No, you can't be the second in the world, absolutely not, but the first in the world forever-smelly feet! ! !

Compere: You really confuse me! You see, people who want to interview have lined up for 5 thousand meters, from Changping to Chang 'an Avenue. There are also CCTV, Beijing TV, Changping TV and China University of Political Science and Law TV, all of which are broadcasting live to children. So now, every move and every word you say, you must bear legal responsibility.

Su Dongpo: Then, let's get started! As if he didn't want to start, good man!

Master Meng: Yes, she likes talking best, but she only slept for one day and one night plus 24 hours!

Dongpo (to the hostess): Call! Call it the beginning. Why is it so slow?

You are so confusing! alas ......

(The host turns around, apologizes and officially announces the start of the interview. )

Moderator: Good evening, dear classmates, dear teachers, and friends from the first billion viewers on TV. Welcome to the job interview site of our "quasi-philosopher" association. Today is the first interview of our Association of Quasi-Philosophers, so our organizer, the 07-level Philosophy Class of China University of Political Science and Law, has prepared a small gift for all the friends present. The gifts include a batch of newly unearthed fragments of Zhouyi, plus a eight-diagram diagram, as well as the classic works of Socrates, Plato, Hegel, Kant and Marx. Of course, the most attractive gift is-please contact the life Committee of philosophy class to get the gift after the end (the host can read it aloud on paper).

Dongpo: Come on, come on. Stop seducing everyone and get to the point!

Compere: All right then! Now let me introduce the examiner for this interview. The first one is Master Meng (pointing to Master Meng). Teacher Meng, can you talk about your feelings about philosophy?

Master (standing up): You don't need a reason to fall in love with philosophy. If you love her, take her to study philosophy.

Moderator: The second appearance is Mr. Su Dongpo (referring to Dongpo). Teacher Su, can you tell the students the benefits of studying philosophy?

Dongpo: Just study philosophy. Whoever learns knows, most people won't tell him!

Moderator: Next is the third examiner for this interview. Is the examiner and the host. What I want to say to philosophy is: philosophy, very good, everything is possible to learn philosophy.

Ok, the interview of our "Quasi-Philosopher Association" is now officially started. Please welcome the first interviewer.

(The four interviewers are: Ling Huchong, Mulan, Supreme Treasure and Jane Eyre)

"When Ling Huchong came to power, he walked around in front of three examiners as if nothing had happened."

Master Meng (somewhat awed): Hello, hello. Say, man, what's your name?

Ling Huchong: (glancing at him, then reaching out his right hand, jumping back with his feet, standing still and stroking his hair with his hand) It turned out to be Ling Huchong, a great disciple of Huashan School!

Dongpo: Oh, it's your young Xia. I've heard a lot about you!

Ling: (holding out his right hand) Wrong. To be exact, it's called Linghu Shaoxia.

Moderator: Linghu Shaoxia, you are a good hero, but you came to Changping to join our "quasi-philosopher" association. Are you facing away from the darkness?

Ling Huchong: (After seeing the host, the application immediately changed 180 degrees and became very docile) Yes, yes, sister, you are absolutely right, that is, you should abandon the dark and cast your light on it, become a member of the "quasi-philosopher" in the future, and see your sister every day. ...

Master Meng (touching his mouth with his hand and looking unhappy): Cough, cough. Say Ling Huchong, since you're here, I can't let you come for nothing. I still want to test you-please talk about your feelings about life.

Ling Huchong (eyes turned from the host to Meng Fuzi, attitude became cold) life? Life? Hey, let me tell you this (it's heavy). Master Yue Buqun once said that life is like a box of chocolates (he took out a piece of chocolate), and the taste in it is only known to the eater (he ate the chocolate). How can we generalize?

Dongpo: Well, your master Yue Buqun is still good, so I decided that your master will take it.

Ling Huchong: Sorry, this sentence was actually told by Master.

Master Meng: Then forget it. You'd better give your opinion.

Ling Huchong: (slowly raising his head, deeply, deeply) Actually, life is like a feather in the air, floating in the wind. I don't know where it came from or where it will go. However, I believe I will control my own destiny, and I will try my best to give full play to the strength and wisdom given by God. Looking back at this world, I can definitely sigh: although my life is not earth-shattering and vigorous, I will never regret it, because I have been interviewed by the quasi-philosopher association, and I hope my life can have a foothold in the quasi-philosopher association (I look at the host affectionately). I will continue to work hard for the benefit of the association of quasi-philosophers, and I believe there will be companions to join me. Join this great cause of mankind! !

(Ling Huchong said, throwing his hands into his fist, strode with a wave of his arm and left without looking back).

Dongpo: Alas, Ling Huchong, please stay.

(Ling Huchong stops to look back)

Su Dongpo: Do you have any chocolate? ……

(Ling Huchong quits)

Compere: Alas, this child always looks at him and turns red in the face.

Okay, next interviewer.

(Mulan kicks in. )

At the end of the report, Mulan is waiting for an interview.

Master Meng: Why is this like an old hand?

Dongpo: Are you a man or a woman?

Mulan: (very confident) It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman! The most important thing is that a person may be a man or a woman, but not a man or a woman. It must be a person first. Have you ever seen anyone who is not human? Have you ever heard that it belongs to men but not to men and women? Have you ever seen a man and a woman? Have you ever met anyone who is neither a man nor a woman?

So (pause), men and women are the unity of opposites, so men are women and women are men. The sooner you say this paragraph, the better.

Master Meng: Dizzy.

Moderator: Mom, this sentence is good XX!

Dongpo: Oh, my God!

Mulan: (Super narcissism) God? There is no God in this world, and there are many people who believe in God, so you people created God, but you still think that God created you, poor human beings! (Very sympathetic)

Master: (thumbs up) awesome, classic, incisive, master, superman, god!

Mulan: Actually, that's not what I meant. Both Lu Xun and Marx said so.

The old man Marx taught us that we should break with theism completely. Haha ~

Moderator: Mulan, in fact, you are very talented in philosophy, so we really hope you can join us.

Mulan: Ah! I was admitted, thank God, thank the earth, thank Guanyin and the Jade Emperor, and thank Uncle Lu Xun.

Under Mulan

Host: Are you kidding? You have changed your outlook on the world and life so quickly. He also said that he would "completely break away." He really doesn't believe it, alas! So helpless, what's wrong with these young people now? This is ~

Okay, next, huh? (looking at the list in his hand) It's called the Supreme Treasure. The name is familiar!

Next, Supreme Treasure (raising his voice)

On the Supreme Treasure

Supreme Bao trotted along, greeted the audience while running, and blew kisses from time to time. Supreme treasure turned around the table and finally stared at the hostess's face for a long time. )

Zunbao: Sister Xia Zi, I can't believe you don't know her. This is the supreme treasure. The supreme treasure in a Chinese Odyssey, your name used to be Bao Er. Have you forgotten all about it?

Master Meng: Oh, my child, your mood is understandable. Don't you see that a beautiful woman lacks strength. You go crazy when you meet a beautiful woman. My child, you used this trick when you chased Li Qingzhao. It's too vulgar. Let's change it!

Supreme treasure: (to Master Meng) No, son, you are wrong, you are too young! Do you know the philosophy of love? Do you know the origin of the universe? Do you know love through time and space?

Master Meng: Another master. Hey, Baoji, can you share it with me?

Moderator: Yes, yes, Bao Er, please share your thousand-year love with everyone!

Dear friends, whenever night falls, when you look up at the sky, you will find that the universe is really big, and you can't see the edge. At the same time, you will find that you are really small and you forget your existence. However, the probability of meeting her in my life is so small that you think life is just like the first time. However, the Millennium has passed, and when I look back, I find that it was a tear of her Millennium that stayed in my heart, bright and clear. This is a sudden awakening-what is eternal in the universe is love, not black holes and dark matter.

Moderator: Dude, don't say this in front of Hawking! But what you said is still reasonable.

Zunbao: Xia Zixian, it's all true. It's really wrong and I really regret it.

(Turn around) There was once a thief's pure love in front of me, and I didn't cherish it until I lost it. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to the girl who loves you (stop for one minute). If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is-ten thousand years! (Sighing, wiping his eyes)

Su Dongpo: How touching!

Master Meng: (sad, sympathetic) Bao Er, you are pathetic! God is so unfair!

Moderator: I am so happy! It's about Xia Zi, haha ~ OK, you can go. Next, Jane Eyre.

(sovereign treasure depressed)

Jane Eyre

(Jane Eyre comes leisurely with headphones)

When Jane Eyre saw three examiners, she showed a happy expression on her face and walked quickly to them at once.

Jane Eyre: Excuse me, do your aunt and two uncles need tutoring? Is a person who can only speak English and can be your English tutor. English is very important now, especially CET-4 and CET-6.

Moderator: Stop! Everyone knows the importance of CET-4 and CET-6, so there is no need to introduce them!

Dongpo: Speaking of children, did you not sleep well today, or did you drink too much at the hometown meeting last night, and you didn't even know what you were doing or who you were talking to.

Jane Eyre: What? Isn't this an employment agency? But I took 345 to Changping at 5 o'clock this morning just to find a part-time job!

Host: 5 o'clock? Son, are you sure it's 345 or 9 19? Was there a car then?

Moderator: Jane, I don't think you really slept well. This is not an employment agency. This is the recruitment site of Quasi-Philosophers Association of China University of Political Science and Law. You may have taken the wrong bus. Alas, poor child!

Jane Eyre: Alas, life is wonderful. A small accident actually led to 543 being recorded as 345, and I came to Changping unconsciously. In fact, I was going to Xuanwu, but I didn't expect to come to your "quasi-philosopher" recruitment site inexplicably. Oh! Life is accidental and inevitable!

Dongpo: Wonderful! Wonderful! Jane, what you said is wonderful. Life is accidental and inevitable! Countless accidents will inevitably lead to necessity, and countless necessities will inevitably lead to more accidents.

Alas, life is destined to be accidental, accidental, endless and endless, alas. ...

Jane Eyre: Are you a philosopher? You are so talented!

Dongpo: Well, everyone thought he was a writer. In fact, his other occupation is a philosopher. He just accidentally wrote several articles full of philosophical wisdom, and everyone thought he was a writer. Alas! It's all accidental!

Master: Philosophy is actually in life, right beside you. In your conversation, philosophy is close at hand. Everyone is a philosopher. Jane, you have a unique analysis of the relationship between inevitability and contingency in life, and we have decided to have you!

Jane Eyre: Alas! Life is accidental, nothing is impossible!

(Jane Eyre)

After the interview, the host made a concluding speech.

Moderator: How time flies! In a blink of an eye, our interview will be over. Dear friends, through interviews, we found that philosophy is not as boring as you think. Philosophy exists in life and transcends it. You just need to appreciate and experience life with your heart, and you will find that everyone will be a great philosopher. Finally, thank you for coming. The interview is over.

"Everybody quit."